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Got a joke for yeah... yeah it's bad... - 9/16/2006 6:42:08 PM

Steelriven

Posts: 300
Joined: 12/26/2005
Status: offline

Ok, disclaimer? Eh, for those who can't take a joke... THIS IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A RACIST STATEMENT!

Anyhow...

Three men walking down the street. A black man, a white man, a mexican. A genie pops up and says, "I will give you each one wish, but beware for your ex wife will get double what ever you wish for."

The white man steps up scratches his chin and says. "Yeah, I want um, one million dollars." Genie grants his wish, his ex gets two million dollars.

Mexican steps up and says, "Um.. yeah gimmie my own island." His wife gets two islands.

Black man taps his foot, with his arms crossed against his chest the whole time. When it's finally his turn he just stares at the genie and says. "Beat me half too death."

_____________________________

steelriven who's just a lil_twisted

-Don't asume, instead ask.

Post #: 1

RE: Got a joke for yeah... yeah it's bad... - 9/16/2006 8:02:24 PM

MasterRenegade77

Posts: 1852
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: Upstate N.Y. (Broome Co.)
Status: offline

Yup it's bad...

_____________________________

If you're not Living Life on the Edge, you're taking up Far Too Much Room!!!

(in reply to Steelriven)

Post #: 2

RE: Got a joke for yeah... yeah it's bad... - 9/16/2006 8:13:16 PM

PrimitiveLogic

Posts: 145
Joined: 4/25/2006
From: Md.
Status: offline

ok worst joke I know...

Two friends were hiking in the forest, when they came to fork in the path. Never having been there before, they decided to split up and explore what lay ahead. They agreed to return in an hour or so and then pick the better route.
Sure enough, they met back in time. The first guy excitedly spoke of finding an awesome lake teeming with fish. He had already begun to make plans to come back and fish for the rest of the weekend. The second guy just smiled. His buddy couldn't help but notice this huge grin; and asked him just what in the hell did he find!!?
His buddy told him that he found the most beautiful naked girl tied up on the train tracks. He was so overcome that he untied her and had the most incredible sex imaginable. The first guy couldn't believe his friend's good fortune. In his excitement he asked him, "Did she give you a blowjob too?!!"
His friend only said, "She might have, but I couldn't find her head..."

< Message edited by PrimitiveLogic -- 9/16/2006 8:14:15 PM >

(in reply to MasterRenegade77)

Post #: 3

RE: Got a joke for yeah... yeah it's bad... - 9/17/2006 10:14:10 AM

Termyn8or

Posts: 18681
Joined: 11/12/2005
Status: offline

I got you both beat.

A buddy, not so smart shows up with two black eyes. I asked him what happened.

"Well, I was in the mall yesterday when I came across a rather large Woman standing there at a payphone, and her dress was stuck up her butt crack. I decided to go pull it out and when I did she socked me in the eye".

I asked "OK, what about the other black eye ?"

He told me "Well, I figured I screwed up so I shoved in back in".

This is why he had two black eyes.

A Black guy actually can get a black eye too, proven.

Poor guy wasn't getting any and asking for advice, among the pieces of wisdom he gleaned to woo his Woman to give him a little was "Write her some poetry, something about her, something unique. Alot of guys start out with the old 'roses are red, violets are blue' but you can use anything".

The next day not only did he have a black eye, there was some hair missing and he had a few bandages on, I asked "What the hell happened to you ?". He said "I ain't taking you guys' advice no more, ever". I said what ?

"I wrote her a nice little poem and she went off like a bomb, damnear kilt me"

I asked "What was the poem ?"

He replied "Nappy hair nappy hair, eyes like a frog, if I could roll you over, I'd do you like a dog".

Now the worst. If the other two didn't put me in the hall of fame, this one'll surely do it.

Three old guys in an old folks home were talking. One says "What I miss is being able to take a good piss", the second guy replies "I just wish I could take a good shit", the third guy says "I take a good piss and a good shit every morning at 8:00" and then he looks like he wants to cry, the other two look at him and ask "What's wrong" to which the third guy replies "I don't get out of bed until 9:00".

Now if you can beat those there's a six pack of beer in it for ya.

T

(in reply to PrimitiveLogic)

Post #: 4

RE: Got a joke for yeah... yeah it's bad... - 9/17/2006 2:37:41 PM

LTRsubNW

Posts: 1604
Joined: 5/6/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: PrimitiveLogic

ok worst joke I know...

Two friends were hiking in the forest, when they came to fork in the path. Never having been there before, they decided to split up and explore what lay ahead. They agreed to return in an hour or so and then pick the better route.
Sure enough, they met back in time. The first guy excitedly spoke of finding an awesome lake teeming with fish. He had already begun to make plans to come back and fish for the rest of the weekend. The second guy just smiled. His buddy couldn't help but notice this huge grin; and asked him just what in the hell did he find!!?
His buddy told him that he found the most beautiful naked girl tied up on the train tracks. He was so overcome that he untied her and had the most incredible sex imaginable. The first guy couldn't believe his friend's good fortune. In his excitement he asked him, "Did she give you a blowjob too?!!"
His friend only said, "She might have, but I couldn't find her head..."

