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personal, private time for slaves - 9/9/2006 8:24:22 AM   
MLskajira


Posts: 275
Joined: 2/17/2006
Status: offline 		is it just this girl and the slaves she knows, or do all slaves find themselves letting their hair down a bit more when they are left to their own devices?
this girl and her slave friends have times when we are allowed to be unobserved that we do some of the small things our Master's will not allow in Their presance.
this girl is in a 24/7 and sometimes it is hard to maintain constantly so when Master allows her to have a sleep over, or to go out with one of her slave friends she will occasionally smoke more or have a couple of alcoholic drinks. this is something her Master rarely allows.
this girl is only human and like everyone else, she needs a vacation at times, even if it is only a couple of hours or one night, where she can do pretty much as she wishes. she knows what her Master expects of her and doesnt step too far over the line, she would never, intentionally disgrace her Master.
do her slight indescretions make her a "bad" slave, even though afterwards she is more relaxed in her service and more attentive to her duties?


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RE: personal, private time for slaves - 9/9/2006 9:15:18 AM   
stockingluvr54


Posts: 673
Joined: 6/22/2006
Status: offline 		The way I see is that your Master has allowed you some "alone time" and understands that you need this. He's trusting you. You are somewhat disregarding that trust? If he's dead set against you drinking/smoking and finds out?....he may feel you violated that trust? Trust is something you can't get back once it's gone (imho)????  Think you may be riding that fine line and don't be surprised if things go cowshit when he finds out. You know your situation better than I so just take this as my opinion......

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RE: personal, private time for slaves - 9/9/2006 9:25:04 AM   
MLskajira


Posts: 275
Joined: 2/17/2006
Status: offline 		this girl has spoken to her Master about how she walks up to the line, He seems to understand that she needs this valve and does not comment on it, unless He actually sees it Himself and even then, the punishment she recives is mild, mainly because the infractions are mild.
she was only wondering if other sub/slaves do the same thing.


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RE: personal, private time for slaves - 9/9/2006 9:35:16 AM   
stockingluvr54


Posts: 673
Joined: 6/22/2006
Status: offline 		sorry....I misread the post....nevermind

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RE: personal, private time for slaves - 9/9/2006 9:42:42 AM   
Casie


Posts: 450
Joined: 1/5/2006
Status: offline 		I'm the same way. Althought I get me time to get to do some of the things I'm not normally aloud. Like when you're a kid and your bed time is nine but on a special occasion you are aloud to stay up til ten. 

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RE: personal, private time for slaves - 9/9/2006 9:52:43 AM   
MLskajira


Posts: 275
Joined: 2/17/2006
Status: offline 		yes casie, it is something like that, only Master leaves things when He goes that He has told His pet she cannot touch. He acts like He knows nothing of their existance and makes sure they are where she can see them. He will not give permission for her to use them ( usually alcohol or marijuana or cigarettes, these are the things Master regulates) but expects them to be gone when He returns, if they are not, then the next time she is allowed to be unobserved He will leave nothing.

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RE: personal, private time for slaves - 9/9/2006 10:08:00 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		Having private time is a great privilege.  And as long as you inform your master "When I'm not with you, I tend to drink more and smoke more and do things you generally disapprove of.  Are you ok with that?" and he says "Absolutely, go for it"  Then there's not a problem.

However, if you don't fully inform him of this, or if you do it knowing he would not be happy with it, then you've got a problem.

Personally I find it easier to deal with long term training if I don't go on and off the cycle.  If I just get myself on the headspace of "Do it and do it and do it" then I can get it into my habits much more efficiently.  That doesn't mean I don't reward myself or am rewarded, but I don't see the reward in doing something that an owner would disapprove of.

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RE: personal, private time for slaves - 9/9/2006 10:43:52 AM   
MLskajira


Posts: 275
Joined: 2/17/2006
Status: offline 		it is an unspoken consent. this girl did inform her Master that when she is alone, or with her friends she does not always adhear to His rules, but she assured Him that her infractions were minor (she did not specify which rules she bends and breaks and He has not asked) but Master knows His pet well and the things she mentioned that He "accidently" leaves for her are exactally what she desires to do while in her private space. Master is very intuitive and has always attended to His pet's needs, even though she rarely speaks of them.

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RE: personal, private time for slaves - 9/9/2006 12:47:44 PM   
agirl


Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MLskajira

it is an unspoken consent. this girl did inform her Master that when she is alone, or with her friends she does not always adhear to His rules, but she assured Him that her infractions were minor (she did not specify which rules she bends and breaks and He has not asked) but Master knows His pet well and the things she mentioned that He "accidently" leaves for her are exactally what she desires to do while in her private space. Master is very intuitive and has always attended to His pet's needs, even though she rarely speaks of them.


 As you said, you have his consent, abeit unspoken, to go further than you would if he was present. He's obviously not concerned.....you've been open about your *infractions* ........If you feel sure that he'd stop it if he wasn't happy about it, then all is well in the *herb garden*.agirl



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RE: personal, private time for slaves - 9/9/2006 5:50:51 PM   
MLskajira


Posts: 275
Joined: 2/17/2006
Status: offline 		this one was just wondering if other slaves get or take time for themselves in the same or similar ways.

