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RE: Being owned - 9/6/2006 3:27:04 PM   
DivaDuchess


Posts: 402
Joined: 8/17/2006
Status: offline 		Too bad your not looking for a Couple *s*.  your profile was very well worded.  Best advise is like all the others here ... stay your course and be patient.  Anyone can collar ... but feeling, love and family is what COLLARED is, not just being owned, but being an integral part of the Master/Mistresses life and love.  Slow down, don't take your que from those around here, most are players, you don't seem to be of that group at all.



_____________________________

Duchess

Courage is not the absence of Fear,
But rather the judgement that,
Something else is more important than Fear.

The Brave may not live forever,
But the Cautious do not live at all.

(in reply to behindmirrors)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Being owned - 9/6/2006 3:34:51 PM   
twicehappy


Posts: 2706
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: gemy

is there something wrong with me? am i missing some essential part that makes a girl, or a guy for that matter, a submissive?  or am i something else and i don't know what,,,,?


No there is nothing wrong with waiting until you find that "ONE" that you just know is right, that being said when you find him do take that chance.

It took me six years of searching to find Scooter and Jewel but when i found them i did not hesitate and have never looked back.

quote:

ORIGINAL: zumala

Not being in a hurry and being carefully selective would indicate intelligence and self-preservation.  Both of which are good traits to have. 


This i have to disagree with, i have an IQ of 156, while Scooter and Jewel's are in the 135-140 range, as far as street or worldly smarts, well i can say we all possess these in sufficient quantity as well.

Carefully selective, yes we all are, yet we are also unafraid to take chances, you either learn from your mistakes or you find something wonderful but if you never make that leap of faith you may very well lose your chance with that "ONE".

When i met my Master who is gone we made one hell of a jump; on my way to work i was with a few friends and saw the most gorgeous HD i had ever seen and spent about 15 minutes drooling over it (ok people, stifle the groans, of course there is a motorcycle involved, look at who is posting).

After work i got a phone call and a dark voice stated "i hear you like my Harley", seven hours of telephone conversation later we agreed to meet the next day which was my birthday. The next day i was at work when in walked an older greybeard who closely resembled every classic sketch of Satan you've ever seen. Got to leave i told my boss and out we went, later that day we packed his apartment up and moved him in with me, the following day we went to the tattooist where "Property of " was tattooed on my butt. Then we finally went home and had sex, that is right, i never even saw him naked until that ink was laid. Three days from hello to i do, now that was a leap of faith.

Twenty-four years later when i met my pair i had been in mourning for for six years. What if i had not jumped? I would have missed so much, including my youngest child.

When i met Scooter online here it took about two weeks for me to fly out and about a week of that was figuring how to fly with my animals. Approximately two weeks after that i was collared, another tremendous jump. As you all know we are deliriously happy with each other. And i love them both madly, and am loved in return.

What if i had not taken that leap again? I would have missed what most people never find a first time, much less a second time.

So while i think folks just learning about the lifestyle should be careful i also think there is a time to learn to fly.
 

quote:

ORIGINAL: Mavis

i may be a real prude here, but the majority of "available experienced slaves"  should be widowed.  not recently released aftr 10 months of trying to make a bad match work. 


See above, i was.

< Message edited by twicehappy -- 9/6/2006 3:36:37 PM >

_____________________________

Infinite Diversity in Infinite Combinations.

The human heart is not a finite container but an ever expanding universe with all the stars contained there in.

(in reply to gemy)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Being owned - 9/6/2006 3:39:13 PM   
Silvermoon


Posts: 156
Joined: 11/24/2004
Status: offline 		Not much more one can say that hasn't already been said. So. I won't except to second (or third etc) the remarks such as.. Most here ARE players. Or they believe this lifestyle to be a sexual kink or fad.


Take heart though. I know a (small) percentage here personally and off this screen. And they are truly wonderful people. Not all of us are out to play games. It just happens that it tends to be hard to meet folks of our frame of mind, so we resort to places like this. Unfortunately many think it's a quick and easy way to find a fling.

Remember this - Submissive does not mean meek, indecisive, co-dependant or less than anyone else. You do not need a Dominant/Master to make you worthy, validate you, or ‘complete’ you. If that is what you are looking for, you won’t find it here, or out there. You’ll find it even closer…in your heart. THEN you will find what you need, not what you want…and in the end you may find that you have both.

