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Harems and Tribute and Dishes, Oh My! - 1/5/2005 11:02:54 AM   
ProtagonistLily


Posts: 1222
Joined: 12/27/2004
Status: offline 		Hello all,

I just recently joined Collar.me, and I'm really enjoying this forum in particular. I live in a midsized community in Western New York and have been active in the local scene for about 5 years now. I've rarely engaged in much "On-Line" discussion, arrogantly pooh poohing it as less than real because I was "in the lifestyle". I realize now that because of that, my view is somewhat narrow, however, I was taught from the get go tolerance, and that everyone's kinks were ok, not just the ones I found pleasure in.

With that said, reading these threads has begun to make me think about some things. I'm a switch who bottomed and Topped and was the part-time submissive of a Dom for the first 3 years in the lifestyle. Work and personal issues pulled me out of the scene for a while, and gave me time to realize that my interests and who I am are much better suited to Topping, and I have a desire to take and maintain a full time male submissive in a D/s relationship. I don't think of myself as a "Mistress" simply because I have yet to find the person worthy to use that term with me.

Am I missing something here, or are there very few of you practicing Mistresses who are using S&M in your relationships with your subs/slaves/submissives? I had the pleasure of going to a scene party on New Years Eve and tortured a delicous submissive with a very hot spanking scene. When she 'sammed' out on me, I made her count, loud enough for others to hear, as I administered 10 hard ones. I loved it, I knew it would humiliate her, and she got off on it too. For me, my heart lies not in how well a submissive scrubs my toilet, but rather how well they do with my delightfully sadistic streak. Don't get me wrong, I love to have submissives serve me in a 'household' fashion, but that's not all I'm about. I'm about the B&D and the S&M in equal proportions.

The desire to 'play' has made it difficult to carry on meaningful correspondences with submissives who have profiles and are looking in my area. They are somewhat shocked to hear that I own a single tail whip and know how to use it. Conversely, I'm shocked to hear them tell me they have nothing they like, rather, all they want to do is please me. Herein lies the paradox: I actually want to sometimes delight a submissive in playing with them the with something they like, so I can push at their limits and get them to wrap their brains around their balls and mind fuck them into subspace. And these delicious prospects have no idea what I even mean. I think they think I'm some kind of weirdo or a fake LOL.

Please don't be harsh in your comments. I'm looking to have a real discussion about this, and to share ideas and work through this. I don't want to feel like the freak LOL. I just want to find a submissive who's right for me. And he's one that has a little BDSM experience that's more than "Tell me what to do and tie my balls up." Not that there's anything wrong with that.....it's just not all of what at I'm looking for.


Thank you,

Lily
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Harems and Tribute and Dishes, Oh My! - 1/5/2005 12:25:59 PM   
Jasmyn


Posts: 1234
Joined: 2/6/2004
From: New Zealand
Status: offline 		Hi Lily and welcome to the boards :)

Funny how 'please' is often a euphermism for 'getting their rocks off'.

I too enjoy S&M with a passion for caning, all styles and have found some great play partners in the New Zealand scene. Remember caning a sam at a public event and having an absolute blast. He was use to calling the shots but I don't play that way...its My way or no way and he loved every minute of it. ;)

Look forward to an interesting discussion.

Jasmyn


(in reply to ProtagonistLily)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Harems and Tribute and Dishes, Oh My! - 1/5/2005 12:50:52 PM   
topcat


Posts: 1675
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Tidewater, VA
Status: offline 		M. Lilly-

I think you might be using 'B&D' where I would be using 'D/S'. One of the reasons that I dislike the term BDSM is that it is so comprehensive, so universal, that it becomes a barrier to clear discussion. In it's attempt to be inculsive, it has become amophorus.

I was in a BDSM relationship a few years ago, and it took us about ten months to come to the realisation that I was looking for D/S, She was looking for B&D, and we were meeting in the middle at SM<g>. We had been using the term as though it was a specific term for what we wanted.

