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Help with your insight for a new Mistress - 9/11/2006 5:46:26 AM   
TheMightyBitch


Posts: 45
Joined: 8/25/2006
Status: offline 		I am in the process of interviewing and trying out a new slave. Even though I am new at this I have spent quite a bit of time thinking about what exactly I want out af a slave and what my style is so that I can tell a potential what he can expect, as well as know myself what and who I am within the lifestyle.

Currently I am working 300 miles from my home, I go back home every 2-4 weeks depending on what needs to be doane at home. I found a potential slave that lives 80 miles from me and we began internet communication. He is young and untrained (which I like) and I asked him many questions and gave him many examples of what life would be like with me. I never indulged him in any sexual talk to make sure that he wasn't looking for wanker material. I got the impression that he really is service oriented. So far so good and on the phone he had the personality that I could live withday to day.this has been going on to a month of communications.

Here's my delemia:

I decided it was time to go  r/t and made plans to go home next weekend with the plans to bring him to my home and try him out and put him through the paces of training and let him get a glimpse of what real service is.  He wanted to quit his job an go full time with me right away.  I said "no, I will use you one weekend and send you home, the next weekend you will also serve me, depending how that goes, I will decide what is next"  He has recieved a written schedule 2 weeks ago, of my daily life so that he knows what is expected. We had been in communication 1-3 times a day with him always IM'ing me with a greeting and me getting back to him when I felt like it.  I liked this because it showed me his enthusiasm.  I never told him to do this, it is just what he did..

Last Friday I did not hear from him all day. Saturday I chastised him and told him that if his computer (he has had difficulties with it)was broken to pick up the phone and call. I asked him if he had thought that I may be upset by not having heard from him all day and he said Yes.I told him thatfrom now on he MUST make contact with me every day and that he was going to have to be punished for doing something he thought might upset me and doing it anyway.  Also I re-interated  that I was going to a lot of trouble and taking 10 days off my work to come home and try him out and I expect his thanks & gratitude to show by him wanting to talk with me and show his willingness..

I never heard from him on Sunday, nor this morning.

Since we have no real idea what is going on in his pitiful little mind, I wanted to hear what you thought would be possible solutions to the 2 most  likely reasons for his behavior and what my recourse could be.

1.  He is scared of going r/t and backing out

2. I gave him a rule and he is purposfully breaking it to be punished.

I am easily angered and my first inclination is to walk away and say "NEXT" I have no emotianal investment nor do I anticipate I am the type of person that is able to love a slave.

Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Help with your insight for a new Mistress - 9/11/2006 7:07:58 AM   
Jasmyn


Posts: 1234
Joined: 2/6/2004
From: New Zealand
Status: offline 		If it was me ... I'd say 'next' ...

Now for a bit of unsolicited advice ... I want to hear a sub's fantasies, I want to find out what is his kick, what is his bent ... it's too easy for them, especially unseen, to play dutiful slave to demanding me...as you say 'got the impression' ... I'd say he's living in a fantasy land and you played his evil queen ...but he won't do reality ..

_____________________________

quote:

"To learn the art of submission a slave must first give up the desires that drew him to submission in the first place." Mistress Jasmyn Jan 2005.


Visit My Website


(in reply to TheMightyBitch)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Help with your insight for a new Mistress - 9/11/2006 7:43:42 AM   
TheMightyBitch


Posts: 45
Joined: 8/25/2006
Status: offline 		Thanks Jasmyn!

I ask for their list of fetishes early on in my communicatios with a sub to see if there is some common ground.  Also to weed out ones that may repulse me or be uninviting to me.  But then I generally keep that out of the rehlm of conversation for the most part.

(in reply to Jasmyn)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Help with your insight for a new Mistress - 9/11/2006 8:00:48 AM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TheMightyBitch

Since we have no real idea what is going on in his pitiful little mind, I wanted to hear what you thought would be possible solutions to the 2 most  likely reasons for his behavior and what my recourse could be.

