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Being owned - 9/6/2006 1:08:24 PM   
gemy


Posts: 107
Joined: 4/6/2006
Status: offline 		i have noticed, generally, how quickly subs and slaves seem to get collared, on line and real time, and "give their hearts" and "this is the One of my dreams" and all that kind of stuff. now, i am not saying sometimes it isn't real.  But then there are also subs i know personally ~~ it seems so important to them to be collared, to be owned and have a Master,,,,,, they get depressed when it hasn't happened, wonder what is wrong, etc., and settle for Whomever will accept them,,,,,,,,

i would like to owned, collared and loved, sure ~~ but, i am not in a hurry.  i guess i hope that One that i can truly give myself to in alllllllllllllll fullness will come, and i do not wish to offer myself to a Master Whom does not, um, consume me for lack of a better term ~~

is there something wrong with me? am i missing some essential part that makes a girl, or a guy for that matter, a submissive?  or am i something else and i don't know what,,,,?
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Being owned - 9/6/2006 1:13:18 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		Here are a whole bunch of submissives not in a hurry to get a collar... so you know you are not alone

http://www.collarchat.com/m_548100/mpage_1/key_never%252Ccollared/tm.htm#548100

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to gemy)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Being owned - 9/6/2006 1:14:44 PM   
Owned1


Posts: 847
Joined: 7/6/2005
From: Toronto, Ontario
Status: offline 		gemy, there is nothing wrong with you ~ in fact you are true and real.  It is very easy to take a velcro online collar and profess you love and devotion today then poof off it comes to only wear anothers.

It is not easy to wait patiently to find the one who fits you and who you fit.  The one who will be your soul mate who will compliment you as do you them.

Take your time and be true to yourself.

But dont forget you do have to kiss a few frogs along the way, and frogs can be fun too.

Owned

_____________________________

~~in His Chains i am free~~

(in reply to gemy)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Being owned - 9/6/2006 1:14:48 PM   
DiurnalVampire


Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline 		Nothing wrong with waiting. My boy and I waited 6 months before we considered a collar. There are a few who rush into it ad compomise on what tey want just ebcasue they are more interested in being collared than who they are being collared to.  Its like in the vanila world, the girls and guys that are more in love with being in love than they are with their partners. For some people, love and devotion at first sight works beautifully. For tohers, tey ahve to take their time and be one hundred percent sure of things before they can move forward. ITs a personal call, but someone getting depressed becasue it hasnt hapened to them yet isnt unusual either.  If tis been 2 months and your depressed, its unrealistic, but not unusual.

DV

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to gemy)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Being owned - 9/6/2006 1:17:49 PM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline 		No, there's nothing wrong with you. In my opinion, you have your head screwed on straight and realize that, while fantasies and fairy tales are wonderful, real life doesn't function that way. I see these people as being willing to sell a huge chunk of themselves in order to buy the fairy tale...and then they get truly hurt when the fairy tale isn't real. I've been there, done that, so I try to have compassion. If we want things to work, we have to be willing to wait for the right person and situation. All good things are worth waiting/working for, as my momma used to tell me.

Master Fire


_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to gemy)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Being owned - 9/6/2006 1:18:09 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: gemy
is there something wrong with me? am i missing some essential part that makes a girl, or a guy for that matter, a submissive?  or am i something else and i don't know what,,,,?

I'm afraid you're missing something very big that all those other people have- insecurity and a need to be with SOMEONE.

I'll cyber collar you if you really don't want to feel like an outsider.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to gemy)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Being owned - 9/6/2006 1:19:02 PM   
GeekyGirl


Posts: 905
Joined: 8/21/2006
Status: offline 		I think waiting is the best thing. To me, being owned is a huge commitment, akin to marriage. It takes a long time to find the right person and to be sure that they are the one for you.

I have been owned once before and I miss the dynamic...I do sometimes get depressed and feel incomplete because I do not have a Master. However, I also realize that jumping into something with someone I hardly know isn't going to make me feel any better.