I find, myself, in many realtionships, that the SM becomes a bit more backround and infrequent, not from a lack of novelty, but from the simple pragmatic reason of healing cycles. A weekend of heavy work will leave marks that can take a month or more to fade entirely- even a good night's work will still show some trace a week later. While I don't require a 'blank canvas' to work with, I do like to come to the work with a clear mind, unemcumbered by either a concern for reopening a healing wound, or a inhibition to striking an already bruised site.

D/S, on the other hand, I can do everyday- and my arms don't get tired<g>.

It seems to me, though it is a simplification, that one comes to this stuff as a 'submissive', either from the desire to serve (D/S) or a desire to Suffer (SM). This, of course, leaves out those that are just looking for kinky sex, or to absolution from personal responsibility in a realtionship. I'll just disregard them for the moment. In fact, I'll disregard them for the rest of 2005.

Many that come to serve find a rawer, real service in thier suffering- just as many who come to suffer find a subtle, sweet suffering in service. It's key, for me, to find the thing that the seek in the relationship, and to transmute that desire into the impetus to overcome the fears that keep them from an utter loss of self in the face of my will.

Good luck in the hunt<g>.

Stay Warm,
Lawrence


_____________________________

-there is no remission without blood-

(in reply to ProtagonistLily)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Harems and Tribute and Dishes, Oh My! - 1/5/2005 4:12:17 PM   
ProtagonistLily


Posts: 1222
Joined: 12/27/2004
Status: offline 		Thanks to all who have participated so far.

Topcat, I agree with you that the terms can become amorphus. However, as I state on my profile, I'm competent in B&D, S&M and D/s. I make a clear distinction between the three main catagories of 'Kink', and realize that they all, to a certain extent, are catagories. I don't limit myself in any one particular vein, rather I tend to take a blended approach to the "Kink" in my life.

Lily

quote:

ORIGINAL: topcat

M. Lilly-

I think you might be using 'B&D' where I would be using 'D/S'. One of the reasons that I dislike the term BDSM is that it is so comprehensive, so universal, that it becomes a barrier to clear discussion. In it's attempt to be inculsive, it has become amophorus.

I was in a BDSM relationship a few years ago, and it took us about ten months to come to the realisation that I was looking for D/S, She was looking for B&D, and we were meeting in the middle at SM<g>. We had been using the term as though it was a specific term for what we wanted.

I find, myself, in many realtionships, that the SM becomes a bit more backround and infrequent, not from a lack of novelty, but from the simple pragmatic reason of healing cycles. A weekend of heavy work will leave marks that can take a month or more to fade entirely- even a good night's work will still show some trace a week later. While I don't require a 'blank canvas' to work with, I do like to come to the work with a clear mind, unemcumbered by either a concern for reopening a healing wound, or a inhibition to striking an already bruised site.

D/S, on the other hand, I can do everyday- and my arms don't get tired<g>.

It seems to me, though it is a simplification, that one comes to this stuff as a 'submissive', either from the desire to serve (D/S) or a desire to Suffer (SM). This, of course, leaves out those that are just looking for kinky sex, or to absolution from personal responsibility in a realtionship. I'll just disregard them for the moment. In fact, I'll disregard them for the rest of 2005.

Many that come to serve find a rawer, real service in thier suffering- just as many who come to suffer find a subtle, sweet suffering in service. It's key, for me, to find the thing that the seek in the relationship, and to transmute that desire into the impetus to overcome the fears that keep them from an utter loss of self in the face of my will.

Good luck in the hunt<g>.

Stay Warm,
Lawrence



(in reply to topcat)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Harems and Tribute and Dishes, Oh My! - 1/5/2005 5:10:12 PM   
MizSuz


Posts: 1881
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		Greetings Lily and welcome to CollarMe! It's a pleasure to have you aboard.

I love this post (it's not a repost of stuff I've already read)!


quote:

ORIGINAL: ProtagonistLily

Am I missing something here, or are there very few of you practicing Mistresses who are using S&M in your relationships with your subs/slaves/submissives?


