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RE: Quick question on finding an online dom - 9/1/2006 6:19:08 PM

Shalyn

Posts: 55
Joined: 8/30/2006
From: TN
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Thank you Jeff

I dont have much experience at all, I just know this is what I want. Atleast when I do feel the need to ask questions, I know I can come here and get some advice. All of you have been great. Thanks so much

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RE: Quick question on finding an online dom - 9/1/2006 6:39:56 PM

marieToo

Posts: 3595
Joined: 5/21/2006
From: Jersey
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General Reply to OP:

I think online is a means to an end. its a good way to meet people that you actually plan to meet in real life. I think its almost become the norm or at least, very common. . But to have an 'online dom", I think could be kind of dangerous...I dont mean physically....but unless you plan to talk on the phone and things like that, god knows who you could be submitting to. I mean , do you plan to find a man to obey and let guide your life through a computer? Im seriously NOT judging this, but Im just saying its really really hard to know someone from only a computer screen, without taking the steps further. If you're 'new' you can do this in a gradually way if you have to, but if the computer is going to be your only means, then you could be talking to, obeying, and becoming emtionally attached to anyone.

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RE: Quick question on finding an online dom - 9/1/2006 6:44:46 PM

Shalyn

Posts: 55
Joined: 8/30/2006
From: TN
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: marieToo

General Reply to OP:

I think online is a means to an end. its a good way to meet people that you actually plan to meet in real life. I think its almost become the norm or at least, very common. . But to have an 'online dom", I think could be kind of dangerous...I dont mean physically....but unless you plan to talk on the phone and things like that, god knows who you could be submitting to. I mean , do you plan to find a man to obey and let guide your life through a computer? Im seriously NOT judging this, but Im just saying its really really hard to know someone from only a computer screen, without taking the steps further. If you're 'new' you can do this in a gradually way if you have to, but if the computer is going to be your only means, then you could be talking to, obeying, and becoming emtionally attached to anyone.

Oh, the computer would not be the only means. I would just like to take things slow

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RE: Quick question on finding an online dom - 9/1/2006 6:45:05 PM

LuckyAlbatross

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Joined: 10/25/2005
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To cut through all the tittering and gaping jaws here-

Really what you SHOULD do is not make ANY commitment to ANYONE for 6 months. Why the rush? You've changed your mind 3 times in one day about how to even go about this search. That should be sign enough that you aren't ready and need to slow down.

We have a term called "sub frenzy" and you are being the poster child for that- someone who gets caught up in all the new shininess of discovering they are "submissive" and rushes into all sorts of commitments and half thought out fantasies and usually ends up throwing themselves into a few pits, walls, and heartbreaks before they figure it out.

Honey, a person who is in your age bracket and location preference isn't what makes a person "stand out"- it makes them one fishy in the pool.

I doubt you will listen to this advice, but please consider it.

_____________________________

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"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

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RE: Quick question on finding an online dom - 9/1/2006 6:50:14 PM

Shalyn

Posts: 55
Joined: 8/30/2006
From: TN
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Thank you LA for the reply. You are right. I shouldnt get in a commitment with anyone for atleast 6 months. I think of it as the same with any relationship really. I wouldnt marry someone after 6 months and I wouldnt be in a rush either. I think I will just stay on the site here and read the forums and talk to a few people to learn as much more as I can.

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RE: Quick question on finding an online dom - 9/1/2006 7:15:10 PM

deltadawn

Posts: 224
Joined: 7/15/2006
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Sub frenzy can be a very dangerous thing. Please keep in mind that this is the internet. You will find some rather "interesting" people here. Many who are absolutely not who they say they are, Others who believe they are what they say they are but have never lived it.

D/s, M/s, BDSM...etc etc etc should be taken slowly.

Common sense is your best teacher here. If something sounds silly, it is silly. If something sounds absurd it is absurd..and if something sounds too good to be true, it is too good to be true.

