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Introductions - 9/8/2006 10:27:39 PM

Jewel85

Posts: 18
Joined: 8/21/2006
Status: offline

Good Sirs,
I'm sure this topic has probably been covered before, but opinions change and people come and go. I was looking at the forums Ask a Submissive/Slave, and there were a few talking about bad introductory letters, and how it seems hopeless. So my question is: what in Your opinion is the best way for a submissive to write an introductory letter to a Dom? If You had to set a standard, what would it be?

Curiously,
Jewel

< Message edited by Jewel85 -- 9/8/2006 10:36:28 PM >

Post #: 1

RE: Introductions - 9/8/2006 10:30:55 PM

LadyWhisper

Posts: 54
Status: offline

Ooo good question I must say, I would like to know as well.

The letters I have recieved in the past really was in bad form, so yes I do wish to hear the answer to this one as well.

Lady Whisper

_____________________________

With my hand, I correct you, with my correctness I adore you.

(in reply to Jewel85)

Post #: 2

RE: Introductions - 9/8/2006 11:14:40 PM

QuietDom

Posts: 255
Joined: 7/10/2004
Status: offline

My thoughts on the matter: an unsolicited message is a pleasant and flattering surprise, so do not include in the message an apology for sending it.

"Sir" is an suitable term of respect to use in just about any situation, but terms like "Master" should be reserved for someone with who you're in a real D/s relationship.

Do not attempt to role-play in an introductory email. Do not write "I grovel at your feet" or beg for punishment. Horny Net Geeks will eat that stuff up, but a more serious Dom will wonder how serious you really are, if you'll send that kind of thing to a total stranger. Write as one human being to another.

Do include a sentence or two that shows that you've read the Dom's profile and/or forum posts.

Ask a question. A real question, not "how 'ya doin?" This shows interest.

That's a good start... anyone want to add to it?

(in reply to LadyWhisper)

Post #: 3

RE: Introductions - 9/9/2006 2:58:00 AM

Wolfie648

Posts: 600
Joined: 9/14/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Jewel85
Ask a Submissive/Slave, and there were a few talking about bad introductory letters, and how it seems hopeless.

It seems hopeless from a dominant's perspective as well. This is not a gripe session this a precursor to relevant info coming. I was on another service for over 10 years. For the first 2 years I sent _extremely_ well crafted responses to their profiles. I sent about 100 intros to subs.

I received _zero_ response.

For the next couple of years I'd read the profile (think hey that sounds close to what I am looking for) and send a few lines off saying hey this x or that y about their profile (positive stuff right ;-). Read my profile, let me know if you are interested.

Zero response.

The _only_ time that I have ever had any success is when the sub/slave contacted me.

Recently (the last few years) I have taken a much harder line (having learned from past experience ;-)

quote:

So my question is: what in Your opinion is the best way for a submissive to write an introductory letter to a Dom? If You had to set a standard, what would it be?

Be true to yourself. Read his/her/its/others (no disrepect intended to any category). Definitely say something that indicates you have read their profiles.

Ask a question or two or the more the better (in my case) that shows you have a head on your shoulders.

That not only can you a) read b) comprehend but c) extrapolate.

D (owner of j).

_____________________________

Possibly.

(in reply to Jewel85)

Post #: 4

RE: Introductions - 9/9/2006 3:43:19 AM

Focus50

Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline

Just be polite as you would to any vanilla adult and be yourself. But don't just say hi; something prompted you write to said Dom so expand a little and enquire if he'd care to respond. If you get a bunch of anal protocol b/s in reply that you don't relate to, scrub him off your list and move on.

Believe me, writing to fem/subs is no easy task, either! I follow my own advice and am polite and put a little effort into my letters and almost never get a reply straight off - usually takes a second or even third just to get any kind of reply, but half never reply at all.

And then half the ones who do reply won't actually say anything beyond they're interested in corresponding - leaving me in a position of reading a stranger's mind! Arrggghhhh!!!!! lol And it gets even worse!!!! Nothing more difficult for a Dom than living up to pre-conceived notions a sub, esp newbie sub, has of what a Dom actually is.... As soon as you say something she doesn't get, you're "dismissed" as a wannabe and the harder you try to resolve the misunderstanding, the more you're compensating - ie, more proof of being a wannabe! Forget it!

So I'm just me when I write and I appreciate any sub doing the same if she does. I've got at least two and maybe three attempts with any one sub. If no reply or I'm left to read her mind and type two pages for two lines reply, my last response is a polite "adios" - but I invite her back anytime she really is prepared to actually talk to me.

Email is hard work with a low success rate - for Dom and sub alike! Get used to that and be true to *yourself* - don't waste your time on time-wasters or (for subs) arrogant arseholes!