Hmmm...at first I started to say "yeah, you're missing it because I know a number of pretty serious sadists on this site. Then it occurred to me that the nature of the medium and the tone of the boards (which I have helped to set by discouraging people to write porn in their initial contacts) could very well have you stating what should be obvious. We don't, that I can recall, post much in the way of specifics in play and have even discouraged people who have posted with a seemingly obvious intent to 'lead the direction of the conversation for the purposes of acquiring titillation.' Perhaps it wasn't their intent but they didn't communicate it as well as you have here.

That thought will certainly give me pause going forward.

quote:

ORIGINAL: ProtagonistLily

The desire to 'play' has made it difficult to carry on meaningful correspondences with submissives who have profiles and are looking in my area. They are somewhat shocked to hear that I own a single tail whip and know how to use it.


When I was interested in speaking to potential subs I had a similar dilemna. I AM a sadist who happens to like a lot of what others term 'extreme.' I also happen to be a dominant with a wide spectrum of abilities and the good sense and judgement to discern when to use what end of the spectrum as is appropriate for a person. That didn't seem to matter to many, though. They hear "extreme sadist" and their heart flutters and they start tormenting themself about whether or not they could stand it, often assuming they would disappoint. I've met people and enjoyed time with them (in r/t) only to have them say later "You know, I've been a 'fan' for years but didn't contact you because I didn't think I could handle you, I regret wasting that time!"

While I realize that some hand holding would probably get most people through that phase, that's not a dynamic I want to create a precedent with right out of the gate. So I came to think of it as a litmus test for whether someone had either the experience level I was interested in or the internal fortitude required to hang out with me. If they have experience then they know that an experienced woman has a wide range of skills at her disposal. If they have the fortitude but not the experience then they will be willing to move forward to meet me, knowing they are secure in their boundaries and can take care of themself BEFORE they decide whether or not to submit to me. It cuts down on the hand holding, which can be draining if you let it, and enables you to keep special the hand holding that's done through something an otherwise strong person you care about is going through.

quote:

ORIGINAL: ProtagonistLily

Conversely, I'm shocked to hear them tell me they have nothing they like, rather, all they want to do is please me.


Often I figure this is either the cyber babblings of the uninitiated or it's a genuine statement from someone who has been down that road and knows what sends them. It's hard to differentiate between the two without getting to know them, though.


quote:

ORIGINAL: ProtagonistLily

Please don't be harsh in your comments. I'm looking to have a real discussion about this, and to share ideas and work through this. I don't want to feel like the freak LOL.



You say freak like it's a BAD thing! HAHAHAHAHAHAAA

Seriously, I look for 'freak' in all my friends and acquaintances. It's a quality I enjoy in my life.

Harsh? Hmmm....we could talk about electricity (I was on the verge of becoming a 'collector' when I stepped back a bit), we could talk needle play (permanent or temporary/ for play - I'm especially fond of genitorture with needles), I LOVE single tails (as you've voiced a fondness for), I'm fond of sounds and caths, I love canes. I have some percussions toys that are nothing short of OMG scene enders...oh my, I could go on.

No, my new friend, you are not alone.


_____________________________

“The more you love, the more you can love—and the more intensely you love. Nor is there any limit on how many you can love. If a person had time enough, he could love all of that majority who are decent and just.”
- Robert Heinlein

(in reply to ProtagonistLily)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Harems and Tribute and Dishes, Oh My! - 1/5/2005 5:42:12 PM   
LuvSponge


Posts: 109
Joined: 4/11/2004
Status: offline
quote:

While I realize that some hand holding would probably get most people through that phase, that's not a dynamic I want to create a precedent with right out of the gate. So I came to think of it as a litmus test for whether someone had either the experience level I was interested in or the internal fortitude required to hang out with me. If they have experience then they know that an experienced woman has a wide range of skills at her disposal. If they have the fortitude but not the experience then they will be willing to move forward to meet me, knowing they are secure in their boundaries and can take care of themself BEFORE they decide whether or not to submit to me.


