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what should i do - 9/8/2006 8:40:20 AM

tastejuslikcandi

Posts: 6
Joined: 7/12/2006
Status: offline

i have this issue with this dom i want him to train me but i am new and he expects me to know things i have no clue about and wheni try to calmly explain to him that i dont know thoughs yet i need paience and even i do know them in away doesnt mean i am goign to be used to doing them. i have a very full schedule with school work and homework and my 2 year old daughter i tried to explain to him that i do have priorities i have to take care of. he gets upset with me very easily because i am not as submissive as he would like well i do feel submissive i do like doing thoughs things its just not something i am used to doing. what should i do should i try to communicate more with him or should i just leave it alone

< Message edited by tastejuslikcandi -- 9/8/2006 8:42:01 AM >

Post #: 1

RE: what should i do - 9/8/2006 8:44:07 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

Follow the advice I gave to you yesterday: Don't make any commitments for at least 6 months.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to tastejuslikcandi)

Post #: 2

RE: what should i do - 9/8/2006 8:47:18 AM

PrincessAmanda

Posts: 11
Joined: 5/29/2005
Status: offline

move on this does not sound like a good Relationship ... any relationship even BDSM needs listening on both sides ....

_____________________________

to be Royalty one needs not to belittle to prove
They just simply are

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 3

RE: what should i do - 9/8/2006 9:19:17 AM

Silvermoon

Posts: 156
Joined: 11/24/2004
Status: offline

Move on hon.

_____________________________

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"In Manus Tuas Commendo Spiritum Moum"-Into Your Hands I Entrust My Spirit

"A man's word is his honor, his honor is his worth; Therefore a man who can not keep his word, is worthless"-Self Quote

(in reply to PrincessAmanda)

Post #: 4

RE: what should i do - 9/8/2006 9:25:05 AM

AnAtlantaDom

Posts: 98
Joined: 7/13/2006
Status: offline

Past time to move on, long past!!

AD

(in reply to Silvermoon)

Post #: 5

RE: what should i do - 9/8/2006 9:30:23 AM

Owned1

Posts: 847
Joined: 7/6/2005
From: Toronto, Ontario
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

Follow the advice I gave to you yesterday: Don't make any commitments for at least 6 months.

Ditto and do the reading suggested to you while you are serving your waiting period. You are young and will make mistakes if you do not educate yourself first, the mistakes might be ones you cannot change or may effect you for a long time.

Spend time on the forums, find a female who you can talk/type to who has no sexual interest in you or wants to own you.

Focus on your formal education, get that degree and career, spend time with your child as a mom.

Think honestly do you have time right now in your life to devote to another???

Owned

_____________________________

~~in His Chains i am free~~

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 6

RE: what should i do - 9/8/2006 10:17:51 AM

Casie

Posts: 450
Joined: 1/5/2006
Status: offline

I would defintally take ALOT more time to do research and reading and growing a submissive on your own. Build friendships with those in the lifestyle so yu can hear of others experinces ext. Obviously you should end this relationship. Someone who doesn't take the time or effort to explain things to you and help you learn and grow isn't a good choice for anyone, expessially a novice.

(in reply to Owned1)

Post #: 7

RE: what should i do - 9/8/2006 10:23:53 AM

Mavis

Posts: 828
Joined: 2/8/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: tastejuslikcandi
i want him to train me but i am new and he expects me to know things

If this person is "training you" isn't He supposed to be teaching you the very things you do not know? A true trainer would understand and expect that you don't know, which is why a sub seeks training. a "Trainer" who expects you to come half- trained isn't looking to train only.. they expect some level of service from you. Beware the distinction there.

quote:

i tried to explain to him that i do have priorities i have to take care of. he gets upset with me very easily because i am not as submissive as he would like

He is making demands on you that are more appropriate for a Dominant to submissive relationship.. NOT a trainer-trainee relationship.

