RE: Is abuse a precurser for being a slave/sub?

RE: Is abuse a precurser for being a slave/sub? (Full Version)

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[Poll]

Is abuse a precurser for being a slave/sub?

i am a sub/slave and was abused in the past.

33% (33)

i am a sub/slave that was NOT abused in the past

51% (51)

I am an Owner who's slave/sub was abused in the past

5% (5)

I am an Owner who's slave/sub was NOT abused in the past

10% (10)

Total Votes : 99

(last vote on : 7/4/2010 2:51:11 PM)
(Poll will run till: -- )

Message

SerMichael -> RE: Is abuse a precurser for being a slave/sub? (9/2/2006 12:44:05 PM)
I am a non-switch Dominant, and was sexually abused as a child. I have no idea if My Dominance was created by the abuse, but the abuse affected how I expressed it for years. When I discovered BDSM I tended to an abusive interactio0n where there was a definite Top Who commanded and decided everything and the submissive would accept or go. A tradition Abusor/abusee cycle. My abuse experiences have not vanished but I have been in counselling and am changing all the time. Now I feel I am moving past seeing it as either/or. In My limited experiences and meeting submissives and Dominants online and in real life a large number have been abused, but I believe it modifies how they behave, not the basic need to be Dominate or submissive. Ser Michael

ownedandcollared -> RE: Is abuse a precurser for being a slave/sub? (9/2/2006 12:48:20 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: juliaoceania She did not state that in her opening post, so I was assuming that the "broken" thing was about submissives to the general and not a specific case... most submissives I have seen here and elsewhere do not seem "broken" to me, and in fact I think that it takes a strong person to consensually submit, not a weak one.. in my opinion it IS wrongheaded to think that being submissive=broken... I have read this assumption more than once. I did not look at the orientation of the poster before I responded, I based my reply on the information in the OP, nor did I assume it was about the OP.. it is about a "theory".. Not long ago people into WIITWD were considered mentally deranged, deviant, and in need of psychiatric intervention. I do not like the word "broken" to describe my orientation...You may differ babygirl/estring... that is what forums are for. that the submitting party is the stronger one is something that my Master maintains as well...i am not so certain.

eyesopened -> RE: Is abuse a precurser for being a slave/sub? (9/2/2006 1:47:21 PM)
i grew up in the late 50s early 60s in a pretty typical household where there were such things as "a man's job" and "woman's work" and no one got their undies in a twist over such things being said. i grew up in the last phases of an era where the roles between the sexes were well defined. i am a submissive. i have never been abused in any way. my thoughts about bondage and control began at a very early age, pre-pubescent, but didn't turn sexual until after i was a teenager. Where these thoughts and feelings came from i have no real answer but i always assumed i was just born this way. Is that possible? Or does there need to be some event that is a trigger, some epiphany?

sublizzie -> RE: Is abuse a precurser for being a slave/sub? (9/2/2006 2:00:06 PM)
I am submissive and was abused in one form or another until 4 years ago when I quit allowing my husband to continue his abuse. I ended up leaving him to make it stop. Am I submissive because of being abused? Who knows? There's really no way to tell since my abuse started from as early as I can remember. But I've read other threads on this site about abuse and have seen Dom/mes posting about being abused so to limit this only to submissives doesn't make sense to me. Also, so many people have experienced abuse that the majority of our greater culture should be involved in BDSM if the hypothesis is correct. I do know this, while there are abusers within the lifestyle, most of the people I have met are not in the least interested in abusing me. Hurting me, using me, yes, but not abusing me. And nearly all want my consent and cooperation, which my abusers weren't interested in at all. I don't put up with abuse, but I'm more than willing to give consent to use!

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Is abuse a precurser for being a slave/sub? (9/2/2006 2:02:03 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ownedandcollared however, taught to have something of a casual disregard of those who label themselves "switches" because they don't know themselves well enough to know who they are. And I'm sure that some people are taught that there are magic pussy trolls that will bite off penises of men if they have sex before they turn 21. Doesn't mean it's anything close to reality.

