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sub's fantasies - Do You want to hear them? - 9/6/2006 7:52:23 AM

Kahri

Posts: 70
Joined: 8/30/2006
Status: offline

In another thread there is a discussion of subs sending fantasies to Dommes, and a few members said that they don't like that. I thought it would be interesting to hear opinions, both pro and con.

Personally, I like to get one or two fantasies from a sub. I can find out quickly if there is a level of mutual interest, and get an idea of whether I am the kind of Domme that sub wants to submit to. I don't feel myself bound to act out those fantasies at all, but it gives me an idea of where they are coming from and how to guide them to what I want them to be.

How do others feel?

Post #: 1

RE: sub's fantasies - Do You want to hear them? - 9/6/2006 8:03:16 AM

MsKatHouston

Posts: 1909
Joined: 6/7/2006
From: Houston, TX
Status: offline

It depends on timing and delivery. If I ask or if it is phrased as an example, I don't mind it and welcome it. If it is a constant barrage of "I want this", and "I want that"...then I get turned off and are more prone to dismiss his ideas outright as an immediate form of play.

To be blunt, if I feel he is giving me information to further our relationship and comminication, good. If I feel he is using me for wank material, nope.

_____________________________

-Kat

~If you can't be a good example, you'll just have to serve as a horrible warning~

(in reply to Kahri)

Post #: 2

RE: sub's fantasies - Do You want to hear them? - 9/6/2006 8:30:25 AM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
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I agree with Ms Kat...it depends. I don't particularly care to be bombarded with fantasies at the get-go. To me, this shows me someone who is totally focused on what they want. That's not the kind of relationship I'm interested in developing. Once I see that we have similar interests, I will probably ask what their fantasies are...it might turn me on since we probably have that thing in common.

Master Fire

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
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(in reply to Kahri)

Post #: 3

RE: sub's fantasies - Do You want to hear them? - 9/6/2006 8:37:37 AM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
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I love to hear their fantasies, AFTER we have spent some time getting to know one another. Know we have similar interests and goals. To start hearing about them right away just turns me off. It's like..... reverse wankerism.

_____________________________

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Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)

Post #: 4

RE: sub's fantasies - Do You want to hear them? - 9/6/2006 8:39:34 AM

MySweetSubmssive

Posts: 1139
Joined: 2/7/2006
From: Lehigh Valley, PA
Status: offline

If I like the way someone feels, I get curious about him and ask about his desires. Other than that, while I am getting to know someone, I'm a variation on Clinton and gays in the military: If I don't ask, please don't tell me.

< Message edited by MySweetSubmssive -- 9/6/2006 8:49:32 AM >

_____________________________

"Oh, James, you're such a cunning linguist."

--Miss Moneypenny

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)

Post #: 5

RE: sub's fantasies - Do You want to hear them? - 9/6/2006 8:49:40 AM

MstrssPassion

Posts: 2444
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: West Palm Beach, FL
Status: offline

I never want to read it.
I never want to hear it over the phone.
I never want to hear it face to face unless I ask & when I do ask I want them to look me directly in the eye when they answer.

I much rather see their reaction when I look them in the eye & tell them what I intend to do to them... no fantasy about it.

side-note: I have plenty of things that I have actually experienced to share with a partner, so my fantasies are my own. They are things that I have decided that will remain fantasies & not explored in reality, thus making them private to me. I don't want to share them because this removes the energy from them, thus rendering them pointless.

< Message edited by MstrssPassion -- 9/6/2006 9:44:16 AM >

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MstrssPassion

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Post #: 6

RE: sub's fantasies - Do You want to hear them? - 9/6/2006 8:54:08 AM

SweetDommes

Posts: 3313
Joined: 10/5/2004
Status: offline

Same as the above. Honestly, one of our assignments for someone we are considering is to write out a fantasy scene for us. However, we don't want it until we assign it - give it to us before, and you're done.

This was one of the things that bothered me about a guy that we were talking to from here. He was ok at first, then, about 2 weeks into talking to him, he started in with "does this turn you on" and "would you be interested in this" kind of stories. I told him that I wanted to talk about other things, and I would redirect the conversation ... for about 5 minutes before he'd start in again. Eventually I told him that I was done with him unless Holly told me otherwise, and he told me that we are looking for something that doesn't exist and got rather abusive

If it's something done after we've gotten to know each other, and Holly or I have asked for it, then it's fine. If it's something that he volunteers after we've gotten to know each other, then it's ok but we'll probably tell him to wait until we ask. If it's something in the first e-mail, which is what we get most often ... the guy gets told to take his wanking elsewhere, and deleted.

