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RE: Lies and Hurt - 9/11/2006 12:52:45 AM   
AbstractSavant


Posts: 149
Joined: 6/5/2005
Status: offline 		He couldn't be honest with you because he wouldn't be honest with himself.

It's a sadly common thing with both men and women alike.

(in reply to loverly)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Lies and Hurt - 9/11/2006 3:35:50 AM   
bandit25


Posts: 3029
Joined: 6/18/2005
Status: offline 		Some people are jerks and lie, some aren't.  Don't let this sour you on all men or all doms, just be a bit more careful.  Easy to say, hard to do.  And I also know, no matter how careful you are, it could happen again.  Hey...his loss.

(in reply to amaidiamond)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Lies and Hurt - 9/11/2006 4:11:51 AM   
mons


Posts: 2400
Joined: 11/16/2005
Status: offline 		greetings
 
my dear first anfd formost you must love yourself more!!!!!!! this is something many women do not do you can be a slave or submissive but still to have your  own self worth you must love you more this does not mean think of yourself as better then anyone. it is insdie of you a proud part that each woman has to proect one self i can love and fall and love but i have a part of me that i keep love of oneself. you can stop loving take what he has done and put it up in two roles and then see what is there put the bad with the bad the good with the good and measure out and you will see if he was worht it. oh play the love songs and pull him out of your soul i can bet your a pretty one go and start looking for someone else you see i had someone i love and he made sure i loveed him oh i could not see the sky through the cloud nothing but him matter i would have followed him to the end of the workd and he know this. but yes he told me too he never loved me when i have the child we made he told me if only it was by someone he loved i was crushed, but i had found out now that he did this to another woman he left her with a daugher. he knew what he was doing planned and i was pick to fall in love with him, then to be left with a child. your not the only one he has dome this too. now this is so important i wasted many years thinking he would return to me i waited, do not be a fool if you read any letter please listen to mine all are inportant but i hope you will listen to someone who was taken to the bank and back and left for all to see oh yes we were in enjaged no ring but lol. the last time i saw him he mad me look like a fool he sent to my work paper saying i slept with sailors i went to court he shamed me so i cried so much. then when we went outside he was so calm so cool" oh you look  great ' i love him so still but i say oh " yes you did not know me in there " and he walk aways i want toscream come back but i am okay now if i had calle dhim back i would be a crazy woman now he would had turn me into a nut no i am ok
 
mons

(in reply to amaidiamond)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Lies and Hurt - 9/11/2006 9:32:12 AM   
Kashan


Posts: 51
Joined: 6/30/2006
Status: offline 		I am so sorry you are hurting, but honestly, feeling the pain is the only way to get through it. GIve yourself a few days to really feel hurt and cry and remember all the good times you had. They were real. He did care. He just doesn't feel he cares enough, and that you desrve someone who does, just as he deserves to have someone he really loves passionately. There are all levels of love. Unfortunately we only have one word for it, which makes communication difficult. I have definitely had to let go people whom I loved, but not enough to keep them. You don't have to stop loving him ever, but you do have to open your heart to someone new, and that is the scariest thing of all.
Good luck.

(in reply to loverly)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Lies and Hurt - 9/11/2006 9:56:54 AM   
redpetals


Posts: 229
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline 		~I can handle being ditched, I just find it really hard to take in that it was all lies, he insists that it was not all fake, that he did care for me but I find it hard to believe, my head is so lost at the moment, the people that know are of the oppinion he was not good enough for me, but i can't stop myself loving him.
I just wish I knew of a way that I could, it makes me wonder, why do people do this? Surely being honest is the only way to go?~
Yes being honest is the best way.
Would it make it easier to handle this split if you could believe that he really did love you,and for whatever reason he does not know how to deal  with that?
Would it make it better if you could believe he was in some kind of pain also instead of planning his next conquest?
Is it important that there are people who say he wasnt good enough for you anyways?
Me thinks..you need to be honest with yourself first.
Do you feel stupid?
Used?
Should have seen it comming?
Are you wondering where you went  wrong?
First of all..everyone makes mistakes sometimes..the important thing is to keep trying.
Get busy at improving a skill that you can take into your next relationship.
Do something good for yourself.
Hit the gym.
Hit the YWCA..
Keep moving.
Just sayin'
I could be wrong..





_____________________________

Love is a verb.

(in reply to amaidiamond)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Lies and Hurt - 9/11/2006 11:07:09 AM   
amaidiamond


Posts: 1793
Joined: 2/6/2006
From: Watford / London
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: NastyDaddy

Get a grip and face reality... stay yourself and learn. No need to change your profile to desire being caged, treated as an object, no respect for your feelings, etc... that's simply a knee-jerk running away, and not even you. Don't lose track of you.

