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DO you want to meet the Dom, or the Person first ? - 1/7/2005 8:49:48 AM   
Darthbetta


Posts: 314
Joined: 12/16/2004
Status: offline 		ok, weird question.

Scenariou... you are found by, (Or find) a Master, and you send emails, chat, yackety yackk on the phone, and decide to meet.

Who do you want to know first ?

The DOM ?
or
The PERSON ?

Personaly I want to know the PERSON first as a Sub, or even as a fellow Dom... HOWEVER apparently this is a bit odd to somepeople since I don't come across as "Domly" while chatting. I make it abundantly clear that unless expressed in advance, I DO NOT DO ON-LINE {phantasy} DOMMING, and will not "top" you from 200+ miles away. I could tie up anyone I wanted to, but if ther is no emotion in it, it is more like "work", and I should be charging for it, and keeping it very plutonic and just as such.
Enter into it "Emotions" and woooooahhh FUCK ! People have to "feel " ? now that is a difficult thing to deal with.

I am of the mindset that there are far toomany armchair Mesiah's (tops who think they are Gods gift to BDSM) and they never have face to face sessions.

I don't fuck my computer, so what do they do ? {INSERT "I-O PORT" joke here}
I keep it real, and am real on-line as I am in person. Apparently this is not the norm, and I have had a bunch of emails commending me and my profile.


So as a sub, what is the most important thing to you when having a "new" Master show interest in you ? do you meet to met "the DOM" first, and then The PERSON ? or other ?



Profile   Post #: 1
RE: DO you want to meet the Dom, or the Person first ? - 1/7/2005 9:02:53 AM   
Destinysskeins


Posts: 267
Joined: 7/1/2004
Status: offline 		The person by far. When i was seeking i realized that i was looking for something long term and that if i couldn't identify with Someone on a day by day basis it would never last.

(in reply to Darthbetta)
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RE: DO you want to meet the Dom, or the Person first ? - 1/7/2005 9:33:31 AM   
onceburned


Posts: 2117
Joined: 1/4/2005
From: Iowa
Status: offline 		Flirting is fun (and even vital), but I agree with Destinysskeins. I want to understand the other person, to develop a friendship with them, a caring concern...because this is what makes for a lasting relationship.

(in reply to Destinysskeins)
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RE: DO you want to meet the Dom, or the Person first ? - 1/7/2005 10:07:47 AM   
sub4hire


Posts: 6775
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		I think it depends on if you want a relationship or a roll in the bondage hay. If you want a long lasting relationship you want to meet the person. See how well you actually get along.

For a roll in the hay it really doesn't matter because whatever relationship you develop is going to be quick to fizzle anyway. Unless you get awfully lucky and there are some vanillaish traits the both of you have.

One cannot play 24 hours a day 7 days a week. The bills do need to be paid.

(in reply to Darthbetta)
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RE: DO you want to meet the Dom, or the Person first ? - 1/7/2005 10:19:04 AM   
lilninotchka


Posts: 121
Joined: 8/27/2004
Status: offline 		i think i have a bit different take on this whole thing - i would hope that the Dom IS the person. i am not looking for anybody who views this as 'something they do' at this time or that, so that is not the type of person i agree to meet with.

It seems that my view view is not shared by many either, judging by the number of 'When you submit...' or 'When you are being submissive...' questions i get.

(in reply to Darthbetta)
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RE: DO you want to meet the Dom, or the Person first ? - 1/7/2005 10:21:39 AM   
GoddessJules


Posts: 549
Status: offline
quote:

Scenariou... you are found by, (Or find) a Master, and you send emails, chat, yackety yackk on the phone, and decide to meet.

Who do you want to know first ?

The DOM ?
or
The PERSON ?


I don't think that you can truly separate those elements that you inherently are. The traits that make you a dom probably won't "overtly" manifest themselves in a first meeting. . .but there are what make you "you". . .so I honestly don't think you can detach them and put them into your dresser drawer for later use.

I am many things and I carry them with me always. Sure, I won't overtly show some facets of my being in certain situations. . .but there are there. . .and for the truly observant. . .I'm sure they can "peg" me out.

I think some of the submissives will agree with me. . .just as gay men have gaydar. . .they have "domdar" and even when you think you aren't "showing". . .you *will* peg their domdar.

Just my two cents.

