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Destroy preconceived image of Dominant? - 9/9/2006 2:13:22 AM

SirDiscipliner69

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If you were meeting a Dominant for the first time for a session and you found that he was more revealing in his personal interaction with you to the point you saw his human foibles or faults, would that destroy the image that you may have preconceived?

Post #: 1

RE: Destroy preconceived image of Dominant? - 9/9/2006 5:12:47 AM

heartfeltsub

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my honest answer to this is it depends what the flaws were, by that i mean this. i was talking with a potential dom once who started talking about having had an incestuous relationship with his mom. That blew it for me. i thanked him for his time and stopped the conversation. However, other than really huge things like that, whether a person is Dom or sub, we are all human with flaws and foibles and most submissives i know know that fact.

(in reply to SirDiscipliner69)

Post #: 2

RE: Destroy preconceived image of Dominant? - 9/9/2006 5:20:12 AM

bandit25

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Joined: 6/18/2005
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Of course we all have preconceived notions of what a dominant "should" be, but I think to get to know the person is the only way to have a satisfying relationship...no matter what that relationship may be. We all have faults and foibles. I think having the person reveal them to you is how relationships are formed.

(in reply to heartfeltsub)

Post #: 3

RE: Destroy preconceived image of Dominant? - 9/9/2006 5:30:31 AM

Tikkiee

Posts: 1099
Joined: 4/6/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: SirDiscipliner69

If you were meeting a Dominant for the first time for a session and you found that he was more revealing in his personal interaction with you to the point you saw his human foibles or faults, would that destroy the image that you may have preconceived?

As already stated, it would depend greatly on what kind of faults were discovered. I would like to think that if you are playing with someone, then you are already aware of his/her faults, and therefore had accepted them as such.
However, if you could be more specific........

_____________________________

~~@ cass @~~

(in reply to SirDiscipliner69)

Post #: 4

RE: Destroy preconceived image of Dominant? - 9/9/2006 6:21:26 AM

ayasha

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Joined: 12/10/2005
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This is hard to answer - one would not have a session with a Dominant that one did not know. one doesn't necessarily think that diectly before or during a session is the time to have bare your soul conversations - one thinks those would happen at a different time, if at all.

The only preconceived image this one wants to have of Him/Her is what this one learned about Him/Her when watching them have sessions with others - as one would not have a session with someone that she had not watched perform before, unless one's Dominant had seen them and felt comfortable with it.

(in reply to SirDiscipliner69)

Post #: 5

RE: Destroy preconceived image of Dominant? - 9/9/2006 7:32:55 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
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Considering the image I would have conceived would have INCLUDED foibles, no. However, it still might flesh out the notions of him to the point where I realized we just weren't going to go anywhere together.

For some, newbies especially, they do have illusions of perfection that cause them to run at the first sign of imperfection.

But then there are plenty of doms who blame the sub who runs, rather than facing their own "foibles" and realizing there is something that needs to change within themselves.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to SirDiscipliner69)

Post #: 6

RE: Destroy preconceived image of Dominant? - 9/9/2006 7:39:18 AM

juliaoceania

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From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
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quote:

ORIGINAL: SirDiscipliner69

If you were meeting a Dominant for the first time for a session and you found that he was more revealing in his personal interaction with you to the point you saw his human foibles or faults, would that destroy the image that you may have preconceived?

I would prefer he showed them before than after just in case they were deal breakers for me

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to SirDiscipliner69)

Post #: 7

RE: Destroy preconceived image of Dominant? - 9/9/2006 4:11:48 PM

sublizzie

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I don't session with someone unless I know them very well so I would probably already understand that they were human beings with faults and foibles.

If, however, you were talking more about a first meeting with a Dominant, then I would definitely be interested in knowing their humanity, warts and all. I am interested in a person above all. And since I want a long term relationship, rather than a play partner, I definitely want to know all of their in's and out's. Otherwise how can I trust them?