Until then, don't look to the example of  the velcro collars, or for the most part even, the people online. Most of us are here because we don't have someone, and often there's a very good reason for that. Hate to say it folks but it's true. If someone's been on this site for 2-3-4 years consecutively as single...question it within yourself before you even approach.

Sincerely,
Silver

_____________________________

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"In Manus Tuas Commendo Spiritum Moum"-Into Your Hands I Entrust My Spirit

"A man's word is his honor, his honor is his worth; Therefore a man who can not keep his word, is worthless"-Self Quote

(in reply to gemy)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Being owned - 9/6/2006 3:49:45 PM   
lauren0221


Posts: 681
Joined: 8/29/2006
Status: offline 		Nope, nothing wrong with you at all. Wanting and desiring to serve are good things - needing to serve NOW can lead to insta-collars followed by big long posts about how someone did someone wrong.

Waiting for the right one, the one that fulfills your heart and soul, is well worth the wait.

(in reply to gemy)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Being owned - 9/6/2006 6:19:08 PM   
thisishis


Posts: 278
Joined: 5/11/2006
From: Southeastern MA
Status: offline 		gemy,
Nothing wrong with you, from what i see, and have read.

Some rush. Some don't.
Some jump in. Some don't.
Some succeed in finding exactly what(who) they hope for. Some don't.
Sometimes what(who) a person needs and wants comes along right away. Sometimes it doesn't.
Sometimes we know exactly what(who) we think we want and need. Sometimes we don't.
Sometimes even when we have thought something out long and hard, & used the best of common sense,  our choices may still turn out to be the wrong ones. Sometimes when we ignore the measures of time and just go with our 'gut', and trust our instincts .... we end up with the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. Sometimes the pot turns out to be filled with nothing more than fool's gold.

Sometimes life sucks. Sometimes it doesn't.

i've been in all of the above situations at one time or another in my life regarding relationships.
However, i'm one of the minorities here at collarme. i found my Master here the first day that i signed up as a member (2004 .. as cynnacent1 & INSIDEYOURMIND, the detailed are archived on this side somewhere).

We met in person the next day. i've been His, in every sense, ever since. His is the only collar i have ever had around my neck in real time as well as online (and of the only One i ever will wear). Many hinted at believing that it would never last. They said we jumped in too fast. Said we couldn't begin to know enough about each other to know that we are right for each other, in such a short time, after such a short 'courtship'.   We're having a great time together proving the naysayers wrong.

We're not nonexistent. We're simply just a couple of the very lucky few.

We both wish that everyone could be so lucky to find what(who) they want and need so quickly.
We don't believe that it's about how long a person searches, or whether the wait is long or short. We believe it's all based on fate ... or the luck of the draw.

< Message edited by thisishis -- 9/6/2006 6:23:33 PM >

_____________________________

Sincerely, his

How I'm kept busy these days: http://modelmayhem.com/member.php?id=368120




(in reply to gemy)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Being owned - 9/6/2006 6:40:08 PM   
diamonddreamlove


Posts: 770
Joined: 5/19/2006
Status: offline 		My Dom ( my favorite one anyway since i am free) has shared His thoughts about a collar and if it is offered and eventually accepted it will be stronger that a wedding band.  For me that is serious stuff and i want to be sure i know what i am doing.  He feels the same way and has been in the life for 16 years compared to my relatively short time.  As a result He encourages me to spend time with Other Doms to decide if He is really what i want from this life.  W/we both know that may result in my finding someone else that is more compatable.  If that should happen then W/we have avoided a mistake and if it doesn't then W/we will have many happy (hopefully lol) years together.  Take your time, know yourself and what you are seeking then consider the degree that you believe a collar represents in your life.  After that follow your heart.

_____________________________

"Many attempts to communicate are nullified by saying too much." Robert Greenleaf

(in reply to behindmirrors)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Being owned - 9/6/2006 7:41:28 PM   
Mavis


Posts: 828
Joined: 2/8/2004
Status: offline 		twicehappy, yes!  i knew that you were widowed..  and i knew you and your new family moved very fast.  But the thing is, you KNEw yourself.  you weren't taste-testing.  Why did you know what you needed and were likely to make a good (if sudden) choice?  Because you'd had the value of experience. You might have continued on with Him indefinately, but were able to carry on and add to Others lives after His passing. Unlike those who are brand new and still figuring things out, or hopping on the velcro ribbon, you didn't gain your experience thru a never-ending succession of failed relationships.  

