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XianDominSJ -> RE: New to this and full of questions (9/16/2006 2:41:33 AM)
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Wow, there are so many potential dynamics here it's hard to know where to start. Lashra rightly suggested that you ask yourself if you are "truly submissive or are you doing this just to get your kink on?" That's a good question, one which you will need to honestly answer for yourself, by yourself, before you consider my question. You see, my thought is the opposite direction entirely. There are, as Julia noted, different reasons for brattiness -- some playful, some not. Now I would guess at this point if you are playfully bratty it would not be posing a problem. Therefore, I'll assume for this response, based on your post, that this is not playful brattiness, but much deeper motivations expressed as brattiness. What you have remaining then is sheer independence-asserting, boundaries-challenging, limits-testing brattiness. One, some, or all of those could be motivating your behavior. Now I don't want to speak too broadly, but if you ask me, there is a thread of insecurity woven through all of them -- insecurity in yourself and/or the relationship, and the recurring effects thereof. What I mean by this is to say is that if a submissive is securely trusting in her Dom's protection and control she need not constantly attempt to reassure herself of her own "I can take care of myself" independence because she is not afraid of her dependence; she knows he'll always be there and can be trusted. Likewise, if she does not trust in his sincerity and steadfastness, it would be understandable for her to test the limits and push the boundaries, needing the discipline to bring reassurance. You get the idea. When the parent-child overtones and analogies become the focus, you have Daddy Doms and their dear submissives. You may find some insight in those threads, too.
A cursory reading of these forums shows that submission varies with each submissive. Some are content with submission in certain realms (e.g., bedroom-only subs, only-at-home subs) whereas others contend with a deep-seated need for something... deeper, more pervasive, so to speak. This is not the thread to rehash the slave vs. submissive discussion, but some of those dynamics and distinctions now come into play. I once knew a gal exporing D/s who plainly said to me, "This thing is going to totally take me over unless I do something." She realized early on that, for her at least, the surrender was not something at which she could play or compartmentalize, but rather had to be total; she knew it. She saw her choices as between the vanilla independence she'd known or else total submission with all its blessings and demands. As I see it, that total submission requires total surrender, built on the foundation of total trust. This is a long, intimate, challenging endeavor of soul-searching and binding together of dominant and submissive. This is not play, not "getting your kink on," and it does not happen in three months. If you are just "one of several" he's trained and the relationship is plagued with an unassured future then limiting your surrender is understandable and probably a wise safeguard. All you are left with then is exactly what you're seeing; you may be pushing limits to explore the limits of the relationship to validate just how surrendered you should allow yourself to be. I mean, if something is limited, the obvious question is, "How limited?" Consciously or unconsciously, your testiness (er, "brattiness") may be trying to find out just that.
Only you know yourself and whether any or all of this applies to you.
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