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Commitment - 9/2/2006 1:06:03 PM

JustCatherine

Posts: 25
Joined: 8/29/2006
Status: offline

Hi there

Just wondering about wether or not subs have commitment issues, do subs get scared about falling for Dom/me just as We get scared about falling for our subs, the ones in Our care?
what decisions do subs come to when considering if the One they are with is the One they wish to stay with?

just some thoughts would be appreciated

Catherine

Post #: 1

RE: Commitment - 9/2/2006 2:07:01 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: JustCatherine
Just wondering about wether or not subs have commitment issues, do subs get scared about falling for Dom/me just as We get scared about falling for our subs, the ones in Our care?
what decisions do subs come to when considering if the One they are with is the One they wish to stay with?

just some thoughts would be appreciated

Catherine

Yes- insecurities and commitment issues are a human ordeal, not limited to orientations.

What decisions do they come to? Either "Yes" "No" "Not sure"

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to JustCatherine)

Post #: 2

RE: Commitment - 9/2/2006 2:21:59 PM

eyesopened

Posts: 2798
Joined: 6/12/2006
From: Tampa, FL
Status: offline

Of course i can only speak for myself but i would very much like to be in a committed relationship. i am afraid to fall in love because i have yet to find a Dom who would return that amount of emotional investment. Does that make me afraid of committment or just afraid to get hurt or is there really a difference?

_____________________________

Proudly owned by InkedMaster. He is the one i obey, serve, honor and love.

No one is honored for what they've received. Honor is the reward for what has been given.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 3

RE: Commitment - 9/2/2006 4:14:15 PM

mystiquenz

Posts: 330
Joined: 8/13/2004
Status: offline

eyesopened,

your post rings so very true.

emotional investment, is a big one ... and it's easy for people to pay lip service.
Lip service cuts both ways.

Relationship in my opinion is the ying and the yang, where two people have input, and balance. Sometimes you have step out in faith and know that the decision to fly is the right decision for you, rather than sitting on the wall, because you are frightened to take that step. one can be hurt by allowing themselves to love another, but surely it is better to have loved and lost, than not to have given yourself the permission to love and be loved.

Safe journies ...

_____________________________

blessings
~mystique~

(in reply to eyesopened)

Post #: 4

RE: Commitment - 9/2/2006 4:46:02 PM

Homestead

Posts: 1005
Status: offline

I have issues with people I don't know, who demand commitments of total strangers. "Or don't write me!!!!!!"

Jeez.

(in reply to mystiquenz)

Post #: 5

RE: Commitment - 9/2/2006 6:12:08 PM

porcelaine

Posts: 5020
Joined: 7/24/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: JustCatherine

Hi there

Just wondering about wether or not subs have commitment issues, do subs get scared about falling for Dom/me just as We get scared about falling for our subs, the ones in Our care?
what decisions do subs come to when considering if the One they are with is the One they wish to stay with?

I don't fear falling at all. Being vulnerable can be a little frightening, but I welcome what comes afterwards when both are willing to embrace the feeling. If the individual desires my service as much as I yearn to be under his control, why must we consider anything at all? There moments when humans simply over analyze things to the extreme rather than allowing themselves to sit back and enjoy the experience instead.

porcelaine

_____________________________

His will; my fate.

(in reply to JustCatherine)

Post #: 6

RE: Commitment - 9/2/2006 6:21:57 PM

behindmirrors

Posts: 340
Joined: 8/5/2006
Status: offline

I started my journey in an already committed vanilla relationship. This has just made it better, haha. If I had not "fallen" for my Dom, I don't think I could have allowed myself to submit as much as I have and want to, nor could I have allowed so much vulnerability. I needed that bond to be there to feel safe enough to even bring up the fact that I was interested in BDSM in the first place, and I was lucky to have someone who was experienced with it and had thought it might scare me off there who I was already in love with. Of course, falling in love before hand gave me no trepidation about staying that way when he became my Dom. It was established already and that was good.

As far as considerations for him being "the One" that I am with for always, I cannot even describe how happy that would make me should we decide to do so. It's best, though, for us, to just take things as they come. We live together, we spend time with each other, and we just see where the roads go. I'm not rushing towards anything, nor is he, but more like just enjoying what we have and seeing if it could be a "forever". I certainly am not looking around for anything more and have never been so happy.

behindmirrors.

(in reply to porcelaine)

Post #: 7

RE: Commitment - 9/2/2006 6:42:45 PM

eyesopened

Posts: 2798
Joined: 6/12/2006
From: Tampa, FL
Status: offline

i'm sorry but i think my post may have been misconstrued. i am afraid to fall in love because i have never met a Dom who is willing to return my love. i've had several Doms tell me that if they were to fall in love with their sub/slave it would destroy the D/s M/s dynamic. If i cannot get a return on my emotional investment then yes i am very much afraid of a one-sided committment.