If he is truly pitiful, he simply might not be able to meet your expectations, or believes that, since he has internalized that he is pitiful, he is simply not worthy, so why bother?

quote:

1.  He is scared of going r/t and backing out

Quite possible. Simply ask him if he's scared, then find out of what. You can't make the fear go away, however, that's his job. But, what you can do is create a nurturing atmosphere which better fosteres his ability to work through the fear.

quote:

2. I gave him a rule and he is purposfully breaking it to be punished.

Quite possible. Simply ask him if he is looking for a punishment scene. If he is, let him know that you can arrange for that...it's not necessary for him to actually misbehave in order to be punished. This angers you and will eventually make you discard him. I find that if they are really interested in a relationship, it's punishment enough to tell them that I am simply hurt and disappointed by their behavior. If this corrects the behavior, it shows me that they are serious and in touch with what they are truly about.

quote:

I am easily angered and my first inclination is to walk away and say "NEXT" I have no emotianal investment nor do I anticipate I am the type of person that is able to love a slave.

"Next" might often be an option and a result if you do not invest more than your time into someone. Every human desires love, even if it is not romantic.

Master Fire


_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to TheMightyBitch)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Help with your insight for a new Mistress - 9/11/2006 8:55:48 AM   
LadyEllen


Posts: 10931
Joined: 6/30/2006
From: Stourport-England
Status: offline 		Having known a few like this, I would say "next".

Usually they turn out to be younger guys, frightened of getting what they wanted, and will just mess you about eternally. Its a shame, if you have been getting on so well until now, but thinking back are you sure he wasnt echoing what you told him in order to seem ideal? This has happened to me before now, though not suspecting anything at the time I saw nothing in it.

And whatever you do, do not base your life around him or any other would be slave - you're right in insisting he call you, but I would advise against taking days off  or travelling etc for someone who cant follow a command to call every day - if he cant do that, then how likely is he to be capable of making an appointment?

At the same time though, as MasterFireMaam advised, dont be horrid to him over all this. These younger guys are often genuine enough, but they are also often terrified of following through on desires which they have often kept secret to themselves out of shame and embarassment. Its best to reassure them they are not alone, wrong or foolish, that nothing was going to happen more than what they wanted (albeit on your terms), and to keep it on friendly terms.
E

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Help with your insight for a new Mistress - 9/11/2006 9:01:47 AM   
MisPandora


Posts: 2911
Joined: 4/7/2004
From: Philadelphia, PA
Status: offline 		I'm sorry to say this, but cut your losses and walk away -- silently.  Don't lower yourself by writing an angry missive to him.  Ignore him.  (If you need to write the angry missive, send it to me, or another woman here.  We've all written them, I'm sure.)  It's only taken me 10 years to get to the point that I send a "disappointed in you" 2 sentence letter and walk.  And several times, my walking away rather than blowing up has later brought an embarassed and apologetic gentleman back to me, with at least an explanation of his fit of terror or reason for the dramatic escape. 

You may not ever get an explanation, but please....maintain your sanity and your dignity.

_____________________________

Pandora
Ms World Leather 2004
Ms Philadelphia Leather 2004

"Simply put, if you want a real femdom to love you, give her reasons to love you." Gloria Brame

(in reply to TheMightyBitch)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Help with your insight for a new Mistress - 9/11/2006 10:03:09 AM   
TheMightyBitch


Posts: 45
Joined: 8/25/2006
Status: offline 		I read & re-read everything each of you wrote to me.  There are some great words of wisdom here......thank you for your time in typing it all out.


(in reply to MisPandora)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Help with your insight for a new Mistress - 9/11/2006 1:30:47 PM   
GoddessDustyGold


Posts: 2822
Joined: 4/11/2004
From: Arizona
Status: offline 		Like the others, I would most likely be moving on.
I do suspect that he is running scared now that it is "more real" and he also received a schedule and you said "NO" to his wish of quitting and coming full time immediately.
My question...
If this boy lives 80 miles from you, and you travel much of the time, was he to find new employment, or was this going to be a live in situation wherein he had the run of the house which included a free roof over his head while serving you and getting some play whenever you happened to be in town?  Frankly, that sounds like a "submissive boy dream come true", at least according to some of the email I get with this idea in mind.  And it is not something I would ever allow.  And I am not a traveler.
Whatever works best for each person is fine by Me, but I would be wary of taking in a boy who seems to be interested in serving when necessary but having so much freedom in between.  In thayt instance I would want to be absolutley sre that I had a very good and trusitng relationship well established with the boy. 
Just something that popped out at Me.
 

