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Getting over it. (rape) - 8/27/2006 5:54:45 PM   
sleazybutterfly


Posts: 2801
Joined: 5/15/2006
Status: offline 		I had an incident earlier this evening, and I am still trying to understand it. 
 
I am not sure if this is where to post or not, but if it isn't..I hope a Mod will move it for me.
 
We were watching a movie and it this movie, there was a pretty graphic rape scene.  I had seen this movie before, so I knew what happened and all of that.  The thing that pissed me off, was that I had to leave the room, then before I knew it, I was crying and having flash backs to my own rape.   
 
This was six months ago, and I can't believe it got to me like that.  I can't believe I haven't let it all go yet.  I am very frustrated with myself over it.  The thing is, I was drugged when it happened, so I have flashbacks now and then anyway.  I would think that the way it happened, it wouldn't be quite as traumatic or something. 
 
How long till you felt "normal"again, or you could sit thru a rape scene on tv and not have a crying fit? 
 
I used to be a counsel rape victims, yet I can't seem to counsel myself out of this.
 
I guess maybe I thought if I wrote this out, it might help.  Thanks for even reading.
 
 
edited for messed up word.

 
 
 

< Message edited by sleazybutterfly -- 8/27/2006 6:18:23 PM >

_____________________________

~Flutterby
~Curvylicious
Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, she became a butterfly.
Life is not a popularity contest, it's better to be hated for what you believe, than loved for a lie.
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RE: Getting over it. (rape) - 8/27/2006 5:59:19 PM   
abytchgoddess4u


Posts: 268
Joined: 10/17/2004
Status: offline 		You need to get some help. This is not something most people can handle all alone. Especially since you used to counsel...you are not Superwoman and you know the value of counselling. Please call your local rape crisis centre tonight...

I'm afraid I don't know where you live, or I would provide you with local links.


_____________________________

"Everything in the Universe Is within you.
Ask all from yourself." Rumi

"The world will know and understand me someday. But if that day does not arrive, it does not greatly matter. I shall have opened the way for other women."
George Sand

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RE: Getting over it. (rape) - 8/27/2006 6:01:55 PM   
wantitnow569


Posts: 75
Joined: 4/22/2006
Status: offline 		First of all, i want to tell You how sorry i am that You are having to go through this (and frankly that You ever had to endure this at all).  Secondly, i want to urge You to be gentle to Yourself!!!! Please don't be so harsh on yourself and don't set up such high or unrealistic expectations.... If there was a magical time clock that struck at the very point when we are supposed to be "over" all of this, life would be grand wouldn't it? But, since it doesn't work that way......
Anyway, since i've given You a bunch of stuff You didn't ask for now i'll give You some You did.. LOL.. :)  It's been about 13 years since my rape ceased to occur, and i still can not sit through rape scenes on television... Does it mean i'm any less healed or any less well than anybody else? No... It just means i need to practice some caution with myself and the things i subject myself to!!
Please be gentle to yourself, and remember that the flashbacks are just that FLASHBACKS... they are not occuring today.....
Thank You for sharing this so transparently and so honestly with all of us...
Please let me know if i can do ANYTHING to help.

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RE: Getting over it. (rape) - 8/27/2006 6:23:02 PM   
sleazybutterfly


Posts: 2801
Joined: 5/15/2006
Status: offline 		Thank you both.
 
I guess maybe I should get a hold of someone.  I just get frustrated, because I feel like I am "over it"..then something happens to bring it back.  I just wish it would go away I guess, but it just won't. 
 
Thank you both again, for your kind words and thoughts.  They really did help... it's nice to know that maybe I am "normal" whatever that is.

edited , I can't type tonite.

< Message edited by sleazybutterfly -- 8/27/2006 6:24:29 PM >

_____________________________

~Flutterby
~Curvylicious
Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, she became a butterfly.
Life is not a popularity contest, it's better to be hated for what you believe, than loved for a lie.