_____________________________

Proudly owned by InkedMaster. He is the one i obey, serve, honor and love.

No one is honored for what they've received. Honor is the reward for what has been given.

(in reply to behindmirrors)

Post #: 8

RE: Commitment - 9/2/2006 10:17:03 PM

Sirandlittle1

Posts: 538
Joined: 12/22/2005
Status: offline

Doms telling you love can ruin a good D/s M/s dynamic is their opinion. Its isnt mine. It maynot be yours either.
Personally, i 'fell' for my play partner, for me, that is the only way i could of 'let go' and trusted him to the extent i do. Play partners and play types are soooo easy, emotional risk is the hard part, for me anyhow. That's where the pain intensifies to a level i dont like. So very much harder to take the risk.But sooo worth it.
littleone

quote:

ORIGINAL: eyesopened

i'm sorry but i think my post may have been misconstrued. i am afraid to fall in love because i have never met a Dom who is willing to return my love. i've had several Doms tell me that if they were to fall in love with their sub/slave it would destroy the D/s M/s dynamic. If i cannot get a return on my emotional investment then yes i am very much afraid of a one-sided committment.

(in reply to eyesopened)

Post #: 9

RE: Commitment - 9/2/2006 11:02:41 PM

Kashan

Posts: 51
Joined: 6/30/2006
Status: offline

I tend to rush into things. I really try not to, but if I really like someone, I just want to swim in them. If I don't really like them, then I wind up being aloof. Unfortunatley aloof seems to be more of an attractant than available. Someday I'll get it straightened out, when it's not a cat and mouse game anymore.
Funny, I'm fine with caring for and loving, it's the lack of love that frightens me. But there is always a dance. One takes a step closer, the other a step back. One takes a step back, the other a step closer. It's building trust and leaving room for them to step closer that takes time and patience.

(in reply to Sirandlittle1)

Post #: 10

RE: Commitment - 9/2/2006 11:31:17 PM

Tikkiee

Posts: 1099
Joined: 4/6/2006
Status: offline

quote:

Just wondering about wether or not subs have commitment issues, do subs get scared about falling for Dom/me

Why is it that if a person does not look for love ever lasting in a relationship...that they are automatically assumed to have commitment issues? Just curious is all?

I don't want or need romantic love in my life, and yet I can still commit to a relationship based on other things.

Inquiring minds want to know

_____________________________

~~@ cass @~~

(in reply to JustCatherine)

Post #: 11

RE: Commitment - 9/3/2006 1:39:06 AM

slave4Darby3d

Posts: 106
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

Although I was not looking for a committed relationship when I met my boyfriend - it fit. Shook me up inside. Scared the hell out of me. I didn't have to fit him into some mould - I didn't have one. I took him as he was and that really rang inside of me. We fell in love with each other - quite by accident. (he says "love happened").
We had already introduced D/s into our relationship by that time, but only limited. Since then everything has grown and he collared me on our anniversary.
We were committed almost from the start and it has only deepened over time we've been together -- naturally.

(in reply to Tikkiee)

Post #: 12

RE: Commitment - 9/3/2006 6:39:07 AM

Littlepita

Posts: 1430
Joined: 10/6/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: mystiquenz

Relationship in my opinion is the ying and the yang, where two people have input, and balance. Sometimes you have step out in faith and know that the decision to fly is the right decision for you, rather than sitting on the wall, because you are frightened to take that step. one can be hurt by allowing themselves to love another, but surely it is better to have loved and lost, than not to have given yourself the permission to love and be loved.

Safe journies ...

I so agree with this. I met my Dom online and fell in love with him very quickly. We took 10 months to get to know each other as best we could, and to get out of unhappy marriages so we could be together. I took a huge leap of faith to be with this man. We are totally committed to each other and keep that our top priority in our very busy lives.

_____________________________

“I, with a deeper instinct, choose a man who compels my strength, who makes enormous demands on me, who does not doubt my courage or my toughness, who does not believe me naive or innocent, who has the courage to treat me like a woman.” – Anais Nin

(in reply to mystiquenz)

Post #: 13

RE: Commitment - 9/3/2006 6:51:56 AM

MisPandora

Posts: 2911
Joined: 4/7/2004
From: Philadelphia, PA
Status: offline

Just a personal observation from someone who plays with male and female submissives/slaves: I find that I have more issues with commitment from the males than I have ever experienced with females. I can't say for sure why that is.

