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RE: What other words do you use for..... - 9/15/2006 5:12:41 AM   
OhReallyNow


Posts: 249
Joined: 9/11/2006
Status: offline
quote:

What will the sub feel if she hears the dominant refer to another sub, woman, celebrity, etc... as "slut"?

this slave could not answer that question. Master does not make such remarks to those who he does not own
However, if Master was to do so, this slave would smile and think how lucky the other woman was.
quote:

  and then a feeling of jealousy may occur ("I thought I was your 'slut"). 

for this slave, jealousy is a wasted emotion. this slave does not need jealousy to think to herself 'i am Master's slut'; this slave always KNOWS that she is Master's slut.

_____________________________

~ When anger rises, think of the consequences
CONFUCIUS ~

(in reply to NastyDaddy)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: What other words do you use for..... - 9/15/2006 5:31:17 AM   
Celeste43


Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline 		He tried this on me once, the reaction was totally unexpected. I couldn't handle it at all. Neither in scene nor could I believe him afterwards that he didn't mean it. What I got was that he really did think of me as this lowly, disgusting thing and just pretended otherwise normally. Now I know intellectually that this isn't at all true but emotionally it is true to me.

So we don't go there, no humiliation and no degradation. Because if he deliberately went there again, knowing what it does to me, then it would make me believe intellectually also that he really thought of me that way and it would destroy the relationship.

Now some things don't bother me in scene, loveslave comes to mind. That's one I like and doesn't hurt me.

If the op's biggest turn on is humiliation and degradation, and the sub in question needs to hard limit it because of the emotional triggers, then it seems to me they're highly incompatible. If the op is just confused because he's always done it, then it's time to get out of a rut and try new things that you might now enjoy because her reaction is incredibly positive.

(in reply to tade)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: What other words do you use for..... - 9/15/2006 10:17:16 AM   
NastyDaddy


Posts: 957
Joined: 9/8/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Celeste43

... If the op is just confused because he's always done it, then it's time to get out of a rut and try new things that you might now enjoy because her reaction is incredibly positive.


Alternatively, IF the submissive is just confused because she's always carried mental baggage around, then perhaps it's time for her to get out of HER mental baggage rut... and try new things that she might now enjoy because HIS reaction is incredibly positive.

If she wishes to declare a hard limit concerning a word (omg a word!!), indeed that is her perogative... it is her perogative BEFORE engaging in bdsm play. If she has not put enough thought into her role as a submissive and thinks she can "call the shots and redefine her previously agreed limits on-the-fly", then perhaps she was NOT ready herself to pursue a bdsm relationship. 

Once again..... if you can't handle an activity, then negotiate it as a limit BEFORE getting naked and playing with a Dom, jeesh!

Ahh yes, the old "lets change the Dominant instead of the submissive" approach... now that's real progress isn't it, lol.

"I'd REALLY LOVE love to be Dominated... in MY OWN WAY"... now that's just too funny!   

_____________________________

"You may be right, I may be crazy... but I may just be the lunatic you're looking for!"

(in reply to Celeste43)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: What other words do you use for..... - 9/15/2006 10:29:09 AM   
Phoenixandnika


Posts: 748
Joined: 4/22/2005
From: Aberdeen Maryland
Status: offline 		So you have NEVER done anything and not known "exactly" how you where going to react physically, mentally, or emotionally?
 
I agree that if this is something she knew she had an issue with she should have communicated that to her dom, however; if this was a new situation how would she know?
 
I ask you this. If you know something you do hurts your submisive/slave physically, emotionally, or mentally do you continue to do it because your the "dom" or do you protect what is yours? In my mind as I stated before a "true dom" would protect what is his, even if it meant he can not use certain words or phrases.
 
I also do not see someone protecting themselves as topping from the bottom. I think everyone including submissives and slaves not only have the right but an obligation to do so.

_____________________________

"Life is neither a bed of roses nor a carpet of thorns, it's just what you make of it."



