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Compromising on the D/s or M/s dynamic ? - 9/11/2006 9:13:51 AM

twicehappy

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Joined: 2/5/2006
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This post by KOM sparked me to start this one.

quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists

However, it really depends if the behavior demonstrated(speaking of doing things the dominant dissapproves of or has rules against) is acceptable to the Master. If he accepts it... then it is not an excuse. Of course, it also depends on why he is accepting it. Is it because if he dared not accept it.. the Illusion of M/s dynamic would be ruined... or maybe he is really indifferent to it. In truth only he really knows.

Why do or would dominants put up with this kind of behavior from a sub/slave? I mean the sub/slave deliberately disobeying or not following the rules and guidelines set down by their dominant whether or not the dom/domme is present.

As a dominant do you expect or allow this and why? Is it for the reason KOM is stating; fear of ruining the illusion of the D/s or M/s relationship?

As a sub/slave do any of you indulge in this type of behavior? Basically giving lip service to the rules your dominant has set for you by only following them only in their presence? Why? Is it because you feel you have the upper hand in the long run due to the fact that the dominant may not want to lose the illusion of having that all desirable D/s or M/s relationship?

How much are any of you willing to compromise your values or give way to undesired behaviors in the search for the "golden" D/s or M/s dynamic we all yearn for?

Isn't giving up too much basically a betrayal of what you wished for to start with?

I am not talking about basic things like compromising on the fact that while the dominant involved likes genital piercing but it is a hard limit for the sub/slave but of the deeper aspects of WIITWD.

< Message edited by twicehappy -- 9/11/2006 9:16:36 AM >

_____________________________

Infinite Diversity in Infinite Combinations.

The human heart is not a finite container but an ever expanding universe with all the stars contained there in.

Post #: 1

RE: Compromising on the D/s or M/s dynamic ? - 9/11/2006 9:27:38 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: twicehappy
Why do or would dominants put up with this kind of behavior from a sub/slave? I mean the sub/slave deliberately disobeying or not following the rules and guidelines set down by their dominant whether or not the dom/domme is present.

Sometimes it is because the sub is the one running the show, simply covertly.

I put in a past thread that it was "for pussy." I got some flak for that, but I think it's true also. Doms are just like anyone else, and plenty of people will give up a lot of what they claim they want just to get laid, or stay in a relationship.

quote:

As a dominant do you expect or allow this and why? Is it for the reason KOM is stating; fear of ruining the illusion of the D/s or M/s relationship?

Absolutely not. When someone has agreed to commit to something, I take it very seriously. Same as when I agree to commit to something.

quote:

As a sub/slave do any of you indulge in this type of behavior? Basically giving lip service to the rules your dominant has set for you by only following them only in their presence? Why? Is it because you feel you have the upper hand in the long run due to the fact that the dominant may not want to lose the illusion of having that all desirable D/s or M/s relationship?

Usually insecurities and bad old habits.

Despite what all the newbies are frenzied over, it takes most people TIME to become adjusted to this sort of situation. It takes TIME to say "Wow, I REALLY can just let this person have authority and not be fucked over" (of course the fact that so many get into relationships with people who WILL fuck them over just makes it worse) or simply to break themselves of the habit of taking the reins- even if subconciously.

I only have a serious problem with it when the person should either know better or tries to excuse themselves with the "I'm just testing him" or "I need to know where the boundaries are" crap.

quote:

How much are any of you willing to compromise your values or give way to undesired behaviors in the search for the "golden" D/s or M/s dynamic we all yearn for?

Hmm my partners both have habits I don't necessarily adore, some we're working on and some I don't consider worth the energy for any change to occur. But on core values, no one should ever compromise.

quote:

Isn't giving up too much basically a betrayal of what you wished for to start with?

Yes.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to twicehappy)

Post #: 2

RE: Comproming on the D/s or M/s dynamic ? - 9/11/2006 9:39:18 AM

thisishis

Posts: 278
Joined: 5/11/2006
From: Southeastern MA
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my Master doesn't put up with any form of behavior, or action displayed by me that doesn't meet His expectations of me. i follow His rules. i meet His expectations. PERIOD.
i don't break the rules, or misbehave purposely. i also do my best to not disappoint Him due to forgetfulness, or 'accidents' etc.

