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A Dominant's Opinion - 9/12/2006 3:33:22 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		I have noticed in the last few months of posting here that many submissives/slaves phrase things in terms of how our dominant views them. I do it too, so I am not saying it is wrong or anything, but it is just something I have noticed. In some ways I think this is totally natural because a dominant guides and directs us in the world of D/s. Of course we would internalize their views on the subject. What I wonder is if your dominant's views and opinions have dramatically altered the way you perceive D/s? I have also wondered if your views on aspects of WIITWD have changed because of your dominant person.

Like I said, I think it is somewhat natural, but I have also noticed with some newer submissives (not recently mind you) that they will state... "My Master says this so it has to be true." Instead of looking at what people say as being applicable to them.

I do not share my Daddy's views on everything D/s, on some trivial things I differ (such as I think submission is a gift, no that is not what this thread is about so please save the rotten tomatoes for someone else..he hee). On the most important things we see things very much alike, and sometimes I wonder where his guidance begins and my own opinions ends... it is one of those things that I am beginning to wonder about. How much have his opinions impacted mine?

Do you ever think about these things?

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt
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RE: A Dominant's Opinion - 9/12/2006 3:43:08 PM   
spanklette


Posts: 882
Joined: 2/22/2005
Status: offline 		I always wonder about this sort of thing and find myself taking inventory of my own opinions and beliefs. Sometimes I debate with my Daddy, just to remind myself that I did not spring from His head a la Athena. My D/s views tend to mirror His, but much of that is because we have grown into our relationship and our roles together. Of course, we would have never proceeded past the first meeting if our opinions hadn't been alike...not the same, just alike. I'm not my Daddy's mouthpiece by a longshot, but I'm not sure I can come up with a clear example that would make much since or avoid hijacking the thread.

_____________________________

~spanklette~

"The important thing is this: to be able at any moment to sacrifice what we are for what we could become. " Charles du Bois

"Please don't shout, can't you see I'm not listening." Billie Myers

(in reply to juliaoceania)
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RE: A Dominant's Opinion - 9/12/2006 6:13:35 PM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline 		I expect mine to have their own opinions. I'd not tell them how to vote or how to donate thier money (if they had money to donate). I'd not tell them what to believe, spiritually. This doesn't mean I don't make the decisions, it just means that they are free to think for themselves. Nor does it mean that I wouldn't try to get them to see my point of view in a 'debate'...but it doesn't mean I would, either. LOL

Master Fire


_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to juliaoceania)
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RE: A Dominant's Opinion - 9/12/2006 6:17:58 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		I was speaking more about D/s, do you not want your submissives to approach the lifestyle the way you do?

As far as the rest, I am definitely not his mini-me..but we do have many of the same views, enough to make it peaceful, and where we do not share common ground it is respectful of each other.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)
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RE: A Dominant's Opinion - 9/12/2006 6:58:39 PM   
Phoenixandnika


Posts: 748
Joined: 4/22/2005
From: Aberdeen Maryland
Status: offline 		My Master and I approach D/s differently at times,even have  but we are not so different that we are not compatible. Though I also beleive because we where best friedns before we where D/s also impacts how we approach our views and our difference. 
 
I also think being a collared switch I see the differences in how we approach certain things or even certain kinks.  
 
A couple examples, I am very strict with my submissives and very formal. Where he is farely relaxed by nature, even with me. I enjoys CDS and TG, where it is not his thing.
 
For the most part the differences between us are like two puzzle peices that fit together to make a beautiful picture. On many of our differences it opens up doors to explore and try things we probably would not have tried or done other wise.
 
We are contantly telling each other that we does don't want to change the other,he simply compiment me and direct me and I simply want to compliment him and serve him.
 
His opinion is his, mine is mine. If they are the same on a subject wonderful if not wonderful. Either way we respect each other and our view points, though I have never publicly argued differences but for me that is simply out of respect for the dynamics of our relationship.

_____________________________

"Life is neither a bed of roses nor a carpet of thorns, it's just what you make of it."



(in reply to juliaoceania)
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RE: A Dominant's Opinion - 9/12/2006 8:21:21 PM   
Littlepita


Posts: 1430
Joined: 10/6/2005
Status: offline 		This is the first D/s relationship either of us have ever had. He is naturally dominant and has been in his career his whole life, but he has never been dom to a submissive. I have had to struggle my whole life and maintain control so letting my natural submissive side out is challenging at best.

For the most part we do agree on what we feel D/s is. We spent a long time really talking about what we wanted before ever getting together in real life. Right now we are attending Munches and getting to know others in our area that are in the lifestyle. I sometimes feel he wants to advance with public play and other events more than I do. But, he appreciates my opinions and expects me to give them. Yes, he is my Dom and my owner, but we are also partners and we want a D/s that works for us both.

_____________________________

“I, with a deeper instinct, choose a man who compels my strength, who makes enormous demands on me, who does not doubt my courage or my toughness, who does not believe me naive or innocent, who has the courage to treat me like a woman.” – Anais Nin

(in reply to Phoenixandnika)
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RE: A Dominant's Opinion - 9/12/2006 8:25:45 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		It's extremely un-scene-pc and not very submissive at all to suggest that one's dom might not be the center of your universe or all knowing. 

