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Attitude - 9/6/2006 11:41:20 AM

RiotGirl

Posts: 3149
Status: offline

I've aloooooooooot of attitude. ::sigh :: yet recently i found out i portray an attitude that i didnt even know of! What a pain, eh? I was asking questions.. cant help it. i do it alot. Inquiring minds want to know and all that! So i'm told my attitude is abit off setting. Which of course.. what attitude, was the next question. They way it was described to me was "you walk like you've got beef" Pretty much, i gather is that i come off like i want to kick some ones ass.. or w/e Duh, i dunno. LOL And generally i suppose it works well for me. Not many ppl "mess" with me. LOL And i find that alot of girls are scared of me.. which always perplexed me.. hmmm

Well i'd like to get rid of it! Aye two personal goals in a week! Not excatly sure how to get rid of it, or better yet how to control it. To where, it comes out when i WANT it out and not when i'm not noticing.

Anyways, so after this piece of info i went to a really sweet guy that adores me and double checked it! i twas told that its more of a front.. and if a person is intelligent its easily see through and if they cant, dun worry about it. Not that i'm really worried about others.

Its more a personal thing. Like, i may WISH i was 6 foot and 240 lbs, but i dun want to go around ACTING like it. Or acting like an angry 6 footer.

Lets see, i've figured it this way. Recognize it. Find the source. Change the thinking. I'm at that "change the thinking" part and i'm abit stumped. It a defense mechanism... and i know where and all the whys of it.. but how to tell myself i dun need it anymore? How to tell myself to "relax" and i dun need to be on "guard" 24/7?

to make it simpler to understand. Its like i act like i'm walking around the ghetto late a night on gaurd for some one to jump out the bushes AND i cant seem to bring myself back to walking around a suburb neighborhood.

Suggestions, sugguestions? anyone ever managed to change the presentatin of themselves? And i dun mean like dress, talk, social norm stuff. As it seems to come out in my mannerisms, the way i carry myself, the way i walk, how i look at ppl.

Granted i've some one who's helping me out, but well i like to do things myself. = )

Post #: 1

RE: Attitude - 9/6/2006 11:51:29 AM

MsIncognito

Posts: 742
Joined: 5/24/2005
Status: offline

It requires a lot of self awareness and self control to change the types of behaviours you're talking about because they are second nature to us. Not that it can't be done but it's a long, hard process. Good luck with it.

(in reply to RiotGirl)

Post #: 2

RE: Attitude - 9/6/2006 11:57:19 AM

Devilslilsister

Posts: 1262
Joined: 8/3/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MsIncognito

It requires a lot of self awareness and self control to change the types of behaviours you're talking about because they are second nature to us. Not that it can't be done but it's a long, hard process. Good luck with it.

Thanks. i'm getting the self awareness. Of course it can be done, i can do anything = ) So whats involved in the process? Just paying close attention to every move, gesture made? i generally already try and do that.. but sometimes i dun pick it out in myself.

_____________________________

My ability to cope with BS is at an all time low - me

i may look like i'm doing nothing, but i'm very busy at a cellular level

(in reply to MsIncognito)

Post #: 3

RE: Attitude - 9/6/2006 12:05:40 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

Practice in the mirror. Project the attitude you desire. See how your body changes. Try a few different postures.

Create a new habit for yourself that whenever you leave or enter some place, remind yourself of the attitude you want to portray- fix yourself from the feet up into that position and then continue.

Make yourself smile more, talk less than 30% of the time and when you do talk, make it be about sincere questions to others.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to RiotGirl)

Post #: 4

RE: Attitude - 9/6/2006 12:06:03 PM

MissyRane

Posts: 1032
Joined: 5/11/2005
Status: offline

aw damn girl KEEP that attitude

(in reply to Devilslilsister)

Post #: 5

RE: Attitude - 9/6/2006 12:09:55 PM

Amaros

Posts: 1363
Joined: 7/25/2005
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Sure, you can change your atitude, the easiest way is to change your circumstances - attitudes, including bad ones, are often adaptations to real or imagined envoronmental stressors, or simply picked up from others - "camouflage", as it were - I'm not a redneck, but I've spent most of my life around them and can put on a very convincing redneck attitude if I want to, and I've seen happy-go-lucky, citified midwesterners come here and six months later they're two stepping and driving pickups.

Attitudes can also change with age and experience - I used to be very jealous, I'm much more philosophical these days - I also used to think BDSMer's were probobly mostly at least half whacko, now I think they may be among the sanest people on the planet.

Research shows that attitudes change as perception changes, but also when you simply evince a new philosophy - declaring it leads to changes in external expression of attitudes.