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RE: Getting over it. (rape) - 8/27/2006 7:52:42 PM   
WhipTheHip


Posts: 1004
Joined: 7/31/2006
Status: offline 		I feel horrible for you.  I guess everyone is different, but a lot of people go through stages. 
It can be the same like losing a loved one.  It takes time and lots of live to heal.   Some
people never do. It is not your fault.  Accordiing to Paul MacLean, each human has three
brains: the archipallium, the paleomammalian and the neopallium.  We are not always
able to exercise full control over all three.  It is hard to control our emotional reactions to
events.   No matter how much they try not to let it effect them, emotionally tough and
emotionally callus professional athletes are effected by cheers by and by boos.   One
immediate response to r*pe is anger.  It often just takes time.  You might consider
taking an SSRI.  I hear cognitive therapy is very theraputic. It is rare for any female to
ever get over it, it just becomes less painful when there are a lot of happy memories
to bury it.
 
Best regards,
Michael
 

< Message edited by WhipTheHip -- 8/27/2006 7:54:41 PM >

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RE: Getting over it. (rape) - 8/27/2006 8:22:58 PM   
Rule


Posts: 10479
Joined: 12/5/2005
Status: offline 		I can well imagine that you are sensitive to something like a television replay of what you experienced yourself.
 
Best wishes.

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RE: Getting over it. (rape) - 8/27/2006 8:29:28 PM   
truesub4u


Posts: 2949
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline 		Being a rape victim... more than 20 years ago...I can't say I really got over it. It hit me hard when my oldest was raped a few months ago by Marine. I've been able to give her support... she knows not of what happened to me... the counslor said not to tell her just yet... but being through it myself... knowing it will always be with me to some point... actually helps me more. Being involved in BDSM didn't come about due to the rape... I was a sub before then. But the rape did help me become a better person when it comes to thinking about certain things in my life. It's not something that can happen to everyone. Some need more help than others. Some don't. But it's always best to seek out professional help if you find it bringing you down ..... specially when unexpected like what you described.

Good luck to you...

Jessica


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RE: Getting over it. (rape) - 8/27/2006 9:11:49 PM   
mistoferin


Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline 		Having been a Counselor of sexual assault victims for many years myself, I am really very surprised that you would think that six months or 40 years is an appropriate time period to "get over it". With a background in counseling you should know that no one really "gets over" a rape. They process it and learn to live with it...but that doesn't ever make it go away. That said....6 months is really still the beginning of the process.

As a rape victim I can tell you that my rape was 26 years ago....I still do not watch rape scenes....on tv or in play.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

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RE: Getting over it. (rape) - 8/27/2006 9:38:43 PM   
sleazybutterfly


Posts: 2801
Joined: 5/15/2006
Status: offline 		WhipTheHip:  Thank you very much for your kind words.  I am not sure about therapy, I admit.  I did it in May, for something else (though now I realize it was probably all connected), and it didn't seem to help anything.  I have to depend on the state for it, and as you all can imagine, it's all very backed up.  I guess I am not really a "talk therapy" person, that or I didn't have a very good therapist, I am still not sure.
 
Rule: Thank you for the best wishes, they are appreciated.
 
truesub4u: I am sort of like you, I know that I was sub before the rape, yet for me, I didn't have the guts to try it until after.  Though this will sound wrong and I would never do it again, I allowed and put myself into terribly dangerous situations after the rape, to be honest, I don't think I really cared whether I survived them or not.  This did catch me very off guard, perhaps I should think about going back, the problem is the therapist is the only female one there, and personally with all that happened, I am not sure I could sit there and tell a male one.  I don't know though, I am pretty confused, and will have to figure out what to do.  I can tell men, yet..having the therapist as one, I think it would freeze me up.  Sorry, I think I rambled.  Thanks again.
 
 
mistoferin:  I guess I think I should be over it, well.. I know it sounds strange..but it goes back to my childhood.  I was molested for quite a while, then it was made to stop (I told).  I had a crying fit at school, probably a while later (not sure how long) when they showed one of those films they used to show about molestation.  Later that day, after they took my story, and calmed me down..they took me home.  I remember my mother saying to me, "I didn't know this still bothered you.".. that has stuck with me for about, gosh, almost twenty years now.  I guess now I feel like I should just bounce back from things like this, and get over them.  That is the only thing I can think of that makes me feel this way.  I know others that it has bothered for many years, or the rest of their lives, but then I think..well, theirs was worse, or they are more traumatized by it.  I know it doesn't make sense, but in my head, that is how it works.  I remember when the rape happened, no one really cared.  The only person that took it at all, and really understood, was my ex.  She was there for me, (again) and was the only one that helped.  It was easier for others to dismiss it, or since I was drugged (I had a few drinks), they think I deserved it.  I babbled again, sorry.  Thank you also, I appreciate it.

