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Why do people do this? - 9/13/2006 11:08:45 AM

Phoenixandnika

Posts: 748
Joined: 4/22/2005
From: Aberdeen Maryland
Status: offline

I am always reading posts where people presume power over another person simply because of the title / label they each hold and I truly do not understand it.

I know some who have the mind set that they are dom/me and anyone who labels themselves submissive or slave should jump through hoops to please them from the very first interaction.

I have seen submissives / slaves given assignments (ie essays, writing, a time to be online, rt chores, ect) by a dom/me that they have just meet or are simpy corresponding with.

Often times they feel obligated to do these things. I am one that beleives that unless I am YOURS I am under obligation to cow tow or kiss your feet or any other part of your body.

If your a dom/me that beleives that submissive/slaves should do everything they can to please you simply because of your labels. Why do you think that way?

If your a submissive/slave that jumps through those hoops, does those essays, ect. for someone who is not YOUR dom/me. Why do you do it?

I truly would like to understand the reasons behind these behaviors and ways of thinking.

_____________________________

"Life is neither a bed of roses nor a carpet of thorns, it's just what you make of it."

Post #: 1

RE: Why do people do this? - 9/13/2006 11:11:30 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

Because they want the thrill and the feeling of the immediate rush more than they want or understand the lasting fulfillment.

Or, they just don't know any better.

We see this issue crop up most often in the "does a person's orientation automatically signify social status/deference" debates.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to Phoenixandnika)

Post #: 2

RE: Why do people do this? - 9/13/2006 11:13:05 AM

Kahri

Posts: 70
Joined: 8/30/2006
Status: offline

I feel the same way, but typically see the other side of the equation.. Some subs write to me with the "boot-licking" attitude, and I always roll my eyes at it. I'm not dominating you. You are not my sub. Treat me like you would anyone you just met, politely and respectfully. Anything more is an intrusion.

(in reply to Phoenixandnika)

Post #: 3

RE: Why do people do this? - 9/13/2006 11:23:08 AM

Bearlee

Posts: 2311
Joined: 10/25/2004
From: South Central CO
Status: offline

Personally, I think that for some people online is all they're interested in; perhaps they have no idea that people actually live this everyday. I think it's a shame, but recently quit speaking with someone for this very reason. He was shocked and explained how 'slow' he'd been going with me and didn't understand my problem. He said he adored me and figured if he didn't 'dom' me a little; I'd have bolted. I mentioned that he'd yet to meet me, how could he adore me...I was submissive but not his submissive...and bolted anyway. <shrugs> Takes all kinds, I guess.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 4

RE: Why do people do this? - 9/13/2006 11:26:53 AM

Tamerofwild1s

Posts: 1765
Joined: 12/5/2004
Status: offline

I am a Master ... I don't expect any sub or slave to address me more then Tamer unless she holds respect for me and who I am. In the past I was of a different mindset that because I am in fact a Dom I should be called Sir . Time and wisdom has changed that some what ..... as far as the essays and assignments or chores, those are things I do when a slave shows interest in being with me . It is done to see how deep her desire is and to see how she feels inside .... journals are important in that they show me where her head is at and where I need it to be. I have had some subs call me Sir when I am helping them thru somethings ... that can be anything from diet to training, but again I would hope at that point I have earned her respect.

of course this is just me and my opinion

< Message edited by Tamerofwild1s -- 9/13/2006 11:29:23 AM >

_____________________________

A building get torched. All that is left is ashes. I used to think that it is true about everything - family, friends, feelings - but now I know that sometimes if love proves real, and two people are meant to be together, nothing can keep them apart ~

(in reply to Phoenixandnika)

Post #: 5

RE: Why do people do this? - 9/13/2006 11:30:29 AM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Kahri

I feel the same way, but typically see the other side of the equation.. Some subs write to me with the "boot-licking" attitude, and I always roll my eyes at it. I'm not dominating you. You are not my sub. Treat me like you would anyone you just met, politely and respectfully. Anything more is an intrusion.

I agree. Just the other day a slave that I have corresponded with casually over the last few months, started pushing me to give him a list of rules. I was so taken aback......
A. He is not MY slave and never will be because B. He is a he and C. He lives in Italy and hellooooo, I live in Iowa USA!!!

I tried explaining all of this to him to no avail. Then I got asked if he could masterbate as a reward for his devotion to me. Needless to say that over anxious young man is going to be getting alot less correspondence from me.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to Kahri)

Post #: 6

RE: Why do people do this? - 9/13/2006 11:51:19 AM

Phoenixandnika

Posts: 748
Joined: 4/22/2005
From: Aberdeen Maryland
Status: offline

There are a few Doms online I have come to know and respect. I call them by Sir typicacally.

What you said here is different in my eyes at least. These are sub/slaves who are interested in being YOURS and you have made it clear these are things you want of yours. It is not you saying from jump do this because I am not dom and you are sub, but if you are to be MINE I expect a, b, c and perhaps d.

Maybe there really isn't a difference or perhaps it is semantics but I see those situations differntly.