What a nice way of saying "if these subs really did their homework, they'd know I'm knowledgeable enough to know both their and my limits, and act accordingly"

(That is until they hear you laugh!)

(Sure scared the crap outa me!)

And I'm vastly better for the experience as well :)

< Message edited by LuvSponge -- 1/5/2005 6:02:15 PM >

(in reply to MizSuz)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Harems and Tribute and Dishes, Oh My! - 1/5/2005 5:50:45 PM   
LuvSponge


Posts: 109
Joined: 4/11/2004
Status: offline 		.

< Message edited by LuvSponge -- 1/5/2005 5:59:45 PM >

(in reply to LuvSponge)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Harems and Tribute and Dishes, Oh My! - 1/5/2005 10:55:58 PM   
topcat


Posts: 1675
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Tidewater, VA
Status: offline
quote:

(That is until they hear you laugh!)


Madame has a wonderful Laugh!

utter glee, unrestrained joy,
so what if it 's becuase she just nailed you perinum to a bowling ball and is standing with it at the top of the stairs?

_____________________________

-there is no remission without blood-

(in reply to LuvSponge)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Harems and Tribute and Dishes, Oh My! - 1/6/2005 3:10:55 AM   
MistressDREAD


Posts: 2943
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
Oh My topcat letting a bit of Your Sadistic out today are Ya? ~smiles~


quote:

Please don't be harsh in your comments. I'm looking to have a real discussion about this, and to share ideas and work through this. I don't want to feel like the freak

Looks at the scardie cat Domme and decides to be nice today...........You go Gurl!~

(in reply to topcat)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Harems and Tribute and Dishes, Oh My! - 1/6/2005 5:21:24 AM   
MsCameron


Posts: 238
Joined: 10/14/2004
From: Ontario, Canada
Status: offline 		MzSuz wrote:
quote:

Harsh? Hmmm....we could talk about electricity (I was on the verge of becoming a 'collector' when I stepped back a bit), we could talk needle play (permanent or temporary/ for play - I'm especially fond of genitorture with needles), I LOVE single tails (as you've voiced a fondness for), I'm fond of sounds and caths, I love canes. I have some percussions toys that are nothing short of OMG scene enders...oh my, I could go on.


This so reminded me of my toy bag :)

I have a number of electrical toys. A Folsom unit and a fully remote control unit with cock rings and butt plugg.
Sounds up the ying yang.. vibrating and electrical and I love cath play. A couple of whips and floggers that can take your breath away.
CBT... bliss :) I've done two workshops with a Pro Domme friend on cbt in the last year that were each 3 hours and it wasn't enough time.

One of the things I've recently developed an interest in is blood play. The last intense scene with my submissive at a semi-public event involved 3 cuts on his upper back with a scalpel. When the streams of blood had reach his waist, I removed my top and bra and smeared his blood all over my breasts. I then yanked him off the cross, took him to his knees and had him lick all the blood off of me.
Whew! I was a hair away from a major "O". I was a little surprised at how much the ending of that scene affected me.

Awakened another monster, I suppose. Grin

Lily, you are not alone. I suspect there are a good many of us on the board that really enjoy play (and extreme play) and incorporate it into our relationships. As someone else mentioned, we don't seem to post often about it though.

I'm really not familiar with the reactions of prospective submissives though. As my sub has been with me for almost 4 years, it 's been a long time since I was looking.

Good thread :)

MsC

< Message edited by MsCameron -- 1/6/2005 7:33:27 AM >

_____________________________

I'm reaching for the random or what ever will bewilder me.
And following our will and wind we may just go where no one's been.
We'll ride the spiral to the end and may just go where no one's been.
Spiral out. Keep going, going...
Lateralis.Tool

(in reply to MizSuz)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Harems and Tribute and Dishes, Oh My! - 1/6/2005 5:41:23 AM   
sting516


Posts: 505
Joined: 9/4/2004
From: long island, ny
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MizSuz


