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RE: .equalityandlove. - 9/3/2006 10:31:05 AM

darkinshadows

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Thanks to everyone who has responded - really great information.

I think (my memory is awful sometimes) but I think this is the first time I have seen people mention equity in comparrison to equality. And that makes a hello of alot of sense to me and makes certain dynamics clearer.

Peace and Rapture

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RE: .equalityandlove. - 9/3/2006 10:38:12 AM

mistoferin

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quote:

ORIGINAL: darkinshadows

that makes a hello of alot of sense

I gotta ask....was that a typo? I REALLY like it.

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RE: .equalityandlove. - 9/3/2006 10:40:30 AM

darkinshadows

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quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

quote:

ORIGINAL: darkinshadows

that makes a hello of alot of sense

I gotta ask....was that a typo? I REALLY like it.

omgosh.. yup erin - typo...

that makes a hell of alot of sense.... geesh...(although it is kinda cute)

what would I do without you?

Peace and Rapture

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RE: .equalityandlove. - 9/3/2006 10:43:39 AM

mistoferin

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quote:

ORIGINAL: darkinshadows

quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

quote:

ORIGINAL: darkinshadows

that makes a hello of alot of sense

I gotta ask....was that a typo? I REALLY like it.

omgosh.. yup erin - typo...
that makes a hell of alot of sense.... geesh...(although it is kinda cute)
what would I do without you?

Peace and Rapture

Well to me it implies it makes so much sense it is kind of like being bitch slapped Hello!

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Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

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RE: .equalityandlove. - 9/3/2006 10:45:18 AM

Tikkiee

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quote:

The submissive personality will never by my equal ..but the person might be... or he may not ...

Almost a perfect answer :)

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RE: .equalityandlove. - 9/3/2006 10:46:42 AM

darkinshadows

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quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

quote:

ORIGINAL: darkinshadows

quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

quote:

ORIGINAL: darkinshadows

that makes a hello of alot of sense

I gotta ask....was that a typo? I REALLY like it.

omgosh.. yup erin - typo...
that makes a hell of alot of sense.... geesh...(although it is kinda cute)
what would I do without you?

Peace and Rapture

Well to me it implies it makes so much sense it is kind of like being bitch slapped Hello!

- it does!

What is that they say about the best mistakes?

Peace and Rapture

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RE: .equalityandlove. - 9/3/2006 11:35:25 AM

Aine

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As I see it...

At least in my relationship, regardless of what he as versus what I have...(he makes more$, the house is in his name,etc..) we contribute -equal- amounts of ourselves into it to make it work. And that's not even counting what we are as switches together. As humans, we both offer equally of ourselves and what we have physically and emotionally to our relationship.

So yes, H/he is M/my equal.

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RE: .equalityandlove. - 9/3/2006 1:02:27 PM

KnightofMists

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quote:

ORIGINAL: darkinshadows

The questions -
If you are a dominant personality - do you see your submissive or a submissive personality, as an equal. Or is equality impossible in a BDSM relationship (Ds/Ms)?

Equality indicates a comparison of a construct between the two individuals... so the quesiton is What construct are you raising a quesiton of equality. My girls are not equal in the power of authority... but they are equal in their enjoyment of a healthy Well-Being. and the list goes on and on... some their is a lack of equality and a some their is a equality.

quote:

Do you as a dominant personality believe love is impossible in a relationship with a submissive type?

No.. Love is a very integral part of my relationship with my slaves.... I would say Love is a strong motivational factor in there acts of submission to me as well as my acts of Dominance towards them.

< Message edited by KnightofMists -- 9/3/2006 1:05:14 PM >

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RE: .equalityandlove. - 9/3/2006 1:12:24 PM

gentlethistle

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quote:

ORIGINAL: darkinshadows
If you are a s-type... do you have/want/wish for a relationship where you are considered equal?

Yes, but I don't see that happening. So I'm doing something different right now.

Laura

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RE: .equalityandlove. - 9/3/2006 1:26:33 PM

PlayfulOne

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quote:

If you are a dominant personality - do you see your submissive or a submissive personality, as an equal. Or is equality impossible in a BDSM relationship (Ds/Ms)?

While I may make the final choices I respect and seek out her input for almost everything. I consider my little one my equal in everything. She is a strong intelligent woman who choose to belong to me. (though she will tell you it wasn't a choice that I just took her, but thats another discussion). I amy hold the power to command but in our relationship, at least to me, it doesn't make her any less.

I do not abuse my power out of respect for her and the committment she has made. I don't force her to do things that I know deep down she really doesn't want to do. Just because she would is no reason for me to have her do something. I see our playing field as more level.

It works for us which is the end is all that really matters.

quote:

Do you as a dominant personality believe love is impossible in a relationship with a submissive type?

Absolutely not. We are very much in love with one another and it grows by the day. One of the things that love has allowed is for both of us to completely open up to the other. Things in the past that we may have kept to ourselves (certain kinks, desires, what not) we openly share.

A female switch who used to hang out with us told my little one once, "He adores you, you could get away with anything". Her response was, "First, I would never direspect my Master or our relationship in that way, Second no matter how much he loves me he would still not put up with anything like that for an instant".

I know there are some that think love weakens the Master/slave relationship. Personally I can be harder on her and expect more from her because of those feelings. Because she loves me so much her big fear is disapointing me so she is always trying to serve to a higher standard.

I don't think either of us could go as deep as we have without sharing the love within it.

