RE: Destroy preconceived image of Dominant?

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RE: Destroy preconceived image of Dominant? - 9/11/2006 6:27:51 AM

njoyingdajourney

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first off i would hope that i would have met Him several times prior to a first session and i would already have a knowledge of his weaknesses through intense conversations.
annie.

(in reply to cillydom)

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RE: Destroy preconceived image of Dominant? - 9/11/2006 8:36:09 AM

Shalyn

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Joined: 8/30/2006
From: TN
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I just want to say we are all human here. Dominant, submissive, switch, vanillia...we are all human being before anything else.

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RE: Destroy preconceived image of Dominant? - 9/11/2006 9:23:14 AM

littleone35

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It is hard but i try not to have preconceivied images of Doms. If he is not what you thought you gonna run unkless ir is a special case like some of the ones mentioned. If you go in to ot it is best to go it with an open mind and no preconcieived notienes if you don't you may give up on a good thing without giving it a chance.

Matt's littleone

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RE: Destroy preconceived image of Dominant? - 9/11/2006 11:45:19 AM

Celeste43

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From: NYS
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quote:

ORIGINAL: SirDiscipliner69

Anything of a caring human nature that would be radically different from that of a no nonsense dominant or a sadistic master without any deviation from the course of actions promised.

Some sumissives fall in love with the image of the dominant and all the trappings of the play rather than the realization of the human behind the dominant. The image becomes larger than the person.

Ross

Some of us don't think that caring and loving are diametrically opposed to dominant. If he had represented himself as eternally strict and serious, I wouldn't have met him. Life is too short to not cherish laughter whenever and wherever you find it and that includes in the middle of a scene when something goes awry.

I have a heart, I wanted to be in his heart and that includes him being as hopelessly romantic as I am because otherwise I wouldn't feel safe with him had we such different views of the relationship.

(in reply to SirDiscipliner69)

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RE: Destroy preconceived image of Dominant? - 9/12/2006 11:35:28 PM

angielouwhos

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If I did not see some vulnerability, faults or the like in getting to know somone, It would be a negative. We're all human and should be willing to show that.

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RE: Destroy preconceived image of Dominant? - 9/14/2006 2:59:06 AM

Sirandlittle1

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Joined: 12/22/2005
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Any Dom, top, sub, slave, ergo human will have faults. Character deficits are a subjective thing. I could probably tolerate things, that others couldnt, and visa versa. Id insist on things that others wouldnt value at all. So i guess it depends on how i felt about the traits he was showing. and how that fits into what i was seeking from that person.

eg. If this is a right wing political person, that's ok as a play partner, but a parnter, nah, forget it!

I would always chose my parnter, in the same way i chose my friends. carefully, selectively and on a 3 strike rule.

littleone

(in reply to cillydom)

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RE: Destroy preconceived image of Dominant? - 9/14/2006 3:28:58 AM

Darke

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How are we defining foible? A mortal who has broccoli in their teeth during dinner, or someone fundamentally flawed who has done something thoroughly un-countenanceable like murder or Bush-voting?

Is the precis of the post how to prospective subs deal with with a prospective Dom who somehow breaks the fantasy veneer they may have envisioned of Dracula-esque suavite, or how to deal with S/someone who for some reason is completely incompatible for some reason?

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RE: Destroy preconceived image of Dominant? - 9/14/2006 7:53:59 AM

karensgirl

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Joined: 9/13/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: SirDiscipliner69

If you were meeting a Dominant for the first time for a session and you found that he was more revealing in his personal interaction with you to the point you saw his human foibles or faults, would that destroy the image that you may have preconceived?

i think that, had we engaged in in-depth conversations previously, trust would be an issue upon meeting someone that is vastly different than the one presented when not in person. i would politely decline the session, not so politely if necessary, explaining that we needed to get to know each other further. i would also voice my concerns honestly so we could reach a decision as to a possible future meeting. until the trust is established to even very small degree how can we submit? Submission does not come from the body, it comes from the soul and how can your soul release without some measure of trust? if your goal is a simple bodily release then the question would be, did you feel safe?

(in reply to SirDiscipliner69)

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RE: Destroy preconceived image of Dominant? - 9/15/2006 4:56:20 PM

SirDiscipliner69

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quote:

ORIGINAL: bandit25

Of course we all have preconceived notions of what a dominant "should" be, but I think to get to know the person is the only way to have a satisfying relationship...no matter what that relationship may be. We all have faults and foibles. I think having the person reveal them to you is how relationships are formed.

Then would a reverse question would be if we have preconceived notions of what a submissive should be would seeing their faults be more attractive and would it make some dominants feel the need to right the wrong traits that they observe?

I have a tendency to accept the beauty of the art beneath and allow it to flourish through nurturing and guidance....something like finding a grand old master art piece and removing the grime accumulated by time and pollution.

It would be interesting to hear seriously from someone that feels that the image is the power and what their perception is regarding the imagery of a powerful dominant.