Tell yourself you're not such a bad ass bitch, and you'll probobly end up acting less like one, or projecting that attitude: kind of an autosuggestion to yourself.

(in reply to MsIncognito)

Post #: 6

RE: Attitude - 9/6/2006 12:10:04 PM

raiken

Posts: 868
Joined: 10/18/2005
Status: offline

A dose of self discipline would help. What is it that makes you feel you have to be on guard all of the time? What are you afraid of? What do you think will happen if you let down your guard?

(in reply to RiotGirl)

Post #: 7

RE: Attitude - 9/6/2006 1:02:22 PM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

Try reading Sacred Contracts by Carolyn Myss. This book introduces you to Archetypes. Perhaps you will find something that helps you learn why you are so naturally defensive.

Master Fire

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to RiotGirl)

Post #: 8

RE: Attitude - 9/6/2006 1:18:41 PM

maledave777

Posts: 67
Joined: 8/5/2006
Status: offline

I think you do not have to change your clothes unless you desire to do that. I feel most of it is a mindset or at least I thinking so. I do think body language is important. How you talk, walk, and think. I feel women are more in tune with body language then men. I feel they can read a person better too. I am working on some new good attitudes myself. I do desire to be humble, but that I have value and something to offer a woman. I have notice people looking at me a second time at work. I even had good comments from this woman cashier at the food store. I never expected that to happen. It seems she notice me for a couple of weeks. There is this woman at work that caught me off guard yesterday. Almost everyone calls me Dave. She said, “Hey Davy, what’s happening?” It took me some time to think of what to say to her. I said, “I am shipping some labels out.” She said, “O-ok.” She just kept staring at me the whole time with a little smile as she was walking by. I just kept staring at her too with a little smile.

(in reply to MsIncognito)

Post #: 9

RE: Attitude - 9/6/2006 2:03:33 PM

amayos

Posts: 1553
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: New England
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: RiotGirl

I'm at that "change the thinking" part and i'm abit stumped. It a defense mechanism... and i know where and all the whys of it.. but how to tell myself i dun need it anymore? How to tell myself to "relax" and i dun need to be on "guard" 24/7?

to make it simpler to understand. Its like i act like i'm walking around the ghetto late a night on gaurd for some one to jump out the bushes AND i cant seem to bring myself back to walking around a suburb neighborhood.

Suggestions, sugguestions?

Be still, and know that I am God: Psalms 46:10

For those who know me, it's probably quite a shock to see me referencing anything out of the Bible. After all, I am beyond atheist. I do, however, find merit in these simple words of the Christian book, specifically the be still and know portion. Reflect upon this, and I think you may come to understand what I mean.

(in reply to RiotGirl)

Post #: 10

RE: Attitude - 9/6/2006 3:32:08 PM

DivaDuchess

Posts: 402
Joined: 8/17/2006
Status: offline

Hmmm ... how about relax and be yourself. The way you are right now? If there are those that cannot handle that, it's their loss. Don't loose yourself trying to be something else for everyone else. That never works. Pick one or two things that irritate YOU and focus on those. Perhaps you will find that the best person you can be is already looking at you in the mirror.

_____________________________

Duchess

Courage is not the absence of Fear,
But rather the judgement that,
Something else is more important than Fear.

The Brave may not live forever,
But the Cautious do not live at all.

(in reply to amayos)

Post #: 11

RE: Attitude - 9/6/2006 3:45:20 PM

CreoleCook

Posts: 321
Joined: 10/9/2005
Status: offline

simple and to the point...

When I hear people talking about BDSM, I often bring up the question... of the four choices: Bondage, Discipline, Sadism, Masochism... Which is the most used, and why? I get a variety of responses, for a variety of reasons, but most people forget the one basic necessity of everybody who practices D/s and BDSM... self discipline.

Now if you have a smartass nature, a mischevious streak a mile long, to go with the stubborness that would impress a mule, I would highly suggest down time. Turn off the phone, turn off the computer, get in the car, and pick a direction. Usually driving by yourself helps give you downtime from everyone else's bullshit and drama. Got to get out of the house, or apartment, or box; and get away... if you can't afford to go stay soemwhere, who cares... just get out of the traffic, find a stretch of beach, a quiet area in a rest stop... hell, it dsoesn't matter. When you can organize your own thoughts, then you are ready to make any "changes." If you feel you need to make a list of goals, start short term, then long term, then dreams... but write them all out. If you feel the need to make a list of pros and cons, do it... if you have a friend who is willing to support you and your decisions, great... clue them in. But remember, they are not there to point out your faults. theya re just there to support your own decisions, and help you along the way if necessary.

three things to remember:
1) all it takes is 21 days of doing the same thing, in order for it to become a habit. It takes 90 days to break free of a habit, statistically speaking.
2) the only person who will know if you lie, or cheat, is you. Integrity counts for A LOT in life.
3) you are never alone, unless you choose to be so. (And I speak of people who care about you, be it friends, family, loved ones, etc...)

