Letting go?

Letting go? (Full Version)

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twicehappy -> Letting go? (9/2/2006 7:07:56 AM)
Letting go? What are some of the things in your journey as a submissive or a slave have you had to learn to let go of? How easy or hard was it to let go? Did you realize on your own you were holding some things back or did it have to be pointed out to you? For those of you who have never been collared but desire to be eventually have you given any thought to what you must give up, things like control of decisions regarding everything from how you dress or behave to being able to put your needs first? For those who have been collared in the past and then after a period of time were collared again was there a period of readjustment for you when you realized you had to learn all over again to relinquish control to your new owner? Did this happen immediately or over time? Was it sometimes an inner struggle to relax and let this happen? Did you catch yourself or did your owners catch on to the fact that you were still holding back? Did you ever attempt to cede this control and have it refused because it was an issue your owner was uncomfortable dealing with? Did this cause you to draw back and make it harder for you to let go in other areas as well? How did you deal with this?

Celeste43 -> RE: Letting go? (9/2/2006 7:28:31 AM)
He's very smart when dealing with me. If I evince a great deal of difficulty with an area, he doesn't keep pushing at it. He doesn't have anything to prove. Instead he just switches to another area that he wants to work on, or play with. He gives me the time I need to process the difficulty and waits for me to come and talk to him about what happened. Some things I can't ever seem to get over and others disappear with time. But he doesn't set it up as a pissing contest, to prove that he's bigger, tougher, stronger etc. He knows I'll give him his way to the best of my ability, if I wasn't prepared to do so then I wouldn't have gotten into a D/s relationship in the first place.

twicehappy -> RE: Letting go? (9/2/2006 7:33:09 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Celeste43 But he doesn't set it up as a pissing contest, to prove that he's bigger, tougher, stronger etc. He knows I'll give him his way to the best of my ability, if I wasn't prepared to do so then I wouldn't have gotten into a D/s relationship in the first place. It sounds as if you have found yourself a good Master with yours. My owners are just amazing, i wrote this as a result of a recent three way telephone conversation and the fact that yes, i am extremely happy but yes also i am still relearning to let things go.

mistoferin -> RE: Letting go? (9/2/2006 7:33:15 AM)
Letting go is always a slow process for me with a new partner. I'm a firm believer that trust is something that is earned and not blindly given. As the relationship progresses and the bonds deepen, I let go gradually and my submission to that person follows that same path. It is especially hard in the beginnings when you are trying very hard to find a balance and make good impressions. One time I was so busy trying to make sure that all of the I's were dotted and all of the T's were crossed that I was just exhasting myself. The gentleman who was the object of my perfectionist ways got a call on his cell phone. When he hung up he looked at me and jokingly said...."That was God....He says he's going to be in charge of the world today so you can take a break". We both just busted into laughter. He then took my chin in his hand and said "Really, I don't expect perfection...stop driving yourself so crazy and just relax".

greneyedjewel -> RE: Letting go? (9/2/2006 7:47:14 AM)
I seem to be having a problem getting out of my own damn way. I have been only with one Dom who just seemed to fade away. I've never been collared, due to the fact that i am pretty new to this. It seems as if the few times i have taken interest and put alot of effort into conversation and meeting that things just don't go any further. Once again, i've spent a month talking to someone intelliegent and charming, who at the first sign of a possible disagreement would rather move on instead of working thru it and contiuing. I know i'm one of those who has a problem moving quickly, but have always felt that going a little slower with bring about amazing results in the end. I guess the few that i have been interested in don't feel the same.

Milivoje -> RE: Letting go? (9/2/2006 8:04:31 AM)
Both (or more) parties in a D/s relationship need to let go of certain things. Let us not forget that "letting go" is not just for the slave. It is for the Master too. "Letting go" is a mutual process, that requires time, honesty and truthfulness (to ones self and each other). It should not require effort, as it should be pleasurable.

truesub4u -> RE: Letting go? (9/2/2006 8:55:45 AM)
So far I've not let go of anything. It's all of me... or none of me. I had one dom about 6 year ago tell me I needed to give my girls to their father so that all my time would be for him and no other interferences..... when I was done laughing... I showed him the door. So I let it be known... right up front... it's all of me.. or none. Just like I expect the same from a dom. So far.. it's worked good for me. So why change anything.