 


_____________________________

~Flutterby
~Curvylicious
Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, she became a butterfly.
Life is not a popularity contest, it's better to be hated for what you believe, than loved for a lie.

(in reply to sleazybutterfly)
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RE: Getting over it. (rape) - 8/27/2006 9:50:06 PM   
HollyS


Posts: 230
Joined: 1/5/2006
Status: offline 		    Hello sleazyb.  I'm so sorry this happened to you, I know it can completly freak you out when you think you've got something so traumatic under control. I know you don't know me from any other poster here, but I'd like to make a suggestion or two, by way of reply to this post:

quote:

ORIGINAL: WhipTheHip

One immediate response to r*pe is anger.  It often just takes time.


    Yes, anger is certainly a common response after rape.  We can say the word out loud when that is what's happened, rather than couching it with asterisks or euphamisms. I'm not sure what steps you've already taken to deal with this event, but it can be a long process.  Certainly the women I've worked with have taken more than six months simply to process everything, much less recover in any way that feels "normal" again.

quote:

You might consider taking an SSRI.  I hear cognitive therapy is very theraputic.


    You seem to be suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder.  People with PTSD often have issues with dissociating from the traumatic event so as to not remember, feel or otherwise engage with the raw emotions lying so close to the surface.  There are lots of different ways a good therapist could help you manage flashbacks like this, but the use of psychotropic drugs often just lets the person taking them go emotionally flat, which won't help you much. There are also side-effects to taking psychotropic meds that obviously aren't an issue with psychotherapy or other forms of therapy.  I would trust the wisdom of a psychiatrist in this area far more than anyone on a posting board suggesting that you consider medication to deal with your trauma.

quote:

It is rare for any female to ever get over it, it just becomes less painful when there are a lot of happy memories to bury it.


    Don't believe any of this for a minute.  Most women fully recover after trauma -- it takes work and the support of other people, but you can make it out from where you are right now.  And believe me, you'll do it without "burying" yourself in happy memories.  You'll do it by facing what happened and coming to terms with it: that it was an awful thing that wasn't your fault and hasn't changed your worth as a person one shred.  You'll do it on your own schedule and in your own way, but no one ever put the flashbacks to rest by burying them...  trust me.  Evil's got long arms and that grave isn't very deep -- they'll be back if you try to forget or push them away.

   You are in a position to choose for yourself.  Don't want to watch a rape scene in a movie? You can walk out.  Need help with the flashbacks? You can call a professional to help you.  The rapist's power is gone - now it's up to you to decide.

Peace. 

~Holly




_____________________________

I wish my lawn were emo, so it would cut itself.

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RE: Getting over it. (rape) - 8/27/2006 10:07:47 PM   
sleazybutterfly


Posts: 2801
Joined: 5/15/2006
Status: offline 		I see what you are saying.  I guess I have done that, I feel if I just "forget it" that eventually, it will go away.  I think to me, that if I let the rape get to me at all, I was letting the rapist win.  I have been very ashamed of it anyway.  I do feel like I brought it on myself that night.  I never went in there alone, even though it was a regular place I had been.  I always keep my drink with me, but that night, I let the security guard hold it, (I learned, just because the shirt says "security", doesn't mean they will protect you at all.).  That is what my friends looked at, and my mom thought maybe I just imagined it happened.  I have always figured that maybe I did deserve it somehow, it was stupid mistakes, and things I shouldn't have done.  Had it not been for catching my fiance' cheating two hrs earlier, I would not have even gone out that night at all. 
 
I am sure that some people here will probably think the same thing.  You are alone, you go in a bar, you have a couple of drinks..what do you expect to happen?  I expected to have two drinks, cry a bit..and go home.  Instead, I had two drinks, that I know of and then was assaulted throughout the night by the security guard.  I think it was only him, I don't even know anymore.  I think I have kept my mind from going there and trying to figure that part out.
 
Maybe that is it, I am scared to face it... I wonder what I will find out.  I never thought of PTSD at all, until you suggested it.  I will look at it a bit more, and see if it fits.  I just wish I could take the whole damn year back, to be honest..and just go back the way I was.  I may not have had a lot of "experience", but I think I was a hell of a lot happier. 
 