It would be a VERY rare thing for Him to excuse poor behavior from me. i wouldn't want it any other way. There are no illusions in our relationship. i don't want there to be any, and neither does He. It would disappoint me if He were to suddenly not have such high expectations of me. i need Him to dole out the rules and stick by His guns just as much as He needs me to follow those rules. If i wanted a man who is not in control of the relationship i could have stuck it out in misery in any one of my 'ex vanilla-relationships'.

i behave exactly the same when He is present as when He is not.

He sets the rules and expectations in a way that is pleasing to Him. i am allowed to voice my opinions, my feelings are heard and whenever we disagree, HE has the final say, period. His word is 'law' in this relationship. i follow that law or He doles out the consequences. No ifs ands or buts about it.

i have no need nor desire to behave any other way than as He prefers. i see no reason to 'top from the bottom', nor any desire to be in control of Him. i don't WANT the upper hand. That's why i am His slave, to begin with. If i wanted the upper hand, and/or needed the upper hand, and if being dominant were my thing, i'd have remained as 'a vanilla' rather than seeking the relationship i am in at present.

Neither He nor i are willing to compromise our values or have undesired behaviors excused as it would only serve to upset any balance between us in the relationship. Any purposeful upset in the dynamics of our relationship is more than a betrayal. It would be viewed as a threat to the very foundation of what it is that we both 'signed up for' when He took me on as His slave.

i'm not talking about basic things like 'hard-limits' either, especially since i am not allowed any limits. i don't have control in that area either. i don't have the right to the power of choosing anything within the relationship. He retains that power and that choice too. i prefer it that way. It keeps things neat and simple, and peaceful within the relationship.... for both.

< Message edited by thisishis -- 9/11/2006 9:40:42 AM >

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(in reply to twicehappy)

Post #: 3

RE: Compromising on the D/s or M/s dynamic ? - 9/11/2006 9:42:25 AM

twicehappy

Posts: 2706
Joined: 2/5/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

I put in a past thread that it was "for pussy." I got some flak for that, but I think it's true also. Doms are just like anyone else, and plenty of people will give up a lot of what they claim they want just to get laid, or stay in a relationship.

( Or for the dick as well)

Much as i hate to say this but in some cases, sub and dominant alike i think this is true.

_____________________________

Infinite Diversity in Infinite Combinations.

The human heart is not a finite container but an ever expanding universe with all the stars contained there in.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 4

RE: Compromising on the D/s or M/s dynamic ? - 9/11/2006 9:56:08 AM

sleazybutterfly

Posts: 2801
Joined: 5/15/2006
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quote:

As a sub/slave do any of you indulge in this type of behavior? Basically giving lip service to the rules your dominant has set for you by only following them only in their presence? Why? Is it because you feel you have the upper hand in the long run due to the fact that the dominant may not want to lose the illusion of having that all desirable D/s or M/s relationship?

I am not one that indulges in this at all. I just don't see the point in it and consider it "bratty"and "childish" behavior. Why even be in a relationship like this if you aren't doing to do your best to serve whom you are with? That is one thing I haven't been able to ever figure out, and probably never will. I don't think that a sub/slave should ever use their Masters want of "pussy" or a relationship as a "free ride" to behave however they want. Someone that does that, doesn't belong in a M/s relationship to begin with, if you want that much power in your relationship, go with vanilla, or become a Dom/ina. I guess to those that consider this all a game, that is exactly how you should act, but if it's real life you want to experience, get with the program.

quote:

How much are any of you willing to compromise your values or give way to undesired behaviors in the search for the "golden" D/s or M/s dynamic we all yearn for?

I'm not. If we both don't give each other what we want, then it's not worth the time and effort to try to make it become something it will never be. I think people need to know what things are worth "fighting for" and what things to just "walk away" from.

quote:

Isn't giving up too much basically a betrayal of what you wished for to start with?

Exactly. There is never a reason to settle. Someone, someplace, is exactly the person for you. I think being patient is huge part of the equation, people want they want, NOW..and don't want to put in the effort it takes to wait on something perfect for them.

Andrea

_____________________________

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~Curvylicious
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Life is not a popularity contest, it's better to be hated for what you believe, than loved for a lie.

(in reply to twicehappy)

Post #: 5

RE: Compromising on the D/s or M/s dynamic ? - 9/11/2006 10:02:13 AM

Kashan

Posts: 51
Joined: 6/30/2006
Status: offline

I will loose repsect for a Dom who allows me to get away with something, though I will sometimes, try, not overtly, just squeeking around the fuzzier requests. Yes, it is childish, Yes it is testing boudaries, but much like children, we feel safer and more protected when the boundaries are firm, and there is no way of knowing that unless they are tested. Hmmm, a bit circular.

