an etiquette question

an etiquette question (Full Version)

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subsa -> an etiquette question (9/3/2006 2:24:09 PM)
i know if you see some one outside of a munch/party that you saw/met at one you don't acknowledge that you've met without some sort of encouragement. but what if, at a munch or a party, you see someone you know but each of you was unaware that the other was in the lifestyle? do you go over and say hi or just nod or what? thanks for your insights.

porcelaine -> RE: an etiquette question (9/3/2006 2:28:13 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: subsa i know if you see some one outside of a munch/party that you saw/met at one you don't acknowledge that you've met without some sort of encouragement. but what if, at a munch or a party, you see someone you know but each of you was unaware that the other was in the lifestyle? do you go over and say hi or just nod or what? thanks for your insights. I would wait for that individual to approach you. It is impossible to know if their activities are closeted or open. Those that prefer to keep this aspect of their lives private may not appreciate public discussions or acknowledgement from other lifestylers. porcelaine

subsa -> RE: an etiquette question (9/3/2006 2:33:24 PM)
i've noticed you've changed your icon recently. i like this one alot! also thanks for the advice. i really think this situation is about to happen and i think we both have an idea about theother but don't know for sure.

PlayfulOne -> RE: an etiquette question (9/3/2006 3:12:28 PM)
should they duck your look when you see one another it might be one thing, but since you know one another I don't see the problem with saying hello. This is a munch/party your talking about not trying to out them in the line at the bank. K

mnottertail -> RE: an etiquette question (9/3/2006 3:20:07 PM)
how do you know she work at the bank, PO? you outting her, now or what? LOL. Say hi, you ain't gotta do them right there.......... Unless they are a prick, then ignore them like you normally would.

bandit25 -> RE: an etiquette question (9/3/2006 3:21:55 PM)
If the person is at a munch or a party,. what the hell? Say a big fat HELLLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: an etiquette question (9/3/2006 4:15:16 PM)
Whatever works. Avoiding them seems useless and there can be lots of laughs made over "Oh you TOO?" I'd say treat them like any stranger you just happened to meet at a munch.

kisshou -> RE: an etiquette question (9/3/2006 4:56:29 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: porcelaine I would wait for that individual to approach you. If you think about it this is impossible to use as an etiquette rule since you both then would be waiting to be approached. I personally would give them a big smile and see if they smiled back first.

SusanofO -> RE: an etiquette question (9/3/2006 4:57:35 PM)
I'd smile and nod, but not say anything. I'd let them make the first move. They can do it. - Susan

mp072004 -> RE: an etiquette question (9/3/2006 5:24:49 PM)
Depending on how well I knew the person "outside," I might ask "do we know one another?" like I would if I saw a person I knew from BDSM browsing in a bookstore. If it's just my regular barista, I probably wouldn't even point out the fact that we knew one another. If it's a close colleague, then I'd want to talk a little further, and determine some 'rules' for our interactions--that if one of us outs the other, the outed one gets to out the outer, whether we would want to make sure we didn't attend the same events where play was taking place, that sort of thing. Monica

MisPandora -> RE: an etiquette question (9/3/2006 10:07:56 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: subsa i know if you see some one outside of a munch/party that you saw/met at one you don't acknowledge that you've met without some sort of encouragement. but what if, at a munch or a party, you see someone you know but each of you was unaware that the other was in the lifestyle? do you go over and say hi or just nod or what? thanks for your insights. I'd personally be more hesitant to acknowledge someone AT a BDSM-type event that I knew than I would to politely greet someone in the outside world that I knew was involved. Someone who might be shy, closeted or otherwise fearful of being outed might be horrified at being "recognized" at an SM event. In public outside of the SM event, your passing by someone and saying a polite hello would not imply anything at all.

felicitousdove -> RE: an etiquette question (9/4/2006 5:18:06 AM)
I find that in either setting, vanilla venue or lifestyle venue, a nice smile and a short nod to aknowledge the person is always acceptable. If they wish to pursue things with you, they are free to do so. If they are uncomfortable withthe prospect of conversing, since no words were exchanged and the ball is in thier court, so to speak- they are free to pretend not to notice or look or walk the other way. There is always that chance that they see your smile and aknowledgement, and are encouraged by it to come talk to you.