(in reply to NastyDaddy)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: What other words do you use for..... - 9/15/2006 10:40:46 AM   
NastyDaddy


Posts: 957
Joined: 9/8/2004
Status: offline 		I think you are confusing "protection from one's self" with "protection from harm". Quite frankly, to allow a submissive to handicap themselves is in fact harming them in my book. This is not just a walk in the park, it won't necessarily be easy.

Let's not forget that what we are discussing is a word... and a word is not an act. Basically it looks like a self-induced mindfuck within the sub, and if the dominant allows a self-mindfucking submissive to govern their play, then there are obviously some issues with the dominant.

We are not discussing rape play, or fire play, or needle play.... we are discussing a teeny tiny little word.

By the way, "true dom" is not a word... its a composite phrase. Composite phrases are dangerous as hell and they scare the living shit out of people, so be careful slinging them composite phrases around...  

_____________________________

"You may be right, I may be crazy... but I may just be the lunatic you're looking for!"

(in reply to Phoenixandnika)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: What other words do you use for..... - 9/15/2006 10:52:17 AM   
Phoenixandnika


Posts: 748
Joined: 4/22/2005
From: Aberdeen Maryland
Status: offline 		Words do hurt.
Even tiny tiny little words and to say that words can't or don't affect someone's mental and emotional well being is truly naive in my opinion.
 
BTW.. thanks for the "warning" about the phrases I use. However, I use the words or phrases that I deem appropriate.

_____________________________

"Life is neither a bed of roses nor a carpet of thorns, it's just what you make of it."



(in reply to NastyDaddy)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: What other words do you use for..... - 9/15/2006 11:15:27 AM   
LotusSong


Posts: 6334
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Domme Emeritus
Status: offline 		Good thoughts here Phoenix.  I see also that you have a partner in all this :)
 
I figure the best way to  know what works and what doesn't is to listen to all the advice, then check to see who HAS a submissive and who doesn't.  The ones that  have a submissive are probably doing what works.

_____________________________

Life Lesson #1

I'm not your type.
I'm not inflatable.


(in reply to Phoenixandnika)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: What other words do you use for..... - 9/15/2006 11:22:43 AM   
Phoenixandnika


Posts: 748
Joined: 4/22/2005
From: Aberdeen Maryland
Status: offline 		 
 
 
Thank you, although this is Nika.
 
*laughs*
 
Perhaps we need to rethink the joint signature.
I thought purple font and my writing would dictate it was me but that doesn't seem to be working.
 
 





_____________________________

"Life is neither a bed of roses nor a carpet of thorns, it's just what you make of it."



(in reply to LotusSong)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: What other words do you use for..... - 9/15/2006 11:25:40 AM   
LotusSong


Posts: 6334
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Domme Emeritus
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Phoenixandnika

 
 
 
Thank you, although this is Nika.
 
*laughs*
 
Perhaps we need to rethink the joint signature.
I thought purple font and my writing would dictate it was me but that doesn't seem to be working. 
 
 :)  I had to venture a guess.  Hello there, Nika





_____________________________

Life Lesson #1

I'm not your type.
I'm not inflatable.


(in reply to Phoenixandnika)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: What other words do you use for..... - 9/15/2006 11:29:44 AM   
Celeste43


Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: NastyDaddy


If she wishes to declare a hard limit concerning a word (omg a word!!), indeed that is her perogative... it is her perogative BEFORE engaging in bdsm play.



Considering that this is my first D/s relationship, and that no one had used these words to me before, there was no way for me to know what my reaction was going to be. So I couldn't have discussed it ahead of time anymore than I could have discussed which nipple clamps I like and which make me sob immediately.

You stated that you don't have relationships with emotionally fragile women, thankfully he isn't you. He understands that at 51 and having been through years of therapy I'm as strong as I'm going to get. He doesn't mind using a different word or not using a couple of words.

Hell, at 51 I'm physically fragile also. I am hypertensive and suffer from vertigo quite frequently. Luckily, the fact that I can't do inverted suspension hasn't caused him to kick me out the door either. I'm sure you do that also since you don't put up with weak submissives.