I have faith that with time and patience, Master Right will come my way.

(in reply to DiurnalVampire)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Being owned - 9/6/2006 1:19:41 PM   
SusanofO


Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline 		I don't think there is anything wrong with doing that. In fact, there are a couple of people here who regulraly make it a practice to helpfully point ou to submissives to be very careful and take their time to choose the right Dominant for them. I think they are right, and you are smart to ask this question.

- Susan

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to gemy)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Being owned - 9/6/2006 1:22:56 PM   
agirl


Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline 		Often these people will be the ones *giving their hearts* to someone else in a very short time.....and the NEXT one will be the *One of their Dreams*.

In a forum that I belonged to in the past, I watched girls doing the very same thing.......they *gave their all* ,spoke lovingly of their smart new collar and enthused endlessly about their amazing new *Master* .....who within a few months became *the mean EX Master* who didn't understand them....lol

agirl

(in reply to gemy)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Being owned - 9/6/2006 1:45:09 PM   
slave2noname


Posts: 1
Joined: 8/18/2006
Status: offline 		i totally agree about not rushing it...Master & i have been together pretty much since W/we met a little over 3 yrs ago... but W/we just clicked like that tho, Y/you know.... it was absolutely beautiful...had NEVER been so happy....W/we've been having a LOT of trouble lately....and am making plans now to withdraw my submission from Him... the last 4 weeks have been the worst...and now it's a matter of my sanity, among other things... O/our 'contract' is verbal.... definitely have to take it slow this time around....much more baggage, it'll take time to find another Master that has complimentary luggage.... take care E/everyone....... sandra

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Being owned - 9/6/2006 1:53:24 PM   
mistoferin


Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: gemy
i have noticed, generally, how quickly subs and slaves seem to get collared, on line and real time, and "give their hearts" and "this is the One of my dreams" and all that kind of stuff. 


Um yup...there sure is a lot of that. Stick around and you can see just how quickly it usually all falls apart. Some of them learn and don't make the same mistake again. Some of them are collared, owned and giving their hearts to a new "One of their dreams" every other month.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to gemy)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Being owned - 9/6/2006 1:59:09 PM   
raiken


Posts: 868
Joined: 10/18/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: gemy

i have noticed, generally, how quickly subs and slaves seem to get collared, on line and real time, and "give their hearts" and "this is the One of my dreams" and all that kind of stuff. now, i am not saying sometimes it isn't real.  But then there are also subs i know personally ~~ it seems so important to them to be collared, to be owned and have a Master,,,,,, they get depressed when it hasn't happened, wonder what is wrong, etc., and settle for Whomever will accept them,,,,,,,,

i would like to owned, collared and loved, sure ~~ but, i am not in a hurry.  i guess i hope that One that i can truly give myself to in alllllllllllllll fullness will come, and i do not wish to offer myself to a Master Whom does not, um, consume me for lack of a better term ~~

is there something wrong with me? am i missing some essential part that makes a girl, or a guy for that matter, a submissive?  or am i something else and i don't know what,,,,?



Nope! Nothing wrong at all!  Too many folks around that spend their time chasing temporary highs, and when they land, they land hard.  You seem like you have a balance, keep on being you, just the way you are.  You don't have to settle for less than you desire.  You will find a real person who complements you, AND your desires, as long as you keep it real and be true to yourself.  Don't forget, this lifestyle is also about having fun and exploration.  It is good to gain some experiences, and make new connections, see others points of view, etc.  Just be careful not to put all your eggs in one basket and take this part of life too seriously.  Enjoy the waiting period and have fun meeting new folks along the way. 