Sadly most people don't know how to be perfectly obedient while ALSO being secure enough to publicly disagree with their dom.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: A Dominant's Opinion - 9/12/2006 8:57:22 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		Hmmmm,... I do not know if I would "publically" disagree with him. He and I have posted on the same threads from differing opinions, others would not notice perhaps... but I have always noticed...lol. I cannot take my post back when mine was posted before his, and he would not expect me to even if I could. He is a very secure person, he does not need me to be his mini-me. If we were at a munch or something and he stated an opinion about D/s that differed from mine I would keep my piehole shut out of respect. But that is just me.

People do not have to publically disagree in order to post to this thread. In other words I was wondering if submissives are as influenced by their dominants opinions as I am... because I know I am. How much so are they influenced? How have their opinions changed? You know, that sorta thing. I was not expecting to see a laundry list of examples. I mentioned the submission gift thing because it is a little thing, and he posted an opinion opposite of mine on this very board. I asked him if that bothered him and it didn't... it is a little thing after all.


_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
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RE: A Dominant's Opinion - 9/12/2006 9:39:08 PM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline 		Interesting question. Being in a relationship with Himself hasn't changed my opinions on the subjects which are important to me basically because we have the same philosophies on the important issues in life and D/s. We view collars, service, authority etc. in the same way. We fall along the same political lines, enjoy the sames sorts of activities and have many hobbies which we enjoy together and a few which are just things which only one or the other of us enjoys, and that's OK, too.

Where we differed on subjects, we still differ but we are able to discuss anything under the sun, even those things on which we are diametrically opposed for whatever reason without it effecting the core of our relationship.

If he tells me it's the moon and I see it's the sun, it's the sun, you know? ::chuckles::  Fortunatly, he and I are well grounded in reality and such things don't come up for discussion.

We come from very different backgrounds the main ones being religion and family. I was raised in a large Catholic family, he was raised in a small Jewish family, but religion doesn't mean enough to either one of us to matter. Spirituality, however, is very important to me while he couldn't care less about it. He allows me to explore that area (and philosophy as well) at my own discretion as long as it doesn't interfer with my service to him.

As far as disagreeing in public.. well, I'm just not much for airing my laundry for the public to see .. such is private between Himself and I, but even if it were something which I shared, basically, we're pretty boring as a standard and there's just not much that would make for good drama for a movie of the week.  I doubt I could even get a good train wreck thread going. ;)

Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."


(in reply to juliaoceania)
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RE: A Dominant's Opinion - 9/13/2006 3:11:58 AM   
Mavis


Posts: 828
Joined: 2/8/2004
Status: offline 		i chose very carefully in that i made sure the outside Master was completely along the lines of what i already believed or wanted in M/s.  Since the point was to be able to obey, it only makes sense to start with a framework of agreement.   W/we agree on religion, politics, Apple vs PC, rank, structure,  public behavior, personal space..  there are Two things He's clearly wrong on.  <grins>

  1. He feels AOL is evil incarnate, and i feel the work done there in the early days is part and parcel of why W/we were able to find each other. 
  2. W/we differ on the typing conventions, caps and slash designators. i own my responsibility to obey in that, but i do not own His opinion of the need for such conventions.  When i explain it, i make clear this is an obedience thing, Not my pref.  Some would say it is wrong for me to disagree so overtly, but i think it's ok to admit i'm not His cloned brain cell.  

Hubby and i have radically different views on many things.  First, i found out i could love someone that doesn't mirror my opinions on everything, Then i found out i didn't have to agree with every jot and tittle to follow His lead.   the subjective diff is..  i selected lifemate for companionship, and leadership..  not absolute obedience, but give and take.  

Plus, mamma always said "marry for good sex, you can get your mind stimulated in the workplace."  LOL  

(in reply to BitaTruble)
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RE: A Dominant's Opinion - 9/13/2006 3:55:39 AM   
bandit25


Posts: 3029
Joined: 6/18/2005
Status: offline 		This is a great topic julia.  Definitely my opinions on D/s have been influenced by my Dom.  I'm sure not how much as we were on similar ground to begin with...very similar. 

I am one of the ones who noticed when you two post differing opinions.  I always get a chuckle out of it.

(in reply to juliaoceania)
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RE: A Dominant's Opinion - 9/13/2006 6:23:33 AM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline 		It appears your question is about D/s topics only, right?  Being that my views of D/s were warped and unhealthy for me prior to meeting Master, and now I am in a very good place in my submission, I would say yes - he has influenced my thinking a great deal.  It is pretty safe to say that what I know about D/s, for the most part, I learned from him.  There are things I have questioned along the way because I did not understand them, and there are things which I have disagreed with him about, yet I will succumb to his way of doing those things, naturally. Those rare occasions when we have discussed D/s openly in public, if I were to disagree with something he said, I would likely wait to ask him about it, or, depending on the setting, I would comment as it occurred.  I would not blatantly disagree with him in public, however.  I might smile, and comment, "Well, I think a little differently about that, as you know." to which he would likely correct me in public and that would be that :)

As far as other topics, I am allowed my opinions and we have differing opinions on many facets of life.  He was brought up Jewish and I Catholic, for example (mirroring Celeste, here).  Neither of us practice those religions, yet I still have a strong belief in my faith. While he has rather strong views on Catholicism, none of which are very positive, he allows me that.  We have differing political views as well.  I just tease him about cancelling out his vote.