I just want it all to go away.
 
 

_____________________________

~Flutterby
~Curvylicious
Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, she became a butterfly.
Life is not a popularity contest, it's better to be hated for what you believe, than loved for a lie.

(in reply to HollyS)
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RE: Getting over it. (rape) - 8/27/2006 10:08:17 PM   
TreSwank


Posts: 1165
Joined: 3/5/2005
Status: offline 		Rape is a HORRIBLE reality.  I especially feel bad for young boys who were molested in their early years.  Although I believe that the effects of rape are equally devastating for both genders, I think that it can be harder for a male to come out and talk about these things, with pressure from society to maintain some stupid standard of masculinity.

My heart goes out to anyone that's been mistreated in this way.

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RE: Getting over it. (rape) - 8/27/2006 10:41:19 PM   
SDFemDom4cuck


Posts: 2809
Joined: 5/23/2005
From: P'burgh PA
Status: offline 		sb

I sent you a note via PM prior to seeing this posting. Check your mail when you have time however as many others here have said, be gentle with yourself and work on accepting what has occurred. It does not, unfortunately, go away; it does however become a part of your past and something you will work through. Remember, you are a survivor, and you will continue to be a survivor. Whether or not you choose to be a victim is up to you. Take care of yourself, seek support, talk about it. Give yourself time to heal.

_____________________________

Ms Jo

She dealt her pretty words like Blades -
How glittering they shone -
And every One unbared a Nerve
Or wantoned with a Bone -

I want a sensitive man - one who'll cry when I hit him.

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RE: Getting over it. (rape) - 8/27/2006 11:53:46 PM   
Chaingang


Posts: 1727
Joined: 10/24/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sleazybutterfly
I have always figured that maybe I did deserve it somehow, it was stupid mistakes, and things I shouldn't have done.


No one deserves to have a criminal act inflicted upon them. And you can make yourself crazy with "what ifs..." The criminal was and is a coward that can never win - the whole point of such a person is that they are a loser and out of control. We may understand this kind of violent behavior but nothing excuses it - such a person is always empowered to simply stop himself and chose not to.

And I am with the others, "getting over it" is the expression of some imaginary haste you are imposing upon yourself as if you didn't have the right to mourn, or to be angry, or what have you. Whatever you feel about what happened to you is perfectly alright until you are done feeling it. Someday, perhaps tomorrow or perhaps twenty years hence, this terrible occurrence will simply matter less. Until then you get by and do what you have to do and feel what you have to feel. If you wish to seek help, seek help - there is no shame in it. As long as what you do helps you heal and is a positive step forward there is no need to second guess it. You should do whatever makes it better.

Go through the motions of your life until it feels automatic again. Everyday you wake up and take good care of yourself you are putting yourself back on course. That's what you can do for yourself and if you do that much you are doing great.

I wish you well.

_____________________________

"Everything flows, nothing stands still." (Πάντα ῥεῖ καὶ οὐδὲν μένει) - Heraclitus

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RE: Getting over it. (rape) - 8/28/2006 2:39:18 AM   
Rule


Posts: 10479
Joined: 12/5/2005
Status: offline 		I agree with HollyS and also with SDFem.
 
Repressing and wanting to forget is counterproductive. What is buried is still present and secretly damages the mind.
 
The rape is part of who you are. When you accept that, you de-arm it, making it powerless. Eventually it becomes less significant.
 
You also may want to consider the spiritual aspects of what happened to you. Did that guard desire you so much that your fiancee was cheating on you and the guard was given this opportunity to rape you?
Did your fiancee want to break up, therefore cheated and was the spiritual cause of the rape?
Or did you wish for something strongly and was that wish through this rape indirectly fulfilled?
Or... I am not you and your analysis of the spiritual cause of what you experienced will be far better than my clumsy speculations. The sequence of events, though, indicates a spiritual cause.
 

