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RE: Contacting Dominants - 9/11/2006 11:27:09 AM   
sothernnyte


Posts: 95
Joined: 11/22/2005
Status: offline 		i disagree. What You've described here sounds nothing like "female superiority" running rampant through new female slaves/submissives. It sounds more like childishness and not realizing what this lifestyle is meant to be. It sounds like kinky folks that don't take the Life seriously.  And this impish behaviour occurs in just as many so-called Dominants as it does in slaves/submissives for the same reason.

And perhaps if someone's emails or replies turn you off in any sort of way, whether grammatically correct, or just plain boring, nothing says they must be replied to in the first place. A repulsion or an attraction can usually be realized in a short amount of time... if at least for further communications to continue.
sincerely
sothernnyte

< Message edited by sothernnyte -- 9/11/2006 11:28:05 AM >

(in reply to Allyn)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: Contacting Dominants - 9/11/2006 11:38:25 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		I am still trying to figure out why it was worth all the bother. I mean big deal, so someone else doesn't type their thoughts the way you want to read them. Ahhhhhhhhh duhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh........delete button?!?! Just a thought. 

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to sothernnyte)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: Contacting Dominants - 9/13/2006 8:38:36 PM   
cinderella221972


Posts: 17
Joined: 4/8/2005
Status: offline 		i am sorry that you received such a response, Sir.  i used to spend a lot of time, at Master's request, chatting with other submissives.  One of the reasons was just this; so many do not understand that protecting oneself from predators does not mean being rude/crude.  i do not chat as much anymore because i have trouble finding chats that are actually about lifestyle things. 

It is no excuse, but i fear as submissives we often feel threatened by our tendancies to submit even in the face of danger, thus we react poorly.  However, with a little bit of forethought, it is always possible to handle things without crossing becoming disrespectful.

i'm so grateful that i've had so many wonderful mentors and trainers as i've learned about this lifestyle.

repsectfully, cinderella

(in reply to Allyn)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: Contacting Dominants - 9/19/2006 1:36:07 AM   
patina


Posts: 493
Joined: 9/14/2006
From: no
Status: offline 		I had the reverse happen to me on a different site because of age.  I am a 50yr old w/f and a 20y old w/m contacted me.  I sent back  a polite not interested due to I had 2 sons older than him 23 and 24, he sent back a nasty letter putting me down because I judged him on age. 

I replied a little testy that his response was why I did not date children.  Maybe when he grew up he would make a good man, but I wanted a MAN now.    He sent me another letter really flaming me teling me how old fashioned I was, how my grammer was outdated and terrible, I was getting so old I had forgotten all my teachings.  He went on and on. 

I could of wrote him back but decided that the baby didn't need to have another temper tantrum. So I just deleted all his contact and forgot about him.  I did tell the other gals about it so he was made into a joke on the site.

This kind of stuff happens all the time on all the differnt sites.  I have gotten so many letters from guys that are full of misspelled words and bad sentence structure it's not funny.  Most of the guys state they are highly degreeded or have high position jobs.  I do not know how they manage to do it, their secretaries I guess.  You just learn to ignore the bad grammer, bad spelling, sentence structure, and fill in the blanks and don't worry too much when you make a goof.

_____________________________

a diamond in the rough

(in reply to CrappyDom)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: Contacting Dominants - 9/19/2006 2:19:30 AM   
julietsierra


Posts: 1841
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline 		Ok..after reading all the posts in this thread, the one thing that keeps going through my mind is that if someone is going to turn down someone else's advances - no matter how well or poorly worded they are - they have no right, or even justification for offering all that "constructive criticism." It's simply not their place to do so.

Furthermore, taking the whole conversation public on top of it - in what I can only surmise to be an attempt to further insult her, or, God forbid, be garnering support for his actions - is pretty whiney in its own right.

Sometimes it is very tempting to add a couple of rejoinders in response e-mails - especially when their mode of address when making first contact sets off pet peeves of ours, but even so, in the end, if you're saying "no thank you," then your justification for whatever other "constructive criticism" you may think to offer is moot as well.

I also have significant issues with the OP's knee jerk reaction being toward that illusive idea that "submissives are dealing in female superiority"  just because she took offense to that "helpful criticism" line. To me, with my obvious superiority issues (I'm submissive; I'm female, so I obviously must think I'm superior, right?), I'm thinking this smacks of  something quite different from constructive criticism, and is not at all complimentary of the dominant that issued  it.