What does occur, however, is that we are so closely connected I often see the world through his lens.  This is not such a bad thing for me, since my thinking was quite skewed when we met.  Many of his philosophies simply make good sense to me, and so I have come to incorporate them as my own as well.

(in reply to juliaoceania)
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RE: A Dominant's Opinion - 9/13/2006 6:55:30 AM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Mavis


  1. He feels AOL is evil incarnate, and i feel the work done there in the early days is part and parcel of why W/we were able to find each other. 



Your master is right about his..hee he...

Thanks Mavis, and leadership and companionship are very important to me too.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to Mavis)
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RE: A Dominant's Opinion - 9/13/2006 6:56:41 AM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: bandit25

This is a great topic julia.  Definitely my opinions on D/s have been influenced by my Dom.  I'm sure not how much as we were on similar ground to begin with...very similar. 

I am one of the ones who noticed when you two post differing opinions.  I always get a chuckle out of it.


I was wondering if anyone else noticed!

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to bandit25)
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RE: A Dominant's Opinion - 9/13/2006 7:10:01 AM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie

It appears your question is about D/s topics only, right?  Being that my views of D/s were warped and unhealthy for me prior to meeting Master, and now I am in a very good place in my submission, I would say yes - he has influenced my thinking a great deal.  It is pretty safe to say that what I know about D/s, for the most part, I learned from him. 
Well Daddy is not my first dominant, so it is slightly different for me. There are ideas I hold from my previous relationship that I do not think have ever come up between Daddy and me. There are a lot of things that are so completely different for us it is mindblowing to me. I do not kneel to Daddy for example, he does not want me to do this behavior at this point. I did kneel to my former dominant. I thought kneeling was "power exchange 101"..lol. I feel just as submissive or more so this time around, and I found kneeling was not necessary for me to be submissive to Daddy.



quote:

There are things I have questioned along the way because I did not understand them, and there are things which I have disagreed with him about, yet I will succumb to his way of doing those things, naturally. 
Yes, and then when I succumb, (like not kneeling) I internalize 'his way'. He has such gentle ways of being dominant at times...




< Message edited by juliaoceania -- 9/13/2006 7:11:04 AM >

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to ownedgirlie)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: A Dominant's Opinion - 9/13/2006 7:12:26 AM   
onestandingstill


Posts: 1335
Joined: 8/3/2006
Status: offline 		Hi julia,
Yes indeed I felt my Dom influenced my BDSM path absolutely.
Things he and I felt differently about would be discussed but we followed his decisions and choices for my actions.
I feel in your daily actions things you do, even things you do not feel are the things you agree with, have the ability to change your perspective over time as habits are formed.
Learning by rote, or some form of brain washing so to speak. I'm not saying this is a bad thing though. I think this is the method Dom can use to help us with our own personal pain and issues in life. Training is a valuable tool in their leadership abilities of you if used correctly.
I think giving your will to someone else and following their path definitely desensitized my own separate path for sure.
I think following a Doms choices in any relationship will affect your views as you're considering his view more than your own as far as your code of conduct.
Suzanne

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RE: A Dominant's Opinion - 9/13/2006 7:33:55 AM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		I agree with this, because actions have a way of influencing thoughts

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to onestandingstill)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: A Dominant's Opinion - 9/13/2006 7:40:17 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		FR:

By disagree, I don't mean argue, or fight, or get personal.  But there are a lot of subs out there who think saying ANYTHING that is not in total alignment with what the dom things will make them look bad- and a lot of people who will think it looks bad for a sub to do that.  Even something like "I thought the steak was overdone" when the dom thinks it was perfect.

It's hard to say how much of it is based on Ds though.  Every long term couple of any orientation I've known also influenced eachother like that.  You share so many experiences together through time and get to know eachother so well.  I think perhaps the drive to be found pleasing and gain approval from the dom may add an extra incentive for a sub to be keen to the doms interests and thus be more open to exploring them and making them a part of their mindset- but I don't think it's anything special or exclusive to being a sub/slave.



_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: A Dominant's Opinion - 9/13/2006 7:56:34 AM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		Do you think that some dominants do not want to disagree with their submissives at times for the same reason, that we influence and rub off on them?

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: A Dominant's Opinion - 9/13/2006 8:08:30 AM   
agirl


Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline 		Yes, his influence has affected the way I view M/s......along with the way I view most things, in the light of the relationship itself but he's not an *unknown* , he knew me better than I knew myself before I was even his........ I can't think of anything we disagree on, which may sound sappy, but true enough. God knows, I'd like something to legitimately disagree on sometimes........LOL

agirl



(in reply to juliaoceania)
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