If you're still taste testring, admit it, don't go blindly into "permanant pairings"  but date casually.   Taste-testing and "full collar" just don't go well in my book.. but like all things, there are exceptions to even that.

(in reply to diamonddreamlove)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Being owned - 9/6/2006 8:12:24 PM   
BD123


Posts: 201
Joined: 8/12/2006
Status: offline 		Trust and respect are the key as to when to be collared.

(in reply to behindmirrors)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Being owned - 9/7/2006 4:23:38 AM   
twicehappy


Posts: 2706
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Mavis

But the thing is, you KNEw yourself.  you weren't taste-testing.  Why did you know what you needed and were likely to make a good (if sudden) choice?  Because you'd had the value of experience.


Yes this is very true but you will also note that i jumped even faster with the one i lost.

There are very good reasons for taking your time and learning about this lifestyle, Velcro collars being one of the best in my mind. But if you come across some one you cannot pass up the do take that leap of faith you may land in the arms of your "one".

But you need to be able to separate your intense longing to be owned and your fantasies pf a collar from the reality of what it takes to make a proper match lest you end up being one of those who is collared to a new one every other week.


_____________________________

Infinite Diversity in Infinite Combinations.

The human heart is not a finite container but an ever expanding universe with all the stars contained there in.

(in reply to Mavis)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Being owned - 9/7/2006 6:11:14 AM   
velvetears


Posts: 2933
Joined: 6/19/2006
Status: offline 		Taking your time, is valid advice but i would say even more important is knowing what you want and are willing to give.  It has surprised me that when i have talked to some doms over the last year or so the fact that it's been two and a half years since my last relationship has worked against me.  They assume i am either a game player, or there must be something "wrong" with me.  i just have to shake my head on that one.  The questions they ask are very telling though and have given me insight -"Don't you miss it and crave having those things in your life again"  Well yes, but not at the expense of ending up with someone not suited to me.  i should be desperate? Thats a good quailty??  "You're probably not really a sub if it's been that long, you obviously aren't serious"  Where is the logic in that!?!?  Only real subs have less then two years between relatonships?? Then there are others who get hung up on why my last five year relationship ended. i don't meet and chat to prospective doms and BINGO tell them all they want to hear.  This is a personal question and i don't think any of their business, at least not until we reach a certain stage in a relationship.  This seems to put some off.  i just find the whole "expectation" mind set strange.  Instead of just trying to get to know you many act like forensic detectives.  i am all for finding out, as well as revealing, information, but that takes time and a certain amount of trust.  i think so many have had bad experiences or have been burned that it's warped their perceptions. 

i recently met one for coffee. We spent almost 2 hours together.  He came with a real chip on his shoulder, did not smile till maybe the last half hour. He asked open ended questions and when i did not expound enough seemed irritated.  When i said at one point well i dont know what to say, he said well maybe you should of thought about what to say before agreeing to meet someone. i almost got up and left at that point but i let things play out.  He talked about how everyone is a game player and asked me if i was "for real" etc etc.... i said well i am here aren't i?  He talked about his disgust in all the game players there are.  Real attractive way to present yourself.  The the next day i get an email telling me how warm and engaging i am.  i was honest in how i felt the meeting went. i was polite about it but i wasn't going to lie.  The i was asked - when can you meet me i have a lake house.  He was so adament in questioning me yet he obviously never even heard a word i said. At that point i just told him politely i don't think this will work good luck. 

Take things slow gemy nothing at all wrong with that if that is what you want or need. If you run into the kinds i have who try to make you feel there is something wrong with YOU for it - don't.  There are a lot of people out there that don't always tell you their agendas and who come with a lot of negative experiences they will project onto you. Reflect it back and stay who YOU are.

_____________________________

Religion is for people who are scared of hell, Spirituality is for people who have been there

(in reply to twicehappy)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Being owned - 9/7/2006 7:16:44 AM   
gemy


Posts: 107
Joined: 4/6/2006
Status: offline 		lol  and that seems a shame, as W/we do not live all that far apart

(in reply to Lordandmaster)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Being owned - 9/7/2006 7:28:16 AM   
CreativeDominant


Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: gemy

i have noticed, generally, how quickly subs and slaves seem to get collared, on line and real time, and "give their hearts" and "this is the One of my dreams" and all that kind of stuff. now, i am not saying sometimes it isn't real.  But then there are also subs i know personally ~~ it seems so important to them to be collared, to be owned and have a Master,,,,,, they get depressed when it hasn't happened, wonder what is wrong, etc., and settle for Whomever will accept them,,,,,,,,

i would like to owned, collared and loved, sure ~~ but, i am not in a hurry.  i guess i hope that One that i can truly give myself to in alllllllllllllll fullness will come, and i do not wish to offer myself to a Master Whom does not, um, consume me for lack of a better term ~~

is there something wrong with me? am i missing some essential part that makes a girl, or a guy for that matter, a submissive?  or am i something else and i don't know what,,,,?