J

_____________________________

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(in reply to Darthbetta)
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RE: DO you want to meet the Dom, or the Person first ? - 1/7/2005 10:26:02 AM   
sweetpleaser


Posts: 689
Joined: 8/5/2004
From: Florida
Status: offline 		Well, I really can't say more than what others have said so well. I just have my opinion that the person comes first and the Dom side will show.

_____________________________

~ann~

It's not the men in my life that count, it's the life in my men.--Mae West

(in reply to Darthbetta)
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RE: DO you want to meet the Dom, or the Person first ? - 1/7/2005 10:26:44 AM   
lilninotchka


Posts: 121
Joined: 8/27/2004
Status: offline 		Excellent way of describing it...and you say it so much better than i could.

(in reply to GoddessJules)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: DO you want to meet the Dom, or the Person first ? - 1/7/2005 11:20:42 AM   
perverseangelic


Posts: 2625
Joined: 2/2/2004
From: Davis, Ca
Status: offline 		I would prefer someone who doesn't seperate the two elements. Someone who knows that he/she doesn't have to be on all the time, but also doesn't feel that his/her dominance is seperate from him/her as an individual.



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~in the begining it is always dark~

(in reply to lilninotchka)
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RE: DO you want to meet the Dom, or the Person first ? - 1/7/2005 11:43:03 AM   
Destinysskeins


Posts: 267
Joined: 7/1/2004
Status: offline 		Greetings,

i can see where the other posters are coming from when they say they want someone that doesn't separate the two. At the same time if a Dom was being over "Domly" instead of showing me who They were while at the same time projecting an understated Dominance i'd been much likely to say, 'see ya, sucker!'

Well wishes

(in reply to perverseangelic)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: DO you want to meet the Dom, or the Person first ? - 1/7/2005 12:03:22 PM   
sub4hire


Posts: 6775
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

At the same time if a Dom was being over "Domly" instead of showing me who They were while at the same time projecting an understated Dominance i'd been much likely to say, 'see ya, sucker!'


You just described 95% if the men I met when I was searching.

(in reply to Destinysskeins)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: DO you want to meet the Dom, or the Person first ? - 1/7/2005 12:12:02 PM   
Destinysskeins


Posts: 267
Joined: 7/1/2004
Status: offline 		*chuckles* Sadly, i think most of the subbies/slaves here will agree with that sentiment, gloria!

(in reply to sub4hire)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: DO you want to meet the Dom, or the Person first ? - 1/7/2005 3:38:08 PM   
liltxsubby


Posts: 328
Joined: 11/18/2004
From: TX
Status: offline 		If the first things i hear are "on your knees" or some other drivel well that's being too"Domly" (or maybe just a fake) for me and i probably won't even reply. Having a normal conversation and maybe introducing a few little instructions, rules, expectations, control whatever...that's just a Dom being a Dom with a sub.

(in reply to Destinysskeins)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: DO you want to meet the Dom, or the Person first ? - 1/7/2005 7:46:59 PM   
cynnacent1


Posts: 340
Joined: 6/25/2004
From: Massachusetts
Status: offline
quote:

Who do you want to know first ?

The DOM ?
or
The PERSON ?

When i was seeking, i had hoped to know/see both, rolled into One. i feel lucky to say, i DID ... still do. During the very first conversations, in setting up to meet face to face, i saw the Dom as well as the person who is well suited to me. i was happy to know upon that meeting taking place, the Dom and person are One, rather than something turned on or off at whim or just for 'play' purposes. It's a good thing too, because i can't 'turn off' my being a submissive, either.
quote:

One cannot play 24 hours a day 7 days a week. The bills do need to be paid.

When it is only regarded as 'play' this statement would be true. INSIDEYOURMIND and i do not 'play'. He is Master, i am His slave, 24 hours a day 7 days a week. Most times being His slave does not involve bedroom play, or sexual servitude. Being His slave means that i am serving as His slave in all vanilla activities as well. Be it vanilla or not, i do not deny His demands. If another's definition of a 24 hours a day 7 days a week were to define this D/s relationship as 'playing', then yes, INSIDEYOURMIND and i DO play 24 hours a day 7 days a week ... and ... the bills DO get paid.

¸,ø¤º°cynnacent°º¤ø,¸ (proudly owned by, and devoted to INSIDEYOURMIND)



< Message edited by cynnacent1 -- 1/7/2005 7:48:34 PM >

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(in reply to Darthbetta)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: DO you want to meet the Dom, or the Person first ? - 1/7/2005 11:35:28 PM   
Malkinius


Posts: 1814
Joined: 1/9/2004
Status: offline 		Greetings all....