_____________________________

"Life is neither a bed of roses nor a carpet of thorns, it's just what you make of it."

(in reply to Tamerofwild1s)

Post #: 7

RE: Why do people do this? - 9/13/2006 12:29:48 PM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

Personally speaking, I do not address anyone as Sir or Master because I am not their submissive. I give deference in a submissive way only to my Daddy and who my Daddy tells me to. It is as simple as that. I cannot envision myself being more deferential to doms for the fact they are doms than I would be deferential to a stranger on the street. To me it is like calling a stranger by a term of endearment, I do not go around calling strangers "honey" "baby" "darling" "sweetheart" either.

As far as writing an essay for someone I have known online for one week like an "assignment"? That makes me laugh

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to Phoenixandnika)

Post #: 8

RE: Why do people do this? - 9/13/2006 12:39:32 PM

James57

Posts: 4
Joined: 1/30/2006
Status: offline

This is not a title but really a state of mind, if you are Dominant that does not mean you can pick up a whip and use it… it is an acceptable label for those who have had fantasies and have the need to act them out… this does not make you a good or bad Dominant. Some refer to themselves as Dominant as their title instead of any other this is usually because they simply do not care for the implications of those other terms.

Am I Master, only to one who chooses to use that title, I am not Sir or Master to others nor would I wish to be, or be so pretentious as to expect others to use such.
The ones who do are owned, and choose to do so.

I do not have insecurities in my skill or capabilities that need bolstering by asking or demanding others to use or address me with titles.

I believe those who place a persona around themselves for the “Time” they play at being, will eventually reveal themselves with weakness of character, if it is not “You” but just a persona or mask you are trying to portray; then betrayal by the self is inevitable.

It does bring to mind peacocks and the way they display to attract a mate, although I am unsure if inferring this is an insult to peacocks.

To name someone Master/Mistress who does not deserve or has not earned that right from you, is simply feeding the delusion they are creating, this is the same in reverse trying to force one to Dom you by naming them such.

To me this is just being down right rude.

J

(in reply to LaTigresse)

Post #: 9

RE: Why do people do this? - 9/13/2006 12:40:39 PM

ExSteelAgain

Posts: 1803
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Georgia
Status: offline

Yeah, I see it pretty much like Julia says. I don't expect anyone to kowtow to me. I may scene with someone I just met if things are right, but I don't expect her to treat me like her Dom until much later. It takes time to have real power over someone.

_____________________________

You can paint a cinder block bright pastel pink, but it's still a cinder block. (By Me.)

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 10

RE: Why do people do this? - 9/13/2006 12:54:20 PM

RedSavageSlave

Posts: 733
Joined: 9/12/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

We see this issue crop up most often in the "does a person's orientation automatically signify social status/deference" debates.

Not to mention on all those threads of "S/He disappeared on me and I dont know why" among others.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 11

RE: Why do people do this? - 9/13/2006 1:10:28 PM

Bearlee

Posts: 2311
Joined: 10/25/2004
From: South Central CO
Status: offline

Well, I dunno. I call people in positions of authority...be they clerks in a store or teachers or doctors or just 'of authority' by their age, Sir and Maam...unless they do something to prove themselves not worthy of politness. I just like being polite; has nothing to do with D/s or Master or Mistresses.

bearlee

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 12

RE: Why do people do this? - 9/13/2006 1:13:26 PM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

I am polite to all people, but Sir and Master in a D/s sense is not something I say, which was discussed with my Daddy, whom I cannot speak for, but he does not seem real keen on me doing that either

If it is part of a screen name I have no trouble using the term though

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to Bearlee)

Post #: 13

RE: Why do people do this? - 9/13/2006 1:19:49 PM

Missokyst

Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline

There are only a few times I will use the words sir or ma'am.. One was when I worked retail and was not allowed to call people A**hole.

And the other is when the person who whom I am speaking just seems like the sort one should use those terms.

Every one else is called by their name, including my former dominant, who was sometimes also called huneybear.

I believe in being polite and civil to everyone. They should also treat me in the same way. If they don't, pretty soon it doesn't matter. They drop into my reality challenged pile. It is a steep drop. Few people make it back up into the real world.

LOL.. and the idea of writing up essays and what nots for virtual strangers has me laughing. I would be more likely to ask for cash for the erotic material they are borrowing for inspiration.

Kyst

(in reply to Phoenixandnika)

Post #: 14

RE: Why do people do this? - 9/13/2006 1:22:21 PM

eroticangel

Posts: 272
Joined: 2/13/2006
Status: offline

i was taught to use Sir and Ma'am to show respect....and i continue to do that now. Wheteher it be D/s or anything....just the way i was taught. As an adult, i use the title until that person unearns my respect.

roe

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 15

RE: Why do people do this? - 9/13/2006 1:50:04 PM

Steelriven

Posts: 300
Joined: 12/26/2005
Status: offline

As far as the online subs/slaves looking for assignments from some one they just me, I think that's some one looking for a quick fix, or something unreal. Something pure fantasy they dan delve in. I think most of the people that ask for these kind of things have no intention of physically meeting anyone.