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RE: personal, private time for slaves - 9/9/2006 7:15:49 PM   
behindmirrors


Posts: 340
Joined: 8/5/2006
Status: offline 		I take time to myself regularly, as does my Dom. Though I am not is a M/s dynamic, I am in a D/s dynamic, I know there are some things that I do when my Dom is away that I ordinarily would not be permitted to do, as such. My time is mine to do with as I please, and my Dom allows me to have this time and even encourages it, as he knows I have needs outside of our relationship as well, and mostly that it does just help me to decompress and do better for him. We each have our space, and we each feel it makes it easier to be with each other and live together that way. When one of us needs some time to ourselves, we can say so, and then take that time without question. At most, I will be asked what I did with my time, and at most I will ask what he did with his. Generally, I just ask if he's feeling better, and he just asks me if I had fun or what I did. It works well.

I see nothing wrong with anyone needing a little down time. It helps to keep everything fresh if you're not constantly with your partner, after all- variety is good, time to yourself is good time to process things, and connection with others is healthy and necessary.

behindmirrors.

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RE: personal, private time for slaves - 9/10/2006 6:57:52 AM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MLskajira
...this girl is only human and like everyone else, she needs a vacation at times, even if it is only a couple of hours or one night, where she can do pretty much as she wishes...


this slave has no desire or "need" to take a vacation and do as she wishes...and disagrees with you that that particular "need" is representative of one's "human"-ness. 

< Message edited by Mercnbeth -- 9/10/2006 7:00:14 AM >

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RE: personal, private time for slaves - 9/10/2006 7:16:21 AM   
MLskajira


Posts: 275
Joined: 2/17/2006
Status: offline 		this girl fully understands that not everyone is alike and some have no desire to be out from under their Master/Dom's thumb, ever. this girl has always been independant and although she revels in her service to her Master, He is very strict and this girl is not one to be "on" all of the time. Master is aware of this and also aware that after He has allowed His tiger to hunt alone for a bit, she is a much better pet for Him.
W/we are not in a new relationship, W/we have been together for 2 years and have learned what works for U/us.
please keep in mind what this girl said earlier,,,, it is usually only for a couple of hours or maybe overnight and even then, Master is only a few numbers away and can and does pop in on His pet  with no notice, so she doesnt go too far.
 this girl respects and honors her Master and would not intentionally do anything that might cause Him to regret taking this girl as His pet, but she is a wild animal that He is domesticating and He is well aware of that


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RE: personal, private time for slaves - 9/10/2006 7:54:46 AM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline
quote:

this girl fully understands that not everyone is alike and some have no desire to be out from under their Master/Dom's thumb, ever. this girl has always been independant and although she revels in her service to her Master, He is very strict and this girl is not one to be "on" all of the time. Master is aware of this and also aware that after He has allowed His tiger to hunt alone for a bit, she is a much better pet for Him.
W/we are not in a new relationship, W/we have been together for 2 years and have learned what works for U/us.


ML's,
Responding mostly in the context of the underlined and bold section of your post. To us, this is the key distinction and causes the need for a slave/submissive to seek "personal, private time". You indicate that you are "on" when submissive to your Master. It requires a certain mindset to be "on" when submissive. beth is "off" when submissive. 

Day to day activities require certain costumes and decorum. You're "vacation" or "off" mode may be going to mall in jeans and tee-shirt and shopping and chit-chatting with your girlfriends. To beth she would have to be "on" to take part in the same activity. If we had to go to the mall beth would prefer to be naked at the end of my leash crawling. It's one of the reasons we so love, and are looking forward to going to the Folsom Street Fair in two weeks. At least for that day, she will be naked at the end of a leash at a lifestyle mall. Not crawling though because the street would rip up her knees.

We've been together for four years. Right at the beginning, beth's joy in the relationship, and one of the most appreciated aspects, was that she felt our relationship was the first dynamic she had been involved that allowed her to be natural, or not "on". In the past, her "vacation" or personal, private time was being in "service". she submitted or put herself in submissive situations. she took private time to serve not only her former partners, but parents, children, and community associations. Once she "discovered" a BDSM lifestyle her goal was to find a relationship that would allow her to be "natural" the majority of the time, to be free to be "off" as much as possible.

The same reasons apply to you being "off" apply for her. The difference is your definitions for "on" are opposite. The other difference is a "need to" be "off". beth has no such desire and wished she never had to be, but society won't let her. If allowed, she'd "safe-word" out of a non-consensual dynamic with society, whose puritanical kink, forces the requirement she be "on".

This is a distinction. It is not espousing a standard or representing any "one 'true' way". Just a perspective to consider.

Be well!