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RE: Getting over it. (rape) - 8/28/2006 2:50:55 AM   
justanotheclaire


Posts: 113
Joined: 8/15/2006
From: cambs, uk
Status: offline 		its been ten years for me and i still cant watch leavign als vegas or boy dont cry the violence takes me back , it gets easier with time but dont beat yourself up over it your only humantake things slowly . if i knwo a scene is comign up i make a cup of tea change the conversation tell a joke doesnt always work but its a good start xx

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Bound by desire
Free through submission


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RE: Getting over it. (rape) - 8/28/2006 3:57:40 AM   
Termyn8or


Posts: 18681
Joined: 11/12/2005
Status: offline 		Tre brought up a very interesting point, Men have been raped too. It's not nice for anybody, but at least a Woman can talk about it.

Not to minimise what it is. It is horrible and that memory is part of you forever.

I was shot in the face with a short 38. My people would not allow me to become afraid of guns, and likewise I hope you can still enjoy sex, or will someday. There are many times in our lives when we can't control what's going on. You need to find a way to feel secure, safe.

About eight months after I got shot I fell asleep in front of the TV, and all the sudden I woke, having re-experienced it right then and there. Of course the physical damage did not recur, but it felt just like it. It felt like I got hit with a baseball bat or something.

Being shot is a bit like rape, it just makes it's own hole.

I will never forget it, and I don't need to forget it. I turn a loser into a winner and let it be part of me, part of my life experience. As I get careful in places I might get shot again, you get careful in situations where you might get raped again.

Embrace it, don't try to hide. Life is not all pleasant. Rape is a negative experience, but those things make us better. It has been said "That which does not kill us makes us stronger".  Stand up and be proud that you have survived something very bad. Wear it like a badge of courage, which it is. Embrace your ability to get past it, to go on, and to speak of it openly here. This is strength.

Also, who raped you ? Give me his name and address and my friends and I will go give him the treatment. Let's just say he will lose his blood through the crotch. Rapists need to die.

Rapists take something natural and good and turn it into something horrid. That is wrong, and some victims are not strong enough to get over it. That is,,,,(I have no word for this)

I don't think part of life is to be required to survive such things, and even the most well adjusted among us might not overcome it.

I was in a German chatroom and a Woman graciously agreed to communicate in English. She wore a chstity belt because she had been raped and it made her feel safe. Her English was good enough that I could tell it had changed her life, she is now a Domme and is strictly lesbian. That's a shame because as she was articulate and intelligent, I think she would've made a good Mom. Not happening now.

So I say this, GET OVER IT. I am not saying this is easy, nor can it be done overnight, but eventually you must. If you get flashbacks you are not yet over it.

One thing that may help is if you give me this muthafucker's name and address, Ill send you his genitals. You can then cook them and feed them to the dog. Don't have a dog ? A neighbor's dog will do. That is called revenge and it seems to be shunned by the powers that be, but fukum.

Of course one could hope the muthafucker got busted, and ran into someone in prison who is just a bit bigger and tougher. Then he can experience the joy of rape from the bottom.

Really, if I can find the guy I can tell you this, he will be raped by a few dudes, and he will experience deep throat. We will bust out all his teeth first so he can't bite. We will make him wish he had never been born, something like you probably felt in those minutes which seemed like an eternity.

I don't know, I don't see a rapist as human. They are a different species and they gotta go. I can't imagine forcing myself on someone, I want to be wanted. You were attacked by a wild animal as far as I am concerned, and killing it is not a crime. If it doesn't resist too much, it will be hurt really bad, if it becomes a problem, my ilk and I will put it down like the sick puppy that it is.

I have absolutely no respect for sub-human garbage that would do that, and am eager to give these animals hell, and a REALLY BIG taste of their own medicine. I mean they'll get fixed so they will never shit or piss normally again. I am not kidding. Fukum.

YOU are of much greater concern though, GET OVER IT. I am not saying this is easy, but let's say you have a flashback 10 years from now. You shouldn't have to recover from it like the original event. As the memory gets comfortable in your mind and you learn that it is part of your past, for good or for bad, you will have made progress.

Please do. Be well, or get well. It was bad, but get this in your head, it is over. It is the past. Now is now. If me and my boys can get to the piece of shit we will do everything I said and then some, even send you a video if you would like, but even revenge doesn't undo it.

You do.

T

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RE: Getting over it. (rape) - 8/28/2006 6:12:31 AM   
pahunkboy


Posts: 33061
Joined: 2/26/2006
From: Central Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		thats awfull!!

hollywood puts too much violence in movies, yet the public pays to see the show.

avoid violent movies.  

makes me wonder if no doesnt mean no- then the 3rd 5th 10th no. which one does mean no.

my old best freind worked in teh field for a number of years.  it sorta changed her. she just isnt her anymore. i think it got to her.

anyhow- im very sorry for your pain. i hope today is a good one.