My advice would be to change your profile. Spend some time here on the boards reading and asking questions. Find something in your local area to go and meet people. There are many munches (lifestyle meetings) that are just for newer people in the lifestyle.

I am getting older -smiles-, much more cautious than I once was, but take it from someone who has been in your shoes (though way to many years ago to even remember).. A Dom should be your friend first.

Take your time.

delta dawn

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(in reply to Shalyn)

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RE: Quick question on finding an online dom - 9/1/2006 7:19:20 PM

Shalyn

Posts: 55
Joined: 8/30/2006
From: TN
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quote:

ORIGINAL: deltadawn

I am getting older -smiles-, much more cautious than I once was, but take it from someone who has been in your shoes (though way to many years ago to even remember).. A Dom should be your friend first.

Take your time.

delta dawn

Thank you Dawn. Good advice

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RE: Quick question on finding an online dom - 9/1/2006 7:21:49 PM

sleazybutterfly

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I am very happy to see you are absorbing the advice you have been given. I think that people sometimes are a bit jaded about online collaring and such after all of the messes and dramas we have seen unfold.

You seem like you do have a good head on your shoulders. My little bit of advice is this. Don't let any Dom control who else you talk to in the beginning, I have noticed with that, you get cut off from anyone who can see his true colors You are taking your time, that is great also. I know the feelings you have are very exciting, but learning patience is a big key to living this type of life.

Maybe this is good for you, it gives you a bit of a chance to feel things out and such. Please know though, that the online experience is still nothing compared to the real life one and you can't be totally prepared for it.

Just don't give too much control, too fast..don't be walked on, or bullied into things you don't feel comfortable with. Though most will give you the impression otherwise, there are tons of Doms out there that are just as good as the one you are talking to. Just be yourself, not the idea of what everyone thinks you must be as a sub/slave, there will be a match for you somewhere.. just keep being patient.

~Butterfly

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RE: Quick question on finding an online dom - 9/1/2006 7:24:48 PM

deltadawn

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Shalyn

quote:

ORIGINAL: deltadawn

I am getting older -smiles-, much more cautious than I once was, but take it from someone who has been in your shoes (though way to many years ago to even remember).. A Dom should be your friend first.

Take your time.

delta dawn

Thank you Dawn. Good advice

You're welcome. You have gotten alot of great advice here, I hope we have helped in some way. If you ever just want to talk, email me on the other side. It may take a bit for me to get back to you but I will as soon as time allows.

dawn

< Message edited by deltadawn -- 9/1/2006 7:25:16 PM >

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RE: Quick question on finding an online dom - 9/1/2006 7:33:38 PM

Shalyn

Posts: 55
Joined: 8/30/2006
From: TN
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Thank you for the reply Butterfly. I do have to learn patience. I guess I was a little too excited over it. I do understand tho that I just cant jump into it without knowing the person and all of you gave some good advice to me. Thanks so much

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RE: Quick question on finding an online dom - 9/1/2006 7:41:58 PM

tigerlilly70

Posts: 1
Joined: 7/30/2006
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Oh, definitely. You can't just jump head first into it. Although everything is so exciting and new. Just set up your safe call and proceed with caution and watch out for all the crazy people

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RE: Quick question on finding an online dom - 9/2/2006 1:38:14 AM

porcelaine

Posts: 5020
Joined: 7/24/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Shalyn

Hello.
Im pretty new here to the forums but I have a quick question. I thought I knew what to look for and all of that but it seems I have recieved quite few emails since I joined here. I feel like Im fresh meat so to speak. I am basically looking for an online master. I pretty much weeded thru the emails and deleted the 90% or so that seemed like wannabes but the other few, I held on to. I asked them to go into detail about how it works out in an online relationship. I had 7 out of 10 reply back to me. Now what Im wondering is, what are some good questions to ask when searching for the right dom? Any suggestions would be helpful and very much appreciated. Thanks, Shalyn

I would be cognizant of what you're willing to give and what you desire and expect in return from the other party. Consider the amount of time you wish to allocate and the frequency of meetings. Is this purely online or do you wish to employ phone calls and web cams as well? If meeting in person is something you're open to in the future, finding someone that is set against that might hinder you in the long run.