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RE: personal, private time for slaves - 9/10/2006 7:54:49 AM   
LadyWhisper


Posts: 54
Status: offline 		I allow time for Slaves to have their time, however I do have rules, and if my rules are broken during such, then correctness is needed to assure they are not broken. I am trusting my Slave to do such if I give her this time, in return she needs to show loyalty, of course there are rewards I will give to my Slave when shown this loyalty, and I may grant her more next time.

Lady Whisper


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RE: personal, private time for slaves - 9/10/2006 8:06:27 AM   
kyraofMists


Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MLskajira
this one was just wondering if other slaves get or take time for themselves in the same or similar ways.


I am allowed private time, but not in the same way as you.  I have no need to break or bend his rules just because he is not around.  For me, there is no "on" for my submission to him; it is just who I am and how we relate to each other.  There is no need for me to take a break from being myself.

Knight's kyra

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"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

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RE: personal, private time for slaves - 9/10/2006 8:35:26 AM   
MLskajira


Posts: 275
Joined: 2/17/2006
Status: offline 		o.k., this girl expected some to misunderstand what she was saying.
this girl finds her joy in serving her Master, she too is happiest when on His leash and if it was allowed, she would always be on His leash when W/we go out.
but as she said before this girl is a wild animal and her Master is domesticating her.
she has been in this lifestyle for the majority of her life but until she met her Master, she was a fighting girl and this is her first experiance in being a pleasure slave.
 it would be similar to being a warrior for years and then being expected to be passive about everything all the time.
this girl and her Master know who and what she is and she knows who and what her Master wishes her to be and she is striving to meet His expectations, but please remember, a tiger cannot be taken from the jungle and immediately placed in the company of gentle folk.
this girl is very blessed to have a Master that understand this and is willing to make some consessions in His training of His pet to ensure that she is molded into the slave He wants.


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RE: personal, private time for slaves - 9/10/2006 9:12:22 AM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MLskajira
do her slight indescretions make her a "bad" slave, even though afterwards she is more relaxed in her service and more attentive to her duties?


In my opinion... Maybe!  first... your indiscretions as slight as they maybe could be willful disobedience.  Now if your Master has given you permission specifically or generally to have these allowances of behavior... then in truth they are not indiscretions at all.  In fact, if you are acting in ways that you have permission then you are being obedient and futhermore come to your Master relaxed and attentive to your duties.  If your Master has given permission for these behaviors... ie smoke more have a few drinks etc.  then in effect he is taking an action to maintain his property.  In his wisdom he judges it necessary for you to have this type of time for him to have what he wants, a relaxed and attentive slave.

Now... if you are taking actions/behaviors that you have not been give expressed (directly or indirectly) permission to engage in... you are being willfully disobedient.  Being wilfully disobedient no matter how slight is bad behavior for a slave.  Continuing this willlful disobedience is being a Bad slave.  Now justifing the behavior becuase one is more relaxed and attentive to the master is not acceptable.  The means is just as important as the end.  Bottom line willful disobedience is not appropriate for the slave.  In essence, such a person is not following the will and authority of the Master.

I will further add that a person that continuely willfully disobeys the will of their master is not a slave at all.  Now in your present situation....

IF you are continuely willfully disobeying your Master during these private times you are having.  In my opinion all you are doing is manipulating your Master and showing a complete lack of authenticity of your nature. 

IF you are continuely willfully disobeying your Master during these private times you are having.  In my opinion you are showing a complete lack of intgerity.  You are in effect Role-playing a slave.  You take the private times as a way to relieve the stress of being in the Role of a slave.  When you have relieved the stress.. you can come back to Master relaxed and attentive.  But this relaxed state has been gained by dishonorable means.

One needs to be authentic in their self-identity.  If you label yourself a slave.. you are obligated to be obedient to the Master's will.  So in the end... are you being Obedient?  If not.. you are a Bad slave... and maybe not even a slave at all.  If you are being obedient... then refer to my first paragraph.

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An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

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RE: personal, private time for slaves - 9/10/2006 11:02:12 AM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline 		Whether in his physical presense or not, my behavior doesn't change. This has nothing to do with obedience to his will, his expectations, his desires for how he wants his slave to act and everything to do with remaining true to myself and doing what I must as a slave. I am far harder on myself than he ever was or is and to even contemplate behaving in such a manner would make me less than I truly am. It's simply unacceptable to me.

If 'I' were to engage in these sorts of indiscretions, yes, it would make 'me' a bad slave ... it doesn't mean 'you' are a bad slave, however, because how you think and act is fine with you and your Master and the way your dynamic works (key word is WORKS!) is all that you need to know. Mine works for me, yours works for you.. that they are pretty much opposite is OK.

Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."


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RE: personal, private time for slaves - 9/10/2006 11:27:49 AM   
MLskajira


Posts: 275
Joined: 2/17/2006
Status: offline 		this girl is grateful to E/everyone for T/their honest opinions.
she guesses she is looking for another slave like herself. someone who is not new to the lifestyle, but is new to the kinder, gentler side of it.
this girl is blessed to have been found by a Master who understands what He has and how to interact with her.
Y/your answers have brought home to her just how unique she and her relationship with her Master are and for that she thanks Y/you A/all.


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