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RE: Why do people do this? - 9/13/2006 6:18:26 PM   
TotalitarianFL


Posts: 18
Joined: 8/21/2006
Status: offline 		The answer is... because they are doing fantasy roleplay/power exchange from behind a computer screen. Fine if either A) you are demonstrating an abstract respect for the idea of the position/lifestyle itself or B) you aspire towards cyber-domination play and admit in real life you would actually be totally different... if not then it is quite lame, presumptuous, and contrived. I guess it could feel pretty good though for a loser to be addressed in such terms by a total stranger.  

(in reply to losttreasure)
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RE: Why do people do this? - 9/13/2006 6:31:23 PM   
Phoenixandnika


Posts: 748
Joined: 4/22/2005
From: Aberdeen Maryland
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: losttreasure

quote:

ORIGINAL: Tamerofwild1s

I am a Master ... I don't expect any sub or slave to address me more then Tamer unless she holds respect for me and who I am.


So if someone doesn't call you "master", then they are being disrespectful?

quote:

ORIGINAL: Tamerofwild1s

... as far as the essays and assignments or chores, those are things I do when a slave shows interest in being with me . It is done to see how deep her desire is and to see how she feels inside .... journals are important in that they show me where her head is at and where I need it to be.


This is just my opinion, of course, but the interest (and contact) would stop were I asked to write essays, complete assignments, or perform chores... and that includes journaling.  If a prospective dom wanted to know how I feel and "where my head is at", he could easily find out by spending time with me and talking.  I consider all these other "methods" to be "busy work" and an excuse to avoid personal communication.


 
I am not speaking for Tamer, he is more than capable of speaking for himself but we have corresponded a few times  both via email and on various posts and I do not call him by a title such as "Master"  when adressing him and he has YET to take offense to it. Although he is pretty laid back from what I have seen so I don't see him getting upset over it, because I am not HIS.
 
As far as journaling. I journal every day, have since the day that my Master and I became anything but best friends. I know many who do the same thing. It doesn't mean they don't communicate directly.






_____________________________

"Life is neither a bed of roses nor a carpet of thorns, it's just what you make of it."



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RE: Why do people do this? - 9/13/2006 6:40:13 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		Journaling can be an effective tool for submissives that have a great deal of difficulty expressing themselves verbally.  Submissives can have a record of where they are and where they have been also within their dynamic, their own submission, and their growth as individuals. I do not need this, but many can and do benefit from journaling...Just my thoughts

< Message edited by juliaoceania -- 9/13/2006 6:41:03 PM >

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

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RE: Why do people do this? - 9/13/2006 6:41:32 PM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		I could be wrong, but I think they are talking about journaling within a week of chatting to someone.  That would be a bit much for me.

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- Albert Einstein

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RE: Why do people do this? - 9/13/2006 6:44:42 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		I thought it was in reference to Tamer's comments about having subs that are interested in being with him journal for him as an assignment, but sometimes I get confused too...so I may be wrong..smiles

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

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RE: Why do people do this? - 9/13/2006 6:46:14 PM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		Maybe he will clarify, then we can kick his ass.



_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

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RE: Why do people do this? - 9/13/2006 6:46:33 PM   
Tamerofwild1s


Posts: 1765
Joined: 12/5/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: losttreasure

quote:

ORIGINAL: Tamerofwild1s

I am a Master ... I don't expect any sub or slave to address me more then Tamer unless she holds respect for me and who I am.


So if someone doesn't call you "master", then they are being disrespectful?

quote:

ORIGINAL: Tamerofwild1s

... as far as the essays and assignments or chores, those are things I do when a slave shows interest in being with me . It is done to see how deep her desire is and to see how she feels inside .... journals are important in that they show me where her head is at and where I need it to be.