_____________________________

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Post #: 6

RE: Compromising on the D/s or M/s dynamic ? - 9/11/2006 10:37:07 AM

velvetears

Posts: 2933
Joined: 6/19/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: twicehappy

This post by KOM sparked me to start this one.

quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists

However, it really depends if the behavior demonstrated(speaking of doing things the dominant dissapproves of or has rules against) is acceptable to the Master. If he accepts it... then it is not an excuse. Of course, it also depends on why he is accepting it. Is it because if he dared not accept it.. the Illusion of M/s dynamic would be ruined... or maybe he is really indifferent to it. In truth only he really knows.

Why do or would dominants put up with this kind of behavior from a sub/slave? I mean the sub/slave deliberately disobeying or not following the rules and guidelines set down by their dominant whether or not the dom/domme is present.

As a dominant do you expect or allow this and why? Is it for the reason KOM is stating; fear of ruining the illusion of the D/s or M/s relationship?

As a sub/slave do any of you indulge in this type of behavior? Basically giving lip service to the rules your dominant has set for you by only following them only in their presence? Why? Is it because you feel you have the upper hand in the long run due to the fact that the dominant may not want to lose the illusion of having that all desirable D/s or M/s relationship?

How much are any of you willing to compromise your values or give way to undesired behaviors in the search for the "golden" D/s or M/s dynamic we all yearn for?

Isn't giving up too much basically a betrayal of what you wished for to start with?

I am not talking about basic things like compromising on the fact that while the dominant involved likes genital piercing but it is a hard limit for the sub/slave but of the deeper aspects of WIITWD.

Why would any sub/slave want the upper hand in a D/s relationship? This would be a total farce and she would be living a lie. Any dom that would allow that to happen would loose respect in my eyes and i would have to question his authenticity and motives. In other words, i would feel very "let down". Sometimes a sub might break a rule or be defiant on purpose to test the dom. i don't think it's a good idea but some seem to need this "proof" that he's paying attention.

Maybe when a sub/slave is struggling with a rule, or there are so many they have a hard time "keeping up" or they are new and simply not used to being restricted to that extent, maybe flexibility is what's needed in order for the sub to acclamate her or himself to the relationship. Everyone is different. When we all learned to swim some of us were just thrown in the deep end and took to it naturally learning to swim naturally, others flailed our arms and were traumatized never wanting to swim again. Each sub will react differently to rules set down in a D/s relationship

Obeying a rule only when the dom is there is deceitful and just self defeating. That is living the illusion and personally i don't see the point.

i do agree it's not wise to compromise your ethics/values for anyone, but that's why you get to know the person you are submitting to, before you committ to them.

_____________________________

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(in reply to twicehappy)

Post #: 7

RE: Compromising on the D/s or M/s dynamic ? - 9/11/2006 10:48:59 AM

mstrjx

Posts: 2045
Joined: 11/27/2005
Status: offline

Participating in WIITWD, keeping that headspace going 24/7 even when the stated dynamic of the relationship is supposed to be 24/7, is difficult as we all know.

Having said that, I suppose I consider myself a purist. If I'm going to participate at a level that I think I find comfortable, it will be something approaching this dynamic (it at all possible). I expect any partner of mine to desire to be at this same level. And many of the people you see (at least in the forums if not in emails) wish this as well.

I'm so anti- 'for the pussy' it's laughable. (Although I think I remember the thread that this is spawning from, and I said the same thing (knowing something of men as I do).) If you're going to do this, do it. If not, it becomes more like vanilla with a little of the ol' slap 'n' tickle. Is that what I want?

Is that what you want?

Jeff

_____________________________

Know thyself. It's the best gift you can ever give yourself.

(in reply to twicehappy)

Post #: 8

RE: Compromising on the D/s or M/s dynamic ? - 9/11/2006 11:10:14 AM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
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quote:

ORIGINAL: twicehappy

This post by KOM sparked me to start this one.

quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists

However, it really depends if the behavior demonstrated(speaking of doing things the dominant dissapproves of or has rules against) is acceptable to the Master. If he accepts it... then it is not an excuse. Of course, it also depends on why he is accepting it. Is it because if he dared not accept it.. the Illusion of M/s dynamic would be ruined... or maybe he is really indifferent to it. In truth only he really knows.