I find it very interesting that the OP felt it was appropriate to call her stupid in a private post, and when she reacted to this, to call her stupid again - in a public forum - and ask other people to join in and call her stupid as well. I keep getting this image of high school, where disagreements were "settled" by getting as many people as you could to agree with you. I have to ask myself why was it so necessary for him to need all this public affirmation of his actions, and why he felt so darn superior in his own right that he felt "obliged" to offer up his oh-so-constructive criticism in the first place.

juliet

< Message edited by julietsierra -- 9/19/2006 2:26:08 AM >

(in reply to patina)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: Contacting Dominants - 9/19/2006 2:57:58 AM   
LadyAyla7053


Posts: 52
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		Okay I have read enough.  That is simply ludicris the way you are speaking Allyn or typing as the case may be.  I have been insulted hundreds of times since I have been looking for my lil slave girl and it wasn't all from one specific group.  I remember one email I recieved that the girl apparently just looked at my profile and emailed me to tell me that I'm nothing but a big fat ugly heifer.  Was that kind of her no, not in the least.  Did I ask her why she thought that.  Hell no I'm not a genius but I'm not stupid either.  I simply shrugged my shoulders and moved on.  Well the girl apparently wanted to do it again and she did so.  So in reaction to not one attack but to two I simply ignored her and reported her to the site administrators for I am sure she did this to others.  When one disrespects another in any form no matter what that person is responisible for their actions.  You insulted the girl by saying she lacked intelligence.  Presicely what is intelligence?  Is it books smarts?  Shoot then I am a genius.  Is it street smarts?  Tell me what intelligence is.  To me what a person has to say about themselves and those around them are sure fire ways to detect intelligence and the only thing one can get out of judging another on how well they spell and put things together correctly is wrong.  Look to the inside and you will be much happier.

Lady Ayla

"Do as thee will so long as it does not harm thyself or others."
Wiccan Crede

(in reply to Allyn)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: Contacting Dominants - 9/19/2006 3:15:12 AM   
newdombbw


Posts: 84
Joined: 9/9/2005
Status: offline 		About a year ago, when I was truly "new", a young slave (around 21 yrs of age) messaged me with a long litany of his wants and desires to be diapered.  He began his message with "Hey baby".

I make no apologies.  I shot back a message pointing out that I'm old enough to be his grandmother and am due respect on that alone.  I also recommended he NEVER contact another Domme with that opening.  Now, I'm not full of my own importance, but "Hey Baby" just struck me really wrong that day.  It may have had to do, too, with the fact the young man obviously hadn't bothered to read my profile which clearly states I'm not interested in diapering.

I've begun another thread elsewhere titled "Oddball Intros" which states I just received a message which included words to the effect that I "look good for an old chick".  Oh well .........

(in reply to Allyn)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: Contacting Dominants - 9/19/2006 9:07:03 PM   
Sinergy


Posts: 9383
Joined: 4/26/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Allyn

So in other words you are saying that no matter how you phrase constructive  criticism people have the right to flame you in return...



Hello A/all,

I am not certain I would call it a "right" per se.  Some people simply have it installed that they need the adrenalin rush of an argument to get through their day.

The conclusion I came to a long time ago is that I am not likely to spend much time proferring advice or criticism or feedback unless the person asks for it. 

In this case, I would simply politely decline and move on. 

Just me, etc.

Sinergy

< Message edited by Sinergy -- 9/19/2006 9:08:20 PM >

_____________________________

"There is a fine line between clever and stupid"
David St. Hubbins "This Is Spinal Tap"

"Every so often you let a word or phrase out and you want to catch it and bring it back. You cant do that, it is gone, gone forever." J. Danforth Quayle


(in reply to Allyn)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: Contacting Dominants - 9/19/2006 9:47:32 PM   
Owned1


Posts: 847
Joined: 7/6/2005
From: Toronto, Ontario
Status: offline 		I do not see anything wrong with your response to the email Allyn.  I have actually sent a brief email to the odd individual who has glaring spelling errors in their profile stating "I was wandering through the profiles and noticed yours and you may want to check the spelling of <insert whatever word> and perhaps correct it.

I have actually recieved positive responses ie thank you notes from some, others nothing.  I also want to add my spelling is less than perfect and I always think if I notice the error it must be glaring.

I think you communicated with one of the many rude thankless individuals on here, do not let it taint your experiences.  There are honest reasonable individuals on here, however with that there are also the opposite.

Just as another note, I also responded to another who to my eye was obviously a poser,  I cant remember exactly why, but it just struck me that way.  I again offered a few suggestions via a gently worded email,  surprise surprise that profile was gone as soon as my email was read.

Welcome to the boards, put on your kevlar vest you may just need it.....

Owned

_____________________________

~~in His Chains i am free~~

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: Contacting Dominants - 9/19/2006 10:52:00 PM   
Frank01


Posts: 270
Joined: 9/7/2006
Status: offline 		People are special......some more than others.

(in reply to Allyn)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: Contacting Dominants - 9/20/2006 3:52:10 AM   
MisPandora


Posts: 2911
Joined: 4/7/2004
From: Philadelphia, PA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Allyn

thanks for your analogies marieToo.