_____________________________

Dusty
They that give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety
B Franklin
Don't blame Me ~ I didn't vote for either of them
The Hidden Kingdom


(in reply to TheMightyBitch)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Help with your insight for a new Mistress - 9/11/2006 4:43:45 PM   
TheMightyBitch


Posts: 45
Joined: 8/25/2006
Status: offline 		I own my own business & work out of my home.  he will work along side Me.

I travel for my business doing sales calls. he will travel with Me and work along side Me

My workout & training routine takes 4-6 hours per day.  he will have all my training gear and clothing set out for Me.

I eat 6 small weighed & measured meals per day. he will cook all my days food in advance each morning and serve Me every 3 hours.

I drink 8-12 oz water every hour.  he is to bring it to Me on time. 

I don't think the poor little dear will have much time for getting bored!!!

(in reply to GoddessDustyGold)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Help with your insight for a new Mistress - 9/11/2006 5:18:49 PM   
joshslave111


Posts: 19
Joined: 9/4/2004
Status: offline 		i'd say walk away....sure i'm a sub..but c'mon..the radio of sub men to Domme women is 10000000 to 1.. and despite what it may feel like to many of You Dommes...there are a few of us sincere subs who are looking.

(in reply to TheMightyBitch)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Help with your insight for a new Mistress - 9/11/2006 5:25:54 PM   
GoddessDustyGold


Posts: 2822
Joined: 4/11/2004
From: Arizona
Status: offline 		Ah...well now I understand better...Thank you for clarifying.
Keep keep us posted as to what happens.  I am with the others in that it does seem like time to say "Next"...

_____________________________

Dusty
They that give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety
B Franklin
Don't blame Me ~ I didn't vote for either of them
The Hidden Kingdom


(in reply to TheMightyBitch)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Help with your insight for a new Mistress - 9/11/2006 8:02:24 PM   
TheMightyBitch


Posts: 45
Joined: 8/25/2006
Status: offline 		One mess up is not enough reason to blow someone off........to me.

He is young and inexperienced, I knew that going in. I would be crushed if I were him and I blew him off for one mistake.  I will put him through the paces and see how he does. What have I got to loose?  All I will do is learn as well.

Now seems like a good time to ask what things I should do & what things I should not do in the 2 1/2 days he is with me. I am sure I can gain some great guidelines.

My plans were start his basic training in how I run my household.  Maybe one or 2 basic tasks for each catagory of my lif. 

examples:

water & meals
getting my gym bag ready
cleaning a small room to my standards.
massage, back scrub or pedicure

see how he does with these before moving foreward to anything else

what about rewards or relaxation time? does he get any on the first weekend try out?

what's your opinions? 

(in reply to GoddessDustyGold)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Help with your insight for a new Mistress - 9/11/2006 9:00:34 PM   
LadyJulieAnn


Posts: 979
Joined: 6/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TheMightyBitch

One mess up is not enough reason to blow someone off........to me.

He is young and inexperienced, I knew that going in. I would be crushed if I were him and I blew him off for one mistake.  I will put him through the paces and see how he does. What have I got to loose?  All I will do is learn as well.

Now seems like a good time to ask what things I should do & what things I should not do in the 2 1/2 days he is with me. I am sure I can gain some great guidelines.

My plans were start his basic training in how I run my household.  Maybe one or 2 basic tasks for each catagory of my lif. 

examples:

water & meals
getting my gym bag ready
cleaning a small room to my standards.
massage, back scrub or pedicure

see how he does with these before moving foreward to anything else

what about rewards or relaxation time? does he get any on the first weekend try out?

what's your opinions? 


