RE: Jumping the gun/too hesitant

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RE: Jumping the gun/too hesitant - 9/3/2006 11:46:45 AM

Lorelei115

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I would never advocate jumping into anything, especially not the BDSM lifestyle, which can cause so much pain and trauma, not just physically, but mentally as well if used wrongly. I think its a good idea to do your research first, but eventually there comes a point where you've done all you can intellectually and you just have to DO it. You can read all you like about riding a bike, but you don't know what its really like until you get out there and ride.

Thats why I love the mentor system as well... if you have someone on hand with the experience to keep you from making really bad mistakes, its much easier to relax.

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RE: Jumping the gun/too hesitant - 9/3/2006 11:52:43 AM

Aine

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And I quote myself...

" And the same thing relatively goes for new Dom/mes. There's something to be said for getting experience. I have nothing wrong with that as long as it's done safely and in a VERY controlled environment."

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RE: Jumping the gun/too hesitant - 9/3/2006 2:39:42 PM

TemptingNviceSub

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I have found that those who jump the gun so to speak, are people who have that tendency anyway in their overall life..and those who are too hesitant, are by nature hesitant..So actually ,whatever advice is given, they will actually do what they have done all their lives..And really ,how can we say ,how long is long enough?..Tempting

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RE: Jumping the gun/too hesitant - 9/3/2006 3:20:15 PM

krikket

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Focus50

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aine

I completely understand asking others for advice. But....wait for it....yep, it's an idea! Why not wait until y'all have at least a rudimentary grasp of what it means to actually have that kind of responsibility?!

It does make me wonder about those who have also trusted readily only to discover that trust was misplaced and undeserved....

Focus.

Speaking strictly for myself, what happened after i :trusted readily (too damn many times) only to discover that trust was misplaced and underserved" is that now it takes a lot of effort now for me to trust, and less to break whatever trust i might have been building with my potential partner. It's an area i'm working on, sorta, but this is something i don't think a person can do by themselves. The phrase "a vicious and never ending cycle" comes to mind here..lol..

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RE: Jumping the gun/too hesitant - 9/3/2006 3:48:07 PM

mogigo

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I lost most of my trust a long time ago because at one point it seemed that everyone in my life had betrayed me and for awhile I went around throwing my emotions out there at anyone, waiting to see if they would take advantage of that. I was thinking that since there was a minority of people in the world that I could trust, it would be easier to give everyone the chance to screw me and I could weed out the ones who didn't. No this did not work out in anyway, it left me feeling like there really was no one to trust even though that wasn't reality.

I think maybe people jump in because they're desperate for trust not desperate for a partner, and trust is such an importent factor here that they assume anyone involved must be trust worthy.

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RE: Jumping the gun/too hesitant - 9/3/2006 5:52:37 PM

porcelaine

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Aine

Maybe it's just me.

Do people seem to be jumping into this lifestyle (And yes,people, this is a LIFESTYLE....there are things you (haveto) should learn!!!), calling themselves Masters and Mistresses when it's blatantly obvious that they can't control themselves let alone handle someone else placing themselves and their hearts/souls/lives in their hands? Perhaps this is just a late night hazy rant. But this is a huge pet peeve of mine.

I completely understand asking others for advice. But....wait for it....yep, it's an idea! Why not wait until y'all have at least a rudimentary grasp of what it means to actually have that kind of responsibility?!

Am I just too damned hesitant when it comes to stuff like this or am I way off in my feelings?

No it isn't just you. I've noticed the same and instant gratification has truly run amok. Everyone has twenty years of experience or unbelievable training and so on. But they're all on Collarme. Go figure. I've watched persons attempt to validate their existence at the expense of another. Yet these traits are the very ones I'm expected to respect and appreciate. It is mind boggling but I do believe there is a cliff for every fool at some point.

Your approach and respect for the lifestyle and willingness to spend time perfecting your craft and developing a true understanding of who you are and what you offer to a prospective dominant or submissive is both refreshing and very responsible. Just imagine if everyone else took the time and consideration to do the same.

porcelaine

< Message edited by porcelaine -- 9/3/2006 5:53:13 PM >

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RE: Jumping the gun/too hesitant - 9/3/2006 7:53:55 PM

Lorelei115

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I've noticed that people seem to jump into EVERYTHING these days.... marriage, the lifestyle, parenthood. Even getting animals as pets... Nobody seems to understand what "responsibilty" is, and no one wants to wait for ANYTHING... So I dont think its just BDSM. I just think its an increasing "instant gratification" culture everywhere.

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RE: Jumping the gun/too hesitant - 9/4/2006 5:09:23 AM

cherylann

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Thank you for your kind words Aine.

I know some people jump head first without thinking of the consequences, and it is a shame for both them and thier partner's sakes. Its easy to just assign all the responsibilty and blame over to others, be it what food we put in our mouth, what choices we make or what partners we accept. You have to take responsibility for your choices, and if that lands you in hot water then you have nobody to blame but yourself. Even in the most strict M/s relationship the slave has responsibilities, though they are far different than the vanilla life. Some might see BSDM as a means of letting go of responsibilities. I see it as changing one's responsibilities.

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RE: Jumping the gun/too hesitant - 9/4/2006 10:32:19 AM

Aine

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Lorelei115

I've noticed that people seem to jump into EVERYTHING these days.... marriage, the lifestyle, parenthood. Even getting animals as pets... Nobody seems to understand what "responsibilty" is, and no one wants to wait for ANYTHING... So I dont think its just BDSM. I just think its an increasing "instant gratification" culture everywhere.

THAT is the point I'm getting at. It's like when those of us that remember (since I'm not sure in this day and age if little kids still play with dolls and play house), it's like a bunch of little kids playing house. They want to do what it is that they see others doing. Then ya skip to typical teen-dom. Don't want a fucking thing to do with responsibility. For themselves or anything else.

This is what I see. I see people that can't take responsibility for themselves let alone for other people. It's not the trust thing I'm looking at, or a want to be loved, or such similar delusions.

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Honey, you obviously missed the "want to be used as a toilet fetish" thread or "where do I get instructions on setting my sub on fire" thread. LOL

Thank you, DelRay for that one.

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RE: Jumping the gun/too hesitant - 9/5/2006 12:11:00 PM

MasterFireMaam

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Self-identifying was a BIG thing for me. It was a lesson about my "need for approval" and just who's approval I needed most. Calling myself Master makes no comment about where I, or others, see me on that journey. Of course, being aware of this might speak to at least some kind of self awarenss, a trait that I think is important in a realized Master.

We have the right to call ourselves what we want. We also have the right to decide others are not who we choose to associate with, no matter what their title.

Now, go to the grocery store, naked, and shop on your knees! I, THE Grand Pooba of Kink and Domination, have spoken! And so it shall be! *snort*

Master Fire

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