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CreativeDominant -> RE: Regarding Asexuality (8/29/2006 11:54:46 AM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: debutante
I recently started seeing a man who identifies himself as asexual. He is a few years older than me (I'm 21, he's 24), and he has never had sex. We both switch equally and regularly.
He informed me right away that he is moderately asexual. He enjoys pleasing me, but is not turned on by the idea of vaginal intercourse. He enjoyed the blowjob I gave him, and I have also given him a couple of handjobs, but no sex. He doesn't have a problem getting hard, but when it comes to sex itself he loses his erection and can't continue. Also, when I give hand/blow jobs he doesn't come.
He has also confessed that he has a very hard time relaxing enough to come, as in he can't let go. He gets nervous and anxious about it, so he holds back.
He has told me if we become serious he will try to go on something like viagra, or a similar pill. I want sex, and he wants to give it to me, but can't. Would viagra (or other erection medication) work in this situation?
Is there anything I can do to help him out without giving up and heading right for medication? I like the guy, he fits my needs for things like bdsm, but I don't know if I can go without sex for too long, as I have always enjoyed it in the past with other partners.
So any advice would be wonderful. Thank you!
You find yourself in a difficult situation. Having been in a relationship wherein my partner's sex drive went downhill after the birth of our second child while mine stayed the same...and seemed to increase the more it was denied or given into without enthusiasm...I can feel empathy for you.
For me, it just didn't work. I tried patience, I tried negotiation, I tried discussion, I tried out and out argument. We did not seek counseling and that was a mistake but only in that we had two children and many interwoven financial dealings. If there are no children involved...and at your age...I am not sure how long I would put up with such a situation. Yes, if he will get counseling, by all means go for it. If the counseling points out that the problem is not a physical or emotional problem but just his outlook and feelings about sex...take it or leave it, mainly leave it...then what? Yes, you love him...but if you try all these things and they still do not work, then what? Hang on, hoping it will change? Why? Dissatisfaction leads to frustration and anger and those are all great killers of love. Would it not be better to walk away with the idea of loving a man who was not a good fit for you than to walk away hating the man BECAUSE he was not a good fit for you and nothing could change that?
Every situation is different but given the short amount of time involved with this gentleman, I would suggest you go through the options you have been offered...from the least drastic (discussion) to a little higher (counseling) to the most drastic (medication: if needed, wanted, and utilized properly)...and get started at them now. You are young and your options outside of this relationship are wide open still. Do not let indecision delay you from either a happier, more fulfilling relationship with this man...or another down the road.
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