Did I hear someone mention nasty?  Don't lose all your good qualities over spilled milk, especially that one! 


Chuckles, well the only change to my profile is that I'm no longer taken - and what on earth is wrong with being caged, in the litteral sense of course, I have a fondness for it, and as for being an object, i'll have you know I'm a damn good footstool! *weg*

(in reply to NastyDaddy)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Lies and Hurt - 9/11/2006 11:14:31 AM   
amaidiamond


Posts: 1793
Joined: 2/6/2006
From: Watford / London
Status: offline 		Well thank you everyone for your kind words, i'm feeling an awful lot better today, taken off my rose tinted glasses for a few hours, I guess over the next few weeks there will be highs and lows and I don't think he meant to lie, I agree with the oppinion that he was also doing it to himself, because he wanted it to be true.
I did mold myself to him in ways that I shouldn't, gave up an awful lot  that is deep inside me because he was new and not anywhere near as interested in the depth of relationship that I would  hope for, in a few weeks I'm sure I will be able to deal with a friendship again.
Only thing I would say that I disagree with is that my confidence has been knocked, it hasn't really, then again i am a very spirited person and it takes a lot to beat me, I fall down, then I yank myself back up ahgain and get on with things.
The plus side of being dumped is I can now afford to take the A Levels I need to eventually go for my chosen Uni course, something i couldn't afford because having him was so expensive :D

(in reply to amaidiamond)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Lies and Hurt - 9/11/2006 11:55:47 AM   
RavenMuse


Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline 		Well sweetie, you already know what I think. I said so months ago and that there was lies and deception was absolutly no surprize.
DO NOT start blaiming yourself! You ARE worth better, you DO deserve treated better and hopefully the next time WILL be better. Meanwhile, take a little time and put YOU back together.

quote:

because having him was so expensive

This I did find funny sweetie.... given the first words out of My mouth on meeting him


< Message edited by RavenMuse -- 9/11/2006 11:59:00 AM >

_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to loverly)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Lies and Hurt - 9/11/2006 11:59:14 AM   
bondarina


Posts: 4
Joined: 2/1/2005
Status: offline 		Greetings...

I had a D/s affair with a Dominant for one year. He began saying he had a slave for 4 years (true) and that she wanted soft SM and he was loking for hard SM with her knowing... I trusted that, till he offered me his collar in secret, for she could not know! But it was too late for going back, he always seemed truthful to me, telling me everything about being in love with his slave, etc... At the same time he kept saying I was very important to him, for he had no-one else to talk his heart out, etc, etc...
I was running to him for a year, making almost 600 kms at a time, completely surrended to him and always saying he was the one.
Never asked him nothing in return, but deep inside wished they´d finish and I´d be the one... wich he always said - if they finished, he´d stay with me.
He began lying to me and I found out he was after another submissive which he used to ask me about, someone he usually said to me to be a horrible person. We even laugh together at her...
And all over sudden I found out he offered her "my collar" and my world collapsed - I tried to speak to him and he didn´t even answer my phonecalls, etc... I was knocked out for more than 6 months, tried to go on having BDSM but failing to go on - started crying at "sessions", etc, and get aside from BDSM for almost one year.
This is the important thing - how people can destroy others just for sellfishness, but I do believe that what one is in "real life" doesn´t change in BDSM; this Dominant was married with kids, in love with his slave and searching for more and everyone he could get. If he already had a lying life out of BDSM why should he be different with me???
My fault then, and I paid the price!

People don´t change, they just adapt themselves to the situations.
It´s up to us not to have eyes wide shut...
**********

(in reply to loverly)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Lies and Hurt - 9/11/2006 1:09:49 PM   
amaidiamond


Posts: 1793
Joined: 2/6/2006
From: Watford / London
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RavenMuse

Well sweetie, you already know what I think. I said so months ago and that there was lies and deception was absolutly no surprize.
DO NOT start blaiming yourself! You ARE worth better, you DO deserve treated better and hopefully the next time WILL be better. Meanwhile, take a little time and put YOU back together.

quote:

because having him was so expensive

This I did find funny sweetie.... given the first words out of My mouth on meeting him



Grins, well You sure made Your oppinion clear, ok ok so next time i'll listen

(in reply to RavenMuse)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Lies and Hurt - 9/11/2006 1:13:54 PM   
amaidiamond


Posts: 1793
Joined: 2/6/2006
From: Watford / London
Status: offline 		So sorry to hear that happened to you bondarina

(in reply to amaidiamond)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Lies and Hurt - 9/11/2006 1:20:52 PM   
SexyRed


Posts: 529
Joined: 8/19/2004
Status: offline 		My condolences to you. Whatever  you do, please do not agree to the "friends with benefits" scenario. Been there, done that and it only serves to bandage a wound temporarily but to further your pain in the long run.  If you truly love someone who does not love you, you will find a temporary high being with them, but then the deepest, most painful low afterwards.

