Do you have to be thin to be a good sub/slave?

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Do you have to be thin to be a good sub/slave? - 9/1/2006 10:23:11 AM

cumbrianslave

Posts: 5
Joined: 8/20/2006
Status: offline

Having not been a member of this site for not too long i cannot be judgemental (nor do i ever intend to be) however in my current search for a new Owner when i do get a reply i am not wanted because essentially i am overweight (due to medical reasons i might add not stuffing my face lol). Does this mean that "fat" subs/slaves do not have a chance of being able to serve. i have been lucky in that i have had many years experience serving a superior Goddess but had to be released due to work relocation. i understand it is the person's choice but surely because someone is overweight it does not neccassarily make them a "bad" sub and simply disregard them because of this.

i know it is always difficult searching for Mistress "right" but is there any subs/slaves or even Mistresses out there who have experienced the same dilemma?

On another note should i start a site for overweight BDSMers???

Post #: 1

RE: Do you have to be thin to be a good sub/slave? - 9/1/2006 10:24:45 AM

Lashra

Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline

My sub is pleasantly plump and that is how I like them. It all depends upon the Dominant's personal preferences. I am a large lady myself and I told my sub up front and he loves big ladies so we are a good fit. Just keep looking it will happen for you.

~Lashra

_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”

(in reply to cumbrianslave)

Post #: 2

RE: Do you have to be thin to be a good sub/slave? - 9/1/2006 10:27:10 AM

MissyRane

Posts: 1032
Joined: 5/11/2005
Status: offline

There're a lot of Dom(mes) that want their subs with a bit of..meat.. you don't have any less chances of being chosen rather than others on here so just be yourself and be proud of it

(in reply to Lashra)

Post #: 3

RE: Do you have to be thin to be a good sub/slave? - 9/1/2006 10:27:58 AM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline

People have different preferences -- size and weight can be some of these.

Frankly I'm more interested in where the person is located, their age, but most importantly how closely they match everyone in my household in terms of interests (both BDSM and not) and views of Ds.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to cumbrianslave)

Post #: 4

RE: Do you have to be thin to be a good sub/slave? - 9/1/2006 10:28:39 AM

michaelGA2

Posts: 1533
Joined: 4/26/2006
Status: offline

i sincerely hope not, i am not thin...not fat either...just a bit of a pot belly

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(in reply to cumbrianslave)

Post #: 5

RE: Do you have to be thin to be a good sub/slave? - 9/1/2006 1:23:53 PM

BlueHnS

Posts: 166
Joined: 9/5/2005
Status: offline

I think it all falls to personal preference. For me the highest priority is what the sub/slave brings to the relationship, do we fit? Yes somewhere way down the list overall personal appearance does fall in. I've just never had to go that far down the list to decide I don't want someone. Too many things that come before that tend to rule them out.

_____________________________

Questions are dangerous, for they have answers. ~ Kushiel's Dart
I think I'm going to get off. ~ The Poet

(in reply to michaelGA2)

Post #: 6

RE: Do you have to be thin to be a good sub/slave? - 9/1/2006 3:58:32 PM

LadyMorgynn

Posts: 800
Joined: 11/25/2005
From: N. Carolina
Status: offline

I'm far more interested in a slave's willingness to submit than appearance although general hygiene is very important.

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---
Lady Morgynn
www.farhorizons.net/LadyMorgynn

(in reply to cumbrianslave)

Post #: 7

RE: Do you have to be thin to be a good sub/slave? - 9/1/2006 4:18:12 PM

cumbrianslave

Posts: 5
Joined: 8/20/2006
Status: offline

Thanks Lashra for Your kind comments - i shall indeed keep looking :)

(in reply to Lashra)

Post #: 8

RE: Do you have to be thin to be a good sub/slave? - 9/1/2006 4:23:38 PM

cumbrianslave

Posts: 5
Joined: 8/20/2006
Status: offline

Thanks for Your comments LadyMorgynn - this is where i find the problem though in that i may be a bit overweight but i take pride in my hygeine and above all my willingness to submit has never been in question however i am finding most Dommes on here that have bothered to respond just do not wish to engage in any conversation as soon as i mention the "overweight" word without even them seeing my pic or what qualities i can give as a sub...

(in reply to LadyMorgynn)

Post #: 9

RE: Do you have to be thin to be a good sub/slave? - 9/1/2006 4:34:21 PM

Kirei

Posts: 146
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

Remember this it all depends on what your looking for. Many male doms want the cute little female thing...thats a needle in a hay field. Also if you write to someone there is a 50/50 chance that any profile could be fake. Remember communication has to come first and there are both dommes/doms that want larger women. So keep your chin up and ask questions, and keep looking you will find someone that is right for you. Take your time ask questions, you should be able to ask them if you've had a dominant before. You've actually got some real life knowledge and that is always a big plus.

