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ORIGINAL: subfever
Or should I stand true to my word, call her, and deal with the uncomfortable process of rejecting her? 

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ORIGINAL: IronBear

Victorian Etiquette We Victorians take the rules of propriety very seriously. It is who we are. If one does not conform, they are considered outcasts in proper society. The educating of young women would not be complete without the teachings of refined deportment. Social living and decorum is as much a part of their curriculum as are math, literature and other academic subjects. There have been many books written to instruct both young women and men on the proper rules of conduct. They know that proper conduct and decorum is not only a measure of social standing and success, but was necessary to be looked upon as a means of entering the growing upper classes. As mentioned elsewhere, Victorians are perfectionists and the fact that one has material goods and money does not insure them a place in "The Most Refined Society". Thousands have turned to instruction manuals for advice. In the earlier part of the century, these manuals were filled with strong religious overtones which attempted to mould the moral character of their young readers. But the second half of the century has brought with it a different type of advice manuals more focused on all-purpose household advice than social etiquette. Still manuals such as "The Habits of Good Society: A Handbook of Etiquette for Ladies and Gentlemen", Hills' "The Essential Handbook of Victorian Etiquette" and "A Guide to the Manners, Etiquette, and Deportment of the Most Refined Society" defined the proper etiquette in all types of social situations (engagements, weddings, conversation, table manners, visiting, etc.)   The Basic Rules of Etiquette Learn to govern yourself and to be gentle and patient. Never speak or act in anger. Remember that, valuable as is the gift of speech, silence is often more valuable. Learn to speak in a gentle tone of voice. Learn to say kind and pleasant things when opportunity offers. Do not neglect little things if they can affect the comfort of others. Learn to deny yourself and prefer others. Beware of meddlers and talebearers.   At Teas and Receptions The day and hour of an afternoon tea may be written on a visiting card. For an afternoon reception, an "At Home" card is used. Only simple refreshment should be served at an afternoon tea. Thin slices of bread and butter, sandwiches, fancy biscuits or cake, tea, coffee, or chocolate, ice-cream and bouillon. Punch and lemonade may also be served, but no wine or alcoholic drinks. The hostess should shake hands with her guests and receive them cordially; any formality is out of place on an informal occasion. If the number of guests is small, the hostess should walk about the room, talking with her visitors. If large guest list, she should remain near the door and have the aid of other ladies who should help entertain the guests, ask them to take refreshments and make introductions when necessary. At a large an elegant afternoon reception, windows may be darkened, lighted by gas lights and musicians employed.   Etiquette at Dinner The tablecloth should be of the finest quality. The room may be lighted with either white or coloured candles or lamps. Many prefer to have a portion of the light fall from side brackets or from the wall. Furniture and other room decor should be arranged in such a manner that it will not interfere with the guests' view of one another. A low dish of flowers with light to no fragrance is the preferred centrepiece. Never make an ostentatious display of wealth. At a large dinner, a card bearing the name of the guest should be laid beside each plate. Each place setting should include a plate, two large knives, a small knife and fork for fish, three large forks, a tablespoon for soup, a small oyster-fork for raw oysters and a water goblet. The knives and oyster fork should be placed on the right side of the plate, the other forks on the left. Bread should be cut in thin slices, and laid on a napkin on the left of each plate. Place glasses at the right of each plate. Commence dinner with raw oysters, then a choice of one or two soups. Follow the soup with fish, then the meat entree and the salad last. Cheese, bread and butter may be served with the salad course. Then comes dessert and/or fruits and bonbons. Coffee can be served in the drawing room or the parlour. No more than two vegetables should be served with each entree and potatoes should not be offered with fish.   Etiquette on the Street Courtesy requires the return of all civil greetings--those of servants included. Only the most serious causes can justify "a cut". In bowing, the head should be best; a mere lowering of the eyelids, affected by some people, is rude; but etiquette does not permit a familiar nod, except between business men, or very intimate friends. In passing and repassing on a public promenade or drive, bows are exchanged only at the first meeting. In carrying canes, umbrellas, and packages, care should be taken that they do not inconvenience others. In meeting on a street crossing, gentlemen should make way for ladies, and younger persons for older ones. Ladies and gentlemen, when meeting on the sidewalk, should always pass to the right. In the evening or whenever safety may require, a gentleman should give a lady his arm. A gentleman may take two ladies upon his arms, but under no circumstances should the lady take the arms of two gentlemen. A gentleman will assist a lady over from an omnibus or carriage, without waiting for the formality of an introduction. No gentleman will smoke when walking with or standing in the presence of a lady standing in the street. No gentleman should stand on the street corners, steps of hotels, or other public places and make remarks about ladies passing by. A true lady will go quietly and unobtrusively about her business when on the street, never seeking to attract the attention of the opposite sex, at the same time recognizing acquaintances with a courteous bow, and friends with pleasant words of greeting.   