(in reply to NastyDaddy)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: What other words do you use for..... - 9/15/2006 11:40:03 AM   
marieToo


Posts: 3595
Joined: 5/21/2006
From: Jersey
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: NastyDaddy


Once again..... if you can't handle an activity, then negotiate it as a limit BEFORE getting naked and playing with a Dom, jeesh!



But whats the difference?  If she called it a limit beforehand, it's ok?  But if she discovered it as a limit after they engaged in the activity, its not ok?  If I understood correctly, the girl is new.  How can she possibly know every single thing that might mess her up? 

_____________________________

marie.


I give good agita.









(in reply to NastyDaddy)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: What other words do you use for..... - 9/15/2006 11:45:42 AM   
NastyDaddy


Posts: 957
Joined: 9/8/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Phoenixandnika

 I use the words or phrases that I deem appropriate.


And you don't even bother to make sure your chosen words don't hurt anybody... how rude!  LOL  

_____________________________

"You may be right, I may be crazy... but I may just be the lunatic you're looking for!"

(in reply to Phoenixandnika)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: What other words do you use for..... - 9/15/2006 11:47:22 AM   
NastyDaddy


Posts: 957
Joined: 9/8/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LotusSong

Good thoughts here Phoenix.  I see also that you have a partner in all this :)
 
I figure the best way to  know what works and what doesn't is to listen to all the advice, then check to see who HAS a submissive and who doesn't.  The ones that  have a submissive are probably doing what works.

My submissive agrees with everything I've stated Lotus. Does the fact that she is not a boy matter? LOL

_____________________________

"You may be right, I may be crazy... but I may just be the lunatic you're looking for!"

(in reply to LotusSong)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: What other words do you use for..... - 9/15/2006 11:48:48 AM   
NastyDaddy


Posts: 957
Joined: 9/8/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LotusSong

 :)  I had to venture a guess... 


Guessing wrong again?   

_____________________________

"You may be right, I may be crazy... but I may just be the lunatic you're looking for!"

(in reply to LotusSong)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: What other words do you use for..... - 9/15/2006 11:53:27 AM   
NastyDaddy


Posts: 957
Joined: 9/8/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Celeste43

quote:

ORIGINAL: NastyDaddy


If she wishes to declare a hard limit concerning a word (omg a word!!), indeed that is her perogative... it is her perogative BEFORE engaging in bdsm play.



Considering that this is my first D/s relationship, and that no one had used these words to me before, there was no way for me to know what my reaction was going to be. So I couldn't have discussed it ahead of time anymore than I could have discussed which nipple clamps I like and which make me sob immediately.

You stated that you don't have relationships with emotionally fragile women, thankfully he isn't you. He understands that at 51 and having been through years of therapy I'm as strong as I'm going to get. He doesn't mind using a different word or not using a couple of words.

Hell, at 51 I'm physically fragile also. I am hypertensive and suffer from vertigo quite frequently. Luckily, the fact that I can't do inverted suspension hasn't caused him to kick me out the door either. I'm sure you do that also since you don't put up with weak submissives.

Did you ever see me state that you cannot COMMUNICATE with your Dom?  I think I actually emphasized communication.

If you are not capable of submission beyond your agreed limits, then you NEED to communicate with your Dom.  If your Dom decides you are not the submissive they want or need, then they are at liberty to release you. The door swings both ways.

_____________________________

"You may be right, I may be crazy... but I may just be the lunatic you're looking for!"

(in reply to Celeste43)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: What other words do you use for..... - 9/15/2006 11:55:16 AM   
Phoenixandnika


Posts: 748
Joined: 4/22/2005
From: Aberdeen Maryland
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: NastyDaddy

quote:

ORIGINAL: Phoenixandnika

I use the words or phrases that I deem appropriate.