Koneko

(in reply to cumbrianslave)

Post #: 10

RE: Do you have to be thin to be a good sub/slave? - 9/1/2006 8:06:43 PM

MisPandora

Posts: 2911
Joined: 4/7/2004
From: Philadelphia, PA
Status: offline

I have a personal preference for gentlemen that are over 5' 7", and who have a masculine, rugged structure. I do not care for stick figures that I have to worry about cutting myself on their elbows, ribs or pelvis.

I ha

_____________________________

Pandora
Ms World Leather 2004
Ms Philadelphia Leather 2004

"Simply put, if you want a real femdom to love you, give her reasons to love you." Gloria Brame

(in reply to cumbrianslave)

Post #: 11

RE: Do you have to be thin to be a good sub/slave? - 9/2/2006 2:02:19 AM

porcelaine

Posts: 5020
Joined: 7/24/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: cumbrianslave

Does this mean that "fat" subs/slaves do not have a chance of being able to serve. i have been lucky in that i have had many years experience serving a superior Goddess but had to be released due to work relocation. i understand it is the person's choice but surely because someone is overweight it does not neccassarily make them a "bad" sub and simply disregard them because of this.

Do you have to be thin to get a partner in vanilla relationships? Or do people typically gravitate to the person they find most attractive inside and out? Why would this alter in the slightest bit simply because you have a shared interest in the same sexual practices? When you see someone of interest face to face do they always respond to your advances positively? I think a little dose of reality is necessary. How would you respond if a dominant held similar expectations of you due to their title? Would you feel compelled to serve merely because he wanted you to do so?

You mentioned your previous experiences with another dominant. I would gather they were postive and you felt wanted and appreciated. I believe you know the answer to your question. This has little to do with weight in my opinion and more to do with rejection. We will never appeal to everyone we encounter. Variety is the spice of life. Celebrate your differences and devote your time to those that will do the same.

porcelaine

< Message edited by porcelaine -- 9/2/2006 2:04:12 AM >

_____________________________

His will; my fate.

(in reply to cumbrianslave)

Post #: 12

RE: Do you have to be thin to be a good sub/slave? - 9/2/2006 8:38:59 AM

LadyAlexa

Posts: 141
Joined: 1/2/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: cumbrianslave

Having not been a member of this site for not too long i cannot be judgemental (nor do i ever intend to be) however in my current search for a new Owner when i do get a reply i am not wanted because essentially i am overweight (due to medical reasons i might add not stuffing my face lol). Does this mean that "fat" subs/slaves do not have a chance of being able to serve. i have been lucky in that i have had many years experience serving a superior Goddess but had to be released due to work relocation. i understand it is the person's choice but surely because someone is overweight it does not neccassarily make them a "bad" sub and simply disregard them because of this.

i know it is always difficult searching for Mistress "right" but is there any subs/slaves or even Mistresses out there who have experienced the same dilemma?

On another note should i start a site for overweight BDSMers???

I actually prefer my subs to have some meat on their bones. Makes it much more fun to use clothespins, needleplay, bondage, or just grabbing a handful. The one thing I do want in a submissive...besides the obvious of serve, obey etc.....is for them to be healthy. If there is something we can do to improve health, then it's done. I want them to be happy and healthy and to reach their potential.

It's the heart of the submissive which is key in my mind.

_____________________________

Lady Alexa
[amber]

Submission is key not gender.

GLBT approved.

(in reply to cumbrianslave)

Post #: 13

RE: Do you have to be thin to be a good sub/slave? - 9/2/2006 12:26:24 PM

DivaDuchess

Posts: 402
Joined: 8/17/2006
Status: offline

Hmmm ... do the words 'food depravation' mean anything to you? *lol* ... Just kidding. I guess I'm a bit on the shallow side. I'm no beauty queen and don't expect that from others. All I ask is that you not weigh more than my truck ...

_____________________________

Duchess

Courage is not the absence of Fear,
But rather the judgement that,
Something else is more important than Fear.

The Brave may not live forever,
But the Cautious do not live at all.

(in reply to LadyAlexa)

Post #: 14

RE: Do you have to be thin to be a good sub/slave? - 9/2/2006 1:52:50 PM

cumbrianslave

Posts: 5
Joined: 8/20/2006
Status: offline

Well thanks to all whom have posted on this topic so far although one post in particular from porcelaine which i find interesting is that it is more to do with rejection rather than weight - i can relate to this in certain instances but i think my main gripe is that so many Dommes/Doms complain about so many subs/slaves being "players" or "wannabes" so is it not the case that these Dommes/Doms are being so superficial in their profiles in that they expect their sub to be the perfect adonis so to speak and not look at any other qualities in that person after all sub/slaves are persons and also have feelings (especially when being flogged lol).