So in other words you are saying that no matter how you phrase constructive  criticism people have the right to flame you in return...

I was tactful and tolerant but merely suggested that a different approach could be more successful.

It is good to see though that it is not an isolated incident Diurnal and thank you for the welcome.


No, unfortunately, it's not an isolated incident. 

Illiterate emails or one liners get deleted without a response.  If you can't bother to write to me as if we're conducting proper business, I've got no time for it.

My favorites are the ones who send an impersonal email in response to my profile (a very detailed one) and almost every single thing that I seek is absent.  Often, I'll ask them why they feel they're the exception to my rules, if they believe that a mistress should tolerate someone who deliberately disregards her instructions and rules, or whether they'd want a mistress who didn't care what their limits were and did what she pleased because what they want doesn't matter.  Most of them admit that they were just broadly casting a line, didn't read the profile, or just thought that I'd "accept them anyhow" just because they wrote.  Hmpf.

_____________________________

Pandora
Ms World Leather 2004
Ms Philadelphia Leather 2004

"Simply put, if you want a real femdom to love you, give her reasons to love you." Gloria Brame

(in reply to Allyn)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: Contacting Dominants - 9/20/2006 3:59:06 AM   
MisPandora


Posts: 2911
Joined: 4/7/2004
From: Philadelphia, PA
Status: offline 		Allyn,

Your mistake was replying at all.  That message simply deserved a shake of the head and a click of the delete button.

_____________________________

Pandora
Ms World Leather 2004
Ms Philadelphia Leather 2004

"Simply put, if you want a real femdom to love you, give her reasons to love you." Gloria Brame

(in reply to Allyn)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: Contacting Dominants - 9/20/2006 4:04:36 AM   
MisPandora


Posts: 2911
Joined: 4/7/2004
From: Philadelphia, PA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: julietsierra

Ok..after reading all the posts in this thread, the one thing that keeps going through my mind is that if someone is going to turn down someone else's advances - no matter how well or poorly worded they are - they have no right, or even justification for offering all that "constructive criticism." It's simply not their place to do so.


Sorry, I disagree.  You subject me to your idiocy in my inbox, you're opening yourself up to what I choose to give back -- be it education, be it solicitation, be it a friendly handshake, a "piss up a rope" or whathaveyou.

But, in this case....that MESS that he received that made absolutely no sense at all could have easily just been ignored.

_____________________________

Pandora
Ms World Leather 2004
Ms Philadelphia Leather 2004

"Simply put, if you want a real femdom to love you, give her reasons to love you." Gloria Brame

(in reply to julietsierra)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: Contacting Dominants - 9/20/2006 10:25:27 AM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		You have the right to respond whatever way you like to what comes into your box, but they have the right to flame you for it...smiles. My momma always said, have nothing nice to say, it is bettert to say nothing at all. I would rather get an email from someone illiterate than get an email from someone arrogant... but that is just me and I could be wrong

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to MisPandora)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: Contacting Dominants - 9/20/2006 4:40:03 PM   
MistressTaboo


Posts: 147
Joined: 6/10/2005
Status: offline 		Allyn,  
I agree…you put email in my box…you just asked what I think…and some days I shake my head and delete and others…like when my slave is out of town…you get the brunt of my temper…  

And I AM dyslexic…btw who was the sadistic bitch who came up with that word for people who can’t spell?? But I put all my responses into a Word document and then copy and paste over…If I can do it so can someone else who is worried about their spelling or grammar. If *I* can catch more than a few spelling errors in their emails than even I take a step back and see what else they bring to the table…  


And from one who gets emails daily that are something to the effect of: will U beet me? when can weee meat? wy will you not come to my houe and fuk me? I really don’t see anything wrong with his gentle correction…believe me I’ve sent out worse on a bad PMS day.   I’d say Welcome to the world of being a Domme, Allyn *grins*…try dealing with MEN who get pissy cause you’ve informed them that if they can’t read and follow your profile instructions… they aren’t any use to you…actually my EXACT wording is…”the inability to follow instructions is not a desirable trait in a submissive” . In all this time I’ve only had one argue back about that…if they have an interesting profile I’ll ask them if they care to try again? But for the most part…they get the READ MY PROFILE. 


I’d say she caught you on an off day…and you were surprised at the lack of consideration and yes I think you can correct her…but I would have blocked her after the first message and not the second…  

Just for the record…I’d bet money the person sending the email was a YOUNG GUY posing as woman! I get a million of those from the 19-21 crowd… 

Mistress Taboo

< Message edited by MistressTaboo -- 9/20/2006 4:42:51 PM >

_____________________________

"I'm a bitch, I'm a lover, I'm a child, I'm a mother, I'm a sinner, I'm a saint, I do not feel ashamed" Meredith Brooks

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 55
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