Ross

(in reply to bandit25)

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RE: Destroy preconceived image of Dominant? - 9/15/2006 4:57:57 PM

SirDiscipliner69

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Tikkiee

As already stated, it would depend greatly on what kind of faults were discovered. I would like to think that if you are playing with someone, then you are already aware of his/her faults, and therefore had accepted them as such.
However, if you could be more specific........

So the image is like this:

Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain...for I am the great and powerful Oz!

What do you say to the man behind the curtain then?

Ross

(in reply to Tikkiee)

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RE: Destroy preconceived image of Dominant? - 9/15/2006 4:59:40 PM

SirDiscipliner69

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

But then there are plenty of doms who blame the sub who runs, rather than facing their own "foibles" and realizing there is something that needs to change within themselves.

Do not arouse the wrath of the great and powerful Oz. I said come back tomorrow.!

Ross

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

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RE: Destroy preconceived image of Dominant? - 9/15/2006 5:03:54 PM

SirDiscipliner69

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quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

quote:

ORIGINAL: SirDiscipliner69

If you were meeting a Dominant for the first time for a session and you found that he was more revealing in his personal interaction with you to the point you saw his human foibles or faults, would that destroy the image that you may have preconceived?

I would prefer he showed them before than after just in case they were deal breakers for me

Would you prefer the boot camp drill sergeant profile? The unwaivering skilled professional? The consummate sadist?

Ross

(in reply to juliaoceania)

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RE: Destroy preconceived image of Dominant? - 9/15/2006 5:08:54 PM

SirDiscipliner69

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sublizzie

I don't session with someone unless I know them very well so I would probably already understand that they were human beings with faults and foibles.

I can not say that I do the same with submissives. If I feel and energy...chemistry..I wish to act on it n a timely manner and fashion.

So is it different for male dominants than women submissives?

Is there more emotional attached to it than for men?

I feel I can sometimes get to know a submissive more through a session or play than just talking to them...any one else feel this also?

Ross

(in reply to sublizzie)

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RE: Destroy preconceived image of Dominant? - 9/15/2006 5:22:46 PM

SirDiscipliner69

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quote:

ORIGINAL: behindmirrors

I don't think I could adequately form an opinion of a person until I met them. Body language has a lot to do with my ability to know a person, and movement patterns are always the first thing I notice- it can tell me a great deal.

Yes body language can tell quite a bit.

Most people are aware of their hands but they forget the language they are giving off with their feet.

Then there is the body language during a session. ;)

Ross

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RE: Destroy preconceived image of Dominant? - 9/15/2006 5:33:02 PM

SirDiscipliner69

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quote:

ORIGINAL: eyes opened

i would never agree to "session" with anyone on the initial meeting. That's because i want to see the Man behind the Dom.

I have had many nice sessions with submissives on the initial first meeting.

I did not feel the need to see the woman behind the submissive at that time as I knew she would be revealed in the session and through out the course of the relationship..even if it were for that brief session...as it still would be considered a relationship..a brief relationship.

Relationships do not necessarily have to be an extended period of time do they?

quote:

it depends on the type of relationship You are negotiating. Top/bottom without any traditional dating or possible LTR make a difference. The basics of character are more universal for me, being trustworthy, honest, a sense of humor and the ability to deal effectively with stress are important to me regardless of the relationship.

Yes it does...it seems the duration of the relationship...and I am sure We all strive for those of enduring and endearing qualities would be dependent on those characteristics of a partner or mate...but is it necessarily needed to the image of a dominant?

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RE: Destroy preconceived image of Dominant? - 9/15/2006 5:38:13 PM

SirDiscipliner69

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Quivver

Arent those little fobiles what make or break any chemistry that keep a relationship going?
(no matter how deep or shallow the relationship may be).
It's all what ya can live with, or without.

Q

They are human qualities that add the spice of life are they not?

They are the things that make us think and ponder the what-ifs aren't they?

Sometimes the steeping stones of life offer us some insight into the deeper meaning of what may be offered to us in the future.

Life is for learning and we sometimes are doomed to make the same mistakes in life till we realize what and where we err right?

So can a "shallow" (physical ?) relationship bring us to a "deeper" (soul-mate?) relationship?

Would one prefer the Terminator dominant or the Milk-toast dominant?

Ross

(in reply to Quivver)

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RE: Destroy preconceived image of Dominant? - 9/15/2006 5:42:41 PM

SirDiscipliner69

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quote:

ORIGINAL: untamedshysub

I ran three times From Sir because of the notions I had of what a "real Dom" was and how they should behave, but there was and is something about him that drew me back

Nice introspective story...I am familiar with the running away...yes years later...

Interesting that what may not work at this time may work later for you.

What is one person's ceiling is another person's floor.

Bottom line is it has to be real and work for you.

Ross

(in reply to untamedshysub)

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Post #: 37