Bearlee -> RE: Letting go? (9/2/2006 9:38:48 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Milivoje Both (or more) parties in a D/s relationship need to let go of certain things. Let us not forget that "letting go" is not just for the slave. It is for the Master too. "Letting go" is a mutual process, that requires time, honesty and truthfulness (to ones self and each other). It should not require effort, as it should be pleasurable. Wise words from a 'lurker'... <grinz> I couldn't agree more, Sir. It is not necessairly 'effort' but just time to get to know each other; what is expected; what is hoped for... IMHO, bear

porcelaine -> RE: Letting go? (9/2/2006 12:29:50 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: twicehappy Letting go? What are some of the things in your journey as a submissive or a slave have you had to learn to let go of? How easy or hard was it to let go? Did you realize on your own you were holding some things back or did it have to be pointed out to you? For those of you who have never been collared but desire to be eventually have you given any thought to what you must give up, things like control of decisions regarding everything from how you dress or behave to being able to put your needs first? I have learned to leave the past where it belongs. I no longer allow it to impact the decisions and behaviors I exhibit within my relationships. Of course this is a continued process and one I work towards on a daily basis. In addition, I'm learning to release expectations and assumptions and to see each situation individually, not as a collective whole. I have begun to examine my own desires for control and how they interfere with and contradict the path a dominant may desire to walk with me. This in turn has caused me to reflect upon my previous experiences and fears to ascertain the effect they may have upon my emotional state, capacity to serve, and possible resistance to change. The above are things I noticed within myself and proactively addressed on my own. While I understand the importance of feedback and welcome this when possible, I am responsible for maintaining myself at all times. Surrender is an impossible reality if my fingers are firmly clutching a box of memories. Since I am committed to being the best partner and servant that I possibly can, I am willing to endure the uncomfortable feelings that will arise when we must leave things behind. At present I am not collared and have always assumed large amounts of control in my life and those I interact with. Willingly giving the reins over to another is both humbling and supremely liberating. I openly embrace captivity with the knowledge of what may occur, but remain conscious of the fact that the future is largely unknown. There will always be areas that require improvement or tweaking to suit the needs of the one I serve. The ability to better myself while under the care and guidance of another has made me cognizant of the reciprocity found in slavery. porcelaine

Bearlee -> RE: Letting go? (9/2/2006 12:43:33 PM)
right.... let me know what you think after 101 guys say they are inerested in you and want you to submit online, play online, cyber from 1000 miles apart sans any other communication...and all after a weeks' time. I too believe experiences are in the past and the one to whom you are talking may be totally different...but HOW do you know if he is only intersted in cyber-stories? IS a relationship only a relationship if it is more than 'online'? Perhaps that is the question. Personally, to say I don't let past experiences color my current ones is to say....I don't learn. just my thoughts, bearlee

twicehappy -> RE: Letting go? (9/2/2006 3:38:26 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: mistoferin It is especially hard in the beginnings when you are trying very hard to find a balance and make good impressions. One time I was so busy trying to make sure that all of the I's were dotted and all of the T's were crossed that I was just exhasting myself. The gentleman who was the object of my perfectionist ways got a call on his cell phone. When he hung up he looked at me and jokingly said...."That was God....He says he's going to be in charge of the world today so you can take a break". We both just busted into laughter. He then took my chin in his hand and said "Really, I don't expect perfection...stop driving yourself so crazy and just relax". This is one i can relate too quite well, but for me it only became a concern after i knew i was dead up stone cold head over heels in love. Then i was afraid if i was not perfect i would lose what i had found. Problem is nobody is really perfect and you really can wear yourself out trying to be.