(in reply to MySweetSubmssive)

Post #: 7

RE: sub's fantasies - Do You want to hear them? - 9/6/2006 8:56:37 AM

thetammyjo

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Joined: 9/8/2005
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I actually have very little interests in fantasies until we have talked, there has been a formal application, we've met for lunch/coffee/dinner and then moved on to negotiation. During negotiation is when I first want to hear fantasies.

Why? Because I believe my position as the dominant means I get to use those fantasies when and how I wish. Unlike I know there are other reasons to train a sub, I'm not going to be using any fantasies.

I also know that we tell our fantasies over time. Some of things we think about can be scary to us, it takes more time and trust to tell them. Someone who offers me his/her fantasies so quickly is telling me that either trust isn't important to them, that they really aren't interested in service but in their fantasies being fulfilled, or the worse of all, that they trust too bloody easily.

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(in reply to Kahri)

Post #: 8

RE: sub's fantasies - Do You want to hear them? - 9/6/2006 10:58:42 AM

MisPandora

Posts: 2911
Joined: 4/7/2004
From: Philadelphia, PA
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I surely don't want to hear them unsolicited, from strangers.

I also tend to control the flow that pours forth from a subject that is owned by me.

_____________________________

Pandora
Ms World Leather 2004
Ms Philadelphia Leather 2004

"Simply put, if you want a real femdom to love you, give her reasons to love you." Gloria Brame

(in reply to Kahri)

Post #: 9

RE: sub's fantasies - Do You want to hear them? - 9/6/2006 11:18:02 AM

Kirei

Posts: 146
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

If the conversation gets to that point were I ask for them to see how they think then yes I want to hear them.. I do not like them giving them right off the bat in the first email. I have more important questions to ask first that are not their fantasies. So it really all depends on the sincerity of the sub in question. This goes for both male or female subs, as I have met some very pushy female subs too.

Koneko

(in reply to MisPandora)

Post #: 10

RE: sub's fantasies - Do You want to hear them? - 9/6/2006 1:10:22 PM

MySweetSubmssive

Posts: 1139
Joined: 2/7/2006
From: Lehigh Valley, PA
Status: offline

When I first started exploring BDSM, I wanted to expand my sexual palate. I wanted good, eye-rolling, black-out orgasms (among other things).

I love that D/s rides on sexual energy (I know it's not that way for everyone). However, this connection to sex means that opening my email can get to feel like a dog humping my leg because of the unsolicited fantasies people send me. At this point, the fantasies of strangers turn me off. Pretty ironic as I came here to be turned on.

I love the lush creativity of bringing the D/s and sexual desires of two people together ... but within an appropriate framework.

_____________________________

"Oh, James, you're such a cunning linguist."

--Miss Moneypenny

(in reply to Kirei)

Post #: 11

RE: sub's fantasies - Do You want to hear them? - 9/6/2006 1:18:30 PM

DiurnalVampire

Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

I dont minds getting fantasies from a sub, when they are REQUESTED. My boy and I have shared several, and I like learning what he has fantasized about so that I get ideas for playtime, sometimes he has some interesting fantasies I had never even thought about.
However, the ones I dont apreciate are the ones that are sent in extensive detail on a first introduction letter. Before you inform me of the fantasies youd like to play out, why not say hello, see if I might be interested in hearing about it before you send

DV

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to MySweetSubmssive)

Post #: 12

RE: sub's fantasies - Do You want to hear them? - 9/6/2006 6:42:52 PM

Slipstreme

Posts: 817
Joined: 1/1/2006
Status: offline

I like knowing my submissives fantasies, however I do not like playing them out all of the time. I don't like feeling like I have to cater to them, especially when it should be the other way around, however I will do some of their fantasies when I want to do them.

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Living the Dichotomy

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(in reply to Kahri)

Post #: 13

RE: sub's fantasies - Do You want to hear them? - 9/6/2006 8:12:35 PM

MistressWolfen

Posts: 578
Joined: 6/20/2005
Status: offline

Oh dear I am going to sound a right biatch..but quite frankly NO, I do not care to hear them. I will ask, but it is for my edification and not out of any desire to listen to submissive male fantasy. Having said that if one could come up with an original twist on the 7 or 8 typical fantasies that seem to prevail, sure...maybe.