(in reply to gemy)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Being owned - 9/6/2006 2:06:50 PM   
alwayscuri


Posts: 13
Joined: 5/6/2006
Status: offline 		I think you are very smart and there is nothing wrong with waiting. There are also people out there who dont look before they leap and there relationships end up ending because they arent compatible. It was 6 months before I received my collar and not until after long careful thought that he was the one and that we were not only compatible in the D's lifestyle but the nilla world as well. We have now been together for almost 3 years and he was well worth the wait. So keep searching for what u desire youll meet some interesting people along the way and make some great friendships as well. Ive learned when u wait and find the right one yes he does consume u totally........ I wish u the best in your search.........curi

(in reply to mistoferin)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Being owned - 9/6/2006 2:13:12 PM   
zumala


Posts: 1121
Joined: 6/16/2005
Status: offline 		gemy:  Not being in a hurry and being carefully selective would indicate intelligence and self-preservation.  Both of which are good traits to have.  That said, I suspect some people enter BDSM and D/s with a view of it being a romantic adventure, or something like that.  So they end up going through Masters like a teenager goes through boyfriends - one bad hasty decision after another.
 
Don't worry about it.  Going slow and using your head is probably the BEST thing you could do in order to eventually establish a relationship that will fulfill your needs and last a long time.
 
Good luck.
 
zuma

(in reply to gemy)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Being owned - 9/6/2006 2:25:00 PM   
ShiftedJewel


Posts: 2492
Joined: 12/2/2004
Status: offline 		Ok, admittedly there are a lot of those kinds of stories around. And there are a lot of people out there that should have taken the time to get to know each other better and on and on. But my gosh!! So much negativity!! When I met my husband I knew by the second date that I had met my soulmate and after the third date we moved in together. Before the year was out he proposed and I accepted and I have never in my entire life been happier.
 
We met twicehappy online through here... talked on the phone, through emails and on messenger. Had she been able to get here sooner then she did she would have. No face to face meeting first, no "trial" period, we just clicked. And as most here that read her posts know... she's freakin' amazing and we are all extremely happy.
 
I understand taking precautions and thinking things through carefully and all that happy crap but come on people! You find someone that makes you happy, that could very possibly be "the ONE" then you go for it. If it works out then that's great, but if it doesn't there isn't any reason to beat yourself, or anyone else up over it. The heart loves who the heart loves, and it loves when it loves... not who and when you want it too. I know that for some it's a long drawn out decision and for others it's "just knowing" that it's right. Neither is right or wrong.
 
Me and mine are perfect examples of leaping before we look and it's a match made in Heaven.
 
quote:

 Not being in a hurry and being carefully selective would indicate intelligence and self-preservation.  Both of which are good traits to have.  (snip)
 
Don't worry about it.  Going slow and using your head is probably the BEST thing you could do in order to eventually establish a relationship that will fulfill your needs and last a long time. 

 
Zumala... I'm extremely intelligent... So is my husband and our slave, so that sweeping generalization just doesn't hold water. Intelligence has little if anything to do  with self-preservation and even less with the speed at which one makes a decision.
 
And I thought long and hard about my decision to marry my first husband and that time period of my life is what I refer to as my time in hell. And to think I put in nearly a year of contemplation on that one.
 
I'm not going to pick apart every thing said here... I'm just trying to make a point. There is NO right way to go about a relationship, or finding one, or joining one, there is only what a person's heart feels is right. If someone were to ask me if they should wait my question to them would be... what are you waiting for? A sign from God? A lifetime warrenty? A written guarantee? (And I may be cutting my own throat here... Lord I hope not) But if it feels right... do it. If it feels wrong then don't do it. My gosh, if you have to know every single thing about a person before you'll take a chance on them then there is no relationship that is going to suit you... geeeze, think about it.. what are you gonna talk about after sex if you all ready know everything there is to know about each other....
 
Like they say... life shouldn't be a journey to the end in a beautiful and well preserved body but you should slide in sideways screaming "WOW... what a ride!!"
 
Jump occasionally... who knows... you may like it.
 
Jewel

< Message edited by ShiftedJewel -- 9/6/2006 2:41:07 PM >

_____________________________

Don't ask, trust me, you won't like the answer... no one ever does.

(in reply to gemy)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Being owned - 9/6/2006 2:29:05 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ShiftedJewel
Me and mine are perfect examples of leaping before we look and it's a match made in Heaven.

