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an etiquette question - 9/3/2006 2:24:09 PM

subsa

Posts: 196
Joined: 8/3/2006
Status: offline

i know if you see some one outside of a munch/party that you saw/met at one you don't acknowledge that you've met without some sort of encouragement. but what if, at a munch or a party, you see someone you know but each of you was unaware that the other was in the lifestyle? do you go over and say hi or just nod or what? thanks for your insights.

Post #: 1

RE: an etiquette question - 9/3/2006 2:28:13 PM

porcelaine

Posts: 5020
Joined: 7/24/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: subsa

i know if you see some one outside of a munch/party that you saw/met at one you don't acknowledge that you've met without some sort of encouragement. but what if, at a munch or a party, you see someone you know but each of you was unaware that the other was in the lifestyle? do you go over and say hi or just nod or what? thanks for your insights.

I would wait for that individual to approach you. It is impossible to know if their activities are closeted or open. Those that prefer to keep this aspect of their lives private may not appreciate public discussions or acknowledgement from other lifestylers.

porcelaine

_____________________________

His will; my fate.

(in reply to subsa)

Post #: 2

RE: an etiquette question - 9/3/2006 2:33:24 PM

subsa

Posts: 196
Joined: 8/3/2006
Status: offline

i've noticed you've changed your icon recently. i like this one alot!

also thanks for the advice. i really think this situation is about to happen and i think we both have an idea about theother but don't know for sure.

(in reply to porcelaine)

Post #: 3

RE: an etiquette question - 9/3/2006 3:12:28 PM

PlayfulOne

Posts: 1047
Status: offline

should they duck your look when you see one another it might be one thing, but since you know one another I don't see the problem with saying hello. This is a munch/party your talking about not trying to out them in the line at the bank.

K

< Message edited by PlayfulOne -- 9/3/2006 3:14:39 PM >

(in reply to subsa)

Post #: 4

RE: an etiquette question - 9/3/2006 3:20:07 PM

mnottertail

Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline

how do you know she work at the bank, PO? you outting her, now or what?

LOL.

Say hi, you ain't gotta do them right there..........

Unless they are a prick, then ignore them like you normally would.

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

(in reply to PlayfulOne)

Post #: 5

RE: an etiquette question - 9/3/2006 3:21:55 PM

bandit25

Posts: 3029
Joined: 6/18/2005
Status: offline

If the person is at a munch or a party,. what the hell? Say a big fat HELLLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

(in reply to subsa)

Post #: 6

RE: an etiquette question - 9/3/2006 4:15:16 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

Whatever works. Avoiding them seems useless and there can be lots of laughs made over "Oh you TOO?" I'd say treat them like any stranger you just happened to meet at a munch.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to bandit25)

Post #: 7

RE: an etiquette question - 9/3/2006 4:56:29 PM

kisshou

Posts: 2425
Joined: 2/11/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: porcelaine

I would wait for that individual to approach you.

If you think about it this is impossible to use as an etiquette rule since you both then would be waiting to be approached.

I personally would give them a big smile and see if they smiled back first.

(in reply to porcelaine)

Post #: 8

RE: an etiquette question - 9/3/2006 4:57:35 PM

SusanofO

Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline

I'd smile and nod, but not say anything. I'd let them make the first move. They can do it.

- Susan

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to subsa)

Post #: 9

RE: an etiquette question - 9/3/2006 5:24:49 PM

mp072004

Posts: 381
Joined: 12/22/2005
Status: offline

Depending on how well I knew the person "outside," I might ask "do we know one another?" like I would if I saw a person I knew from BDSM browsing in a bookstore. If it's just my regular barista, I probably wouldn't even point out the fact that we knew one another. If it's a close colleague, then I'd want to talk a little further, and determine some 'rules' for our interactions--that if one of us outs the other, the outed one gets to out the outer, whether we would want to make sure we didn't attend the same events where play was taking place, that sort of thing.

Monica

(in reply to subsa)

Post #: 10

RE: an etiquette question - 9/3/2006 10:07:56 PM

MisPandora

Posts: 2911
Joined: 4/7/2004
From: Philadelphia, PA
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: subsa

i know if you see some one outside of a munch/party that you saw/met at one you don't acknowledge that you've met without some sort of encouragement. but what if, at a munch or a party, you see someone you know but each of you was unaware that the other was in the lifestyle? do you go over and say hi or just nod or what? thanks for your insights.

I'd personally be more hesitant to acknowledge someone AT a BDSM-type event that I knew than I would to politely greet someone in the outside world that I knew was involved. Someone who might be shy, closeted or otherwise fearful of being outed might be horrified at being "recognized" at an SM event. In public outside of the SM event, your passing by someone and saying a polite hello would not imply anything at all.

_____________________________

Pandora
Ms World Leather 2004
Ms Philadelphia Leather 2004

"Simply put, if you want a real femdom to love you, give her reasons to love you." Gloria Brame

(in reply to subsa)

Post #: 11

RE: an etiquette question - 9/4/2006 5:18:06 AM

felicitousdove

Posts: 45
Joined: 8/7/2006
From: Indiana
Status: offline

I find that in either setting, vanilla venue or lifestyle venue, a nice smile and a short nod to aknowledge the person is always acceptable. If they wish to pursue things with you, they are free to do so. If they are uncomfortable withthe prospect of conversing, since no words were exchanged and the ball is in thier court, so to speak- they are free to pretend not to notice or look or walk the other way.