behindmirrors -> RE: Letting go? (9/2/2006 6:11:59 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: twicehappy Letting go? What are some of the things in your journey as a submissive or a slave have you had to learn to let go of? I have learned to let go of stressing over every little thing, but more than that, I am learning to let go of two very big things for me: perfectionism about everything and not eating properly (read: not eating even if I'm hungry with stupid excuses). I have been learning to give up control over quite a bit of other life stuff as well, such as what should get done when, and how. quote: How easy or hard was it to let go? Some things were easier than others. To relenquish control over what I was told to do around the house was far easier than trying to give up being a perfectionist or learning how to eat properly so that I take care of myself. I attempt(ed) to dodge that as much as I could/can at times. quote: Did you realize on your own you were holding some things back or did it have to be pointed out to you? I knew I was, and it was still pointed out. But, talking about it candidly and openly when he would bring it up helped, because I was able to deal with some of the thoughts and feeling surrounding my own resistance. quote: For those of you who have never been collared but desire to be eventually have you given any thought to what you must give up, things like control of decisions regarding everything from how you dress or behave to being able to put your needs first? I'm not collared yet, but I am owned, and I look forward to negotiating these things. I figure if I can give up being able to look at a scale, and I can give up trying to be perfect at all times about everything and beating myself up if I'm not, giving up control on other things shouldn't be as much of an issue. I would actually love to give up more to my Dom than I have. quote: Was it sometimes an inner struggle to relax and let this happen? Did you catch yourself or did your owners catch on to the fact that you were still holding back? Yes, it was really hard with the food stuff particularly. I have a lot of down time when my Dom isn't here, and that can make it easy to not do what I need to, but I kept fighting with myself and would get ahold of him if I was really at a loss. I can generally catch myself without too much trouble, and I want so much to please him that I allow that to take precedence. It makes it easier for me to not have that choice, I think. quote: Did you ever attempt to cede this control and have it refused because it was an issue your owner was uncomfortable dealing with? Did this cause you to draw back and make it harder for you to let go in other areas as well? How did you deal with this? Haven't dealt with that so much yet. I did give him an open challenge, though, when he said he was going to get me to let go of my perfectionism. He took it, haha. The other useful thing is that I have a hard time resisting a dare, so if I got stuck he would dare me to do what it is he wanted. The more he told me he thought I couldn't do it, the more I would want to and would just to prove him wrong, haha. behindmirrors.

Sunshine119 -> RE: Letting go? (9/2/2006 6:18:25 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: mistoferin He then took my chin in his hand and said "Really, I don't expect perfection...stop driving yourself so crazy and just relax". Sounds like a keeper!

twicehappy -> RE: Letting go? (9/2/2006 7:15:17 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: behindmirrors Did you realize on your own you were holding some things back or did it have to be pointed out to you? quote: I knew I was, and it was still pointed out. But, talking about it candidly and openly when he would bring it up helped, because I was able to deal with some of the thoughts and feeling surrounding my own resistance. Talking about some of them helps but there are some that still catch me by surprise. After my owner died i think i was alone for way too long and it still shows occasionally.

deltadawn -> RE: Letting go? (9/2/2006 7:24:46 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: twicehappy Letting go? What are some of the things in your journey as a submissive or a slave have you had to learn to let go of? How easy or hard was it to let go? Did you realize on your own you were holding some things back or did it have to be pointed out to you? For those of you who have never been collared but desire to be eventually have you given any thought to what you must give up, things like control of decisions regarding everything from how you dress or behave to being able to put your needs first? For those who have been collared in the past and then after a period of time were collared again was there a period of readjustment for you when you realized you had to learn all over again to relinquish control to your new owner? Did this happen immediately or over time? Was it sometimes an inner struggle to relax and let this happen? Did you catch yourself or did your owners catch on to the fact that you were still holding back? Did you ever attempt to cede this control and have it refused because it was an issue your owner was uncomfortable dealing with? Did this cause you to draw back and make it harder for you to let go in other areas as well? How did you deal with this? Great thread twicehappy. I have let go of many things, the hardest were secrets. It was easy at one time to move about life believing all was peachy and nothing bothered me. I could convince my friends and my family when there was something I did not want to share with them. Master is different. He does not allow me to keep secrets from him. That may not be entirely true. I am allowed to surprise him in good ways, allowed to plan that silly birthday party that he just hated, lol. But I am not allowed to hold onto feelings, hide my true self, show him only the good stuff and keep the bad part back. It was not easy, it all took time, trust, and love. Yes, it was extremely hard to relax, hard to let go of walls we put up our lifetime before meeting. Hard to toss away old taught values for newer ones that make so much more sense, but it was so worth it. dawn

