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RE: released and lost - 9/3/2006 7:18:47 PM

aleshaDreams

Posts: 184
Joined: 2/19/2006
Status: offline

wow are you people ever hard on 'trainers', call them trainers call them mentors. There are many respectful Dominants/Masters out there that would take your mockeries as insults if they had nothing better to do. Not all Dominants are fulltime and it is not necessarily fact that every sub wants to jump into a fulltime relationship without knowing some of the expectations that will be required of them. I know of plenty of D/s relationships out there in which submissives are 'in training' and it is agreed upon. If that is what is desired, why do all you ppl bash such existance. Come on now, to each their own. Your attacks floor me, wow.

(in reply to MadameMaroc)

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Post #: 41

RE: released and lost - 9/3/2006 7:24:20 PM

defiantbadgirl

Posts: 2988
Joined: 11/14/2005
Status: offline

I'm sorry for your loss, but getting involved with a married man always brings heartache. However, until I read this post, I didn't know the word trainer meant emotionally unavailable, much like a man who is married. I was recently hurt by an unmarried trainer due to my own ignorance. I guess there are 2 types of men female subs and switches should stay away from.

(in reply to subgurl123)

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Post #: 42

RE: released and lost - 9/3/2006 7:35:57 PM

aleshaDreams

Posts: 184
Joined: 2/19/2006
Status: offline

defiantbadgirl, do you think that is ignorant that a sub gets emotionally involved with her Dominant under any agreement? Is it all negative? I am sure we all do to some degree, how can we not and when release comes how can we not feel torn under any circumstances. Really if we are making connection with the Dominant - trainer - mentor etc. there will always feel a sense of loss. It is not all bad, it is a transition regardless of what world we exist in. A person just needs to focus on the positive, on the positive of the experience, of the journey ......... there will be loss at any venue even Dominants feel loss. But it is a natural order .......... In the end it is all good and that is where the focus should be.

I know many mentors/trainers that are involved with training of subs that will never be involved fulltime with the sub outside of the training sessions. I believe these opportunities are beneficial if a sub wants that venue. Much of the time it is about sharing knowledge, sharing experience..........if you can not extend that knowledge or experience to others then I really believe it is good for nothing.

(in reply to defiantbadgirl)

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Post #: 43

RE: released and lost - 9/3/2006 7:42:13 PM

krikket

Posts: 1183
Joined: 11/17/2004
From: Washington, DC Metro Area
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: unstintingly

As a submissive I lost my identity to my Dom as an individual too. What I'm doing since I begged release is re-evaluating who I am as a sub, what makes me happy as a person in general, what I need, what I don't want, and who I am on my own two feet. I figure till I understand and like my life no one else really will either.
[/quote/
Back in the early days of my journey (some compare it to the dark ages..lol), this was one of my greatest fears...to lose my own identity and not remember who i was. i was lucky in that my partner at the time was the kind who not only encouraged my learning as a sub, but also as a person. By the time we split (and yes, it hurt more than i had ever imagined), i also knew myself better, knew what i wanted and had grown.

My advice is to sit back and figure out who you are & get your act straight before you go seeking another Dom. Figure out how to be independent and do things for you again. If you don't know what you need how will you be able to start a new relationship that you'll flourish in if you have not decided on what you want first?

One other word, and i'm not sure if others have said this or not, but since you obviously learned to care deeply for this guy (i have some trouble calling him a master, but that's your call not mine), give yourself the time to grieve, to feel sorry for yourself and to cry...then... take Suzanne's advice.

quote:

I know it's a hard lonely place you stand in now. It sucks for sure. I also know to start another relationship out of the desire to have someone before I've got myself straight will just be inviting problems back into my life. Get whole, get healthy, then find your mate or play friends & not before. I think playing while soul searching blurrs the lines too much to do both things at once.
Suzanne

huggles and good luck -- please feel free to write me on the other side if you think i can help.

jimini

_____________________________

"And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to bloom."

by A. Nin

When your heart speaks take good notes.

