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Overthinking? - 8/25/2006 2:57:47 AM

eyesopened

Posts: 2798
Joined: 6/12/2006
From: Tampa, FL
Status: offline

Just want some opinions.... i was contacted by a potential Dom and we've progressed to chatting on the phone and plan to meet in person, possibly tomorrow. The problem? During our discussions, this Dom has given me His bona-fides adding comments about being somewhat "in demand" at various events. But what is bothering me is that He told me that, "you're older than i normally play with and you certainly wouldn't win any beauty contests and you don't even have the skill level i'm looking for but i was intrigued by insights."

i don't know how to process that information. Part of me thinks, gee, i'm old, unattractive and inept?? i should be grateful? i should be happy He sees beyond the surface? What exactly should i think? OR am i just over-thinking? It would be nice to be meeting someone who thinks i'm physically acceptable. Right now i'm just agreeing to meet just to meet without any expectations whatsoever but part of me wants to cancel the meeting. How would you process His comments?

_____________________________

Proudly owned by InkedMaster. He is the one i obey, serve, honor and love.

No one is honored for what they've received. Honor is the reward for what has been given.

Post #: 1

RE: Overthinking? - 8/25/2006 3:09:29 AM

heartfeltsub

Posts: 1641
Joined: 11/5/2004
Status: offline

And you would want to be with someone who considers you old, unattractive and not experienced enough? As we age (which we all will do until we die) the first one of those is going to continue, the second (something that is in the eye of beholder) would probably still continue for him, and only the third can change with more experience.

After looking at your profile and your picture on your profile, i would have to disagree with him on the first two, you do not look old or unattractive and i hope you will wait to find someone who doesn't think that way about you.

i know there is a BDSM group in your area, with some wonderful people who you might get in contact with and gain some more experience. If you would like to talk about it on the other side, please feel free.

(in reply to eyesopened)

Post #: 2

RE: Overthinking? - 8/25/2006 3:09:36 AM

SusanofO

Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline

Well personally, I process these comments of his toward you as defensive, self ego-stoking tactics, somewhat designed to lower your self-esteem enough to be grateful he is considering your company.

My insta-assessment of his character, based on his somewhat misguided, snake-like approach: He has low self-confidence, little class, and no tact. It's possible he was being "overly, unself-consciously candid" - but even if so, do you really want to be with someone who has judgment about how to converse with another human being that is this bad?

My advice: Say the following, in a soft, low voice at this meeting. Or e-mail this, or similar sentiments to him:

"I used to be nice to people like you, and in retrospect, I think it was mostly because I thought that since they obviously weren't going to have much due shame about their doubtful approach to me, that someone should be embarrassed enough for them to hedge their impoliteness and idiocy in a warm blanket of what is known as "giving someone who-doesn't-deserve-it, the benefit-of-the-doubt". I used to think that 'someone' should be me. Having thought this response of mine over, I've since decided that men like you really don't deserve more of my time"...

"Somewhere along the line, I do believe you should have grown up, and learned manners. Because you've had decades of your life now, to enable you to accomplish that. I am sorry that appears not to have happened. I can't bring myself to believe you're going to be good for me, based on the comments you made about my age and my experience level couched in your insinuation that you meeting me at all was you "giving me a break". Allow me to be clear: I am looking for someone with whom I can feel secure. To do that, I believe someone has to know how to make me feel good, or at least be able to make a guess about how that might work. I don't think you are capable of doing this, based on your initial approach to me. I do wish you luck in your search. Because I am a generous person. And I do think you're going to need some luck."

I say to you: Arise and walk! ....far, far away from him. Now, or at this meeting.

Just my two cents. Good luck.

P.S. You are not unattractive.

- Susan

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 8/25/2006 4:08:51 AM >

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to eyesopened)

Post #: 3

RE: Overthinking? - 8/25/2006 3:12:34 AM

Estring

Posts: 3314
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

If your surface is old, ugly and inexperienced, I guess you could say he is looking past the surface. It sounds like rationalizing on your part.

_____________________________

Boycott Whales!

(in reply to eyesopened)

Post #: 4

RE: Overthinking? - 8/25/2006 3:35:24 AM

MsDominiquenz

Posts: 65
Joined: 4/1/2006
Status: offline

Hello eyesopened..you are not overthinking, you are hearing your intuition bell ring.
This man sounds to me like he is going to start your sub status with him in a humiliating manner, because if you turn up to see him with his attitude like this in place, what next will he do to take it from there.. second best ? not his usual standard? pffttt he will see you knowing that you accept this attitude from him.
You are better than that, lovely pic.