Hahahahahahahaha ROFLMMFAO!!!!!!

(in reply to PrimitiveLogic)

Post #: 5

RE: Got a joke for yeah... yeah it's bad... - 9/17/2006 4:55:46 PM

CreoleCook

Posts: 321
Joined: 10/9/2005
Status: offline

I never have quite figured out why the sexual urges of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. And I never figured out why men think with their head and women think with their heart. And I never yet have figured out how the sexual desire gene gets thrown into a state of turmoil when it hears the words "I do."

One evening last week, my wife and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, "I don't feel like it. I just want you to hold me."

I said, "WHAT???"

So she says the words that I and every husband on the planet dread. She explains that I must not be in tune with her emotional needs as a woman. I'm thinking, "What was her first clue?" I finally realize that nothing was going to happen that night, so I went to sleep.

The very next day, we went shopping at a big, unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on three different, very expensive outfits. She could not decide which one to take, so I told her to take all three of them. She then tells me that she wants matching shoes worth $200.00 a pair to which I say OK. And then we go to the jewelry department where she gets a pair of diamond earrings.

Let me tell you. She was so excited. She must have thought that I was one wave short of a shipwreck, but I don't think she cared. I think she was testing me when she asked for a tennis bracelet because she does not even play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I told her that it was OK. She was almost sexually excited from all of this, and you should have seen her face when she said, "I'm ready to go to the cash register."

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No, sweetheart, I don't feel like buying all this stuff now." You should have seen her face. It went completely blank. I then said, "Really, babe, I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while." And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, "You must not be in tune with my financial needs as a man."

I figure that I won't be having sex again until some time after the spring of 2018.

CC

_____________________________

"If I owned Texas, and Hell, I would rent out Texas, and live in Hell." ~Gen. John Sheridan, 1855

"I was thinking of the immortal words of socrates, who said, 'I drank what?'" ~Chris Knight, Real Genius

(in reply to LTRsubNW)

Post #: 6

RE: Got a joke for yeah... yeah it's bad... - 9/17/2006 5:01:02 PM

beenwhipped

Posts: 191
Joined: 5/14/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Termyn8or

Now if you can beat those there's a six pack of beer in it for ya.

disclaimer: im in this for beer. the jokes do not in any way reflect my opinions.
what do you tell your wife if she has two black eyes?

nothing you have already told her twice.

Pontiac is an acronym for Poor old nigga thinks its a cadilac

old farmer is riding down the road in his pickup truck when he sees a hitch hiker. he pulls over to pick him up but tells him he must ride in the back with the mexicans because the dog rides up front. about a mile down the road the farmer looses control of the truck and it runs off into a lake. the farmer dog and hitchhiker meet up on the sure and the farmer asks what happened to the mexicans. "they drowned trying to open the tailgate."

bush and rumsfield are sitting in a diner discussing the war rumsfield says we are going to kill 100,000,000 muslims and one brunette (ok the original was a blonde but i got a thing for brunettes) with big tits. the guy at the next booth turns and asked why they are going to kill a brunette with big tits. bush looks up and says "i told you noone cares about the muslims."

(in reply to Termyn8or)

Post #: 7

RE: Got a joke for yeah... yeah it's bad... - 9/18/2006 1:15:29 AM

closertonova

Posts: 50
Joined: 7/15/2006
Status: offline

ok, honestly I trade dead baby jokes with my friends here are a few chioce picks, all in bad taste......

whats worse then ten dead babies stapled to one tree?
one dead baby stapled to ten trees

whats the diffrence between an orange and a dead baby?
i don't eat the dead baby when i'm done fucking it.

I am a concert when i heard this one:

why do scottsmen wear kilts?
(drunk guy shouts out "cause their fucking gay")
because sheep can hear a zipper a mile away

(in reply to beenwhipped)

Post #: 8

RE: Got a joke for yeah... yeah it's bad... - 9/18/2006 2:49:42 AM

RubberWitch

Posts: 1368
Joined: 7/27/2005
Status: offline

What's so good about twentyfour year olds?

There's 20 of them!

Thankyou. Send the beer to beenwhipped. I don't drink...beer

J

(in reply to closertonova)

Post #: 9

RE: Got a joke for yeah... yeah it's bad... - 9/18/2006 8:17:52 PM

Steelriven

Posts: 300
Joined: 12/26/2005
Status: offline

*Perk* Beer? Heheh, ok now I'm back in it.....

Really, really lame joke here...

Why is it good to recyle soda cans?

...soda trash dun pile up..

_____________________________

steelriven who's just a lil_twisted

-Don't asume, instead ask.

(in reply to RubberWitch)

Post #: 10

RE: Got a joke for yeah... yeah it's bad... - 9/18/2006 8:34:02 PM

abytchgoddess4u

Posts: 268
Joined: 10/17/2004
Status: offline

Little Johnny has been hearing about sex from his friends, so he goes to his Dad to figure out a few questions he's thought up...he clambers up into his Dad's lap and says, "Daddy, ladies use their vaginas to make love, right?"