This is just my opinion, of course, but the interest (and contact) would stop were I asked to write essays, complete assignments, or perform chores... and that includes journaling.  If a prospective dom wanted to know how I feel and "where my head is at", he could easily find out by spending time with me and talking.  I consider all these other "methods" to be "busy work" and an excuse to avoid personal communication.



please don't misquote me .. I said she does not call me any title if I have not earned the right to be addressed as such ... in other words for those who think they are above and all powerful .. IF I have not earned a title I do not expect to be called Sir or Master .. and what you do is what you do and what I do is what works for me .. lets just leave it there

< Message edited by Tamerofwild1s -- 9/13/2006 6:49:07 PM >

_____________________________

A building get torched. All that is left is ashes. I used to think that it is true about everything - family, friends, feelings - but now I know that sometimes if love proves real, and two people are meant to be together, nothing can keep them apart ~

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RE: Why do people do this? - 9/13/2006 6:49:42 PM   
Phoenixandnika


Posts: 748
Joined: 4/22/2005
From: Aberdeen Maryland
Status: offline 		julia,
I beleive that is what Tamer was saying as well. That when he is considering a slave/sub those are things that he has them do but again he is a big boy and can speak for himself.
 
If your considering someone in my eyes there has been some negotation or discussion on expectation, it is not like someone demanding an essay the 1st time you speak. *laughs*



_____________________________

"Life is neither a bed of roses nor a carpet of thorns, it's just what you make of it."



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RE: Why do people do this? - 9/13/2006 6:51:17 PM   
Tamerofwild1s


Posts: 1765
Joined: 12/5/2004
Status: offline 		bends over for said ass kickin ..... I mean if a girl expresses a deep interest in me I ask that she journal for me ..... there are times when she might forget to say something or fear saying it . journals are an open playground to express themselves

_____________________________

A building get torched. All that is left is ashes. I used to think that it is true about everything - family, friends, feelings - but now I know that sometimes if love proves real, and two people are meant to be together, nothing can keep them apart ~

(in reply to KatyLied)
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RE: Why do people do this? - 9/13/2006 6:51:17 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		The only people that gave me assignments the first day I met them were university professors....grins

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to Phoenixandnika)
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RE: Why do people do this? - 9/13/2006 6:52:38 PM   
cuddleheart50


Posts: 9718
Joined: 2/20/2006
From: Kentucky
Status: offline 		And sometime they give you assignment, and they dont get done, go figure....LOL

_____________________________

Dance like no one is watching,
Sing like no one is listening.
Love like you've never been hurt
and live like it's heaven on Earth.


(in reply to juliaoceania)
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RE: Why do people do this? - 9/13/2006 6:54:07 PM   
Phoenixandnika


Posts: 748
Joined: 4/22/2005
From: Aberdeen Maryland
Status: offline 		*laces up my steel toed boots looking at his ass as he bent over licking my lips as I bring my foot back*
 




_____________________________

"Life is neither a bed of roses nor a carpet of thorns, it's just what you make of it."



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RE: Why do people do this? - 9/13/2006 8:13:36 PM   
losttreasure


Posts: 875
Joined: 12/17/2005
Status: offline 		Fast reply:

Actually, Tamer, I didn't misquote you at all. I did understand what you were meaning to say and was merely making a point on how you worded it. (I should have included a smiley or wink to convey that my comment was offered in good nature.)

It does, however, illustrate how easily the written word can be misunderstood.

To Julia and others, concerning the use of journaling, I understand the personal benefits for some of writing out thoughts and feelings. Were I to use that kind of vehicle myself, I would not, however, allow access to anyone until such time that "consideration" was over and a "permanent" relationship was established. I do not consider my private musings to be a tool for others, and I certainly wouldn't accept being asked to start one for that purpose. But again, that's just me and I understand that some wouldn't mind.

(in reply to Phoenixandnika)
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RE: Why do people do this? - 9/13/2006 8:16:01 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		When I first started as a clueless newbie I had "doms" giving me "assignments" including journals all over the place- I ate it up and begged for more.