(in reply to Termyn8or)
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RE: Getting over it. (rape) - 8/28/2006 6:28:18 AM   
Kindred2Evil


Posts: 227
Joined: 4/16/2005
Status: offline 		I was raped at 14, then again throughout my first marriage.  You don't "get over it".  You go through stages, just like with grief.  You get angry, you get sad, you get to where each day is a little easier, but you never forget and I don't know any person who's been raped who was able to forgive.  Personally, I'd like to take the two pieces of shit who turned my life upside down, inside out and sideways out into the deep sands, stake them down on an ant hill, slice off their eyelids in the blazing sun, make hundreds of cuts on their bodies, pour honey on them, and watch them be eaten and roasted to death.  But that's just me.
I did therapy and luckily enough had a wonderful therapist.  She told me I was justified in my anger, I have every right to hate those assholes until the day I die.  Something else she told me is to own what happened to me.  I was a kid the first time, it was brutal.  When it happened again I wasn't much more than a kid as I got married at 18 and married or not, no is no is no is no.  I didn't deserve it, I didn't provoke it.  What has helped me get through it is it wasn't about sex.  Rape is about control in it's most primal levels. 
I now carry knives with me everywhere, they make me feel safer.  I've learned throughout the years since these events to watch EVERYBODY I come in contact with.  I'm the chick who goes out and sits with her back to the wall, I never walk down dark alleys alone.  And to be quite frank, I'd cut the next f*cker who ever touched me without my permission.
You won't ever get over it, but you'll gradually learn to distance yourself from it.  Don't deny yourself the right to be angry, anger is healthy in my opinion.  Be angry.  Then after your through being angry, look back over your experience and own it.  It happened, nothing can change that.  It changed you as a person, there's no undoing that either.  Rape survivors learn to love themselves again.  I've seen too many who come to loathe themselves, blaming themselves for what happened.  It was NOT your fault.  Besides that, Karma is a bitch and I believe men or women who rape will get what they've got coming.
I do rape play.  It took a looooooooooooooong time to get there, but it was actually quite theraputic for me personally.  It helped because I knew if I said enough, it would end and it did.  It gave me control over what was happening and that helped more than I can explain.
I wish you luck in working through this, good dreams and bright days.  It's tough, but I get the feeling you are too.

_____________________________

Her touch is on the breeze that brushes your cheek, Her voice rides the thunder as the storm breaks, Her tears will clean your heartache when the rains come, Her sun will light the darkest times when you feel alone...She is the Goddess.

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RE: Getting over it. (rape) - 8/28/2006 6:39:23 AM   
MizSuz


Posts: 1881
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		I don't think you ever 'get over it.'  I didn't.  I have integrated it, though, and it's become a part of what makes me me.

I'm tough, a survivor and I live life in big bites.  Being a survivor helped me learn to take life in big bites and savor the flavor (whether it's sweet and smooth or bitter and repulsive).  Being alive isn't about only feeling the good stuff, it's about feeling and honoring ALL aspects of yourself.  Embrace those feelings, they are part of you now and ALL of you deserves love, patience and understanding.  You have to be the first line in making sure you get that love, patience and understanding because, although it's nice when someone else gives it, you are the only person that can assure that you get it when you need it - from yourself.

You'll stop crying and hurting when you're done with that part of the process.  You don't need any other reason than that - because you're not done yet.  Nobody else gets to decide how long or short is enough, only you get to decide that.  Realize that it's ok to feel like shit and that, like any other emotion, feeling like shit is a transient thing.  If you don't like the way you feel right now then be patient, your feelings will change just like all things change.  In the meantime know there is something of value for you in the process, otherwise you wouldn't still be there trying to figure out what it is.

When escape is not an option, adaptation and assimilation is the key to survival and finding the light at the end of the tunnel.

_____________________________

“The more you love, the more you can love—and the more intensely you love. Nor is there any limit on how many you can love. If a person had time enough, he could love all of that majority who are decent and just.”
- Robert Heinlein

(in reply to sleazybutterfly)
Profile   Post #: 20
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