Let's define some terms.. a trainer is the person who teaches you job skills for a new position at work, right? They are not the boss. The boss allows the trainer to set skills in place.. but the boss is the person who benefits from the trained skills. Same with a BDSM trainer. they would teach you certain skills that will benefit an eventual Dominant. The problem there is it's not likely the trainer ever knows exactly what the Dominant will want in His sub, and you'll have missed the joy of training under the person you have submitted to.

You're possibly confusing the role of this trainer with an eventual boss... and it would seem, so is he. Is either of you voicing or considering this relationship going to Dom/sub, or to an ownership situation?

(in reply to tastejuslikcandi)

Post #: 8

RE: what should i do - 9/8/2006 10:25:07 AM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

Is this an online dom? He may not be a dominant at all. I would be very wary of someone "training" me that was angry with me over the internet. It sounds troubling to me.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to tastejuslikcandi)

Post #: 9

RE: what should i do - 9/8/2006 10:57:01 AM

sub4hire

Posts: 6775
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

Is this an online dom? He may not be a dominant at all. I would be very wary of someone "training" me that was angry with me over the internet. It sounds troubling to me.

I have to agree with Julia. If someone cannot control their temper here what do you really think they would be like in person?
Here it is easy to put on false persona's and if you anger someone they can walk away and cool down, you'd never even know you angered them.
Yet if they strike out at you here....imagine what real life would be like?
Just because someone claims they are a dom does not mean they are one.

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 10

RE: what should i do - 9/8/2006 11:03:35 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

Also FYI, this is what Candi posted yesterday:

http://www.collarchat.com/m_575073/tm.htm
hello i am new i would like to know some sites i could go to learn more about being submissive or if ireally am one just site the tell more about the lifestyle

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to sub4hire)

Post #: 11

RE: what should i do - 9/8/2006 11:27:36 AM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: tastejuslikcandi

i have this issue with this dom i want him to train me

But does he want to train you?

quote:

but i am new and he expects me to know things i have no clue about and wheni try to calmly explain to him that i dont know thoughs yet i need paience and even i do know them in away doesnt mean i am goign to be used to doing them.

Sounds like he doesn't.

quote:

i have a very full schedule with school work and homework and my 2 year old daughter i tried to explain to him that i do have priorities i have to take care of. he gets upset with me very easily because i am not as submissive as he would like

Then the two of you are not a match.

quote:

well i do feel submissive i do like doing thoughs things its just not something i am used to doing. what should i do should i try to communicate more with him or should i just leave it alone

To me, it seems like this might be a case of you projecting onto him. Projection is a psychological term that basically means that we see the person being who and what we want them to be or reacting in the way we want or except them to react. The problem with this is that often, they are not this person and they do not react this way.

Really look at what's going on and see if you are wanting him to train you or be your Master or whatever simply because you're attracted to him in some way. It really doesn't sound like you're a match. Especially if you've only met him in the last day or so. By your previous posts, it seems that you met last night.

Do some initial research on your own. Don't rely on others to teach or train you about the simple basics. LA can post a whole list of resources for new people, if you ask.

Master Fire

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to tastejuslikcandi)

Post #: 12

RE: what should i do - 9/8/2006 11:52:25 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterFireMaam
Do some initial research on your own. Don't rely on others to teach or train you about the simple basics. LA can post a whole list of resources for new people, if you ask.

Master Fire

Thanks :) I did indeed do that yesterday when she asked.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)

Post #: 13

RE: what should i do - 9/8/2006 12:16:44 PM

NastyDaddy

Posts: 957
Joined: 9/8/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: tastejuslikcandi

i have this issue with this dom i want him to train me but i am new and he expects me to know things i have no clue about and wheni try to calmly explain to him that i dont know thoughs yet i need paience and even i do know them in away doesnt mean i am goign to be used to doing them. i have a very full schedule with school work and homework and my 2 year old daughter i tried to explain to him that i do have priorities i have to take care of. he gets upset with me very easily because i am not as submissive as he would like well i do feel submissive i do like doing thoughs things its just not something i am used to doing. what should i do should i try to communicate more with him or should i just leave it alone

Perhaps you are not ready to engage in a relationship just because you like the concept? Find out more about yourself before you opt for having "your very own dom" (like all the other kids on the block who saw the movie Secretary)... seriously.