Focus.

(in reply to Jewel85)

Post #: 5

RE: Introductions - 9/9/2006 11:44:34 AM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

I prefer someone to make specific comments and ask specific questions that indicates they've REALLY read my profile and are interested in what they found there. If they are looking to serve, I prefer them to tell me how and ask if I need that kind of service in my life. I also like to know information about them, so if their profile isn't filled out well (sometimes, there's a good reason), I want them to share this information...including a picture.

Overall, be polite. If you don't know how to address the person (reasonably clever people can figure mine out), simply refer to them by their handle, then ASK what form of address they prefer. I get asked if I want to be called Syr a lot (so then I know they're not reasonably clever...or they miss the obvious). Don't gush and spout a lot of cyber stuff (like *comes into the room kneeling*)...it is often seen as insincere. If they want this kind of thing, they'll let you know.

Hope all this helps.

Master Fire

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to Jewel85)

Post #: 6

RE: Introductions - 9/9/2006 1:10:33 PM

TheShadows

Posts: 403
Joined: 9/16/2004
From: Southern Illinois
Status: offline

In addition to all the great answers regarding this question, we prefer a sub/slave to give a short blurb about their experience, favorite types of play, and possibly a list of Hard and Soft Limits. (Though we wouldn't complain if that waited til the second or third email.) We value a vanilla connection as well, so we prefer another short blurb about vanilla interests, values, etc. Asking lots of questions is very important to us. Decent grammar, spelling, and punctuation are important to us, also. We like to be able to read and understand emails, instead of having to write back and say, "HUH?"

As always, YMMV...

TheShadows

_____________________________

"The reason the mainstream is thought of as a stream is because of it's shallowness." - George Carlin

"Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most..." - Ozzy Osbourne

(in reply to Jewel85)

Post #: 7

RE: Introductions - 9/9/2006 2:14:26 PM

mstrjx

Posts: 2045
Joined: 11/27/2005
Status: offline

I believe I read a few of the responses here, but like profiles, didn't really see much that interested me. Just teasing.

What is true, however, is that some of what I say might not be popular. So I will preface this by saying that this is appropriate to contact me. And, general enough that most Dom(me)s shouldn't be offended.

First, from a male dominant point of view, I think it is lovely for a woman to put her societal (and submissive) viewpoints, and make that first step. Reaching out does not take away from your submission, and being a woman shouldn't have anything to do with 'who makes the first move'.

I think appropriate spelling and grammer is somewhat necessary. There was an OP thread today (Saturday) that started out all right, then became very difficult to read because of grammer. Such that it was difficult to tell if what you were reading was 'fact' or 'interpretation'. If you are going to introduce yourself to another, interpretation probably does not equal 'good'.

In my opinion, it is not necessary to play around with capitalization, nor to address a dominant by some honorific (Sir, Goddess, Master, Shewhomustbeobeyed). Respect is nice, but for a lot of people using decent grammer (as above) is going to come across formal and respectful enough to carry through.

If you wish to inquire into a future relationship, say so. I'm pretty intuitive, and I do a decent job of reading between the lines, but as above, interpretation isn't always best. If you want to be flirty, suggestive, bold, there can be a place for that as well. Some men appreciate that sort of directness.

And yes, it would be helpful to point out something in the profile that caught their eye. Gave them a purpose to write. Assuming the writer has a profile, send a picture if the profile doesn't contain one. My profile doesn't contain a picture, at least at the time of this writing, but I send one with my reply if it's appropriate. (If the picture in the jpeg is already autographed, then it might not be me.)

Jeff

_____________________________

Know thyself. It's the best gift you can ever give yourself.

(in reply to Jewel85)

Post #: 8

RE: Introductions - 9/9/2006 2:35:03 PM

Bearlee

Posts: 2311
Joined: 10/25/2004
From: South Central CO
Status: offline

hmmmmmm... interesting answers. I, probably like many submissives, hardly ever initiate contact. Even in YIM...with folks who have added me to their lists; I figure it they wanna chat, they will.

Perhaps I should re-visit that...

But, haven't all of us perused every profile within driving distance of ourselves? I mean...who wouldn't contact another; especially if he were Dom and she were looking? <shrugs>

(in reply to mstrjx)

Post #: 9

RE: Introductions - 9/9/2006 2:57:51 PM

mstrjx

Posts: 2045
Joined: 11/27/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Bearlee

But, haven't all of us perused every profile within driving distance of ourselves? I mean...who wouldn't contact another; especially if he were Dom and she were looking? <shrugs>

There was a thread that I posted to last night asking that same question. When, in the thread the person 'still' wouldn't budge on that stance, I appealed in an email.