Dad's embarassed, but knows how important it is to give his son a positive attitude about sex...so he replies, "Yes."

Little Johnny asks, "What does a vagina look like before it makes love?"

Dad thinks a moment, gestures and says, "Well, son...have you ever seen a rose when it just starts to bloom? It opens so beautifully to the sunlight...that's what it looks like."

Little Johnny seems satisfied with this, then asks, "What does a vagina look like after it makes love?"

Dad thinks harder for a while longer than before...then says, "Well son, have you ever seen a bulldog eating custard?"

_____________________________

"Everything in the Universe Is within you.
Ask all from yourself." Rumi

"The world will know and understand me someday. But if that day does not arrive, it does not greatly matter. I shall have opened the way for other women."
George Sand

(in reply to Steelriven)

Post #: 11

RE: Got a joke for yeah... yeah it's bad... - 9/18/2006 8:57:11 PM

Saratov

Posts: 1716
Joined: 10/22/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: closertonova

why do scottsmen wear kilts?
(drunk guy shouts out "cause their fucking gay")
because sheep can hear a zipper a mile away

Why do Irish men wear kilts?

Scottsmen can hear zippers too.

(in reply to closertonova)

Post #: 12

RE: Got a joke for yeah... yeah it's bad... - 9/18/2006 11:47:59 PM

Termyn8or

Posts: 18681
Joined: 11/12/2005
Status: offline

OK, is Budweiser OK ?

T

(in reply to Saratov)

Post #: 13

RE: Got a joke for yeah... yeah it's bad... - 9/30/2006 3:32:00 AM

Tenebrious

Posts: 101
Joined: 2/28/2005
From: right behind you
Status: offline

A man is driving through the countryside next to a sheep farm. He looks over into the field and sees a man having sex with one of the sheep. He is shocked at the sight, but continues driving. A little way ahead of him he notices a small boy standing next to the road and his curiosity gets the better of him, so he decides to pull over and find out what's going on. He pulls up next to the boy and asks him, "Do you live here?" The boy nods. The man asks him, "Is this your sheep farm?" The boy nods again. The man asks, "Do you know that there's a man out in the field having sex with your sheep?" The boy nods again and says,

"That's my da-a-a-a-a-a-ad."

(in reply to Onefistraised)

Post #: 14

RE: Got a joke for yeah... yeah it's bad... - 9/30/2006 7:54:38 AM

justjade

Posts: 2
Joined: 4/9/2006
Status: offline

bad but oh so funny!

(in reply to Steelriven)

Post #: 15

RE: Got a joke for yeah... yeah it's bad... - 10/1/2006 3:26:22 PM

mastercreeker

Posts: 70
Joined: 4/11/2006
Status: offline

Man driving past an ornate old house with a substantial yard, surrounded by a ol fashioned wrought iron fence. He notices several couples, in various states of undress, humping away madly. Appalled, he stops his car and races to the front door, knocking furiously. A very well-dressed older woman answers and he hurriedly explains his observations. The woman calms him and quietly explains, "Sir, this is a whorehouse..........we're having a yard sale".

Bad enough to claim the beer?

(in reply to justjade)

Post #: 16

RE: Got a joke for yeah... yeah it's bad... - 10/1/2006 8:51:48 PM

Termyn8or

Posts: 18681
Joined: 11/12/2005
Status: offline

I'm calling Aneuser Busch tomorrow, I think we need a trruck.

T

(in reply to mastercreeker)

Post #: 17

RE: Got a joke for yeah... yeah it's bad... - 10/7/2006 9:02:30 PM

shadowrose13

Posts: 29
Joined: 9/29/2006
Status: offline

......O_o....

(in reply to Termyn8or)

Post #: 18

RE: Got a joke for yeah... yeah it's bad... - 10/7/2006 9:15:05 PM

WyrdRich

Posts: 1733
Joined: 1/3/2005
Status: offline

      Two cows are down by the watering hole.

     First cow says, "so what do you think about this Mad Cow disease the keeps popping up?"

     Second cow says, "What do I care, I'm a helicopter."

    (ba-dum-bum)

(in reply to shadowrose13)

Post #: 19

RE: Got a joke for yeah... yeah it's bad... - 10/10/2006 1:49:40 AM

Verdammung

Posts: 9
Joined: 11/8/2004
Status: offline

Alright, I'm in.

What has eight arms and kills its girlfriend?
Squid Vicious.

What do you call a black man flying an airplane?
A pilot, you racist piece of shit.

What's the difference between the Rolling Stones and a scottsman?
The Stones say "Hey you, get off of my cloud." The scottsman says "Hey McCloud, get off of my ewe."

And now, for your suffering, the lightbulb jokes:

How many protesters does it take to change a lightbulb?
None. Protesters don't change shit.

How many anarchists does it take to change a lightbulb?
The lightbulb can't be changed; it has to be smashed!

How many feminists does it take to change a lightbult?
That's not funny.

How many college girls does it take?
We're college women, and that's still not funny.

How many punks does it take to change a lightbulb?
Fuck off.

And goodnight.

(in reply to WyrdRich)

Post #: 20

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