(in reply to onestandingstill)

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Post #: 44

RE: released and lost - 9/3/2006 10:01:56 PM

velvetears

Posts: 2933
Joined: 6/19/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: subgurl123

i just lost got released from my training Master he said it was no fault of my own he just want to devote more time to his family. now i dont know to feel i am in ways still under his training because it is all i know and now i am here with no
direction and i feel so lost

Anytime a sub makes a connection where she experiences her submission with a dom, whether he be "her dom" or a mentor, trainor, top, etc there will be a feeling of connection and bonding to that dom. It's very difficult for some subs to seperate their emotions from the acts of submission they experience, even when one consciously tries to, it's not always in one's own control to do so.

Feeling lost is a normal part of loss. Take the time to recoup. He must have taught you many things that are useful, develop them further perhaps by journaling your experiences. Writing can be very cathartic. Reach out to others by getting involved, even if only making a few friends here in CM. The point is don't get stuck where you are - don't dwell and allow yourself to recoil away rather them blossom forth with the skills and knowledge you gained. Make his efforts with you worth the time you put in with him. Make him proud of you and be proud of yourself as well. You have taken the time to refine yourself for the one who will eventually own you one day - look forward to that day and relish what the past with your trainor has brough to you - one day when you are in service to your dom you will do something pleasing and smile to yourself with a silent thanks to this dom who made such an impact in your life. Learn, grow, and open up to new experiences. Good luck!

< Message edited by velvetears -- 9/3/2006 10:04:08 PM >

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(in reply to subgurl123)

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Post #: 45

RE: released and lost - 9/4/2006 3:54:00 PM

KatyLied

Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline

The reason we bash trainers is because -- how can one Dom train you for another Dom? There are no recognized set of requirements that can be trained. Actually one of the Dom's first tasks is to undo the "training" of the previous Dom, because people have specific likes/dislikes and there is no universal training for subs.

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“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to aleshaDreams)

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Post #: 46

RE: released and lost - 9/6/2006 10:19:41 AM

babyboyk

Posts: 90
Joined: 5/9/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

The reason we bash trainers is because -- how can one Dom train you for another Dom? There are no recognized set of requirements that can be trained. Actually one of the Dom's first tasks is to undo the "training" of the previous Dom, because people have specific likes/dislikes and there is no universal training for subs.

i would have to agree, surely the Dom/me trains Their sub to Their likes and dislikes. if a sub goes to another Owner, surely the sub will be confused? i know it would do my head in-like if i was to do a task for Mistress, my excuse that it was how i was taught would not wash, each Dominant is different, and its no good confusing subs needlessly-just causes way to much aggro

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dont blame me, blame the fairies

(in reply to KatyLied)

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Post #: 47

RE: released and lost - 9/16/2006 1:55:35 AM

HDavid

Posts: 2
Joined: 1/12/2006
Status: offline

It sounds to me that you relied on only his training.
Have you read anything about our lifestyle?
My only suggestion would be for you to read at www.castlerealm.com/
to begin to know the manner in which we live, or try to live. (People being so changable, in their thoughts, manners, etc.)
After you're more familiar with our lifestyle, I'm certain people who have spent time here. and living as Dom/sub/slave, will be happy to direct you to other sites, and books, in which you will come to know what is expected, in the life you wish.
HDavid

(in reply to subgurl123)

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Post #: 48

RE: released and lost - 9/16/2006 10:01:56 PM

ayasha

Posts: 149
Joined: 12/10/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

The reason we bash trainers is because -- how can one Dom train you for another Dom? There are no recognized set of requirements that can be trained. Actually one of the Dom's first tasks is to undo the "training" of the previous Dom, because people have specific likes/dislikes and there is no universal training for subs.

Isn't this a pretty closed minded way of thinking? You admit you have not been in the lifestyle long, yet you want us to believe that you know everything about it? Why can't you live your life with your beliefs, and allow others to do the same? Thank you................

(in reply to KatyLied)

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Post #: 49