Why do or would dominants put up with this kind of behavior from a sub/slave? I mean the sub/slave deliberately disobeying or not following the rules and guidelines set down by their dominant whether or not the dom/domme is present.

I could only guess, and I would only say that perhaps there are other reasons for keeping the submissive/slave than obedience. Perhaps the motivation for the relationship is not for the control in the terms we consider it.

quote:

As a sub/slave do any of you indulge in this type of behavior? Basically giving lip service to the rules your dominant has set for you by only following them only in their presence? Why? Is it because you feel you have the upper hand in the long run due to the fact that the dominant may not want to lose the illusion of having that all desirable D/s or M/s relationship?
My motivation for submission is because I enjoy pleasing, I enjoy power exchange, I love the feeling of mutual respect. If I behaved the way you described above I would not only be disrespecting him, but myself... I have too much self respect to go against my spoken word. My word is too important to me.

quote:

How much are any of you willing to compromise your values or give way to undesired behaviors in the search for the "golden" D/s or M/s dynamic we all yearn for?
I think that is variable on the person I am with and our mutual needs as far as behavior. My behavior maybe undesireable to many dominants, it is desireable to mine. I am unsure I understand the question fully, I would NEVER compromise my values for any freakin body no matter who they are... that is a hard limit.

quote:

Isn't giving up too much basically a betrayal of what you wished for to start with?
I am assuming you are talking to doms as far as this question is concerned.

_____________________________

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(in reply to twicehappy)

Post #: 9

RE: Compromising on the D/s or M/s dynamic ? - 9/11/2006 11:13:43 AM

Celeste43

Posts: 3066
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From: NYS
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Sometimes, the rules that get laid out just don't work when you try to follow them. And therefore they can only get followed when the dom is there. Case in point, back when we were LDR he decided I shouldn't wear panties one day. Sounds fine, seemed okay with my schedule. In reality I discovered that running four blocks in heels and stockings and no panties after no parking spaces and being late for an appointment made for an upset sub who didn't feel more submissive afterwards. Instead chafed and unhappy.

Now after that this was only required when I was with him to negate the parking problem and being late. Because when he was with me, he would only ask for this when he knew we had plenty of time and if there was no parking, he would drop me off and I would wait while he found a spot and walked back.

(in reply to mstrjx)

Post #: 10

RE: Compromising on the D/s or M/s dynamic ? - 9/11/2006 11:19:35 AM

LuckyAlbatross

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Joined: 10/25/2005
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That sounds more like a problem of being late and time management, or not wearing slacks.

I agree- sometimes rules do become unreasonable or pointless, and it's perfectly fine to modify them to your preferences.

But personally, if I'd specifically told someone that the next day they had to not wear something and it was their lateness or bad choice of other clothes which caused the problem, I'd say they'd learned a good lesson and would be more thoughtful next time.

Adding a PS:

Sometimes shit just happens. It could have nothing to do with your time skills or wardrobe or anything within your control and still end up chafed. Unless it was a constant or consistent problem due to things beyond their control, I'd still keep the rule in order. But then, I rarely impose rules unless I really feel they will benefit everyone and when I want to take the energy to follow up on them to begin with.

< Message edited by LuckyAlbatross -- 9/11/2006 11:22:26 AM >

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to Celeste43)

Post #: 11

RE: Compromising on the D/s or M/s dynamic ? - 9/12/2006 4:16:33 AM

twicehappy

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Joined: 2/5/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: velvetears

Obeying a rule only when the dom is there is deceitful and just self defeating. That is living the illusion and personally i don't see the point.

I agree totally yet i know of many who do just this on both sides of the kneel which is one of the things that started this thread.

_____________________________

Infinite Diversity in Infinite Combinations.

The human heart is not a finite container but an ever expanding universe with all the stars contained there in.

(in reply to velvetears)

Post #: 12

RE: Compromising on the D/s or M/s dynamic ? - 9/12/2006 5:22:05 AM

OhReallyNow

Posts: 249
Joined: 9/11/2006
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quote:

Why do or would dominants put up with this kind of behavior from a sub/slave?

Since I am not dominant, I would not be able to answer this question fully. I could however give an opinion as to why SOME would put up with such behavior. Possibly fear of losing the relationship if they put their foot down? Or quite possibly they really just do not care, on way or another, what their submissive/slave does when not in their presence.

quote:

As a sub/slave do any of you indulge in this type of behavior?