CC
___________________________________________

Given the choice of being with someone for the wrong reasons, or alone for the right ones. I'd rather be right.

(in reply to amayos)

Post #: 12

RE: Attitude - 9/6/2006 4:53:15 PM

cherylann

Posts: 11
Joined: 7/9/2006
Status: offline

Im also trying to change things in my nature, my shy attitude ammong them. One thing I have found helpful is to recognize what natural tendancies you want to change and why, then whenever you feel them just do the opposite. For instance, I have lost a lot of friendships because my first instinct in a problem is to walk away and give it time. Now I stick to the person when there's tension, doing whatever I can to solve it. Its hard for me and I may end up making it worse, but I find Im starting to make friends not lose them. You cant just act a certain way or do certain things, you have to focus on overriding that natural tendancy. Just my 2 cents.

_____________________________

..^^.. This is Bunny.
(='.'=) Copy and paste Bunny into your signature
(")_(") to help him gain world domination.

(in reply to CreoleCook)

Post #: 13

RE: Attitude - 9/6/2006 5:30:03 PM

marieToo

Posts: 3595
Joined: 5/21/2006
From: Jersey
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: RiotGirl

Suggestions, sugguestions? anyone ever managed to change the presentatin of themselves? And i dun mean like dress, talk, social norm stuff. As it seems to come out in my mannerisms, the way i carry myself, the way i walk, how i look at ppl.

Granted i've some one who's helping me out, but well i like to do things myself. = )

I change the presentation of myself all the time. It depends on the circumstances. If Im in a situation that calls for professionalism, my manner is completely different than it is, say at a social event.

Like you, I have a tude too. I dont know why. I think its partially because of where Im from. I think its partially because of what Ive been through in my life in general, And in some ways, it may also be an overcompensation for being small in stature. I dont know. I can and do change my tude when necessary. So, yeah I think in the long run, you shouldnt attempt to change yourself, but you can make adjustments for the "when" "where" and "who" you're dealing with. If you're specifically talking about in your submission...well...I dont have any suggestions, but can say in my case, when the chemistry is right, its just an automatic adjustment that mostly comes without effort, because it actually becomes uncomfortable for me to have a 'tude with someone Im in submission to. Hope this helps.

(in reply to RiotGirl)

Post #: 14

RE: Attitude - 9/6/2006 6:38:41 PM

Devilslilsister

Posts: 1262
Joined: 8/3/2006
Status: offline

Thanks guys. i'm half awake at the moment and i'll have to come back. Seems like alot of good info in here. I seem to get this attitude up mostly in new scenarios. Like walking around down town orlando. Nevermind i'm walking with a 6 foot guy and perfectly safe...

and when it was pointed out to me, i was with pretty much friends. Not people i'd trust, but people that like me, that i generally like and everyone gets along. I'd say friends as they say things to me, you wouldnt say to non friends. Out at a bar, for some ones class reunion (rednecks heh) So basically in a good group of ppl, i had some one with me - yet alot of variables. Like everyone ELSE in the bar i didnt know. Plus, like i said, i generally didnt trust any of em.

So i think i get it when i am around those that are generally unknown to me. I'm also pretty sure its a fear thing. So then what am i afraid of right? Well the obvious, being hurt. i dont want to let down my gaurd. Which generally works and i generally read ppl very well. Like one lady in the group, read her the first day - knew she wasnt trustable and a year later heard about her burning a really good friend of ours. Glad i didnt let down my gaurd, relax and open my mouth too much. Tho she did hers. But w/e

I think its like my "watching" mode. Its how i keep others at bay until i decide if they're trustable or not. Which is fine if i could do it in more of a feminine way. LOL See, i'm also told i walk like a thug. Escpecially if you put me in a neighborhood that isnt completely respectable. It becomes more pronounced.

Sort of my whole problem. Its not very feminine and i know i've been a tomboy all my life, comes from idolizing my older bro and dad.. but i wouldnt mind acting more like a GIRL.

And its easier to be relaxed and comfie and "myself", whichever that may be, here online as well, there isnt any threat factor. This is virtually safe and one of THE most places i feel comfortable.

well anyways, i've no clue where i'm going withthis. i just woke up. But there seems to be alot of good info which i will start extracting.