(in reply to SirDiscipliner69)

Post #: 8

RE: Destroy preconceived image of Dominant? - 9/9/2006 4:24:57 PM

behindmirrors

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I don't think I could adequately form an opinion of a person until I met them. Body language has a lot to do with my ability to know a person, and movement patterns are always the first thing I notice- it can tell me a great deal.
Now, we are all human, even Doms. All humans have faults. The big question is how we overcome them or what do we learn from them, and I would be interested in hearing how the Dom has worked with that- it would give me a good indication of how, as a submissive, I would be worked with on my faults by the Dom in question. I would also feel as though I should know their strengths during this time, and be allowed to think all the information I get over.
Opinions, etc.
behindmirrors.

(in reply to sublizzie)

Post #: 9

RE: Destroy preconceived image of Dominant? - 9/9/2006 7:07:24 PM

gypsygrl

Posts: 1471
Joined: 10/8/2005
From: new york state
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Unless the flaws were major issues that pointed to a basic incompatibility, I think they would enhance the image by humanizing it.

(in reply to behindmirrors)

Post #: 10

RE: Destroy preconceived image of Dominant? - 9/10/2006 4:20:45 AM

eyesopened

Posts: 2798
Joined: 6/12/2006
From: Tampa, FL
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Like a lot of people who posted already, i would never agree to "session" with anyone on the initial meeting. That's because i want to see the Man behind the Dom. Will the Man be perfect? Of course not and that's a good thing, it makes Him human. And it depends on the type of relationship You are negotiating. Top/bottom without any traditional dating or possible LTR make a difference. The basics of character are more universal for me, being trustworthy, honest, a sense of humor and the ability to deal effectively with stress are important to me regardless of the relationship.

i will say this... i met a potential Dom, for lunch one day, initial face-to-face meeting, and He took his denture out, wrapped it in a napkin and asked me to keep it in my purse.... i declined to see Him again. It had nothing to do with pre-concieved "Domliness" it just creeped me out.

_____________________________

Proudly owned by InkedMaster. He is the one i obey, serve, honor and love.

No one is honored for what they've received. Honor is the reward for what has been given.

(in reply to gypsygrl)

Post #: 11

RE: Destroy preconceived image of Dominant? - 9/10/2006 4:25:30 AM

Tikkiee

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Joined: 4/6/2006
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quote:

i will say this... i met a potential Dom, for lunch one day, initial face-to-face meeting, and He took his denture out, wrapped it in a napkin and asked me to keep it in my purse.... i declined to see Him again. It had nothing to do with pre-concieved "Domliness" it just creeped me out.

Umm, can I say

EWWW

_____________________________

~~@ cass @~~

(in reply to eyesopened)

Post #: 12

RE: Destroy preconceived image of Dominant? - 9/10/2006 4:36:01 AM

Quivver

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Joined: 11/27/2004
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Arent those little fobiles what make or break any chemistry that keep a relationship going?
(no matter how deep or shallow the relationship may be).
It's all what ya can live with, or without.

Q

_____________________________

The problem with communication ... is the illusion that it has been accomplished. ~George Bernard Shaw

(in reply to Tikkiee)

Post #: 13

RE: Destroy preconceived image of Dominant? - 9/10/2006 5:08:11 AM

untamedshysub

Posts: 220
Joined: 2/26/2005
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I ran three times From Sir because of the notions I had of what a "real Dom" was and how they should behave, but there was and is something about him that drew me back and when I would come back he would not mention that I had run eventually we would talk about what spooked me, it was almost a year before we met face to face, and I still want to run sometimes but I dont I have learned to say what I am feeling he is an atty so his idea of speaking loudly is very different from mine, and a new yorker their idea of polite is very different from mine ( I grew up in the south) so I think a lot of it has to do with where you are as a person and how willing you are to be tolerate of people who do not think and behave as you do because when reality and dreams meet they are not always the same, and although dreams are nice reality is fact and can be nice in its own way.

(in reply to Quivver)

Post #: 14

RE: Destroy preconceived image of Dominant? - 9/10/2006 6:00:28 PM

arttemis

Posts: 3
Joined: 5/14/2006
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I so often see submissives claim that they can't submit to so and so because that person isn't better, stronger, faster, smarter, etc, etc than themselves. Because if that person weren't, why should the submissive want to submit.