With my late Master, and the two Sir's I was with since him, this form of behavior would not have been tolerated at any level. To be totally honest, if I had attempted this, and gotten away with it; I would have lost all respect for them; which in turn would have ended the relationships.

quote:

How much are any of you willing to compromise your values or give way to undesired behaviors in the search for the "golden" D/s or M/s dynamic we all yearn for?

In my years, I have yet to compromise, or give up anything. I fail to see why I should I go into relationships with my own agenda; make HIM happy in anyway that I am able to do so. With that thinking, I am not compromising or giving up anything in my goals.

quote:

Isn't giving up too much basically a betrayal of what you wished for to start with?

What would you consider to be too much? What would you consider to be too little? For each individual, this changes. What I may see as very little, another may see as a violation of my rights towards myself. Each person must define what is too much, and what would be a betrayal to self.

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CONFUCIUS ~

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Post #: 13

RE: Compromising on the D/s or M/s dynamic ? - 9/12/2006 7:08:21 AM

RavenMuse

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Joined: 1/23/2006
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How do I know she is obeying My rules when I am not there? I have to take that on trust. No doubt a girl might get away with not doing so for a time, but eventualy she will slip up and I'll find out.

IF she broke those rules by accident or simply by not thinking, then I expect her to tell Me, again, trust. Yes she will be in trouble for breaking the rules. However, if she chooses NOT to 'come clean' she risks FAR more than simply being in trouble. There is much I have to take on trust, if that trust is broken..... I make it clear at the start of any relationship that without trust there is nothing worth having. She decides to breach My trust in that manner she may as well hand back the collar there and then and save us both the unpleasentness that WILL follow Me finding out, after which her collarless and untrustworthy ass will be out the door!

_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to OhReallyNow)

Post #: 14

RE: Compromising on the D/s or M/s dynamic ? - 9/12/2006 7:28:30 AM

KnightofMists

Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: twicehappy

quote:

ORIGINAL: velvetears

Obeying a rule only when the dom is there is deceitful and just self defeating. That is living the illusion and personally i don't see the point.

I agree totally yet i know of many who do just this on both sides of the kneel which is one of the things that started this thread.

yes... and these same people are not going to stand up and say ... Oh yes... I do that... or I live the illusion... I suspect that your are more likely to them being more vocal in their professed Dominance or submission in their given relationship than admit their own lack of authenticity

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to twicehappy)

Post #: 15

RE: Compromising on the D/s or M/s dynamic ? - 9/12/2006 7:41:07 AM

Celeste43

Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

That sounds more like a problem of being late and time management, or not wearing slacks.

I agree- sometimes rules do become unreasonable or pointless, and it's perfectly fine to modify them to your preferences.

But personally, if I'd specifically told someone that the next day they had to not wear something and it was their lateness or bad choice of other clothes which caused the problem, I'd say they'd learned a good lesson and would be more thoughtful next time.

Adding a PS:

Sometimes shit just happens. It could have nothing to do with your time skills or wardrobe or anything within your control and still end up chafed. Unless it was a constant or consistent problem due to things beyond their control, I'd still keep the rule in order. But then, I rarely impose rules unless I really feel they will benefit everyone and when I want to take the energy to follow up on them to begin with.

No panties, skirt and heels was specified. Discovering that there was road construction was an unknown.

However my point here was that there can be valid reasons for a rule only being followed when the dom is there to observe, or help me over the torn up sidewalk in high heels as it were.

But the dynamic requires both a dom and a sub. I don't submit to emptyness. If I forget something one day and he ignores it, then I probably will be more likely to skip it the next time I'm running late because I will have noticed that he really isn't interested in this rule. Should his response have been a question as to why I didn't follow it, I'm more likely to follow it even when very inconvenient next time. Yes I could be the one to ask if he still wants the rule followed but if I'm always the one initiating things, then I'm submitting to a vacuum. Both of us have to be involved to keep this going.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 16

RE: Compromising on the D/s or M/s dynamic ? - 9/12/2006 8:30:41 AM

Bearlee

Posts: 2311
Joined: 10/25/2004
From: South Central CO
Status: offline

Wow…what a good topic, twice. Thank you.

I have noticed some submissives who behave in that way…paying lip-service to their Dom’s wishes when he is not around. It just makes no sense to me.