Merritt27 -> RE: Letting go? (9/2/2006 7:29:58 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: twicehappy What are some of the things in your journey as a submissive or a slave have you had to learn to let go of? How easy or hard was it to let go? Did you realize on your own you were holding some things back or did it have to be pointed out to you? Before i met my Master, i had been a sub to a few but slave to none. It was a huge adjustment going from being a long distance sub in previous relationships to 24/7 slave in this one. It was not something that was negotiated or decided really...it just became that. Once that happened, it was hard to surrender "all of me", those certain parts of me that i had kept locked away for a very long time. I had a tendancy to keep partners at an arms length. Now, there are no secrets..no little bits of information i keep tucked away for fear of it putting him off or overwhelming him. Now, everything is open for discussion....hopes, dreams, fantasies, those ideas i get in new found moments of "switchyness". It has become this way for him as well....along the way had had to let go of some of the walls he had built over the years.

juliaoceania -> RE: Letting go? (9/2/2006 8:29:38 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: twicehappy Letting go? What are some of the things in your journey as a submissive or a slave have you had to learn to let go of? The need to always defend myself and protect myself. This has been a part of my personality since I became a single mom... I had to learn that I did not need these defenses with my Dominant. quote: How easy or hard was it to let go? I couldn't let go of this in my first D/s relationship because I needed self protection with him. He eventually hurt me because I was beginning to let go. I am still doing this on a daily basis with my Daddy, and I am not always successful. We develop defenses that work for us, and we have to relearn things when someone trustworthy comes along. quote: Did you realize on your own you were holding some things back or did it have to be pointed out to you? I think I realize I hold things back at times, and I endeavor not to do that by self monitoring. Recently it was pointed out to me that I was not letting my guard down and I was being distrustful for reasons that had nothing to do with my Daddy. quote: For those of you who have never been collared but desire to be eventually have you given any thought to what you must give up, things like control of decisions regarding everything from how you dress or behave to being able to put your needs first? I realize that if he collars me that he will pick and choose where I have autonomy excluding my hard limits, which are only a handful. He is respectful of these, and those that I do have are not on his "must have in a submissive" list. He is not into micromanagement, although I would submit to any management he wanted to throw my way if I accept a collar. I have given great thought to it and this is why I have not pushed him on the collar issue, and I am content to wait. I want to be sure we are right for each other on that level... so far so good.

Sinergy -> RE: Letting go? (9/2/2006 8:37:39 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: mistoferin He then took my chin in his hand and said "Really, I don't expect perfection...stop driving yourself so crazy and just relax". Hello A/all, For me, it is the journey which defines a person. I dont personally believe that "Perfection," however one defines that, is actually possible. There is a Taoist parable which states that a person climbing mountain X discovers at the summit that mountian Y beckons in the distance. I think that we are all at whatever place on "our path" that we are on, and what defines me as a person is what I can do for this person to help them get where they need to go. But as usual, this is just me and I could be wrong. Sinergy

twicehappy -> RE: Letting go? (9/3/2006 5:36:17 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: deltadawn I have let go of many things, the hardest were secrets. It was easy at one time to move about life believing all was peachy and nothing bothered me. I could convince my friends and my family when there was something I did not want to share with them. Yes, it was extremely hard to relax, hard to let go of walls we put up our lifetime before meeting. Hard to toss away old taught values for newer ones that make so much more sense, but it was so worth it. I really can relate to that one! Emotional pain is something i never share well. I internalize it and deal with it in my own. Amost as if it is a weakness to show it. I would rather go out in the woods and scream on my own than be caught crying. Something i am still working on.

twicehappy -> RE: Letting go? (9/3/2006 5:43:32 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Merritt27 Once that happened, it was hard to surrender "all of me", those certain parts of me that i had kept locked away for a very long time. I had a tendancy to keep partners at an arms length. Now, there are no secrets..no little bits of information i keep tucked away for fear of it putting him off or overwhelming him. Now, everything is open for discussion....hopes, dreams, fantasies, those ideas i get in new found moments of "switchyness". It has become this way for him as well....along the way had had to let go of some of the walls he had built over the years. "ALL OF ME", Yes there was some difficulty in that one for me as well. Scooter and Jewel are wonderful, any and every subject is open for discussion with them. And it was not lack of trust that kept me holding some things in, probably some fear on my part like i said in the previous post and partly like i said i am so used to being strong that it is terribly hard for me to admit ant weakness.

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