Self image when submitting to Master/Mistress (Full Version)

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whtsubf4DOM -> Self image when submitting to Master/Mistress (9/14/2006 12:50:19 PM)

Ok, here is a question for all you subs out there. Do most subs feel a sense of worthlessness, uselessness and like they are NOTHING when they submit to a Master or Mistress?

Is that feeling of worthlessnes something real that subs feel at the very core of their being? Is it ultimately what drives subs to submit and commit their lives to a Dom/me? If so, to what degree do subs build up that self-worth with a Master/Mistress, especially in BDSM?



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Self image when submitting to Master/Mistress (9/14/2006 1:06:14 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: whtsubf4DOM
Ok, here is a question for all you subs out there. Do most subs feel a sense of worthlessness, uselessness and like they are NOTHING when they submit to a Master or Mistress?

Only during hot scenes on degradation.

quote:


Is that feeling of worthlessnes something real that subs feel at the very core of their being?

People of all types feel worthless at the core of their being- orientation is irrelevant.

quote:

 Is it ultimately what drives subs to submit and commit their lives to a Dom/me?

No.  In fact ultimately it will lead to the destruction of any relationship they would wish to have.

Most people do not want to be in relationships with worthless people, and most masters do not wish to own property they consider to be worthless. 

http://www.collarchat.com/m_581152/mpage_1/key_worthless/tm.htm#581165
worth of a slave




OhReallyNow -> RE: Self image when submitting to Master/Mistress (9/14/2006 1:20:02 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: whtsubf4DOM

Ok, here is a question for all you subs out there. Do most subs feel a sense of worthlessness, uselessness and like they are NOTHING when they submit to a Master or Mistress?

Is that feeling of worthlessnes something real that subs feel at the very core of their being? Is it ultimately what drives subs to submit and commit their lives to a Dom/me? If so, to what degree do subs build up that self-worth with a Master/Mistress, especially in BDSM?

this slave NEVER feels worthless, or like nothing. If anything, she is made to feel like a rare jewel that is cherished and protected



marieToo -> RE: Self image when submitting to Master/Mistress (9/14/2006 1:25:28 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: whtsubf4DOM

Ok, here is a question for all you subs out there. Do most subs feel a sense of worthlessness, uselessness and like they are NOTHING when they submit to a Master or Mistress?

Is that feeling of worthlessnes something real that subs feel at the very core of their being? Is it ultimately what drives subs to submit and commit their lives to a Dom/me? If so, to what degree do subs build up that self-worth with a Master/Mistress, especially in BDSM?


No, I cant say I've ever felt worthless.



Mavis -> RE: Self image when submitting to Master/Mistress (9/14/2006 1:28:04 PM)

i felt pretty worthless once when i played with a Dom friend for just bottom experience.   i felt i just gave up something of myself for nothing more than a few bruises and welts.    although they were very pretty and i loved the bottoming.... it wasn't worth the smack to my spirit.



missturbation -> RE: Self image when submitting to Master/Mistress (9/14/2006 1:28:52 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: whtsubf4DOM

Ok, here is a question for all you subs out there. Do most subs feel a sense of worthlessness, uselessness and like they are NOTHING when they submit to a Master or Mistress?
The only time i feel worthless is if i have let my Sir down.
Is that feeling of worthlessnes something real that subs feel at the very core of their being?
If i have let my Sir down - yes.
Is it ultimately what drives subs to submit and commit their lives to a Dom/me?
For me the need to serve my Sir makes me submit.
If so, to what degree do subs build up that self-worth with a Master/Mistress, especially in BDSM?
Of course Sir builds up my sense of self worth as he can also tear it apart when i have failed Him if He chooses to.



worshipmoons -> RE: Self image when submitting to Master/Mistress (9/14/2006 2:28:23 PM)

LMAO....Well i dont feel worthless, useless or like nothing....I am worth something or you wouldnt be playig with me....I am being used so I am not useless. and well if I were nothing I wouldnt be here....
But then thats just me....I submit to a Dom because its something I ENJOY doing....



Caitriona -> RE: Self image when submitting to Master/Mistress (9/14/2006 2:40:22 PM)

Never.  My Dom makes me feel like the single most cherished, beautiful and loved woman in the world.  I wouldn't have it any other way.



