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krikket -> RE: Apologetic Thoughts (9/9/2006 8:21:53 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Celeste43
If one mistake makes him kick you out, then it would happen eventually anyway and better to get it over with now.
i've only ever been in one relationship like the one you describe. i'd never been so happy, so in love, so right with the world. But.. periodically i'd mess up, the disappointment in his eyes and voice more than i could take..harder than any anger or resentment on his part would have been. On top of this i lived in total fear that one day i'd do or say the wrong thing -- a reason for leaving me. He knew which buttons to push, which look, which word, which song would send me to the depth of despair. so....to make what is probably a very dull story for most --- that one day happened. i had messed up so badly he walked away, his silence causing so much pain i wasn't sure i'd survive. i honestly never knew it was possible to hurt that badly and live. i'm hear to tell you, however, that after a while i did live. It started with being grateful for the 15 minutes, then one hour, etc., that i didn't dream of him, didn't condemn myself to hell..and then i realized i was going a whole day...week..month...amaging how that worked...lol. i wish i'd remembered (way back) that anything that begins with the intensity and passion that ours did with a light that blinded us both to problems and realities, would burn up just as quickly, passionately and intensely. Now, 3+ years later, i realize that i not only lived, but i've thrived, matured, and see the world as an entirely differently place. i can honestly say, today, that i've better off both because of him and because i'm now without him..on my own, which is lonely at times, but it beats the egg beater existence i had with him.
No matter what you decide, i hope it works out as it should for both of you.
Good luck..and huggles
jimini
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