For about two weeks before I realized this wasn't really wasn't gelling together and got myself wise.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

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RE: Why do people do this? - 9/13/2006 9:08:31 PM   
Aubre


Posts: 478
Joined: 12/9/2004
Status: offline 		I once tried to call myself the "King of the Night Time World" but that didn't work out, it was too long. So I stick to Aubre.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
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RE: Why do people do this? - 9/13/2006 9:23:15 PM   
losttreasure


Posts: 875
Joined: 12/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

When I first started as a clueless newbie I had "doms" giving me "assignments" including journals all over the place- I ate it up and begged for more.

For about two weeks before I realized this wasn't really wasn't gelling together and got myself wise.


I've had requests before and I'd be lying if I said I didn't give in once or twice early on.   

But, like yourself, I quickly realized the problem with it.  I learned instead not to let a virtual stranger override my intuition... if it doesn't feel right, it probably isn't.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
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RE: Why do people do this? - 9/13/2006 9:31:43 PM   
MistressMelissa


Posts: 226
Joined: 11/21/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Phoenixandnika
I am always reading posts where people presume power over another person simply because of the title / label they each hold and I truly do not understand it.
 
It depends upon the social situation. If it is a protocol event, then yes I would expect it. If it was a Gorean event I would expect to be addressed by title for it is their way. If it's a Munch or general lifestyle event, I hold no expectation of others. In accordance with my house manual any "little one" in my house is to address any dominant as Sir/Ma'am unless I say otherwise.
quote:

 
I know some who have the mind set that they are Dom/me and anyone who labels themselves submissive or slave should jump through hoops to please them from the very first interaction. 

At a lifestyle event I would expect civility and I always expect more from those who claim slave over those who claim sub. I would be grateful if a slave/sub addressed me as Ma'am or by my title, but I don't request it nor expect it. If they addressed me simply as "Mistress" I would point out that I do not own them and since the honorific with out a name implies ownership, it would be incorrect to address me in such a manor. Same thing goes for Milady. The "my" in that implies ownership. Those that grant me the courtesies of my position, I mentally note. Titles are earned and not assumed. I assumed no title myself until others in my community felt I had earned it and they bestowed it upon me. 
quote:


I have seen submissives / slaves given assignments (ie essays, writing, a time to be online, rt chores, ect) by a dom/me that they have just meet or are simpy corresponding with.

If someone is serious about joining my house I will give them writing assignments so that I might learn more about them. Failure to follow some simple requests tells me they are not that interested and not worth my time.
quote:

  
Often times they feel obligated to do these things. I am one that beleives that unless I am YOURS I am under obligation to cow tow or kiss your feet or any other part of your body.
  
Not sure what falls under this classification. A slave should act with deference and thus I would not expect a slave to interrupt two dominants speaking. I also would expect a slave to step aside and let a dominant pass. Refilling a coffee cup if they have the pot in their hand would not be too much to ask.
quote:


If your a dom/me that beleives that submissive/slaves should do everything they can to please you simply because of your labels. Why do you think that way?
 

I believe the little ones I own should do whatever I ask of them. For those I don't own, I expect them to be a good reflection upon their owner. Yes, it is a sense of pride how our little ones act. They are a reflection of our values. For those that are unowned, practicing some good manners and a smidgen of deference in their attitude just might catch the attention of a future owner. Remember, people watch. I watch a girl in my Munch for two years. She was blown away when she realized I had been watching her for that long. When she asked why I had not said anything earlier, I told her I had to wait for her to come to me. I watched her grow until she got to the point she would comprehend our discussion. Likewise, that does not mean that they should throw them selfs at the feet of every dominant in the room. But if someone claims slave, they should act as if they understand their chosen lot in life.
quote:


If your a submissive/slave that jumps through those hoops, does those essays, ect. for someone who is not YOUR dom/me. Why do you do it?
  
N/A
quote:


I truly would like to understand the reasons behind these behaviors and ways of thinking. 