I have the odd reason for not sending out requests as of today, and actually haven't since I joined CM 6 or so months ago. (Still working on something......hmmm.) But I do get emails from time to time, and I'm always gracious in how I handle them. I'm easily approachable, but even if not I wouldn't make someone's experience with me such that I would give them cause not to ever get the nerve to write someone else. We're equals until we decide otherwise.

Driving distance, bah! My search is national, baby! But I'm not sending out requests. Yet.

_____________________________

Know thyself. It's the best gift you can ever give yourself.

(in reply to Bearlee)

Post #: 10

RE: Introductions - 9/9/2006 3:11:08 PM

topcat

Posts: 1675
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Tidewater, VA
Status: offline

Dear Jewel-

Well, first off, you want to prove you are 'real' and trustworthy, so it's best to include some nude pics and your home address in your first letter.

Jest kiddin' <g>.

The best I have gotten were usually along the lines of ' just a note to say that I really liked your profile and I hope our paths cross one of these days...' and were fairly short, clear and well composed/spelled/etc.,.

Stay warm,
Lawrence

_____________________________

-there is no remission without blood-

(in reply to Jewel85)

Post #: 11

RE: Introductions - 9/9/2006 5:49:17 PM

sultryvoice

Posts: 368
Joined: 3/31/2004
Status: offline

I do try to be polite. I answer most every email I get. I believe if someone took the time to write me, the least I can do is answer. Even if is yes or not interested. In this society, it seems we have lost our decency and what is the proper thing to do. I know, I know, I am giving my age away...lol..But, being polite is the reight thing to do no matter who you are. I even answer most rude and crude emails. Only 3 times did I not dignify an answer to those horrible emails. I answer what I can and ask what I deem appropriate questions. I mostly ask about the person, likes and dislikes and not only lifestyle. Compatibility is in two worlds. I also don't wish to see nudes. If the relationship takes off, I will see all soon enough as well as see me. Of course, ymmv...

Respectfully,

Sultry

_____________________________

Blessed are the cracked,
For it is they who let in the light.

www.themarkbycpi.com

(in reply to topcat)

Post #: 12

RE: Introductions - 9/9/2006 9:50:56 PM

MsWhispering

Posts: 1
Joined: 8/20/2006
Status: offline

I want a polite and legible letter written with properly used English, that follows directions by provideing the requested information.
Simple, yes?
Unfortunately, not so simple after all.
I have found that some persist in ignoring or not understanding my request for a concise description of interests and past experience, along with a photo. While I also clearly state I am not looking for a 24/7, live-in, and not willing to assist in relocation at this time, I continue to receive pleas from "slaves" who desire to be "owned" that not only live out of my area, but out of state and even out of the country!
And then there are the barely readable and/or barely polite missives. I am sure we can all relate to what I am describing.......

< Message edited by MsWhispering -- 9/9/2006 9:54:19 PM >

(in reply to sultryvoice)

Post #: 13

RE: Introductions - 9/9/2006 10:37:55 PM

amayos

Posts: 1553
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: New England
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Jewel85

Good Sirs,
I'm sure this topic has probably been covered before, but opinions change and people come and go. I was looking at the forums Ask a Submissive/Slave, and there were a few talking about bad introductory letters, and how it seems hopeless. So my question is: what in Your opinion is the best way for a submissive to write an introductory letter to a Dom? If You had to set a standard, what would it be?

This is a topic that can't be covered enough. I prefer the letter that is direct, somewhat succinct, and well written. Indecisiveness should be avoided. Don't communicate a vague intention only to retract and play coy. That will get you nowhere with me—real world or online.

< Message edited by amayos -- 9/9/2006 11:00:41 PM >

(in reply to Jewel85)

Post #: 14

RE: Introductions - 9/10/2006 4:07:45 AM

zero69u2

Posts: 107
Joined: 7/12/2004
Status: offline

dear Jewel,
First off scouting is important. ( notice when you look at profiles. the date they last visited the site)
Don't email someonel that has'nt been here in over a month.
Don't get pie in the sky ideas to email someone 500+ miles away. unless your willing to drive the distance.