There is always that chance that they see your smile and aknowledgement, and are encouraged by it to come talk to you.

(in reply to subsa)

Post #: 12

RE: an etiquette question - 9/4/2006 5:22:51 AM

LeMis

Posts: 9255
Joined: 9/24/2005
From: Florida
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: PlayfulOne

should they duck your look when you see one another it might be one thing, but since you know one another I don't see the problem with saying hello. This is a munch/party your talking about not trying to out them in the line at the bank.

K

Are you the one that cut in front of me at the bank that Friday afternoon when it was so busy?

(in reply to PlayfulOne)

Post #: 13

RE: an etiquette question - 9/4/2006 9:00:08 AM

TNstepsout

Posts: 1558
Joined: 8/3/2005
Status: offline

It would depend on where I knew them from and how well I knew them. If were were well acquainted I would have no problem walking right up and saying hello. I would refrain from announcing to everyone else HOW we knew each other. They might not like people there to know where they live, or what they do for a living etc...so I would be discreet, but I certainly wouldn't just pretend we don't know each other. If I had just seen them in passing and knew who they were, but didn't really know them, I'd probably just let nature take it's course and if the time came that we were introduced I might just make a comment like "yes, I think we've met elsewhere before", or something like that.

There's nothing I hate more than having the obvious just hanging in the air and no one acknowledging it.

(in reply to LeMis)

Post #: 14

RE: an etiquette question - 9/4/2006 11:34:05 AM

ayasha

Posts: 149
Joined: 12/10/2005
Status: offline

one saw a friend at a munch and asked her how long she had been in the lifestyle and she said 6 years and one gave her hell for not introducing this one to it years ago! LOL we had a good laugh at both of us being in it and nobody in our little bitty town knowing................

(in reply to subsa)

Post #: 15

RE: an etiquette question - 9/6/2006 5:17:40 PM

Argentopal

Posts: 379
Joined: 12/12/2005
From: Central Texas / Hill Country
Status: offline

One way to cover all the bases is to first understand if it is their first time at the munch and you are a member, it is quite proper to go right up with a smile and hanshake as if you are welcomeing a brand new person. Introduce yourself by your scene name so that they know what to call you and have a chance to tell you what they want to be called. Do not act as if you already know them, just welcome them. THat way in the future you do not have to avoid each other or act as if you have never laid eyes on each other, now you ahve "officially met" them and if you never speak at a scene event again, no loss, but you have the basis of a scene friendship out in the open. If they are new they are probably as worried as you once were and your friendliness might be helpful to them, and the use of your scene name will help everyone keep from making any name faux pas. Just what I do....
MsOpal aka Daddy Argent's babygirl

(in reply to ayasha)

Post #: 16

RE: an etiquette question - 9/6/2006 5:33:17 PM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

I would go up and say hello because they maybe shy for the same reasons you are being shy. It is obvious you saw each other, so why deny it... there is a saying "What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas" I would let them know that their lifestyle choices would not ever be exposed by me and that they can count on my discretion.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to Argentopal)

Post #: 17

RE: an etiquette question - 9/6/2006 6:59:27 PM

thisishis

Posts: 278
Joined: 5/11/2006
From: Southeastern MA
Status: offline

It would be no different whether at a BDSM function or 'anywhere else' .
If i like the person and enjoy their company and participating in conversations with them etc... i smile and say hello. If i really enjoy them i may stop and gab for a time.
Then again, i'm know to stop and gab on and on with people i don't even know either in or out of BDSM ... like at the grocery store, the bank, etc .....

_____________________________

Sincerely, his

How I'm kept busy these days: http://modelmayhem.com/member.php?id=368120

(in reply to subsa)

Post #: 18

RE: an etiquette question - 9/7/2006 6:20:54 AM

aslv2kneel

Posts: 28
Joined: 8/20/2006
Status: offline

wow - i have wondered the same - and shyed away from public gatherings and munches for that very reason - i ponder - what is the correct social protocol

(in reply to subsa)

Post #: 19

RE: an etiquette question - 9/7/2006 12:57:27 PM

Aslave4You06

Posts: 37
Joined: 8/30/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Argentopal

One way to cover all the bases is to first understand if it is their first time at the munch and you are a member, it is quite proper to go right up with a smile and hanshake as if you are welcomeing a brand new person. Introduce yourself by your scene name so that they know what to call you and have a chance to tell you what they want to be called. Do not act as if you already know them, just welcome them. THat way in the future you do not have to avoid each other or act as if you have never laid eyes on each other, now you ahve "officially met" them and if you never speak at a scene event again, no loss, but you have the basis of a scene friendship out in the open. If they are new they are probably as worried as you once were and your friendliness might be helpful to them, and the use of your scene name will help everyone keep from making any name faux pas. Just what I do....
MsOpal aka Daddy Argent's babygirl

I agree!

(in reply to Argentopal)

Post #: 20

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