ownedandcollared -> RE: Is abuse a precurser for being a slave/sub? (9/2/2006 2:02:50 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: eyesopened i grew up in the late 50s early 60s in a pretty typical household where there were such things as "a man's job" and "woman's work" and no one got their undies in a twist over such things being said. i grew up in the last phases of an era where the roles between the sexes were well defined. i am a submissive. i have never been abused in any way. my thoughts about bondage and control began at a very early age, pre-pubescent, but didn't turn sexual until after i was a teenager. Where these thoughts and feelings came from i have no real answer but i always assumed i was just born this way. Is that possible? Or does there need to be some event that is a trigger, some epiphany? i believe, personally, that it is in our unique nature. you are born with your nature. my Master also grew up in what He calls a "leave-it-to-beaver" household. where His father worked and ruled the roost, and His mother cleaned and cooked and so on. i did not grow up in this kind of family, but i am of the opinion that it is the way it is supposed to be.

juliaoceania -> RE: Is abuse a precurser for being a slave/sub? (9/2/2006 2:03:43 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross quote: ORIGINAL: ownedandcollared however, taught to have something of a casual disregard of those who label themselves "switches" because they don't know themselves well enough to know who they are. And I'm sure that some people are taught that there are magic pussy trolls that will bite off penises of men if they have sex before they turn 21. Doesn't mean it's anything close to reality. lmao[:D]

mnottertail -> RE: Is abuse a precurser for being a slave/sub? (9/2/2006 2:09:38 PM)
I heard about a guy, that heard about a guy that was afraid that was going to happen to him, and I advised him to out the fucker on collarme. Pussy didn't do it though, so he wasn't real. Yes, abuse is a precursor. No, abuse is not a precursor. The trees moving does not make the wind blow, it is the other way around.......... I yam what I yam......popeye (and that more or less goes for all beings). Ron

Tikkiee -> RE: Is abuse a precurser for being a slave/sub? (9/2/2006 2:28:30 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ownedandcollared i have heard conjecture that slaves and subs often come into the lifestyle because they are "broken" by past abuse and seek it out because of the control and structure, as well as the parts of it that would have been labeled as abuse at one time in her/his life. Theories that i have heard say that they do this because it gives them some kind of control and choice over a situation where they had no choice in the past. i will admit to the structure and control part. i don't know that the second part is true. /shrug I was abused in my past, yet I am not a submissive or a slave...just a masochist :P

Sunshine119 -> RE: Is abuse a precurser for being a slave/sub? (9/2/2006 2:29:16 PM)
So what have I learned from this poll? That (as of the time of this posting) 35% of submissives admit to being abused during their lives and 0% of the dominants report their submissive was abused. Therefore: a. the dominants of the submissives being abused, didn't answer the poll, b. submissives don't tell their dominants about their prior abuse, c. the dominants answering don't have submissives at all...... lol....Or of course, not enough people have answered to constitute a valid argument from any view. Why isn't this post under "Polls"? Sunshine

ownedandcollared -> RE: Is abuse a precurser for being a slave/sub? (9/2/2006 2:37:32 PM)
i also think it is strange that no Doms/Masters post that their sub/slaves have been abused...that should tell us something

juliaoceania -> RE: Is abuse a precurser for being a slave/sub? (9/2/2006 2:41:57 PM)
It only tells you what sunshine pointed out, it is really telling you nothing.... If you wanted to do an ethnographic study about this, you would have to state what you constitute as abuse, you would have to make up questionaires, you would have to get a cross section of people to respond (ethnic, age, orientation, socio economic level, and educational backgrounds), then you would have to quantify those results... then you would have to repeat them. This is not an easy thing to do, hence it has not been done... online polls are not scientific on CNN, they certainly wouldn't be scientific here.

Estring -> RE: Is abuse a precurser for being a slave/sub? (9/2/2006 2:42:09 PM)
35 percent of subs claim they had some form of abuse in their past. That is not a low number. It may be the same in the vanilla world, it may be lower or higher. But in my experience, there sure are alot of disfunctional relationships and lack of common sense shown all the time here on Collarme. Is that because of abuse? Is it coincidence? I don't think anyone knows for sure, but it does seem like there is enough there to explore and discuss. It is funny how the op's question seems to be so threatening and is being dismissed by so many. I know for a fact that there are many screwed up people in BDSM. Not all of them obviously. Probably not most either. But discussing the possible causes or reasons seems to be a good thing. It's funny how live and let live vanishes so easily sometimes.

juliaoceania -> RE: Is abuse a precurser for being a slave/sub? (9/2/2006 2:43:25 PM)
There is a lack of common sense and weird people all over the internet

Estring -> RE: Is abuse a precurser for being a slave/sub? (9/2/2006 3:11:00 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: juliaoceania There is a lack of common sense and weird people all over the internet Brilliant! I was talking about BDSM and more specifically Collarme. I would imagine that the "Clowns Against Makeup" website might have some strange people on it with strange ideas and a lack of common sense probably, but I am not concerned with the rest of the internet.