Harsh? Hmmm....we could talk about electricity (I was on the verge of becoming a 'collector' when I stepped back a bit), we could talk needle play (permanent or temporary/ for play - I'm especially fond of genitorture with needles), I LOVE single tails (as you've voiced a fondness for), I'm fond of sounds and caths, I love canes. I have some percussions toys that are nothing short of OMG scene enders...oh my, I could go on.



mmmm...needles, sounds, and catheters...much fun indeed...gawd how i love things invasive!

sting

(in reply to MizSuz)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Harems and Tribute and Dishes, Oh My! - 1/6/2005 5:48:46 AM   
sting516


Posts: 505
Joined: 9/4/2004
From: long island, ny
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MsCameron

One of the things I've recently developed an interest in is blood play. The last intense scene with my submissive at a semi-public event involved 3 cuts on his upper back with a scalpel. When the streams of blood had reach his waist, I removed my top and bra and smeared his blood all over my breasts. I then yanked him off the cross, took him to his knees and had him lick all the blood off of me.
Whew! I was a hair away from a major "O". I was a little surprised at how much the ending of that scene affected me.

MsC


This reminds me of one of my favorite scenes...and the only blood play scene i've done...i had gone to get a frenum piercing from someone i knew casually...when i got to Her studio, another Domme was there...one who i'd played with before...and to be honest, someone who i'd drop everything for (even though She doesn't have any clue about it)...after doing the piercing, both the piercer and the Domme got a bit of a look in their eye...and suddenly, i had cuffs on my hands and restraints on my ankles...after i was made hard...a cock ring was placed on me to make sure i didn't lose my enthusiasm for what was going on....like there was any real chance that could have happened...they both wanted to see blood...so they took a needle and stuck it into my cockhead...damn, if you want to see blood spurt...that is the way to do it...i was covered in my own blood...before then, i never had any desire for blood play, but when one sees the blood lust in the Domme's eyes...and how into it they got...it was incredibly hot.

Sadly, that's the only time i've done blood play...and who knows...maybe it was the unexpected nature of it...maybe it was the Domme who i really enjoyed playing with (She was also part of my favorite scene)...maybe it was that the piercer/Domme was (is?) hot as a firecracker...but whatever the mix, it's a scene i'll always look back on with a smile on my face.


sting

(in reply to MsCameron)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Harems and Tribute and Dishes, Oh My! - 1/6/2005 9:12:11 AM   
LadyTantalize


Posts: 242
Joined: 4/13/2004
Status: offline 		Lily, I merely repeat what others say in that you are not alone. It's been My experience that many of the heavy S&M players have seemingly laid low a bit, in r/l and cyber, as we've been labeled "edge", "extreme", even sometimes unsafe,etc., often by novices, or cyber-folks with little r/l experiences, or many in the newer generation coming up that, MAYBE, were just not as used to SEEING, or reading, about such intense levels of sadomasochism. I promise that heavy play still occurs, just not as out in the open, or discussed, as it used to be, say ten years ago, or so.

Myself, I am more of the S&M than the D/s - yes, I am a Mistress and a ProDomme, and I can give the hell out of an order, but I detest having to micromanage, nor do I enjoy punishment for inproper or incorrect behaviour. I want someone to WANT to please Me because they WANT to, not because I have to FORCE them to - force them other things - maybe!! *wicked smiles* I think because I am a sadist, I want a masochist who gets off on the pain and loves it, not a person who just puts up with the pain in order to get to headrush of being disciplined - both types of play and leather life are just and fine - but they, are indeed, vastly different. I want a slave who will be perceptive enough of My needs to know how I like things done without being micromanaged, and is enough of a masochist to want to endure My sadism because they love the S&M aspect just as much as I do.

From cuttings to burn play (yes, I LOVE the smell of burning body hair!!!), to severe canings to My passion for single-tails (wrap, smwrap - where I want a mark created, I will whip - excepting the eyes, face, etc. - although once I threw the whip to catch the sub's collar and yanked him toward Me - talk about wild - still haven't heard the end of that one - ohhhh, My, scary Domme and "extreme" they say!). Anyway, I've put Myself through alot of emotional turmoil before I finally realized this life is meant to be lived by our individual rules and not what others feel or think. SSC and RACK are good credos, to which I do adhere. Communication, honesty and negotiation are My by-laws, other than that, I am proud to say.....

that I am one hard-ass EDGE PLAYER and damn, proud of it!!