Etiquette at the Theatre, Opera and Concerts A gentleman desiring a lady to accompany him to the opera, theatre, or other place of amusement, must send her a written invitation not later than the day previous to the entertainment. It must be written in the third person, upon white note-paper of the finest quality, with an envelope to match. The lady must send her replay immediately, so that should she be unable to accept, the gentleman may secure another companion. Should the lady accept the invitation, the gentleman must secure the best seats within his means. If unable to obtain seats, inform her at once, and propose another occasion when you can make this provision for her comfort. In entering the hall in which the entertainment is given, a gentleman should walk by the side of the lady is reached. If the width of the aisle is not sufficient to allow this, he should precede her. As a rule, the gentleman should take the outer seat; but if this is the best for seeing or hearing, it belongs to the lady. To leave a lady alone during the "waits" and going out to "get a drink" or "to speak to a friend" is indicative of bad manners; the gentleman is bound to remain by her side to the end of the entertainment. At the opera it is customary for ladies and gentleman to leave their seats, and promenade in the lobbies or foyer of the house during the intervals between the acts. The gentleman should always invite the lady to do so. Should she decline, he is bound to remain with her. A gentleman accompanying a lady is not bound to give up his seat to another lady. His duty is to the lady he accompanies. It is rude to whisper or talk during a performance. It is discourteous to the performers, and annoying to those of the audience around you, who desire to enjoy the entertainment. It is in especially bad taste for lovers to indulge in any affectionate demonstrations at such places. A gentleman must see to it that the lady accompanying him is provided with a program and a libretto if at the opera. Applause is the just due of the deserving actor, and should be given liberally. Applaud by clapping the hands, and not by stamping or kicking with the feet. Upon escorting the lady back to her home, the gentleman should ask permission to call upon her the next day, which request she should grant. She should, in her own sweet way, cause him to feel that he has conferred a genuine pleasure upon her by his invitation. A gentleman who can afford it should always provide a carriage on such occasions. If his means do not permit this, he should not embarrass himself by assuming the expense. In the event that the evening be stormy, he should not expect the lady to venture out without a carriage.   Shopping In visiting a store for the purpose of examining the goods or making purchases, conduct yourself with courtesy and amiability. Never look over goods without any intention of buying them. Speak to the clerks and employees of the store with courtesy and kindness. Do not order them to show you anything. Request them to do so in a polite manner. In leaving their counter, say pleasantly "Good morning" or "Good Day". Never take a costly piece of goods -- nor any piece -- into a better light without first asking the clerk's permission to do so. Should you find another person examining a piece of goods, do not take hold of it. Wait until it is laid down, and then make your examination. To attempt to "beat down" the price of an article is rude. In the best conducted stores the price of the goods is "fixed", and the salesmen are not allowed to change it. If the price does not suit you, you are not obliged to buy, but can go elsewhere. Pushing or crowding at a counter, or the indulgence in personal remarks, handling the goods in a careless manner, or so roughly as to injure them, lounging upon the counter, or talking in a loud voice, are marks of bad breeding. Never let the door of a shop slam in the face of any person, nor permit a stranger to hold it open without any acknowledgement of courtesy. Never express your opinion about an article another is purchasing, unless asked to do so. You should never ask or expect a clerk waiting upon a customer to leave that person and attend to you. Wait patiently for your turn. It is rude to make unfavourable comparisons between the goods you are examining, and those of another store. Have your parcels sent and so avoid the fatigue of carrying them.   Etiquette When Visiting Do not be in haste to seat yourself; one appears fully as well and talks better, standing for a few moments. A man should always remain standing as long as there are any women standing in the room. A man should never take any article from a woman's hands--book, cup, flower, etc.--and remain seated, she standing. Do not take young children when making formal calls. Do not take pets with you. Do not meddle with, or stare at the articles in the room. Do not toss over the cards in the card receiver. Do not call across the length of the room if you wish to address any one. Cross the room and speak to him quietly. Do not walk around the room, examining pictures, while waiting for the hostess. Do not introduce politics, religion or other weighty topics for conversation when making calls. Do no, if a gentleman, seat yourself upon the sofa beside the hostess, or in near proximity, unless invited to do so. Do not scratch your head or use a toothpick, ear spoon or comb. Use a handkerchief when necessary, but without glancing at it afterwards. Also be as quiet and unobtrusive in the action as possible. Do not tell long stories, argue, talk scandal or rumours and do not attack the religious beliefs of anyone present. Do not enter a room without first knocking and receiving an invitation to come in.   Breaches of Etiquette To remove one's gloves when making a formal call. To stare around the room. For a caller who is waiting the entrance of the hostess to open the piano or touch it if it is open. To go to the room of an invalid unless invited. To look at your watch when calling. To walk around the room when waiting for the hostess. To open or shut a door, raise or lower a window curtain, or in any other way alter the arrangement of a room when visiting. Turn your chair so that you back faces another guest. To play with any ornament in the room or to seem to be aware of anything but the company present while visiting. To remain when you find the host or hostess dressed to go out. To make remarks about another caller who has just left the room.