KatyLied -> RE: Self image when submitting to Master/Mistress (9/14/2006 2:58:18 PM)

I do not feel worthless, but I don't feel like the most cherished piece of property either.  I guess I feel somewhere in between.  I certainly don't feel diminished in any way.



littleone35 -> RE: Self image when submitting to Master/Mistress (9/14/2006 3:17:52 PM)

I never feel worthless or like nothing  My Master make me feel like i am the most special woman in the known world.  If he did not find me special i doubt he would have collared me.

Matt's littleone



mstrjx -> RE: Self image when submitting to Master/Mistress (9/14/2006 3:34:43 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

Most people do not want to be in relationships with worthless people, and most masters do not wish to own property they consider to be worthless. 



Here I am in the wrong room again.  Sorry.

LA is quite right here, although it could be argued that there might be the 'rescuer' dom/me that likes the challenge of being able to take a pile of ashes and actually construct it into something/someone worthwhile.  But that takes a huge amount of effort.

But then you get careless, sneeze, and you end up with a pile of ashes again.

It's too much work for a speculative gain.  People who tend to think of themselves as worthless don't often get the mental conditioning required to salvage their own ego.



twicehappy -> RE: Self image when submitting to Master/Mistress (9/14/2006 5:13:03 PM)

I really do not understand those who feel they are worthless.
 
My owners make me feel loved, like a valuable asset, like i am important, that i am beautiful and cherished not only for my submission but for who i am as well.



bandit25 -> RE: Self image when submitting to Master/Mistress (9/14/2006 5:16:32 PM)

Gotta agree.  I've never felt worthless before, during or after submitting.  I'm not sure what the OP is getting at.



amayos -> RE: Self image when submitting to Master/Mistress (9/14/2006 5:28:24 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: whtsubf4DOM
Is that feeling of worthlessnes something real that subs feel at the very core of their being? Is it ultimately what drives subs to submit and commit their lives to a Dom/me? If so, to what degree do subs build up that self-worth with a Master/Mistress, especially in BDSM?


This is a good question, though it's one which will seldom be honestly answered, even online. On-record responses to inquiries like this tend to be uniform and in-step with popular opinion, lest those expressing otherwise be dubbed "predators" or "doormats."

In reality there are many who enter submission or slavery feeling worthless and without cause until they are serving another. This can either be a native state of mind or a conscious journey of humility to which they are compelled. Some slaves are pathetic, weak and needful. Some may have little left to live for before they enter into bondage.

Frankly, I often find lost souls make the best slaves. Do I purposefully help them "grow" for their own sake once they are mine? Usually not, unless it suits my whim or interest (and I am always quite honest about that). Do I make them into something useful and worthwhile for my own gain? Certainly. Most will naturally find a path to self fulfillment in this, but it goes without saying that each "BDSM" relationship is different, and sometimes vastly so.



ayasha -> RE: Self image when submitting to Master/Mistress (9/14/2006 5:31:51 PM)

OMG - exactly the opposite!  If a submissive/slave is feeling worthless/useless/nothing, then there is something wrong...............

How can you feel like that if you are serving the one that owns You?  Would He/She own someone that is these things?  Are You saying He/She is not capable of making a good choice and so He/She chose someone worthless/useless/nothing? 

Now, there are some wannabes that do not know what they are doing that look for that type of person - because they can not control someone that is strong, confident, secure - which is a sad situation for both of them. 

If you don't feel that you are worthy, why should He/She feel that you are? 



midnyt -> RE: Self image when submitting to Master/Mistress (9/14/2006 5:31:55 PM)

i dont understand what would make you feel worthless and useless like a nother. we slaves and subs are very much of value. it almost hurts my heart that you would feel like that. we should be treasured and cherished. if we arent we tend to feel like we are giving ourselves for no reason. i believe we are of great value.  if we are mistreated we break down emotionaly and we cant serve the way we should. 
serving and pleasuring Master is what feeds my spirit. its a strong desire to give him pleasure in anyway he wants.  when i have disapointed him i am my own worst punisher, i am very hard on my self but i pick my self back up and do what i need to do to fix what i have done. that doesnt make me feel worthless it makes me feel human.
~midnyt~



mstrjx -> RE: Self image when submitting to Master/Mistress (9/14/2006 5:41:04 PM)

I stand by what I said before, but to get some better insight, one would be advised to look at her profile, which indicates she is seeking 'mental humiliation'.