Truly,

Lady T.

(in reply to ProtagonistLily)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Harems and Tribute and Dishes, Oh My! - 1/6/2005 9:24:59 AM   
ProtagonistLily


Posts: 1222
Joined: 12/27/2004
Status: offline 		Hi everyone,

Great thread! I know it occurs, I'm involved in my scene and go to parties quite often. One of the leading single tail Tops in the country lived in my area until recently, and I've always known a fair amount of edge players. I was just surprised, given the scope and bredth of experienced Dommes here, there wasn't much discussion about toys and play styles. Thanks to all that have piped in so far.

Having been a bottom for many years, and experienced such things as blood drawing singletail scenes and my favorite "Fire Play" I guess I forget that I'm 'extreme'. Yay Me!!! Though, I think it's unfortunate for submissives who are only cyber, who have not found someone to initiate them or bring them into the SSC world of RL do not always get the visions of sugarplums more experienced subs do. And herein lies yet another paradox; If you hear about things and only viscerally analyze them as 'too weird/hard/extream/whatever, then you end up never revising your 'kink list.' I recently went back and looked at the first BDSM Checklist I ever filled out. My friend and I laughed our perverbial asses off over it. There were so many 'No-1's" on it that I found became, through experience and trust "Yes-2" but more often than not 'Yes-4 or 5". I look at my time in the lifestyle from an evolutionary perspective. I often compare and contrast the early days to my days as a part time submissive to a Dom, to now, where I have very little desire to bottom at all and am seeking a sub, at least part time.

Thanks to everyone who's posted. I hope we continue the discussion.

Lily



quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyTantalize

Lily, I merely repeat what others say in that you are not alone. It's been My experience that many of the heavy S&M players have seemingly laid low a bit, in r/l and cyber, as we've been labeled "edge", "extreme", even sometimes unsafe,etc., often by novices, or cyber-folks with little r/l experiences, or many in the newer generation coming up that, MAYBE, were just not as used to SEEING, or reading, about such intense levels of sadomasochism. I promise that heavy play still occurs, just not as out in the open, or discussed, as it used to be, say ten years ago, or so.

Myself, I am more of the S&M than the D/s - yes, I am a Mistress and a ProDomme, and I can give the hell out of an order, but I detest having to micromanage, nor do I enjoy punishment for inproper or incorrect behaviour. I want someone to WANT to please Me because they WANT to, not because I have to FORCE them to - force them other things - maybe!! *wicked smiles* I think because I am a sadist, I want a masochist who gets off on the pain and loves it, not a person who just puts up with the pain in order to get to headrush of being disciplined - both types of play and leather life are just and fine - but they, are indeed, vastly different. I want a slave who will be perceptive enough of My needs to know how I like things done without being micromanaged, and is enough of a masochist to want to endure My sadism because they love the S&M aspect just as much as I do.

From cuttings to burn play (yes, I LOVE the smell of burning body hair!!!), to severe canings to My passion for single-tails (wrap, smwrap - where I want a mark created, I will whip - excepting the eyes, face, etc. - although once I threw the whip to catch the sub's collar and yanked him toward Me - talk about wild - still haven't heard the end of that one - ohhhh, My, scary Domme and "extreme" they say!). Anyway, I've put Myself through alot of emotional turmoil before I finally realized this life is meant to be lived by our individual rules and not what others feel or think. SSC and RACK are good credos, to which I do adhere. Communication, honesty and negotiation are My by-laws, other than that, I am proud to say.....

that I am one hard-ass EDGE PLAYER and damn, proud of it!!


Truly,

Lady T.