I don't see anything wrong with you.  In the 8 - 9 years of my involvement in this, I have had two submissive in collars.  I was involved with one for nearly a year before I collared her and with the other one for 9 - 10 mos. before I collared her.  Both relationships lasted over two years and I am still friends with both.  I really think part of the reason for tha ongoing friendship t is because there was no hurry on either side to "collar up"... not til we had spent time together and spent a lot of time exploring each other physically, mentally, and emotionally.

Many people do want to be with someone for longer than two - three years...I do.  Sometimes, life gives you that and sometimes, it doesn't.  In the two cases above, one was married...I knew that, she knew that, her husband knew that, and she eventually decided dominance was the main route for her.  The other one had too many family issues to deal with that took time away from us and we mutually decided it was best that she handle her family issues as best she could with occasional help from me from a "friend and former Master" standpoint.  The first one still submits to me.  The second one submits to no one anymore but still treats me in the same manner she always did.  Collars do not guarantee submission, nor does the lack of one take submission away.  It is the people involved that matter.

(in reply to gemy)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Being owned - 9/7/2006 7:52:14 AM   
Caitriona


Posts: 327
Joined: 8/28/2006
Status: offline 		As I am fairly new to the BDSM lifestyle, I am noticing the same thing.  However, I once read that internet based relationships progress something like 10x faster than real time ones because the increased communication.  Of course, the progression of a relationship also depends on the parties involved and their desires. 

For me, this means that you have to figure out what a collar means to you - does it mean a long term, romantic relationship?  A marriage?  Does it equate to a wedding ring in terms of a symbol? 

I can't really say anything on the "search" as I am married to my Dom, and that happened before we started exploring this lifestyle.  We had what can only be described as a "whirlwind" courtship - and we've lasted much longer than anyone said we would.

In regards to BDSM, neither of us have any desire to seek elsewhere and that's what works for us - it fulfills our needs.  Every one else is different - I don't expect what we have to work for every person out there.

I don't think there is anything wrong with you.  I think that you are experiencing a very basic human need - the need to be wanted, desired, loved, accepted - it's a need that doesn't just apply in this community. 

I wish you the best of luck in your search.


_____________________________

Property of Shadowraven
Serving alongside ciarra

(in reply to gemy)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Being owned - 9/7/2006 7:55:06 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Caitriona
10x faster than real time ones because the increased communication.  Of course, the progression of a relationship also depends on the parties involved and their desires. 

The problem is that it is a PERCEIVED increase, not an ACTUAL increase.  People who make decisions on this find that they have to go BACK and make up the steps that they skipped along the way.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to Caitriona)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Being owned - 9/7/2006 8:22:47 AM   
LadyWhisper


Posts: 54
Status: offline 		I, myself prefer to take my time to learn of the slave/sub before any collaring has taken place. Taking a collar from me is a lifetime commitment, therefore you really should learn from one another, sure it is lonely being alone, but the whole point is to be in a state of bliss when you do find that one, so why choose someone right away, just to be unhappy. Now that is just my thoughts on this.

Lady Whisper

(in reply to behindmirrors)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Being owned - 9/7/2006 9:11:18 AM   
jesskitty


Posts: 185
Joined: 9/4/2006
Status: offline 		i understand where your comming from. i think especially online and in chatrooms where friends frequent alot people being collared left and right, and after they are decollared get recollared by someone else at least up to two weeks latter.*shrugs* i think people want to prove that they konw what there talking about and feel they can only do so by actually being collared, some feel the need to fit in and belive that you have to be collared to fit in, while others just want to always be in a relationship no matter how awkward/wrong it is i think. but i personally haven't been collared and feel shouldn't rush into it. just like any sort of relationship i feel you shouldn't rush into it and find someone that fits/is compatable with you that will make you happy and not just rush into things and picky any random joe or jane or both off the street.