As far as me calling some one Sir or Ma'am? I don't, unless it is on their name. I call MBS "Sir." Sometimes because it's easier than explaining... Where we are at in the relationship, and what's going on. It's also less personal when I don't want to be. And I refuse to call him my potential anything... Why? Because it's no longer "if," we meet but a matter of "when." Hehe, ten days hopefully.

Sorry didn't mean to highjack the thread, I was just trying to use an example.

_____________________________

steelriven who's just a lil_twisted

-Don't asume, instead ask.

(in reply to eroticangel)

Post #: 16

RE: Why do people do this? - 9/13/2006 2:40:57 PM

GoddessDustyGold

Posts: 2822
Joined: 4/11/2004
From: Arizona
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Phoenixandnika

I know some who have the mind set that they are dom/me and anyone who labels themselves submissive or slave should jump through hoops to please them from the very first interaction.

I have seen submissives / slaves given assignments (ie essays, writing, a time to be online, rt chores, ect) by a dom/me that they have just meet or are simpy corresponding with.

Often times they feel obligated to do these things. I am one that beleives that unless I am YOURS I am under obligation to cow tow or kiss your feet or any other part of your body.

If your a dom/me that beleives that submissive/slaves should do everything they can to please you simply because of your labels. Why do you think that way?

If your a submissive/slave that jumps through those hoops, does those essays, ect. for someone who is not YOUR dom/me. Why do you do it?

I truly would like to understand the reasons behind these behaviors and ways of thinking.

Well, here I am! On the Dominant side of things.
Unfortunately there is a time and a place for these things. And yes, it does begin with My profile. If what I lay out in My profile is not doable for any boy who thinks he want to be My slave, then I already know he is not making it past that first benchmark.
When initial interaction is online, there has to be some sort of way to begin. And I don't make it easy. By the same token, I don't feel it is that hard. I wasted way too much time for way too long. No more.
I do expect certain things if I have an ongoing and developing relationship with someone. It shows the mindset and the commitment. However, like LaTigresse, I do not send lists of chores or dominate anyone via IM. I am sure I get more requests (begging is more like it) to watch them on IM and "force" them to do things on cam. I don't have the time or the inclination. However, I do begin to assign and take control if something is working out. It happens gradually. And only if something is seriously being considered for the long term and in real time. Else who would I know that this is not just something that is fun when it is convenient for him/her?
I don't think I present anything that is too hard. But if I don't see that consistentcy and sincerity, then why would I continue to bother? It is a part of what I do, it is part of My weeding process, and it has worked well for Me.

_____________________________

Dusty
They that give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety
B Franklin
Don't blame Me ~ I didn't vote for either of them
The Hidden Kingdom

(in reply to Phoenixandnika)

Post #: 17

RE: Why do people do this? - 9/13/2006 3:07:15 PM

sharainks

Posts: 499
Joined: 12/13/2004
Status: offline

My experience with this attitude also goes to the offline experience. You go to a munch, a demo, a play party and run into doms who obviously consider anythiing said by a submissive to be beneath their notice. Like only the domly ones could possibly have anything worthwhile to say. Or the dom who monopolizes the conversation because only him getting his full 10 cents worth in matters. The sub should not expect to be conversed with only talked at.

Its all good. It weeds out those you care to be around very quickly.

< Message edited by sharainks -- 9/13/2006 3:09:44 PM >

(in reply to GoddessDustyGold)

Post #: 18

RE: Why do people do this? - 9/13/2006 3:21:12 PM

submaleslaveuk

Posts: 95
Joined: 7/21/2006
From: Manchester UK
Status: offline

i think this behaviour, or certainly the desire on the subs part, is usually bourne out of desperation. The fact not many subs get attention and they get so desperate they will do anything that remotes feels like submitting to a Master/M<istress.

As far as the Dom/mes concerned i have no idea why they act like that!!

Take care

submaleslaveuk
darren

(in reply to Phoenixandnika)

Post #: 19

RE: Why do people do this? - 9/13/2006 5:42:34 PM

losttreasure

Posts: 875
Joined: 12/17/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Tamerofwild1s

I am a Master ... I don't expect any sub or slave to address me more then Tamer unless she holds respect for me and who I am.

So if someone doesn't call you "master", then they are being disrespectful?

quote:

ORIGINAL: Tamerofwild1s

... as far as the essays and assignments or chores, those are things I do when a slave shows interest in being with me . It is done to see how deep her desire is and to see how she feels inside .... journals are important in that they show me where her head is at and where I need it to be.

This is just my opinion, of course, but the interest (and contact) would stop were I asked to write essays, complete assignments, or perform chores... and that includes journaling. If a prospective dom wanted to know how I feel and "where my head is at", he could easily find out by spending time with me and talking. I consider all these other "methods" to be "busy work" and an excuse to avoid personal communication.

(in reply to Tamerofwild1s)

Post #: 20

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