K

< Message edited by PlayfulOne -- 9/3/2006 1:29:11 PM >

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RE: .equalityandlove. - 9/3/2006 1:28:26 PM

Aneirin

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quote:

ORIGINAL: darkinshadows

To me,a submissive,or those of a submissive personality,I look upon as my equal,and may even look upon them as something a little higher,purely for their desire to submit to me,I mean,what a tremendous thing for someone to give,not only their love,but more.To me,I feel it is a great honour for someone to submit to me and I would hold them in the highest regard.

For me,in a BDSM relationship,equality counts,no-one is below me,I am not better than anyone else.

These questions arises after a discussion on the subject of equality I had with someone (yes I know there are equality threads - but I really want to know gut reactions as of now)

The questions -
If you are a dominant personality - do you see your submissive or a submissive personality, as an equal. Or is equality impossible in a BDSM relationship (Ds/Ms)?

Do you as a dominant personality believe love is impossible in a relationship with a submissive type?

If you are a s-type... do you have/want/wish for a relationship where you are considered equal?

Switches - is equality important in your relationships?

Thanks in advance.
Peace and Rapture

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RE: .equalityandlove. - 9/3/2006 3:31:39 PM

behindmirrors

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quote:

ORIGINAL: darkinshadows

If you are a s-type... do you have/want/wish for a relationship where you are considered equal?

Well, I think of it in these terms- any relationship is, essentially, a trade agreement between two people. My submission to him is a trade for his dominance over me. In order for a trade agreement to work properly, it must be mutually beneficial. Thus, the joy I recieve from submitting to him corresponds directly to the joy he recieves from that submission and his own dominance over me. In those terms, we are equal in what we bring to the trade agreement- the capacity for the fulfillment of each other and ourselves, through our differences. (I apologize for borrowing heavily from Ayn Rand here, haha.)

I don't expect nor want the balance of power between us to be equal. That is, to me, part of being submissive to another, is to give up an absolutely equal split of power. Again, I see this as a trade-off in many ways. I want to be treated as though I matter, yes, to be loved and cherished and expected to know my place in our balance of power, and to have equal say in the areas that are outside of our D/s interactions and times, but I do not want to have equal say in how everything is handled. That is not part of handing power over to another.

On the same token, I believe as a human being, I am very much equal in capacity to my Dom, and we both have advantages and disadvantages to each other in different areas. A dumb example of this would be he can mow the lawn, whereas I cannot due to allergies, but I pull in more income to pay for the lawnmower and the house that has the lawn to be mowed. We each have different abilities and weaknesses, but our capability to make things work and our lives function in our relationship is on equal ground.

As far as looking for a relationship with equality, yes, I do seek that, in a way, in making friends. Friendship, for me, regardless of the "type" of individual it is with, is equal ground to me. I do not make friends to submit to, I make friends to have someone to talk to on the same level I am at, with each having equal weight to their opinions. I make friends looking for that sort of balance, and would not seek out or continue any friendship where that equality is not present.

Wow, I don't think any of that actually made sense. It's been a long day.

behindmirrors.

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RE: .equalityandlove. - 9/3/2006 3:54:01 PM

LotusSong

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I've always been of the separate but equal mind in my relationship.

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RE: .equalityandlove. - 9/3/2006 6:46:43 PM

porcelaine

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quote:

ORIGINAL: darkinshadows

If you are a s-type... do you have/want/wish for a relationship where you are considered equal?

Switches - is equality important in your relationships?

I would not be in a relationship where I was not viewed as my partner's equal. Regardless of the power exchange employed we are still two individuals with hopes, fears, and dreams. Whether my presence is at his side or resting near his feet, I would always hope that in his eyes I would be more, not less because of who I am and the control and service he has been granted unselfishly.

porcelaine

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RE: .equalityandlove. - 9/3/2006 8:28:53 PM

WhippingPostNY

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Yes,

All of my life I have viewed Woman as equal.

Her submission is only one facet of the beauty that is her. A facet that represents itself in nearly all other facets of her humanness - but it is not "her". Only one facet.

How could I not come to love her as she submits and surrenders her being to me?

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RE: .equalityandlove. - 9/3/2006 8:33:29 PM

WhippingPostNY

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quote:

Wow, I don't think any of that actually made sense. It's been a long day.
behindmirrors

Ummm, that made absolute sense to me.

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RE: .equalityandlove. - 9/3/2006 11:17:02 PM

porcelaine

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quote:

ORIGINAL: WhippingPostNY

Yes,

All of my life I have viewed Woman as equal.

Her submission is only one facet of the beauty that is her. A facet that represents itself in nearly all other facets of her humanness - but it is not "her". Only one facet.

How could I not come to love her as she submits and surrenders her being to me?

You hit the nail on the head. We are so much more than merely submissives and slaves. Thank you for noticing.

porcelaine

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RE: .equalityandlove. - 9/4/2006 7:47:25 AM

TxBadMan

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From: Moody, Texas
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quote:

If you are a dominant personality - do you see your submissive or a submissive personality, as an equal. Or is equality impossible in a BDSM relationship (Ds/Ms)?

I think I am going to be on the other end of the gate here, but no. I do not view my girls submissive personality as one that is equal to my own.
However, if you were to ask if I viewed her, on the whole as a person, as equal to me, my answer would be yes.

quote:

Do you as a dominant personality believe love is impossible in a relationship with a submissive type?

I do not believe it is impossible, no. For myself though ( and this only for myself ), it is not something that I seek in my relationship with my girl.

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