(in reply to gemy)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Being owned - 9/7/2006 9:15:20 AM   
Celeste43


Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline 		There are people who jump because they don't want to be alone. But there are also people who figure out before jumping back into the dating pool what they want and need. I'm one of those. This made it easy to not weed out people I didn't fit with very early on, it also made it much easier to know very early on that he was the right one for me.


(in reply to behindmirrors)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Being owned - 9/7/2006 9:34:58 AM   
Mavis


Posts: 828
Joined: 2/8/2004
Status: offline 		on that 10 x faster thing, it does seem to be true in the communications realm, but as Master and i are finding, the in person stuff is developed at a different rate, and the lag between the two is difficult to maneuver.  Not impossible mind you, but very much a real issue to deal with.

At one point,  He was upstairs, and rather than call down to me to ask where something was...  He sent a phone txt.  i was diligently typing out description of how to find the new stock of toothpaste "in the left drawer of the second dresser by the ...  WTF?   i'll be right up Sir."   Little stoopid stuff like that crops up a lot. 

(in reply to Celeste43)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Being owned - 9/7/2006 9:36:17 AM   
amayos


Posts: 1553
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: New England
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: gemy

i have noticed, generally, how quickly subs and slaves seem to get collared, on line and real time, and "give their hearts" and "this is the One of my dreams" and all that kind of stuff. now, i am not saying sometimes it isn't real. But then there are also subs i know personally ~~ it seems so important to them to be collared, to be owned and have a Master,,,,,, they get depressed when it hasn't happened, wonder what is wrong, etc., and settle for Whomever will accept them,,,,,,,,

i would like to owned, collared and loved, sure ~~ but, i am not in a hurry. i guess i hope that One that i can truly give myself to in alllllllllllllll fullness will come, and i do not wish to offer myself to a Master Whom does not, um, consume me for lack of a better term ~~

is there something wrong with me? am i missing some essential part that makes a girl, or a guy for that matter, a submissive? or am i something else and i don't know what,,,,?



Generally, being emotionally owned by another takes some degree of meaningful communication and interaction, even among so-called "doormats." How long it takes depends upon the individuals involved. It is interesting, however, to consider a slave so deeply internalized with her own servility that simply being given to or claimed by another is enough. While this quality makes selling her off quite easy, it shows a highly achieved state of self-objectification, which in my mind can only come through the willingness of the true believer and the deep-level conditioning she has received from previous keepers. There are not many exhibiting these true qualities, however. I believe most who seek to be collared so frivolously do so out of a more ego-based internalization, or, of course, under the assumption that being thus is ultimately just a cute little fantasy game within the broader scope of "dating."

Is something wrong with you for wanting to be owned and loved? Certainly not. You're merely admitting a need to be captured before your loyalty and devotion can flourish, and this state needn't be passive; it can seek out capture as much as it may lie in wait for it.

(in reply to gemy)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Being owned - 9/7/2006 10:35:30 AM   
marieToo


Posts: 3595
Joined: 5/21/2006
From: Jersey
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: gemy

i have noticed, generally, how quickly subs and slaves seem to get collared, on line and real time, and "give their hearts" and "this is the One of my dreams" and all that kind of stuff. now, i am not saying sometimes it isn't real. But then there are also subs i know personally ~~ it seems so important to them to be collared, to be owned and have a Master,,,,,, they get depressed when it hasn't happened, wonder what is wrong, etc., and settle for Whomever will accept them,,,,,,,,

i would like to owned, collared and loved, sure ~~ but, i am not in a hurry. i guess i hope that One that i can truly give myself to in alllllllllllllll fullness will come, and i do not wish to offer myself to a Master Whom does not, um, consume me for lack of a better term ~~

is there something wrong with me? am i missing some essential part that makes a girl, or a guy for that matter, a submissive? or am i something else and i don't know what,,,,?


quote:

amayos 


It is interesting, however, to consider a slave so deeply internalized with her own servility that simply being given to or claimed by another is enough. While this quality makes selling her off quite easy, it shows a highly achieved state of self-objectification, which in my mind can only come through the willingness of the true believer and the deep-level conditioning she has received from previous keepers.


A man once told me that if a person is a slave, it wouldn't matter who they belonged to.   As you said,  I doubt there would be many rough slaves in that state of mind, but perhaps one who has been heavily conditioned.  On the other hand,  I wouldn't be surprised to find that there are a rare few already there without any 'training'.   Interesting state of mind, indeed, almost scary.  


(in reply to amayos)
Profile   Post #: 40
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