Are you willing to become involved with someone that has a partner, and do you have one yourself? Do you seek companionship or some measure of training too? Are qualifications and experience important factors in your mind? Where do you see yourself in three years? On the computer continuing your virtual experiences, or in a fulfilling real time relationship. Your answer to the latter will provide great insight on the direction you should head. If this is merely a stepping stone treat it as such. If you are looking for a relationship that may develop into more make certain you utilize the same level of discernment one would have in a typical partnership.

porcelaine

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RE: Quick question on finding an online dom - 9/2/2006 5:33:40 AM

TNstepsout

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You've already gotten the best advice ever, which is to slow down and take your time. Even in a relationship that is online only, you can get hurt, so take it slow. In terms of sorting through the remaining men, the best suggestion I can give is to get to know them. Don't let anyone rush you into making the committment to "submit". Men are generally in a rush and will often use the "it's now or never" tactic you push you into committing faster and more deeply than you may be comfortable with. To many of them it is just a game to test their "skilz". The ones who seriously want to get to know, you and have a relationship with you, will take their time.

Don't trust anyone who immediately tries to maneuver you into taking down your profile, changing it to limit contact, pushes you to tell them about everyone else you are talking to, or go through them before you make any decisions. Basically, don't allow yourself to "submit" before you've made a conscious decision to do so. Some men equate pushiness and manipulation with dominance. I don't trust those types and neither should you.

Then also be careful about the kind of information you give out online. It may seem harmless, but don't give out any information about your full name, address, where you work, the car you drive, etc..... Be certain that any pics you send do not contain information in the background that could lead him right to you. Be overly cautious just in case.

Oh and before you get scared off, you seem to have a pretty good head on your shoulders. I think you'll do just fine. You just might find you are quite a bit more cynical at the end of the journey.

TN

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RE: Quick question on finding an online dom - 9/2/2006 6:31:19 AM

Shalyn

Posts: 55
Joined: 8/30/2006
From: TN
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Thank you porcelaine.
No I dont have a partner and I would like to find someone who also doesnt have a partner. 3 years from now, I see myself in a real time relationship and not here online but all things take time. After my 1st post yesterday and listening to all the advice, I decided to slow way down.
Again thank you for your reply

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RE: Quick question on finding an online dom - 9/2/2006 6:35:15 AM

Shalyn

Posts: 55
Joined: 8/30/2006
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Thank you TN for your reply. I seemed to have upset the one who wanted me to "collared by" in my profile. He saw last night I had changed it and he tried to make me feel bad by saying that I just didnt know what I wanted and this and that. I let it go tho. I told him I wanted to take things slow but he claims he was just trying to protect me from all the ones on here who could hurt me. But the way I see it, is he was also protecting me from ones who could give me very useful information.

Thank you again for your reply

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RE: Quick question on finding an online dom - 9/2/2006 1:06:43 PM

proudsub

Posts: 6142
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Washington
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quote:

what are some good questions to ask when searching for the right dom? Any suggestions would be helpful and very much appreciated. Thanks, Shalyn

I think it depends what your expectations are online. If you want good cyber sessions you will need a dom who writes well and very explicitly, has a good imagination and has some experience so he can set up fun fantasy scenes. I did this for a few years with my first dom and anyone after that was a big disappointment.

If you want a dom who gives you tasks to perform in real life or on cam then you need one who has some experience with safety procedures and who is available to monitor what you do.

The ones on here who said to slow down gave very good advice. Another thing, be very careful about sending explicit pictures or camming naked (cam shots can be copied) because you don't know where the pics may end up.

Enjoy the journey but watch for red flags and trust your instinct.

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proudsub

"Without goals you become what you were. With goals you become what you wish." .

"You are entitled to your own opinions but not your own facts"--Alan Greenspan

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