_____________________________

Be completely still, and listen from the inside.
www.mistressdominiquenz.com
The Dungeon ~ Forum and Chat.

(in reply to Estring)

Post #: 5

RE: Overthinking? - 8/25/2006 3:51:56 AM

swtnsparkling

Posts: 1738
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

My gut feeling when I read this was:He is telling you he is demand - Oh yes all the subbies want him because he so good. Then goes on to tell you - your older and not as attractive but is intrigued by your insights? Oh please he is trying to make you feel as if it is some kind of honor he bestowing by letting you meet himIf he truly saw beyond the surface why make any comments like that in the first place- he could of just said - you intrigue me and I'd like to meet you.As for me - I wouldn't waste my time on anyone who said those things to me.

_____________________________

Never make anyone a priority who treats you as an option 2003

Walk in Peace

A "No" uttered from deepest conviction is better than a "Yes" uttered merely to please

(in reply to eyesopened)

Post #: 6

RE: Overthinking? - 8/25/2006 4:05:29 AM

KatyLied

Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline

quote:

How would you process His comments?

Cancel the meeting. You don't need to give him an excuse. Or you could tell him he sounds like a pompous ass.

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to eyesopened)

Post #: 7

RE: Overthinking? - 8/25/2006 4:08:51 AM

krys

Posts: 611
Joined: 8/24/2005
Status: offline

Reading your post, I thought of a portion of a song by Tori Amos called "Precious Things":

"He said you're really an ugly girl, But I like the way you play, And I died, But I thanked him, Can you believe that?"

There is another line in that song it makes me think of as well...

"So you can make me cum, that doesn't make you Jesus"

If you like feeling like second best, go for it.

If you don't, well you can always tell him that he is less intelligent than you would normally play with, he certainly wouldn't pass a charm school class, and he doesn't even have the social skill level you're looking for.

_____________________________

Krys

(in reply to eyesopened)

Post #: 8

RE: Overthinking? - 8/25/2006 4:21:20 AM

losttreasure

Posts: 875
Joined: 12/17/2005
Status: offline

I've tried phrasing this a dozen different ways, but there's no nice way to say it... he's a jerk, sweetheart. This is one of those insecure boors who has deluded himself into thinking he can cloak his rude remarks under the guise of being "open and honest". I'd almost lay odds that he hasn't shared a photo with you, either, and it would be a miracle if he doesn't find an "excuse" to postpone meeting.

Do yourself a favor and forget this one. If this is his "best foot forward" to woo you, can you imagine how he will be once he "has" you?

(in reply to eyesopened)

Post #: 9

RE: Overthinking? - 8/25/2006 4:26:02 AM

Littlepita

Posts: 1430
Joined: 10/6/2005
Status: offline

Please listen to the above post. You can do way better than this loser.

_____________________________

“I, with a deeper instinct, choose a man who compels my strength, who makes enormous demands on me, who does not doubt my courage or my toughness, who does not believe me naive or innocent, who has the courage to treat me like a woman.” – Anais Nin

(in reply to losttreasure)

Post #: 10

RE: Overthinking? - 8/25/2006 4:26:57 AM

bandit25

Posts: 3029
Joined: 6/18/2005
Status: offline

lost is right...he's a jerk. Now, most of the posters are nicer than I am cuz I wouldn't even waste time giving him an excuse. If he's in SUCH HIGH DEMAND, he needn't "waste" his time....let him go play with one of those charming subbies that want him sooooooooo badly. Honey, you are so much better than that. And if this is his way of getting you in a "submissive" mood (or whatever), screw that...who the hell needs it?

(in reply to eyesopened)

Post #: 11

RE: Overthinking? - 8/25/2006 4:34:43 AM

twicehappy

Posts: 2706
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline

Sounds to me like he is attempting to make you think he is the "Lord God Sex Machine Dom" everybody wants and that you should be grateful for any crumb of his Majesty's attention.

To borrow from CD here tell him you were trained by the Most Miraculous Master of the Fancy Flogger Order of Domly Doms and he is way under qualified to handle you but if he can earn his Masters degree from the 12th Order of the 12th House on 12th Streeet you may consider him at a later date. But only if he can prove he has passed initiation by knowing the secret handshake and presenting you with his golden flogger and hand cuff shaped decoder ring.

_____________________________

Infinite Diversity in Infinite Combinations.