There are slaves, submissives and bottoms. They are all different. Each has their place and I have different expectations for each. If someone claims slave and yet believes them self the same as me. They do not understand the role they have chosen for them self. Being slave is a mindset and those slaves I have the pleasure of knowing would expect me to be nothing less than who I am. Likewise, a bottom wants their play time and nothing else in the lifestyle matters. They know what they want and I can respect that. The submissive is the interesting piece for they are that gray area between slave and bottom. Just where on that scale is what determines what I might expect, if anything.

This lifestyle is lived on so many different levels that it takes time to fully appreciate all that is offered. You just need to find that point at which you are happy. People grow and we all make mistakes along the way. Sometimes dominants, like little ones, just need sometime to figure themselves and the lifestyle out.

Some people are just jerks. Some of us are just so spoiled at home that sometimes its hard to throttle back for the vanilla world. I often need to tame how I live at home before going to lifestyle events not to cause an issue. It's not that anyone is wrong, we are just different and sometimes different does not mix well.

_____________________________

Melissa
Mistress of Ds Haven
www.dshaven.com

The person who says it can not be done, should not interrupt the person doing it. - Ancient Wisdom

(in reply to Phoenixandnika)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Why do people do this? - 9/14/2006 12:14:35 AM   
ayasha


Posts: 149
Joined: 12/10/2005
Status: offline 		More than likely the reason they ask is that they can get some people to do it - kneel in front of the computer, don't masturbate without permission, don't talk to anyone else.  So the question is not only why do people ask, but why do others follow those commands?  Both are obviously people that do not know what they are doing, that have a misconception of what the lifestyle really is about.  But hey, maybe it works for some of them.................

(in reply to Phoenixandnika)
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RE: Why do people do this? - 9/14/2006 12:16:48 AM   
slave4Darby3d


Posts: 106
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline 		...because they can...

(in reply to Phoenixandnika)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Why do people do this? - 9/14/2006 1:26:47 AM   
cynthiamarie


Posts: 205
Joined: 3/11/2005
From: Bluefield, WV, USA
Status: offline
quote:

More than likely the reason they ask is that they can get some people to do it - kneel in front of the computer, don't masturbate without permission, don't talk to anyone else.  So the question is not only why do people ask, but why do others follow those commands?  Both are obviously people that do not know what they are doing, that have a misconception of what the lifestyle really is about.  But hey, maybe it works for some of them...

Because they might be new and simply exploring their own feelings for their own personal growth, to find out if power exchange in a limited way really affects them or not and if this is something they want to pursue r/t...they can use block, iggy, not do assignments, lie about completing them, or simply turn off their computer and walk away.  They must be getting something out of it or they wouldn't be on their knees at their keyboard for long...and I'm not referring to the ones who are here only for wanker fodder.

Wanker fodder aside, I've noticed some unowned subs/slaves needing to try to instigate some mild power exchange just for validation of their own feelings, or for grounding from a dominant friend, guidance, etc.  With them, for me there is a mild power exchange involved just because of who we are.  No rituals are needed.  And yes, if I see that one of these little ones are half hallucinating from sleep dep but are still online, I will send them to bed.  Sometimes I have TOLD them to go to a doctor over an issue they're having. 

Some unowned subs/slaves may not need or want to be submissive toward anyone who doesn't own them, but with others that's just part of who they are.  If someone seeks me and turns to me...I am who I am.  The dominant side isn't linked only to BDSM or sex, but to friendships as well.

A Dom friend of mine who is into D/s, but not BDSM scenes, always ends his letters with a question.  He's not my Dom, just a friend...but I choose to answer because it helps me to explore my own thoughts and I don't mind sharing my thoughts.  *Considering the epic posts I've made here, I think everyone knows I don't mind sharing my thoughts by now, lol.*

A few times when I've been in crisis, I've turned to other Dom/me friends and have done assignments that helped to level my life again.  

If the assignment is for the benefit/growth of the sub/slave, or to help establish a long term relationship, and if both parties agree...I won't throw stones. 



(in reply to slave4Darby3d)
Profile   Post #: 40
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