What are they looking for? A god? Dominants are people, they have flaws. I'm not looking for someone perfect. Just someone who is compatible with me.

He may not meet all my preconceived notions of what a dominant should be. But he has to embody enough of them to inspire interest. If that interest grows into more, I will want to submit because it is who I am, not because he is so much better. My submission comes from my heart, not from a sense of aww of this godly creature.

(in reply to SirDiscipliner69)

Post #: 15

RE: Destroy preconceived image of Dominant? - 9/10/2006 6:24:11 PM

thisishis

Posts: 278
Joined: 5/11/2006
From: Southeastern MA
Status: offline

No.
If i were to take into account what i may have applied as a preconceived notion of a dominant man according to what the internet offered me as examples, prior to me becoming my Master's slave, the end result would more likely raise my opinion of Him.
It did in fact. He's everything i hoped for, as well as being more than i dared to dream of... faults included. There is nothing more satisying to me, than being owned by a Man who will pull me to my knees, by my hair, to kneel before Him simply because He is man enough to make me want Him to... and who in another moment will hold me in His arms while gently stroking my hair to whisper a tender apology ...... simply because He is man enough to admit when He is not always right.
He owns every part of me, and as His, i love every part of Him ... faults and all.

_____________________________

Sincerely, his

How I'm kept busy these days: http://modelmayhem.com/member.php?id=368120

(in reply to SirDiscipliner69)

Post #: 16

RE: Destroy preconceived image of Dominant? - 9/11/2006 5:21:54 AM

SirDiscipliner69

Posts: 2607
Joined: 2/1/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: heartfeltsub

my honest answer to this is it depends what the flaws were, by that i mean this. i was talking with a potential dom once who started talking about having had an incestuous relationship with his mom. That blew it for me. i thanked him for his time and stopped the conversation. However, other than really huge things like that, whether a person is Dom or sub, we are all human with flaws and foibles and most submissives i know know that fact.

The foibles would be that of human nature, caring and understanding, rather those of criminal intent.

Ross

(in reply to heartfeltsub)

Post #: 17

RE: Destroy preconceived image of Dominant? - 9/11/2006 5:28:05 AM

SirDiscipliner69

Posts: 2607
Joined: 2/1/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Tikkiee

quote:

ORIGINAL: SirDiscipliner69

If you were meeting a Dominant for the first time for a session and you found that he was more revealing in his personal interaction with you to the point you saw his human foibles or faults, would that destroy the image that you may have preconceived?

As already stated, it would depend greatly on what kind of faults were discovered. I would like to think that if you are playing with someone, then you are already aware of his/her faults, and therefore had accepted them as such.
However, if you could be more specific........

Anything of a caring human nature that would be radically different from that of a no nonsense dominant or a sadistic master without any deviation from the course of actions promised.

Some sumissives fall in love with the image of the dominant and all the trappings of the play rather than the realization of the human behind the dominant. The image becomes larger than the person.

Ross

Ross

(in reply to Tikkiee)

Post #: 18

RE: Destroy preconceived image of Dominant? - 9/11/2006 5:37:37 AM

spankmepink11

Posts: 1310
Joined: 9/28/2005
Status: offline

I've never operated under the preconcieved notion that "Dominant" is the equivalent to perfection free of foibles. I prefer the One to whom i submit to be only slightly less imperfect than myself.

Edited to add: I miss my handcuffs!

< Message edited by spankmepink11 -- 9/11/2006 5:38:53 AM >

(in reply to SirDiscipliner69)

Post #: 19

RE: Destroy preconceived image of Dominant? - 9/11/2006 5:55:40 AM

cillydom

Posts: 332
Joined: 3/3/2006
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Wouldn’t you be meeting a top for the first time to session and meeting a dominant to see if there is a possibility of a relationship?
It seems that more and more we as dominants and submissive’s are being defined by the type of play we engage in and not the relationships we form.

(in reply to SirDiscipliner69)

Post #: 20

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