On a more serious note though it may have been a while since i experienced rejection on any level but the so called Dommes i have encountered on here in my opinion are looking for something which does not exist - the "perfect" sub - in my opinion this does not exist as W/we all have so many different tastes and preferences which porcelaine has rightly pointed out and i totally agree with.

What i cannot grasp is the amount of Dommes/Doms out there who are disregarding so many subs on the basis that they are "overweight" and overlook the other qualities that the sub may possess.

On the health issue - yes i agree it is unhealthy to be overweight but in my case and many others this is not due to personal choice whereby i eat what i see - it is a case of medical problems which have been difficult to overcome even with "food depravation" - it has been tried in my case but still hasn't worked!!

Well i am very grateful to all those that have given me encouragement on not to give up and keep searching but until there is a genuine Domme on this site that is willing to see past the "meat" i feel i am going to be another sub/slave that will be left on the shelf with a past sell by date...W/we shall see...

(in reply to DivaDuchess)

Post #: 15

RE: Do you have to be thin to be a good sub/slave? - 9/5/2006 10:36:23 AM

GirlyDevil

Posts: 104
Joined: 6/11/2006
Status: offline

My only sub that I have now, so far, is not obese but is overweight and "big" for his heighth. For me I don't entirely look at a possibly sub's body, I mean as long as he/she isn't over 400+ lbs. But no I don't really care what body shape they are in. I mainly look for personality and smarts, but looks don't exactly matter to me. Just be in good hygiene and oral and that's all I ask for.

(in reply to cumbrianslave)

Post #: 16

RE: Do you have to be thin to be a good sub/slave? - 9/5/2006 10:43:41 AM

MsKatHouston

Posts: 1909
Joined: 6/7/2006
From: Houston, TX
Status: offline

For me there needs to be an attraction. There are those I am attracted to and those I am not. My tastes in physical beauty run the gamut. I prefer those who are "interesting" looking to classic beauty but I'm not gonna kick the Adonis out of bed either. Weight preferences to me are not obese and not too skinny. I can make exceptions. I am looking for the perfect sub...the perfect sub FOR ME...which is likely to include a whole set of flaws that will match well with my own :)

_____________________________

-Kat

~If you can't be a good example, you'll just have to serve as a horrible warning~

(in reply to GirlyDevil)

Post #: 17

RE: Do you have to be thin to be a good sub/slave? - 9/5/2006 11:18:47 AM

TheShadows

Posts: 403
Joined: 9/16/2004
From: Southern Illinois
Status: offline

Again, personal preference wins out. I'm a larger lady, even when I'm thin, so I know exactly how you feel about the weight thing. There are biases on both sides of the fence.

I do not judge a potential slave based on their weight or looks so much as their personality and what they can bring to the table. There must be some type of spark for me, whether it be physical or emotional or their skill-set.

I actually prefer slaves who are on the heavier side, or to at least have some insulation in the correct places. Proper padding for the extreme types of impact play I enjoy is very necessary. "Healthy" is the word I would use. I definitely don't do skinny, but not so overweight as to limit mobility and the ability to serve, either.

On the question of whether or not you have to be thin to be a good sub...I don't think so. The ability to serve and serve well doesn't necessarily depend on whether you're thin or not. As long as you're being the best sub/slave you know how to be, you're doing better than most, in my book.

As always, YMMV...

MrsShadows

_____________________________

"The reason the mainstream is thought of as a stream is because of it's shallowness." - George Carlin

"Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most..." - Ozzy Osbourne

(in reply to cumbrianslave)

Post #: 18

RE: Do you have to be thin to be a good sub/slave? - 9/5/2006 11:23:01 AM

Owned1

Posts: 847
Joined: 7/6/2005
From: Toronto, Ontario
Status: offline

Yes you have to be thin to be a good slave/submissive

*said with a scarcastic tone*

Sorry I just could not resist

Owned

_____________________________

~~in His Chains i am free~~

(in reply to TheShadows)

Post #: 19

RE: Do you have to be thin to be a good sub/slave? - 9/5/2006 8:13:38 PM

ladylexington

Posts: 117
Joined: 6/7/2005
Status: offline

Overweight is fine. Poor grooming is unacceptable. I am amazed at how many people post sloppy pictures of themselves online. I thought the idea was to creat a good first impression, not make people wonder how often you bathe.

_____________________________

If you must gamble your lives sexually, don't play a lone hand too much. -- Mark Twain

(in reply to Owned1)

Post #: 20

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