_____________________________

Pandora
Ms World Leather 2004
Ms Philadelphia Leather 2004

"Simply put, if you want a real femdom to love you, give her reasons to love you." Gloria Brame

(in reply to JustCatherine)

Post #: 14

RE: Commitment - 9/4/2006 7:55:43 AM

littleone35

Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline

Destroy the D/s M/s dynamic i find that very interesting why would love do that? My Master ans i love each other and from what i read many other subs/slaves and Masters love each other, and it works for them and us. I must admit though my late Master did tell me not to fall in love with him though he must have felt the same way i guess but he did not say it in so many words. Some people just feel that way i guess.

Matt's littleone

(in reply to MisPandora)

Post #: 15

RE: Commitment - 9/4/2006 9:18:02 AM

subinside

Posts: 233
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: Toronto, ON
Status: offline

i personally cannot understand how love given and returned could possibly destroy the dynamic. If i were in love with my Sir, it would only make my commitment and devotion to Him and the life we've chosen that much stronger.... the need that much more poignant.

Destroy it? Naye, for me it is all wrapped up in it.

_____________________________

~si

You want me to call You what?... i'll take it under advisement.

000-150-313

(in reply to littleone35)

Post #: 16

RE: Commitment - 9/4/2006 10:05:15 AM

alwayscuri

Posts: 13
Joined: 5/6/2006
Status: offline

When I met my Master I wasnt looking for anyone. We met and hit it off from the start. I fell in love with him and said nothing(he did the same) till one day he told me he had fallen in love with me. Then fear for me set in because I had been hurt badly in the past and since that time when I felt I was getting to close to someone I would run out of fear of being hurt again. I did tell him I loved him as well (not one to hide my feelings) He is a very perceptive person and when i would feel the need to run out of being so scared cause this was so right that i was afraid something just had to go wrong he would say you can run but I will look for you and when you can look me in the eye and tell me you dont love me I'll quick looking. Well, its been 3 years and I quit running along time ago because we built up so much trust. Now our relationship is stronger then it has ever been. I guess the whole gist of this is to learn to take a chance. Just because someone doesnt love you the way you think they should doesnt mean they didnt love you with all they had at the time............curi

(in reply to subinside)

Post #: 17

RE: Commitment - 9/5/2006 1:30:44 PM

agirl

Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: eyesopened

i'm sorry but i think my post may have been misconstrued. i am afraid to fall in love because i have never met a Dom who is willing to return my love. i've had several Doms tell me that if they were to fall in love with their sub/slave it would destroy the D/s M/s dynamic. If i cannot get a return on my emotional investment then yes i am very much afraid of a one-sided committment.

People don't love equally or in exactly the same way in any case.

You may never get an *adequate* return on your own emotional investment...How do you assess how much someone *loves* you?

If you get the things you need from a relationship , if you feel cared for and special, does it matter whether you are *loved* or not?

Regards, agirl

(in reply to eyesopened)

Post #: 18

RE: Commitment - 9/5/2006 1:59:24 PM

LittleMissSub

Posts: 46
Joined: 2/23/2005
Status: offline

One should not be scared to fall in love, even if that love isn't reciprocated. Why do you have to be loved back to love a person? I don't get it. Be confident in yourself, love yourself, and love unabashedly. You don't need someone else's love to validate your own.

I think your question might be more "are you scared to give an emotional commitment, one that may be mislabelled as love, to a Dom whom you feel does not and will not love you the way you need to be loved to be happy long term?"

I personally don't see the point in entering into ANY type of relationship in a long term commited fashion when i forsee the possibility (and it's confirmed through discussion) of it not working out for one reason or another, one of which would be them not being into it as much as I am. This goes for "training" too. I want the person I'm with forever to train me in the manner they wish me to be trained. Until then, I don't want any "training", I just want experiences so I at least have an idea what I like and where I am.

Don't sell yourself short. Don't let your desire to submit mean you'll submit to anyone. Hold on for what YOU want, and if it's to submit to a Dom with whom you feel that special connection, then wait for it. You'll know when it's there. You won't need to ask any questions. And don't waste your time with control freak tourists who tell you bringing emotion and love into it ruins the dynamic. A real man will tell you the truth, not come up with excuses.

(in reply to agirl)

Post #: 19

RE: Commitment - 9/5/2006 3:20:08 PM

Tikkiee

Posts: 1099
Joined: 4/6/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: agirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: eyesopened

i'm sorry but i think my post may have been misconstrued. i am afraid to fall in love because i have never met a Dom who is willing to return my love. i've had several Doms tell me that if they were to fall in love with their sub/slave it would destroy the D/s M/s dynamic. If i cannot get a return on my emotional investment then yes i am very much afraid of a one-sided committment.

People don't love equally or in exactly the same way in any case.

You may never get an *adequate* return on your own emotional investment...How do you assess how much someone *loves* you?

If you get the things you need from a relationship , if you feel cared for and special, does it matter whether you are *loved* or not?

Regards, agirl

You put it much better than I did.

_____________________________

~~@ cass @~~

(in reply to agirl)

Post #: 20

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