Things Not to Do..
avoid standard lines of pursuit.. short one liner mails..
don't be a whiner.. nothing worse then a whiner..
don't talk in third person. (to a college educated dominant. that's something i cannot stand. and i don't particularly like being called SIR either.)
don't get all detailed and demanding. (if you want to pee or be someone's puppy dog. sure it might be cute but not on first emailing.)
Things to do.
Be sincere, write a letter out that expresses your thoughts. at least 1 paragraph.. more if your a english major..
hey you bodaciously beautiful goddess i'd like to take a moment of your time and court your affections..
please call me 867-5309... i'm a great painter and i write storybooks for a living. i enjoy camping and what not.
I know we'd have alot of fun together. I love italian food.. enjoy spending evenings with friends and family. I got on collarme because i love romance and blah.. you get the idea.

always bring out the positive positions on your own character and what you want to do. ..avoid selling scenes in letter.
This will set you apart from joe blow who sends out the form letter i liked your profile wanna fuck.

ask questions.. always ask questions at the end of letter.. this encourages a response.. now she has something to talk about..
maybe a negative response.. she might say i hate italian food.. i like chinese food.. or what not.. but the more time you put in.. will lead to discussion. you can advance to dating and then get to BDSM.. eventually just keep in mind they don't know you.. until you put it out there. (If your like most people the sooner you get to phone and dating the better. because email sucks for the non-english majors)

(in reply to amayos)

Post #: 15

RE: Introductions - 9/10/2006 4:34:41 AM

Focus50

Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: amayos

This is a topic that can't be covered enough. I prefer the letter that is direct, somewhat succinct, and well written. Indecisiveness should be avoided. Don't communicate a vague intention only to retract and play coy. That will get you nowhere with me—real world or online.

So there I was thinking you must be a sub - until I checked your profile....

You expect the average sub, most likely a stranger, to be direct and decisive - sorta like the average Dom/me might write? Good luck with that....

Focus.

(in reply to amayos)

Post #: 16

RE: Introductions - 9/10/2006 6:08:16 AM

mstrjx

Posts: 2045
Joined: 11/27/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: zero69u2

please call me 867-5309...

At first I couldn't see putting a phone number in a thread, until it all became clear, Jenny.

How many could possibly still remember?

Jeff

_____________________________

Know thyself. It's the best gift you can ever give yourself.

(in reply to zero69u2)

Post #: 17

RE: Introductions - 9/10/2006 8:18:38 AM

Pimpernell

Posts: 198
Joined: 12/10/2005
Status: offline

I quite like it when a sub/slave initiates the conversation. I know that some people receive a large number of emails so I'm not going to message everyone who just happens to be a sub/slave in my area.

My standard would be a polite letter with something that allows for me to respond. I've received one line hellos from people who didn't even fill any likes or dislikes in their profile. I start the conversation, but get one line responses back. I'm not sure whether they are waiting for some kind of special question or if they want me to invite them into a chat room for a real time chat or whether they are waiting for me to jump ahead to the kinky talk. I prefer to get to know someone a little first.

I do reply to every email I get, even the one liners. though sometimes it takes a few days though as real life likes to get in the way.

(in reply to mstrjx)

Post #: 18

RE: Introductions - 9/10/2006 8:32:29 AM

amayos

Posts: 1553
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: New England
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Focus50

quote:

ORIGINAL: amayos

This is a topic that can't be covered enough. I prefer the letter that is direct, somewhat succinct, and well written. Indecisiveness should be avoided. Don't communicate a vague intention only to retract and play coy. That will get you nowhere with me—real world or online.

You expect the average sub, most likely a stranger, to be direct and decisive - sorta like the average Dom/me might write? Good luck with that...

Hi Focus,

When you really think about it, why not? I in fact do have many who break from the herd and write me in this way, and only a small fraction of that number is ever considered past extended communication. I have been on this particular site for roughly two years. In that time, I've had literally hundreds of individual queries, and out of that number, I have deemed to meet only five. Out of that five, I have kept two.

Online and off, I rarely offer an unsolicited seduction for the intent of hooking a submissive girl. I personally don't believe in doing that. The reasons are as much philosophical as they are psychological.

(in reply to Focus50)

Post #: 19

RE: Introductions - 9/10/2006 8:48:52 AM

marieToo

Posts: 3595
Joined: 5/21/2006
From: Jersey
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Focus50

quote:

ORIGINAL: amayos

This is a topic that can't be covered enough. I prefer the letter that is direct, somewhat succinct, and well written. Indecisiveness should be avoided. Don't communicate a vague intention only to retract and play coy. That will get you nowhere with me—real world or online.

So there I was thinking you must be a sub - until I checked your profile....

You expect the average sub, most likely a stranger, to be direct and decisive - sorta like the average Dom/me might write? Good luck with that....

Focus.

How decisive can you be with someone that you basically know nothing about?

How clear decisive and succinct are we when approaching a stranger at a social gathering for conversation?

What ever happened to just casually talking to someone, without a specific agenda and seeing what kind of vibe comes back? In the real world, isnt that how most of our relationships have begun; accidentally?

Are we looking for relationships or shopping from a catalog?

_____________________________

marie.

I give good agita.

(in reply to Focus50)

Post #: 20

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