_____________________________

My ability to cope with BS is at an all time low - me

i may look like i'm doing nothing, but i'm very busy at a cellular level

(in reply to marieToo)

Post #: 15

RE: Attitude - 9/6/2006 6:53:00 PM

Devilslilsister

Posts: 1262
Joined: 8/3/2006
Status: offline

yeah hmmmmmmmm i've a friend reading this (hi friend.. lololol) and well i didnt really find a direction or actually know where i was going with that last post. All i know at the moment is : i'm tired and stale oreo cookies are the best.

Like tho when i was asking that really sweet guy. He said he loves reading my blogs, cos one moment i'm talking about my kitties, the non living ones and all sweet and sensitive and w/e. My POOR kitties. Aye and i post these REALLY huge pics of them, cos they're so adorable and i swear they wont be forgotten. i've a webshots of ALLL my little babies in case anyone wants to get to know em and make sure der not forgotten! ^ ^

and in the next blog, i'm ready to beat some one senseless. Actually he said "beat some girls ass" tho i dun remember a blog like that.. but i do know a few girls i'm just waiting around patiently... You know yer wicked when you have the ones you despise most on yer friends list! Any who... i guess its like i hide that really senstive stuff from the world cos well, when it comes time to beat some one's ass its not wise to be vunerable. Not that i fight, i like never get the chance, cos der all running scared. LOL But well there is always the non physical fight. Which is generally where i operate as like its the only field others will meet me on.

dur i dunno. i think i need more sleep?

_____________________________

My ability to cope with BS is at an all time low - me

i may look like i'm doing nothing, but i'm very busy at a cellular level

(in reply to Devilslilsister)

Post #: 16

RE: Attitude - 9/6/2006 8:52:17 PM

TemptingNviceSub

Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline

Maybe you can think of someone whom you admire that has the qualities you seek..Think on how they portray themselves, their mannerisms, speech, etc..think why it is that you admire them so and then try to incorporate such into your outward projections...personally, however I believe you just need to be you, warts and all..but since you feel a need for change then to me this may be a good way to go about it....Tempting

(in reply to Devilslilsister)

Post #: 17

RE: Attitude - 9/6/2006 10:45:18 PM

RiotGirl

Posts: 3149
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: TemptingNviceSub

Maybe you can think of someone whom you admire that has the qualities you seek..Think on how they portray themselves, their mannerisms, speech, etc..think why it is that you admire them so and then try to incorporate such into your outward projections...personally, however I believe you just need to be you, warts and all..but since you feel a need for change then to me this may be a good way to go about it....Tempting

LOL Thats the problem. i generally admire men. My father for one. Damn is he tough too. Tough, built, has control of everything at every moment, isnt one wit emotional, very logical. Majorly intelligent. Hard working. Self sacrificing, a team player. Cant say i admire my aunts.. or grandmothers. Well one Gma.. but she's abit rough too. = ) hmmm.. you know, you have a point! i need to find some women to admire. Course my kickboxing teacher is a sexy lady, but she's got some well defined mucles and pushes everyone till they about drop. She's tough! LOL

lmao - yes i see the problem!

(in reply to TemptingNviceSub)

Post #: 18

RE: Attitude - 9/6/2006 10:45:56 PM

marieToo

Posts: 3595
Joined: 5/21/2006
From: Jersey
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: TemptingNviceSub

Maybe you can think of someone whom you admire that has the qualities you seek..Think on how they portray themselves, their mannerisms, speech, etc..think why it is that you admire them so and then try to incorporate such into your outward projections

Thats an excellent suggestion . I read something very similar in one of the Tony Robbins books....He suggests identifying your goal...whether it be successful business man, confident person, relaxed risk taker, whatever...you watch a person who is already there and what they do and how they do it and pretty much apply it to yourself

(in reply to TemptingNviceSub)

Post #: 19

RE: Attitude - 9/6/2006 11:42:23 PM

ownedgirlie

Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: amayos

quote:

ORIGINAL: RiotGirl

I'm at that "change the thinking" part and i'm abit stumped. It a defense mechanism... and i know where and all the whys of it.. but how to tell myself i dun need it anymore? How to tell myself to "relax" and i dun need to be on "guard" 24/7?

to make it simpler to understand. Its like i act like i'm walking around the ghetto late a night on gaurd for some one to jump out the bushes AND i cant seem to bring myself back to walking around a suburb neighborhood.

Suggestions, sugguestions?

Be still, and know that I am God: Psalms 46:10

For those who know me, it's probably quite a shock to see me referencing anything out of the Bible. After all, I am beyond atheist. I do, however, find merit in these simple words of the Christian book, specifically the be still and know portion. Reflect upon this, and I think you may come to understand what I mean.

I have to admit I did a double take.

If you have not read it before, Desiderata, by Max Ehrmann, is one of my favorites: http://www.desiderata.com/

(in reply to amayos)

Post #: 20

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