Why? Because you are devaluing yourself in the moment. So, please, just try to forget him and do not even speak to him at all, let alone see him. Believe me, I wish I listened to my own advice when this happened. Be thankful it was only 8 months, mine went on for years.

_____________________________

A trucker will slow down for a blonde, stop for a brunette, but back up 500 yards for a redhead!


(in reply to amaidiamond)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Lies and Hurt - 9/11/2006 1:31:39 PM   
amaidiamond


Posts: 1793
Joined: 2/6/2006
From: Watford / London
Status: offline 		I wasn't planning on the friends with benifits thing to be honest, I feel far to much for the guy, it's possible in time I can manage friends but that will be about the limit of it.

(in reply to SexyRed)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Lies and Hurt - 9/11/2006 3:41:14 PM   
RavenMuse


Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: amaidiamond
ok ok so next time i'll listen


Somehow I doubt it!
Take a bit of time then once you have worked out what you want/need, don't take second best, get what you want/need. You are in London, its FULL of perverts, gotta be a few likely candidates out there.




_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to amaidiamond)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Lies and Hurt - 9/11/2006 3:56:28 PM   
Sinergy


Posts: 9383
Joined: 4/26/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: diamonddreamlove

I am sorry that you have been hurt.  Unfortunately too many say the words i love you just because they are the words they think the other wants to hear. 



Hello A/all,

I am also sorry that you have been hurt.

Love, to me, is an action, a behavior, something you do from moment to moment.  It is a word.  Saying "I love you" are 3 words.

I have had too many people in my life tell me they loved me, but showed me in a thousand different ways that it was not really true.

Or perhaps they believed it was.

You will get through this, and I wish you well in your journey.

Sinergy

_____________________________

"There is a fine line between clever and stupid"
David St. Hubbins "This Is Spinal Tap"

"Every so often you let a word or phrase out and you want to catch it and bring it back. You cant do that, it is gone, gone forever." J. Danforth Quayle


(in reply to diamonddreamlove)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Lies and Hurt - 9/12/2006 11:33:27 AM   
amaidiamond


Posts: 1793
Joined: 2/6/2006
From: Watford / London
Status: offline 		Thanks for all the responses, I'm feeling 1000 times better now the rose tinted glasses are firmlly off, now I need to get a large strong umberella, because now I'm single it's suddenly started raining Doms... *chuckles*

(in reply to Sinergy)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Lies and Hurt - 9/12/2006 11:38:57 AM   
MagiksSlave


Posts: 2768
Joined: 9/11/2006
Status: offline 		I am so so so sorry sweety Im sorry you are feeling hurt and if you need to talk you can message me here any time. I may not get back to you if you do till later today because Im going to class but please if you need to talk Im always a shoulder to cry on... I know what it is like to be hurt so bad.

Magik's slave

_____________________________

If you’re going through hell keep on moving
don't slow down
if you’re scared dont show it
you might get out
before the devil even knows your there.


-Rodney Atkins-



(in reply to loverly)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Lies and Hurt - 9/12/2006 4:17:27 PM   
pinkee


Posts: 487
Status: offline 		amaid, i think you loved a Man who does not exist; sometimes in life we look at O/our former partners -- amazed at what W/we've discovered about T/them and want very much to know why -- but this is pointless to anyone except Him, for He was the liar.  As far as i can tell, you did nothing to bring this on (ok, maybe not taking Raven's advice) and therefore you should not punish yourself in any way.  It's a car accident.....and He's to blame.  pinkee

< Message edited by pinkee -- 9/12/2006 4:18:19 PM >

(in reply to MagiksSlave)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Lies and Hurt - 9/12/2006 5:06:39 PM   
amaidiamond


Posts: 1793
Joined: 2/6/2006
From: Watford / London
Status: offline 		Thank you for the advice and good wishes, the car accident theory is interesting, lucky in this case there were no casualtys.....
(hard hearted? moi? surely not?

(in reply to pinkee)
Profile   Post #: 39
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