Jewel

On the other hand Jewel, what about all the ones before Twice?  We've heard the horror stories here.  What about your search for the elusive stable mature male sub?

Yes, your other story worked out great.  My story with my younger partner has worked out great too.  But we're not only the INSANE minority group, we're also not starry eyes newbies who are desparate for ANY relationship that gives them ANY sort of sincere attention and facade of security.  This is who I think the topic is targeting- not the lucky bullseyes such as your examples.

PS:  "Love" is a horrible indicator for whether a relationship is healthy or will work in the long term

< Message edited by LuckyAlbatross -- 9/6/2006 2:30:30 PM >

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to ShiftedJewel)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Being owned - 9/6/2006 2:44:08 PM   
Lordandmaster


Posts: 10943
Joined: 6/22/2004
Status: offline 		No, there's nothing wrong with you.  You just haven't met ME yet.

quote:

ORIGINAL: gemy

i would like to owned, collared and loved, sure ~~ but, i am not in a hurry.  i guess i hope that One that i can truly give myself to in alllllllllllllll fullness will come, and i do not wish to offer myself to a Master Whom does not, um, consume me for lack of a better term ~~

is there something wrong with me? am i missing some essential part that makes a girl, or a guy for that matter, a submissive?  or am i something else and i don't know what,,,,?

(in reply to gemy)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Being owned - 9/6/2006 2:49:08 PM   
ShiftedJewel


Posts: 2492
Joined: 12/2/2004
Status: offline
quote:

On the other hand Jewel, what about all the ones before Twice?  We've heard the horror stories here.  What about your search for the elusive stable mature male sub?


We jumped then too, and as bad as it turned out to be, we learned a great deal from it. And to us, education is priceless, never to old to learn, are we?
 
As far as that elusive male unicorn.... and I put it that way because the way you put it is an oxymoron... male unicorn sounds like something that could possibly at least exist.... lol
 
And granted this may be targeting newbies... and scaring the hell outta them at the same time. Whether it's a lifestyle relationship or not the heart still knows what the heart knows.

quote:

PS:  "Love" is a horrible indicator for whether a relationship is healthy or will work in the long term


And LA... you know that you are one of those people that I really love to argue with, right? But this time I have to agree. It takes so much more. I've known people that I loved with all my heart but I knew it just wasn't going to work... to many things were missing. But... loving each other enough to weather the hard times and work through them... that helps a lot.

_____________________________

Don't ask, trust me, you won't like the answer... no one ever does.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Being owned - 9/6/2006 2:59:31 PM   
Mavis


Posts: 828
Joined: 2/8/2004
Status: offline 		Considering most people take all they have learned up til they are 21 or so before their first "permanat relationship"   why should it be so unspeakable to go 3, 4 5 years learning this paradigm before going for gold?

i think you're doing it just right.  i was actively looking for 4 years, and before that, 2 years of just learning, before settling into a Master i could say i was going to be prepared for. and in a lot of ways, i'm STILL not ready!   Those that think they can take everything they know about life from a nilla perspective and translate it to D/s and "join" in 4 months are sadly mistaken.  If they weren't, there wouldn't be so many "fully trained experienced slaves"  out there suddenly free of thier prior (poorly matched) commitments.

i may be a real prude here, but the majority of "available experienced slaves"  should be widowed.  not recently released aftr 10 months of trying to make a bad match work.  Same for "Quality experienced Masters".. If they were of such quality, they might still have the slaves they got thier experiences with.

(disclaimer.. yes, there are exceptions, i am talking very wide generalities, i know)

(in reply to ShiftedJewel)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Being owned - 9/6/2006 3:12:05 PM   
behindmirrors


Posts: 340
Joined: 8/5/2006
Status: offline 		Nothing wrong with you at all. In fact, I think there's more right with you waiting and not throwing yourself at anyone who will give you a collar than there would be if you were doing that.

With that said, I wish you luck in finding someone right for you.
behindmirrors.

(in reply to ShiftedJewel)
Profile   Post #: 20
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