_____________________________

"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"
~Dr. Seuss~

(in reply to LadyTantalize)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Harems and Tribute and Dishes, Oh My! - 1/6/2005 10:17:38 AM   
MsCameron


Posts: 238
Joined: 10/14/2004
From: Ontario, Canada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyTantalize

Lily, I merely repeat what others say in that you are not alone. It's been My experience that many of the heavy S&M players have seemingly laid low a bit, in r/l and cyber, as we've been labeled "edge", "extreme", even sometimes unsafe,etc., often by novices, or cyber-folks with little r/l experiences, or many in the newer generation coming up that, MAYBE, were just not as used to SEEING, or reading, about such intense levels of sadomasochism. I promise that heavy play still occurs, just not as out in the open, or discussed, as it used to be, say ten years ago, or so.

From cuttings to burn play (yes, I LOVE the smell of burning body hair!!!), to severe canings to My passion for single-tails (wrap, smwrap - where I want a mark created, I will whip - excepting the eyes, face, etc. - although once I threw the whip to catch the sub's collar and yanked him toward Me - talk about wild - still haven't heard the end of that one - ohhhh, My, scary Domme and "extreme" they say!). Anyway, I've put Myself through alot of emotional turmoil before I finally realized this life is meant to be lived by our individual rules and not what others feel or think. SSC and RACK are good credos, to which I do adhere. Communication, honesty and negotiation are My by-laws, other than that, I am proud to say.....

that I am one hard-ass EDGE PLAYER and damn, proud of it!!



Nodding :) I hear you.

Do you find that the more mainstream the lifestyle has become, the more the edge players tend to go back underground?

I have found that to be the case in my area. The intense players are tired of the backlash that occurrs from their scening.
The whispering of "playing too hard" and "not being safe".

They no longer push the envelope in public. It's a shame really. Those that really have a desire to see and learn from the experienced people will and do miss out.

I had one poor soul tell me he left his budding relationship and the lifestyle because he was squicked so badly at a cbt scene I had done at a public event. Sigh... while I said I was sorry he felt that way, I would not apologize for the scene.

I also felt that here was another person who made his way into a lifestyle that he probably was not suited for at all. Sometimes I feel the internet has made this all too easy for some.

I've been fortunate to have done a fair bit of BDSM event travelling. Chicago, Dallas, Charlotte, Washington and Denver over the past 5 or 6 years. In doing so, I have seen some really intense play from some very edgy people.
Thunder in the Mountains from 5 years ago STILL sticks in my mind :)

Regards,
MsC



_____________________________

I'm reaching for the random or what ever will bewilder me.
And following our will and wind we may just go where no one's been.
We'll ride the spiral to the end and may just go where no one's been.
Spiral out. Keep going, going...
Lateralis.Tool

(in reply to LadyTantalize)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Harems and Tribute and Dishes, Oh My! - 1/6/2005 12:36:20 PM   
nella


Posts: 1243
Joined: 12/30/2004
From: Norway
Status: offline 		I dream of singel tails, and i would love to get to the level where i could take the pain of it and so would my Dom, i would see it as a butey sign to bear the marks of one, perhaps i am strange. anyway we wish to train for it at one but now to my point. Now offcourse as soon as you draw blood you take a risk, but then so you do if you go out into a boat or God forbid go parasuit jumping. What bugs me is that it are far less risk whit edge paln than extreme sports, yet extreme sports is far more acepted.


(in reply to MsCameron)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Harems and Tribute and Dishes, Oh My! - 1/6/2005 1:22:25 PM   
ProtagonistLily


Posts: 1222
Joined: 12/27/2004
Status: offline 		MsCameron,

The organization I'm affiliated with teaches the concept that everyone's kink is ok. The onus of responsibility is on those who choose to watch a scene-if they are squicked, well, there's always the social area to repair to. I have watched scenes that were too much for me, and I did the adult thing and excused myself. I try the best I can to be open and to not criticize others. I'm talking SSC in the broad 'lifestyle' sense, not my own personal proclivities. But again, I guess I'm an edge player to some degree, but I never really thought of whips, fire, TENS/Electro as 'edge' play...go figure.