It is my understanding that you haven't heard from him in a few days.  Perhaps you should re-establish contact with him before continuing to make plans for him.

Be well,
Julie

(in reply to TheMightyBitch)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Help with your insight for a new Mistress - 9/11/2006 9:05:06 PM   
Misstoyou


Posts: 1149
Joined: 9/4/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TheMightyBitch

One mess up is not enough reason to blow someone off........to me.

He is young and inexperienced, I knew that going in. I would be crushed if I were him and I blew him off for one mistake. I will put him through the paces and see how he does. What have I got to loose? ...



I agree with this, but discussing the rest of it is the cart before the horse if he continued to fail to contact you today.

_____________________________

~ Miss Marie

a.k.a. "mean Lady"


(in reply to TheMightyBitch)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Help with your insight for a new Mistress - 9/11/2006 9:26:29 PM   
MistressSassy66


Posts: 1675
Joined: 11/5/2004
Status: offline 		I am somewhat new to being a Mistress,but not new to life and as with vanilla life...no contact for days on end usually means they are not serious.
You sounded good on paper,but real life is just to much.

I like yourself am the type to give second chances,I have a 3 strikes and your out rule,Sometimes 1 strike if its big enough is a pop fly that was caught and your out...if this was Me in your shoes...its a pop fly.

Good Luck to You

_____________________________

Mistress Sassy

http://www.mistresssassy.com

In the Immortal Words of Bob....Fuck the dumb shit.

"I love you not only for what you are,But for what I am when I'm with you."- Opening line from a poem by Roy Croft

(in reply to Misstoyou)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Help with your insight for a new Mistress - 9/12/2006 12:54:22 AM   
Philosopher


Posts: 23
Joined: 8/5/2006
Status: offline 		Have you met him in real life yet? If not, perhaps before you should meet him first, before you make plans for his trial. If he is scared, then moving slowly would help him get over his fears. Take baby steps.

Perhaps that's why he wanted to go to full time right away. His method for dealing with fear could be to jump right in and get over it.

(in reply to MistressSassy66)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Help with your insight for a new Mistress - 9/12/2006 1:02:20 AM   
DoraExplorer


Posts: 21
Joined: 4/30/2006
Status: offline 		"Next" is a good word, and one you should be using.  To me, it doesn't matter whether he got scared, decided not to bother, whatever - he should have had the common decency to tell you what was going on.  That's not about respecting a Domme, it's about respecting another human being and if he can't even do that, he's not worth your time.

_____________________________

Thank you for *not* being perky

(in reply to Philosopher)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Help with your insight for a new Mistress - 9/12/2006 2:25:05 AM   
TheMightyBitch


Posts: 45
Joined: 8/25/2006
Status: offline 		Yeah, I agree with the word next on this one.

I did forget to add to my post that we spoke mid-day and I chastised him for the second time about lack of contact.  Friday was my first repremand. Today was the second.  During the conversation I told him that he was to get ahold of me and tell me a name and location of a public place in his area we can meet.

Strike 3.........he never did that!


NEXT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(in reply to DoraExplorer)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Help with your insight for a new Mistress - 9/12/2006 5:07:13 AM   
DeviantLady


Posts: 38
Joined: 9/12/2006
Status: offline 		Sorry to hear of your time being wasted by someone that didnt know what they wanted. However, it will help others to realise that you are not going to be messed about. Firm but fair is something most men look for in a Dominant. Better luck next time.

(in reply to TheMightyBitch)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Help with your insight for a new Mistress - 9/12/2006 8:56:05 AM   
golfguy


Posts: 23
Joined: 3/26/2006
Status: offline 		II cant believe it! I have been trying to find a Mistress like this for a long,long time with no luck and as the male sub stated, there are plenty of us subs ready and willing to serve.Wish this domme was in my area!I am a very serious submissive just waiting and hoping for a chance to prove myself.I will not waste your time or mine i assure you.

(in reply to DeviantLady)
Profile   Post #: 20
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