LeMis -> RE: an etiquette question (9/4/2006 5:22:51 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: PlayfulOne should they duck your look when you see one another it might be one thing, but since you know one another I don't see the problem with saying hello. This is a munch/party your talking about not trying to out them in the line at the bank. K Are you the one that cut in front of me at the bank that Friday afternoon when it was so busy? [:D]

TNstepsout -> RE: an etiquette question (9/4/2006 9:00:08 AM)
It would depend on where I knew them from and how well I knew them. If were were well acquainted I would have no problem walking right up and saying hello. I would refrain from announcing to everyone else HOW we knew each other. They might not like people there to know where they live, or what they do for a living etc...so I would be discreet, but I certainly wouldn't just pretend we don't know each other. If I had just seen them in passing and knew who they were, but didn't really know them, I'd probably just let nature take it's course and if the time came that we were introduced I might just make a comment like "yes, I think we've met elsewhere before", or something like that. There's nothing I hate more than having the obvious just hanging in the air and no one acknowledging it.

ayasha -> RE: an etiquette question (9/4/2006 11:34:05 AM)
one saw a friend at a munch and asked her how long she had been in the lifestyle and she said 6 years and one gave her hell for not introducing this one to it years ago! LOL we had a good laugh at both of us being in it and nobody in our little bitty town knowing................

Argentopal -> RE: an etiquette question (9/6/2006 5:17:40 PM)
One way to cover all the bases is to first understand if it is their first time at the munch and you are a member, it is quite proper to go right up with a smile and hanshake as if you are welcomeing a brand new person. Introduce yourself by your scene name so that they know what to call you and have a chance to tell you what they want to be called. Do not act as if you already know them, just welcome them. THat way in the future you do not have to avoid each other or act as if you have never laid eyes on each other, now you ahve "officially met" them and if you never speak at a scene event again, no loss, but you have the basis of a scene friendship out in the open. If they are new they are probably as worried as you once were and your friendliness might be helpful to them, and the use of your scene name will help everyone keep from making any name faux pas. Just what I do.... MsOpal aka Daddy Argent's babygirl

juliaoceania -> RE: an etiquette question (9/6/2006 5:33:17 PM)
I would go up and say hello because they maybe shy for the same reasons you are being shy. It is obvious you saw each other, so why deny it... there is a saying "What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas" I would let them know that their lifestyle choices would not ever be exposed by me and that they can count on my discretion.

thisishis -> RE: an etiquette question (9/6/2006 6:59:27 PM)
It would be no different whether at a BDSM function or 'anywhere else' . If i like the person and enjoy their company and participating in conversations with them etc... i smile and say hello. If i really enjoy them i may stop and gab for a time. Then again, i'm know to stop and gab on and on with people i don't even know either in or out of BDSM ... like at the grocery store, the bank, etc .....

aslv2kneel -> RE: an etiquette question (9/7/2006 6:20:54 AM)
wow - i have wondered the same - and shyed away from public gatherings and munches for that very reason - i ponder - what is the correct social protocol

Aslave4You06 -> RE: an etiquette question (9/7/2006 12:57:27 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Argentopal One way to cover all the bases is to first understand if it is their first time at the munch and you are a member, it is quite proper to go right up with a smile and hanshake as if you are welcomeing a brand new person. Introduce yourself by your scene name so that they know what to call you and have a chance to tell you what they want to be called. Do not act as if you already know them, just welcome them. THat way in the future you do not have to avoid each other or act as if you have never laid eyes on each other, now you ahve "officially met" them and if you never speak at a scene event again, no loss, but you have the basis of a scene friendship out in the open. If they are new they are probably as worried as you once were and your friendliness might be helpful to them, and the use of your scene name will help everyone keep from making any name faux pas. Just what I do.... MsOpal aka Daddy Argent's babygirl I agree!

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