For one thing, I WANT a D/s relationship because I like how it feels. I am submissive and enjoy being so. When I can do things that put me in a place where I know I am doing as He has requested, I feel I’m pleasing him; even if he is not around to ‘see it’. And, to tell the truth, I LIKE that feeling. But above all, I like to please Him and forward our D/s (or M/s) relationship.

To have a relationship based on lies makes no sense to me whatsoever. Submissives who lie, and I believe it’s lying, are the people who just ‘play at it’ for the kinky sex…in my opinion. Either they don’t really care for the D/s dynamic, or they don’t understand it; probably both.

bearlee

Edited to add:

Regarding the question if my willingness to compromise my values or give way to undesired behaviors…those would be things I had discussed with Him at length before becoming His. Once I am His, and have committed my submission to Him…then I am ready to follow his lead anywhere that doesn’t compromise our already agreed-upon limits. This would be part of the reason I don't like velcro-collars and prefer taking awhile to get to know the Dominant.

< Message edited by Bearlee -- 9/12/2006 8:37:14 AM >

(in reply to twicehappy)

Post #: 17

RE: Compromising on the D/s or M/s dynamic ? - 9/12/2006 8:31:17 AM

RavenMuse

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Joined: 1/23/2006
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There is also a case for 'reasonable compromise'. If My girl is coming over to my place, she wears a skirt whilst here because thats what I like and thats what I'll have. However if she finds it more comfortable to travel here in jeans, no problem, so long as she brings the skirt with her. Most times she has changed into it before she comes into the living room, I don't even see her in the jeans unless I'm in the kitchen as she arrives. If she forgot the skirt, then there would be words had and maybe she wouldn't be allowed that compromise in future. But it hasn't happened yet so......

_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to Celeste43)

Post #: 18

RE: Compromising on the D/s or M/s dynamic ? - 9/12/2006 8:34:21 AM

twicehappy

Posts: 2706
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Celeste43

But the dynamic requires both a dom and a sub. I don't submit to emptyness. If I forget something one day and he ignores it, then I probably will be more likely to skip it the next time I'm running late because I will have noticed that he really isn't interested in this rule. Should his response have been a question as to why I didn't follow it, I'm more likely to follow it even when very inconvenient next time. Yes I could be the one to ask if he still wants the rule followed but if I'm always the one initiating things, then I'm submitting to a vacuum. Both of us have to be involved to keep this going.

Not criticizing but it seems to me that this would require a lot of micro managing on your doms part. Much like needing to tell a child daily to wash behind their ears, once they are grown enough to understand and remember i would expect them to wash behind their ears daily without needing this instruction constantly being reinforced.

Forcing my owners to micro manage me on this level would make their lives harder not easier and take up time we could use for other things. Once given an instruction or rule i follow it until told otherwise, i am the slave it is not for me to decide what rules are inconvenient for me. Nor to second guess whether or not they have changed their minds on a given rule, i trust that if they have changed their minds they will tell me so.

I do realize that sometimes there will be extenuating circumstances but these should be rare and also they should really be an extenuating circumstance, not something that occurred and they let go once so i assume it is ok to let go all the time.

For example, my collar, i wear it 24/7, it requires tools to remove; if i had to remove it for an x-ray they would understand, that does not mean it is acceptable to remove it because it is ruining my tan line.

I do not feel the need for this constant reassurance that they are paying attention to me or that the M/s dynamic is intact, though some do i guess. If they needed to constantly remind of the rules i would feel as if i had failed as their slave.

I also realize that some adopt this type of behavior as a means to an end, they screw up and they are punished for it with the very pain they crave. I do not feel the need to do this, my owners nor i see no reason to conceal from myself or them the fact that i do enjoy being whipped,. I am free to ask for this, it is their choice whether or not to grant it but i am always free to ask(and sometimes i do).

< Message edited by twicehappy -- 9/12/2006 8:43:13 AM >

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(in reply to Celeste43)

Post #: 19

RE: Compromising on the D/s or M/s dynamic ? - 9/12/2006 8:54:11 AM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

Some submissives need micromanaging, some do not. Some dominants get off on micromanagement, some do not. It is about needs and getting them met. Like you, I would feel like a burden if my Daddy had to tell me every little thing all the time, but there are dominants out there that want to do this... not better or worse.. just different.

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(in reply to twicehappy)

Post #: 20

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