The human heart is not a finite container but an ever expanding universe with all the stars contained there in.

(in reply to eyesopened)

Post #: 12

RE: Overthinking? - 8/25/2006 4:45:28 AM

SusanofO

Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline

twice happy: Touche'!

This could be the "Master's certificate" and decoder ring I saw the order form for, on the back of my Capt'n Crunch cereal box, this morning !?

- Susan

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 8/25/2006 4:52:46 AM >

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to twicehappy)

Post #: 13

RE: Overthinking? - 8/25/2006 5:11:48 AM

twicehappy

Posts: 2706
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline

Probably, lol.......

_____________________________

Infinite Diversity in Infinite Combinations.

The human heart is not a finite container but an ever expanding universe with all the stars contained there in.

(in reply to SusanofO)

Post #: 14

RE: Overthinking? - 8/25/2006 5:24:40 AM

kisshou

Posts: 2425
Joined: 2/11/2005
Status: offline

He is not nice so only meet him if that is what you are looking for.

(in reply to eyesopened)

Post #: 15

RE: Overthinking? - 8/25/2006 5:24:58 AM

SusanofO

Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline

Yes indeedy, Twice Happy. From Captain Hook's Masters Academy for Morons.

Get it? Captain "Hook"?

- Susan

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 8/25/2006 5:27:19 AM >

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to twicehappy)

Post #: 16

RE: Overthinking? - 8/25/2006 5:45:54 AM

LadyJulieAnn

Posts: 979
Joined: 6/29/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: eyesopened

Just want some opinions.... i was contacted by a potential Dom and we've progressed to chatting on the phone and plan to meet in person, possibly tomorrow. The problem? During our discussions, this Dom has given me His bona-fides adding comments about being somewhat "in demand" at various events. But what is bothering me is that He told me that, "you're older than i normally play with and you certainly wouldn't win any beauty contests and you don't even have the skill level i'm looking for but i was intrigued by insights."

i don't know how to process that information. Part of me thinks, gee, i'm old, unattractive and inept?? i should be grateful? i should be happy He sees beyond the surface? What exactly should i think? OR am i just over-thinking? It would be nice to be meeting someone who thinks i'm physically acceptable. Right now i'm just agreeing to meet just to meet without any expectations whatsoever but part of me wants to cancel the meeting. How would you process His comments?

He appears to want to make you insecure about yourself so that he can feel he has a greater impact on you with his "dominance". My opinion is that people who need to put others down are making up for their lack of self-esteem and confidence. If you already are feeling uncomfortable, follow your gut feelings.

I would cancel the meeting. Why settle for something that is based on negativity already?

Be well,
Julie

(in reply to eyesopened)

Post #: 17

RE: Overthinking? - 8/25/2006 5:57:36 AM

Bearlee

Posts: 2311
Joined: 10/25/2004
From: South Central CO
Status: offline

I wonder why it is that some people believe treating another like crap is 'Dominance'? I think sometimes this lifestyle draws socially inept people who don't really know how to behave in 'polite society'.

I'm with whoever said he probably won't show anyway...but I'd let him know upfront you have no intention of meeting afterall...that, on consideration, he doesn't have the kind of class you're used to and that adult behavior is important to you. And then, move on; it's not you...it's just how idiotic some people are. I think they watch sarcastic cartoon-shows and think that's how to behave in the real world.
Too bad you can't drop a piano on his head! heh heh heh

beverly

(in reply to kisshou)

Post #: 18

RE: Overthinking? - 8/25/2006 6:32:09 AM

letstalkfla

Posts: 4
Joined: 9/1/2005
Status: offline

Twice Happy ,

Your reply was priceless. . . . to funnee !! loved it . . very wicked !

(in reply to twicehappy)

Post #: 19

RE: Overthinking? - 8/25/2006 6:55:50 AM

DesertRat

Posts: 2774
Joined: 11/29/2004
From: NM/USA
Status: offline

I think you must be a very nice and kind person to be cutting his insulting ass any slack at all. For what it's worth, I checked your profile (as did others) and heartily disagree with this guy's assessment. That's not the issue, though; he was rude and insulting. It's good that he showed you that side of himself right off, isn't it?

Bob

_____________________________

When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro--Hunter S. Thompson
It's crackers to slip a rozzer the dropsy in snide!--Chief Dead St. Knockout, 1933, Liverpool
Damn the crops. I'll only find peace at the end of a rope.--Winston Van Loo, 1911

(in reply to eyesopened)

Post #: 20

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