You know, before the Internet, people didn't mess with BDSM. You had to really be intersted and work hard to ferret out someone who was actually in the scene, and it was a much more tight knit network than it is today. Today, I sort of feel like a lot of people think "Wow, people really do this? How cool, I should try it." And yes, some of these people are the real deal (ok, I don't wanna have a long discussion about 'real' lets just assume real here means someone who is truly inclined toward BDSM in some way), but sometimes, they aren't. I think for those who are exploring, hooking up with the local scene and actually watching people play is a good determining factor. It takes the fantasy and gives it a practical application.

Personally, I can't watch sounding or needle play. It's just not something I'm comfortable with either doing, having done to me, or watching. That, however, is my problem. I simply don't watch.

I think the most important thing I ever got from my early days in the scene was the etiquette education. I learned, from very early on, that respect on all levels was expected, and that certain courtesies were as well. I think it makes for a fairly nice sandbox to play in when people know what the social expectations are in a public play environment.

Lily

-Hey where are we going and why am I in this handbasket???

quote:



Nodding :) I hear you.

Do you find that the more mainstream the lifestyle has become, the more the edge players tend to go back underground?

I have found that to be the case in my area. The intense players are tired of the backlash that occurrs from their scening.
The whispering of "playing too hard" and "not being safe".

They no longer push the envelope in public. It's a shame really. Those that really have a desire to see and learn from the experienced people will and do miss out.

I had one poor soul tell me he left his budding relationship and the lifestyle because he was squicked so badly at a cbt scene I had done at a public event. Sigh... while I said I was sorry he felt that way, I would not apologize for the scene.

I also felt that here was another person who made his way into a lifestyle that he probably was not suited for at all. Sometimes I feel the internet has made this all too easy for some.

I've been fortunate to have done a fair bit of BDSM event travelling. Chicago, Dallas, Charlotte, Washington and Denver over the past 5 or 6 years. In doing so, I have seen some really intense play from some very edgy people.
Thunder in the Mountains from 5 years ago STILL sticks in my mind :)

Regards,
MsC




(in reply to MsCameron)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Harems and Tribute and Dishes, Oh My! - 1/6/2005 1:24:27 PM   
ProtagonistLily


Posts: 1222
Joined: 12/27/2004
Status: offline 		nella,

Do you and your Dom have someone that you are working with on singletails? There are ways to train into a singletail without starting right off the bat cutting or drawing blood.

Lily

quote:

ORIGINAL: nella

I dream of singel tails, and i would love to get to the level where i could take the pain of it and so would my Dom, i would see it as a butey sign to bear the marks of one, perhaps i am strange. anyway we wish to train for it at one but now to my point. Now offcourse as soon as you draw blood you take a risk, but then so you do if you go out into a boat or God forbid go parasuit jumping. What bugs me is that it are far less risk whit edge paln than extreme sports, yet extreme sports is far more acepted.





_____________________________

"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"
~Dr. Seuss~

(in reply to nella)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Harems and Tribute and Dishes, Oh My! - 1/6/2005 3:11:09 PM   
MizSuz


Posts: 1881
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sting516


..they both wanted to see blood...so they took a needle and stuck it into my cockhead...damn, if you want to see blood spurt...that is the way to do it...i was covered in my own blood...before then, i never had any desire for blood play, but when one sees the blood lust in the Domme's eyes...and how into it they got...it was incredibly hot.




HAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Do you know what a "Crown of Thorns" is?

My my, but this thread is likely to get me all worked up!

_____________________________

“The more you love, the more you can love—and the more intensely you love. Nor is there any limit on how many you can love. If a person had time enough, he could love all of that majority who are decent and just.”
- Robert Heinlein

(in reply to sting516)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Harems and Tribute and Dishes, Oh My! - 1/6/2005 3:24:45 PM   
sting516


Posts: 505
Joined: 9/4/2004
From: long island, ny
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MizSuz



Do you know what a "Crown of Thorns" is?

My my, but this thread is likely to get me all worked up!


no i don't....please enlighten me...


sting

(in reply to MizSuz)
Profile   Post #: 20
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