First a summation of what I see being said before now. If all you see is the Dom and especially if it seems forced, you are missing out on a lot. You don't see the real person and the less real the person is the more you should avoid them. Perhaps being a Dom is something you can switch on and off? I know that there are people who do that and I am not talking about switching between Dom and sub, tho that is a similar situation. If you are only a Dom sometimes, then you are probably not really domanant. If what people see is what they get, all the time, then things seem a lot better to me.

It is better if you see the whole person. This is very true in anything where one person putting their trust and safety, their very life in the hands of another. Know the other person before you do anything. You can not know everything ahead of time. You will keep learning more about them and people do change a bit over time. Still...learn enough to have that trust. The fakes seem pretty obvious to most, but not everyone.

Be well all...

Malkinius

(in reply to cynnacent1)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: DO you want to meet the Dom, or the Person first ? - 1/8/2005 8:10:25 AM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline
quote:

DO you want to meet the Dom, or the Person first ?


Should only meet one person at a time, or; I'd wouldn't recommend meeting anyone with multi-personality issues. Only "Superman", "Batman", and other comic book heros require secret identities. His 'dominance', if legitimate, will or will not be obvious.

(in reply to Darthbetta)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: DO you want to meet the Dom, or the Person first ? - 1/8/2005 8:50:08 AM   
magiqual


Posts: 27
Joined: 9/19/2004
Status: offline 		Each person has many facets (a/k/a identities) that make up his or her "personality", and one's D/s role is one of those identities. If I'm getting into a long-term relationship, I want to hang around long enough to see more than one of your identities take center stage so I have an idea of the common theme that runs through all of them. I probably want to see how you treat your family, your friends, and even hear how you've treated past lovers, as these all tell me how you're likely to treat me once the honeymoon wears off. Once I've seen all that, I'll know whether the relationship stands a chance.

On the other hand, if this is a one-time play date, knowing you in your "Dominant" identity is just fine and dandy. Now, if you keep coming to me after the scene asserting that identity, I'm going to distance myself, as any ongoing relationship (for me) has to be with the whole person, not just one part.

(in reply to Darthbetta)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: DO you want to meet the Dom, or the Person first ? - 1/8/2005 10:40:21 AM   
theroebabe


Posts: 3155
Joined: 7/25/2004
Status: offline
As others have said it so well i will add my two cents anyway!

I want to know the person. You spend a lot more time with a person doing every day life things than you do play or lifestyle things. So to me we should be compatable people first and foremost. The D/s and BDSM can flow naturally from that to me they are all parts of the whole!


_____________________________

Roe

People always ask me why I do these things . . .
It's because I can!

(in reply to Darthbetta)
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RE: DO you want to meet the Dom, or the Person first ? - 1/8/2005 11:10:40 AM   
RealityFix


Posts: 156
Joined: 8/12/2004
Status: offline 		I prefer the person first, the "role" second.

The mark of fantasy "players" is that they appear to be very one dimensional,and I find those sorts to be terribly BORING.

It comes down to if you have to puff up to "prove" who you are -you probably aren't.

I tend not to be a casual player,I am more looking for a 24 7 sort of thing. Which means that knowing the whole person is very important. We will be working and living together...Not just visiting for play sessions on a "weekend warrior" basis.

Not the way I want to conduct a relationship.

So I pretty much come across as a regular guy intially,until I see if there is a chemsitry..(Which is called "self-control")And I don't spend too much time communicating remotely- I WILL arrange a meeting as soon as possible.

As far as cybering? No WAY! You have no idea of who is on the other end of that connection. It could be a cheater,a total nut case,or even another GUY. I'm not going to fullfill someone's online fantasies,I have better things to do with my time!

(in reply to theroebabe)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: DO you want to meet the Dom, or the Person first ? - 1/8/2005 12:11:22 PM   
feline


Posts: 1101
Joined: 2/23/2004
From: CA
Status: offline 		I want the "person" to be themselves and all that entails. I see dominance as a personality trait that invariably shows it's self.

Take care,






Attachment (1)

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Variety is the soul of pleasure.
~Aphra Behn~

(in reply to Darthbetta)
Profile   Post #: 20
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