She, therefore, would not be playing on the same field as you.  Not to say that your responses are not of value.  Perhaps not of value to the OP.

Jeff



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Self image when submitting to Master/Mistress (9/14/2006 9:44:49 PM)

I'll second Amayos in that plenty of people who come into bdsm and Ds DO consider themselves worthless and desparate.

But it generally takes a lot of luck, work and miracles to get into a secure long term relationship with them.



whtsubf4DOM -> RE: Self image when submitting to Master/Mistress (9/14/2006 10:24:14 PM)

ok ok! just for the record, my question was not about me. I DO NOT feel worthless.

Once again, I have said this before....Although my screen name doesn't indicate it, I am a Domme to one man, nobody else. I started as a submissive but found I was too strong-willed for that. (I guess i need to change my screen name to save confusion, but really the only reason I come on this site anymore is for the message board)

Anyway, the intent of my question was not to ask how subs feel when they are serving their Master/Mistress. I, too, agree that the Master should be making the subs feel worthy.  I wanted to know the specific feelings they had about themselves before they took a leap into this lifestyle. I want HONEST answers. What makes a sub want to fully serve a Master/Mistress? What would want to make subs just bow to another person and/or become someone's "property"? Do they come to this lifestyle feeling worthless or totally self confident? My guess would be that there are some real issues and questions of self-worth. Don't you think?

From what i've read, it sounds like it's almost intoxicating to get approval from your Master/Mistress when you do something right. If it's not a self-worth issue upon entering, then why do they cling so much to the praise that they may or may not get on a regular basis?



juliaoceania -> RE: Self image when submitting to Master/Mistress (9/14/2006 10:43:50 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: whtsubf4DOM
What makes a sub want to fully serve a Master/Mistress?

My natural sexuality drove me in this direction, but it took becoming extremely attracted to a dominant to bring out the submissive in me, and I cannot explain that other than being submissive after that door was opened was as easy as falling off a log, it just fit me and I realized what I had been fighting against in my intimate relationships and trying to be something I wasn't

quote:

What would want to make subs just bow to another person and/or become someone's "property"?
I have never bowed to anyone...smiles. I defer. It feels right. I do not know about the property thing as I am not there yet and I have never been there, although I want to one day.

quote:

Do they come to this lifestyle feeling worthless or totally self confident?

I think I had a confident veneer, and I still do. I think we all have our moments of insecurity... I am no different than any other average person in that regard... I have never felt worthless in my life, I know better.

quote:

My guess would be that there are some real issues and questions of self-worth. Don't you think?

It sounds as though you think that submissives are this way because of self worth. I have had many successes in my lifetime, and failrues. I am a frail and weak human animal, just like everyone else. I have flaws, I am mistaken about things, and I accept myself with all my imperfections. I think that embracing my true nature has helped me keep my inner self in alignment with my outer self, I am more authentic now. I did not feel compelled to submit out of desperation. I have people compliment my looks, my intellect, and my character quite often, maybe more often than I deserve. I do not need to obey a man to have one. I choose to because it feels good. In fact I have noticed that men prefer unsubmissive women in the vanilla world, so if I really wanted to "catch "someone I would pretend not to be who I am... but it doesn't feel right.

I am not lacking in self esteem in most ways, although I used to suffer from perfectionism and I did have an anxiety disorder with associated depression that I overcame a little over a year ago without medication. It takes self esteem to carry that off let me tell you! We all have periods in our lives when things hit us hard and it makes us question ourselves... but at my age, I never question my intrinsic worth as a human being, nor do I define this by submitting to another human being

quote:

From what i've read, it sounds like it's almost intoxicating to get approval from your Master/Mistress when you do something right. If it's not a self-worth issue upon entering, then why do they cling so much to the praise that they may or may not get on a regular basis?
 

I missed this because I am tired...lol...

I do not get "praise" on a regular basis.. he states be appreciates me and I reciprocate. I cling to praise the way most people do, most of us love a compliment from one we respect don't we?

I think you are mistaken in thinking that we all submit from the same need... like approval.. most people want approval from the one they love.. But I do not feel I need it more than a vanilla person does



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