juliaoceania -> RE: Is abuse a precurser for being a slave/sub? (9/2/2006 3:22:58 PM)
You are correlating odd people to abuse, there are abused people in all walks of life, in real life, next door, down the street, at work, at almost every bar. The question is, what does abuse have to do with it? Does the inability to have a longterm relationship stem from abuse? Haven't people always been abused? Are people just talking about it more? Is that even what this thread is about? If you want to discuss the inability to prove if someone's abuse makes them submissive, fine.. lets discuss it. Above I spelled out some of the factors of determining the correlation of abuse and BDSM, but I left one out, you have to ask people if they feel that being abused led them to being a submissive. And are we talking only sexual abuse, or are we talking verbal/emotional/physical abuse... because that 35% answering this poll maybe talking about their mom beating them with a belt, and not their uncle molesting them. The percentages of all these types of perceived abuse are way higher than sexual abuse stats. Again, it is very hard to theorize, to prove or disprove, and to think someone is "broken" because of their sexual orientation and lifestyle choice is a strong word. Again, if someone said you were broken inside because you are a dominant, you would probably respond to that assertion the way I have responded to this thread.. never mind the OP and her opinion of switches as people that do not know themselves (all I can say is OMG to that).

GeekyGirl -> RE: Is abuse a precurser for being a slave/sub? (9/2/2006 4:48:09 PM)
Personally I don't think your upbringing/past has that much to do with why a person becomes Dom or Sub. I think it's an inherent trait, perhaps affected by outside factors in some slight way, but not significantly. I was never abused and was raised in a relatively normal household. My parents were divorced, but that's not uncommon in my generation. My mother and stepfather were pretty great parents and I was actually a bit of a spoiled child (and remain such to this day, actually.) I also don't hold water with the theory that submissives come from traditional "leave it to beaver" households. My mother is not a very "traditional" wife and she very much "wears the pants in the family."

Estring -> RE: Is abuse a precurser for being a slave/sub? (9/2/2006 4:56:57 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: juliaoceania You are correlating odd people to abuse, there are abused people in all walks of life, in real life, next door, down the street, at work, at almost every bar. The question is, what does abuse have to do with it? Does the inability to have a longterm relationship stem from abuse? Haven't people always been abused? Are people just talking about it more? Is that even what this thread is about? If you want to discuss the inability to prove if someone's abuse makes them submissive, fine.. lets discuss it. Above I spelled out some of the factors of determining the correlation of abuse and BDSM, but I left one out, you have to ask people if they feel that being abused led them to being a submissive. And are we talking only sexual abuse, or are we talking verbal/emotional/physical abuse... because that 35% answering this poll maybe talking about their mom beating them with a belt, and not their uncle molesting them. The percentages of all these types of perceived abuse are way higher than sexual abuse stats. Again, it is very hard to theorize, to prove or disprove, and to think someone is "broken" because of their sexual orientation and lifestyle choice is a strong word. Again, if someone said you were broken inside because you are a dominant, you would probably respond to that assertion the way I have responded to this thread.. never mind the OP and her opinion of switches as people that do not know themselves (all I can say is OMG to that). We are not always talking about you. If you are not "broken", it doesn't apply to you. Just as "high maintenance" as a negative does not impact on you if you choose to see it differently. Do you remember that thread? Some of us can discuss things without feeling that we are being accused of whatever it is that is being discussed.

HerCowboy -> RE: Is abuse a precurser for being a slave/sub? (9/2/2006 4:59:53 PM)
We've seen similiar threads lately. There was one about being abused causing you to be dom. this one is it causes yo to be sub. Well, doesnt that mean that, if it can cuase you to either turn to being Dom or sub, that it doesnt actualy affect anything at all? Are the only ones not affected by abuse the switches, since they havent been pushed completely to one side or another? HerCowboy

cariad -> RE: Is abuse a precurser for being a slave/sub? (9/2/2006 5:11:13 PM)
although i was abused as a child it has nothing to do with my being a slave. being a slave is something that is in me, that i crave to be, and my Master is aware of my past abuse, yet He also knows it has nothing to do with my being abused. i live to serve Him, i crave to serve Him, i love to serve Him, i ache to serve Him, i long to serve Him and no He did not tell me to say this. IT IS WHO I AM.

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