_____________________________

"You may be right, I may be crazy... but I may just be the lunatic you're looking for!"

(in reply to tastejuslikcandi)

Post #: 14

RE: what should i do - 9/8/2006 2:40:21 PM

littleone35

Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline

I would walk away sound to me like you 2 are not a good match take the time to read and learn before you even think about getting into any kind of a relationship.

Matt's littleone

(in reply to NastyDaddy)

Post #: 15

RE: what should i do - 9/8/2006 4:13:59 PM

LadyHugs

Posts: 2299
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

Dear tastejuslikcandi, Ladies and Gentlemen;

Lass, I have to agree with the previous posters. Slaves don't just happen over night.

Training is a very broad field, to which I would have to ask; what is a trainer going to train you for? What are the qualifications of training you?

Training people is listening to the one who wishes to be trained, understanding them, being patient, communicating, showing how it is done or be there right at your side while showing you. Training slaves is in my mind's eye, is to have a slave be free in service within boundaries established. Not be some cheap labor, to be taken advantage of. In addition, the child is your first priority. And, training is not humiliation but showing you how to see your power and how to manage it.

If you wish to consider training, perhaps attending an established training academy, such as Butchman's Academy or Master Taino's Academy. Both offer classes for women, as well as for Masters, Mistresses and slaves. There are many people there to pull information, experiences and such as to 'speak to your soul.'

Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs

(in reply to tastejuslikcandi)

Post #: 16

RE: what should i do - 9/8/2006 4:15:34 PM

ayasha

Posts: 149
Joined: 12/10/2005
Status: offline

learning about the lifestyle and your submission does take a lot of time and energy. Maybe it would be best for you to learn from some of the websites available online instead of a Dominant at this time. There are many websites for those new to the lifestyle, new to submission. You could participate in these as your time allows.

Your priorities sound as if they are in order - if he does not agree, then he might not be the right one to try and train you. Do not let him add to unnecessary stress to your life.

(in reply to tastejuslikcandi)

Post #: 17

RE: what should i do - 9/8/2006 6:46:21 PM

greeneyesub65

Posts: 4
Joined: 6/29/2006
Status: offline

I had this problem and it never got better. A true Dom listens and helps his submissive figure out positive out comes for her issues. Remember only two words in D/s trust and communication. you deserve a Dom who cares more.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 18

RE: what should i do - 9/8/2006 6:56:50 PM

eyezOfblue

Posts: 7
Joined: 9/7/2006
Status: offline

As others have said:

You do not need a trainer, you need to take time to learn about yourself and the submissive you believe is inside you. Why the rush?

blue

(in reply to tastejuslikcandi)

Post #: 19

RE: what should i do - 9/10/2006 3:50:25 PM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: tastejuslikcandi

i have this issue with this dom i want him to train me but i am new and he expects me to know things i have no clue about and wheni try to calmly explain to him that i dont know thoughs yet i need paience and even i do know them in away doesnt mean i am goign to be used to doing them. i have a very full schedule with school work and homework and my 2 year old daughter i tried to explain to him that i do have priorities i have to take care of. he gets upset with me very easily because i am not as submissive as he would like well i do feel submissive i do like doing thoughs things its just not something i am used to doing. what should i do should i try to communicate more with him or should i just leave it alone

Why in the world would you want to be with someone who behaves this way?

He: 1) Has no patience or care for the fact that you're a novice. 2) Has no concept of your real life responsibilities 3) Uses "you're not submissive" as a blackmail weapon 4) gets angry when asked to discuss 1 through 3.

At the beginning of any involvement people put themselves forward in the best possible manner. If this is his best, can you imagine what he'll be like after 6 months?

Move on. Take your time. Firgure out exactly what it is that you're looking for.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to tastejuslikcandi)

Post #: 20

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