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RE: Things to look out for - 9/8/2006 7:29:03 PM

thisishis

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From: Southeastern MA
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Koukei ..

Regardless of how long you have known the guy, and regardless of whether you have met him in person (in the flesh vs online) or not, if you have to rely upon the advice of people on an online forum to tell you what to look out for because you are almost okay with but not completely sure .....
i'd say that those feelings of being almost okay with but not completely sure are exactly what you need to look out for.

When it's right, it's just right ...... and you'll simply just KNOW that it is right.

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RE: Things to look out for - 9/8/2006 7:48:24 PM

DiurnalVampire

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I'd have to agree... the hurry would worry me a bit. Id suggest getting to know him when you stil have your own space to retreat to before you jump into a live in arrangement. Until you feel that you are definately OK with it, and not almost. Gut feelings are usually there for a reason.

DV

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RE: Things to look out for - 9/9/2006 6:14:58 AM

justheather

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Tikkiee

Hmm, if I may chime in here real quick.

I don't think it's right. You have not met face to face yet, and already he is pressuring you to live with him?

Woah, Nellie.

How about:

You have not met face to face yet and already you are considering moving in with him?

Nobody said anything about pressure. She said he "wants her to move in to his house" which she is "almost ok but not completely sure on" (so far as he passes whatever not-an-axe-murdering-psycho litmus tests we can provide her).
Let's not shift the blame over squarely onto his shoulders. It seems to me they are more or less equally vested in the gun-jumping.

< Message edited by justheather -- 9/9/2006 6:16:41 AM >

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RE: Things to look out for - 9/9/2006 7:56:29 AM

Tikkiee

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quote:

Woah, Nellie.

How about:

You have not met face to face yet and already you are considering moving in with him?

Nobody said anything about pressure. She said he "wants her to move in to his house" which she is "almost ok but not completely sure on" (so far as he passes whatever not-an-axe-murdering-psycho litmus tests we can provide her).
Let's not shift the blame over squarely onto his shoulders. It seems to me they are more or less equally vested in the gun-jumping.

I would never assume to place blame only on his shoulders. Not only is that unfair, but it's also unrealistic. I guess I am just having a hard time understanding how any adult...on either side...would even consider moving someone into their home ( or someone moving in with ) that is a complete stranger. I don't care how long you have talked online, it's completly foolish. ( No offense to LittlePita? , though I still think its foolish, even I can see that sometimes it does work out in the best of ways ).

Yet, I responded the way I did for the simple reason that she is the one posting here, not he; I have only her perspective to go on. It sounded to me, even if the words were not there, that she was being pressured into accepting such a thing so quickly.
/shrug

If I was wrong, then I apologize.

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RE: Things to look out for - 9/9/2006 8:14:13 AM

SexyRed

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I am sorry, but even though you are only 18, you should really, really, really know better than to consider living with someone who you HAVE NOT MET IN REAL LIFE.

No offense to anyone with purely online relationships, but the reality is that fantasy is not reality, perception is not reality and even when you already know someone for a while before moving in with them, sometimes the reality of living with another human being can slap you in the face since you never truly know someone until you co-exist with them.

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RE: Things to look out for - 9/10/2006 1:34:46 AM

MistressTexas

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My father always says success is as hard as failure if you don't plan for it. While I respect and agree with the previous posters who have told you to plan for "iminent" failure, I would also caution you to plan for success. Isolation can be incredible in a new city, try finding hobby groups you can join. LA may have posted that, or it may have been in another thread.. Either way, she always has wonderful advice. As well, being rather young, I would caution you to prepare ( as much as you can) for the intensity of the situation, and remind you that it may very well be completly overwhelming. This is just another kind of success that will have to be worked through. I would caution you to be wary of "fantasy fall-out" syndrome. Everything is wonderfully easy online and over the phone when he is describing what he will do to you etc. However life isn't one big play session. Not saying tht you're unaware of that, just a friendly reminder. He will not be dominant *ALL* the time. You will not be submissive *ALL* the time. Do not let him ovverride your strengths simply because you are new and scared. Please do not hesitate to stand up for yourself out of fear. It sets a bad precident for the relationship. My other advice is have some emergency cash, even if its only enough for a bus ticket to someone who will protect you for a little while. One thing I did when I moved out of my parents house (not into a bdsm relationship, or even a relationship), the very first thing I did was buy a ticket home. Greyhounds tickets are refundable (except 15%) and are valid for a full year. Not a bad safety net to have. That said, I wish you the best of luck.

Edited because I've been up for 36 hours and I was being redundant.

< Message edited by MistressTexas -- 9/10/2006 2:17:43 AM >

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