And you don't even bother to make sure your chosen words don't hurt anybody... how rude!  LOL  

 
This coming from the one who said words don't hurt? *laughs* My words where not directed at anyone person,they where tactful, where not maliscious. Now if someone takes my words personally I can not control that.
 
 

_____________________________

"Life is neither a bed of roses nor a carpet of thorns, it's just what you make of it."



(in reply to NastyDaddy)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: What other words do you use for..... - 9/15/2006 11:58:02 AM   
NastyDaddy


Posts: 957
Joined: 9/8/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: marieToo

quote:

ORIGINAL: NastyDaddy


Once again..... if you can't handle an activity, then negotiate it as a limit BEFORE getting naked and playing with a Dom, jeesh!



But whats the difference?  If she called it a limit beforehand, it's ok?  But if she discovered it as a limit after they engaged in the activity, its not ok?  If I understood correctly, the girl is new.  How can she possibly know every single thing that might mess her up? 

Insert the dreaded "communication" word.  If you really have issues with the word "slut" then by all means discuss this with the Dom. In the same token, if you meltdown over the word "slut" and that's the absolute bottom line... don't be way surprised when your Dom releases you to find a better suited submissive for their desires. 

_____________________________

"You may be right, I may be crazy... but I may just be the lunatic you're looking for!"

(in reply to marieToo)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: What other words do you use for..... - 9/15/2006 11:59:54 AM   
NastyDaddy


Posts: 957
Joined: 9/8/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Phoenixandnika

quote:

ORIGINAL: NastyDaddy

quote:

ORIGINAL: Phoenixandnika

I use the words or phrases that I deem appropriate.


And you don't even bother to make sure your chosen words don't hurt anybody... how rude!  LOL  

 
This coming from the one who said words don't hurt? *laughs* My words where not directed at anyone person,they where tactful, where not maliscious. Now if someone takes my words personally I can not control that.
 
 

Not according to your prevailing philosophy.... all you need to do is quit saying offensive words... remember how easy you said it was?

_____________________________

"You may be right, I may be crazy... but I may just be the lunatic you're looking for!"

(in reply to Phoenixandnika)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: What other words do you use for..... - 9/15/2006 12:00:35 PM   
Phoenixandnika


Posts: 748
Joined: 4/22/2005
From: Aberdeen Maryland
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: NastyDaddy

quote:

ORIGINAL: marieToo

quote:

ORIGINAL: NastyDaddy


Once again..... if you can't handle an activity, then negotiate it as a limit BEFORE getting naked and playing with a Dom, jeesh!



But whats the difference?  If she called it a limit beforehand, it's ok?  But if she discovered it as a limit after they engaged in the activity, its not ok?  If I understood correctly, the girl is new.  How can she possibly know every single thing that might mess her up? 

Insert the dreaded "communication" word.  If you really have issues with the word "slut" then by all means discuss this with the Dom. In the same token, if you meltdown over the word "slut" and that's the absolute bottom line... don't be way surprised when your Dom releases you to find a better suited submissive for their desires. 

 
In my opinion if a Dom/me releases a submissive/slave because they can not use a word then perhaps the submissive/slave is better off.

_____________________________

"Life is neither a bed of roses nor a carpet of thorns, it's just what you make of it."



(in reply to NastyDaddy)
Profile   Post #: 59
RE: What other words do you use for..... - 9/15/2006 12:04:28 PM   
Phoenixandnika


Posts: 748
Joined: 4/22/2005
From: Aberdeen Maryland
Status: offline 		There is a difference between saying something directed to someone and someone taking a general statement personally. One I can control the other I can not.
 
Also there is a difference between something you say hurting someone your supposed to cherish and protect and some John Doe. As a Dom/me I beleive you have an obligation to protect your submissive/slave I have no obligations to John Doe other than not to be malisious or violate ToS.

< Message edited by Phoenixandnika -- 9/15/2006 12:05:22 PM >

_____________________________

"Life is neither a bed of roses nor a carpet of thorns, it's just what you make of it."



(in reply to NastyDaddy)
Profile   Post #: 60
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