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Quoth the raven

(in reply to Kahri)

Post #: 14

RE: sub's fantasies - Do You want to hear them? - 9/7/2006 5:31:17 AM

mp072004

Posts: 381
Joined: 12/22/2005
Status: offline

In my experience, when a submissive-identified man who wants to submit to me states his fantasies and calls them that, he doesn't do so in a very clear or well-written fashion. They also tend to be written with lots of second-person references, "And then *you* kick my balls..." which isn't nice when we haven't established a relationship that might include me kicking his balls.

I do, however, like to hear statements of activities of interest, and I certainly like to hear people explain the sort of relationships they want. So, "I like CBT, especially impact play on the balls," is good. I can ascertain compatibility in activities. Then, I'll ask questions to help me determine whether it's important to do what a prospective playmate likes, and how he wants our interactions to happen. Good answer-structures are: "I want a relationship where we meet every couple of weeks, but don't have obligations to one another between the meetings," and "I'll consent to doing things I'm not particularly fond of, because I get off on the exercise of power that that implies."

Monica

(in reply to Kahri)

Post #: 15

RE: sub's fantasies - Do You want to hear them? - 9/7/2006 7:44:00 AM

DoraExplorer

Posts: 21
Joined: 4/30/2006
Status: offline

I don't particularly like it. It can feel too much like 'suggestions' for a scene, which strikes me a bit as topping from the bottom, especially all the "when you get here you say x,y and z, and do a, b and c"; I don't like being directed. As Monica said, I prefer to hear "I like, I have enjoyed" rather than "I'm imagining you doing" type statements.

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(in reply to Kahri)

Post #: 16

RE: sub's fantasies - Do You want to hear them? - 9/7/2006 8:38:11 AM

LadyWhisper

Posts: 54
Status: offline

With this topic I must say after the slave/sub has been collared for a period of time, I may grant to hear such, it is of course up to I to fulfill them or not. I do agree though it does help to see if you and your slave/sub are in the same wave length on thoughts and such. Nothing better then having your slave/sub pleased in pleasing you, and if their fantasies are not pleasing to you, then perhaps a change is in order.

Lady Whisper

(in reply to DoraExplorer)

Post #: 17

RE: sub's fantasies - Do You want to hear them? - 9/7/2006 9:22:06 AM

MisPandora

Posts: 2911
Joined: 4/7/2004
From: Philadelphia, PA
Status: offline

The best is when the boys email you porn pics that they've recently jerked off to, or links to websites that got their rocks off. They just don't get that most females don't have little porn theaters playing in our minds....and that it's just more ethereal and steeped in feelings and emotions.

_____________________________

Pandora
Ms World Leather 2004
Ms Philadelphia Leather 2004

"Simply put, if you want a real femdom to love you, give her reasons to love you." Gloria Brame

(in reply to SweetDommes)

Post #: 18

RE: sub's fantasies - Do You want to hear them? - 9/7/2006 12:08:40 PM

Mythy

Posts: 22
Joined: 9/15/2005
Status: offline

I have to agree with most said here. It annoys the hell out of me when I agree to chat to a submissive male and he goes on how his entire being is to serve me and then starts telling me what his fantasies are and what he wants expecting me to react to these so he can get off on the entire fantasy. When I first came online sometimes I would react just to the point where I imagined he was about to get off then I'd coldly say "well I've got to go now" but then I realized he had probably carried on anyway so my attitude probably wasn't having the effect I wanted. M'Lady Mythy

(in reply to MisPandora)

Post #: 19

RE: sub's fantasies - Do You want to hear them? - 9/7/2006 2:39:35 PM

Townvideot

Posts: 4
Joined: 7/2/2005
From: North Carolina
Status: offline

Fantasies and reality. Rarely in my experience do they merge well. Things that can be in a fantasy sometimes are simply not possible in reality for safety's or sanity's sake. I, like most people, have a few fantasies. I consider them to be private. Do I share them with another? Only if I am asked to do so and only if I have developed a certain level of trust with the person asking. I feel that forcing a fantasy of mine on someone who hasn't asked for it is at best in poor taste and would exhibit very poor judgement on my part.

(in reply to Kahri)

Post #: 20

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