CollarMe going downhill

CollarMe going downhill (Full Version)

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CoureW78 -> CollarMe going downhill (9/17/2006 6:23:39 AM)
OK, all, I have to post this. I hope that no one that is reading this will be offended, though I know many will be. I also sincerly hope that at least one of those that can do something about this will do so, but I'm not all that sure that will happen. I joined CollarMe about a year or so ago (I think... it's been a while). When I joined, I did so because it was what I believed a BDSM site should be. It was, for the most part drama free. No one felt they had a corner on what the lifestyle was. In short, it was a BDSM haven. I had to take a leave of absence for the most part from this site for a couple months. When I came back, the site had started to become just like all the other BDSM sites that I had stopped useing for the above reasons. To be frank, this bothers me. I am concerned because I look at this site as almost a last of it's kind out there. This site is not supposed to be for those looking just for quick, easy, kinky sex and looking for an easily manipulated sub to get it from. This site is not to be a place for drama or pompous self egotisim. This stie is to be a haven for those in the life to come to and meet others in it. It is supposed to be a family. Now, I know for some of you tis will fall on deaf ears, but I hope for some it will ring true. I havnt heard many say what I am saying on the site, but I believe someone needs to say it. If this post gets me kicked off the site, so be it. I just wasnt to see the sanctity of this little place on the web preserved so that we can all come here and know that we have found our haven.

cuddleheart50 -> RE: CollarMe going downhill (9/17/2006 6:30:35 AM)
I'm sorry you feel that way. I do feel like this is a place for me to come too and be open and not worry about judgement.

michaelGA2 -> RE: CollarMe going downhill (9/17/2006 6:30:37 AM)
unfortunately, you're right and this site has become more of a haven for sex and ProDommes...but, there doesn't seem to be any chance of change anytime soon, so we all have to basically bow down to those in power and let things deminish and suck it up...what can we do since, right now, it's the only 100% free site online and they have. it's not a democracy, so we have to live with it.

LaTigresse -> RE: CollarMe going downhill (9/17/2006 6:53:41 AM)
Just as in life I find that ignoring the part that lacks value for me and focusing on the part that has value works just fine. I know there is a saying about the squeaky wheel getting the grease. Unfortunately from what I have seen it is not a positive form of lubrication. Most generally it is construed as needless whining and causes nothing but negative drama. Only making the initial problem worse and more complex. As others have said in similar threads, take what works for you and leave the rest.

puella -> RE: Collarme going downhill (9/17/2006 6:57:39 AM)
Hello Josh, Many have expressed that they are sorry for how you feel. I will not, not out of any sort of animosity, but rather that you are absolutely allowed to feel what you feel, and I will not impose my own views and digestion of this site upon yours. You can find on this site the combination of both what is available, and what you are willing to work for. No website, BDSM or vanilla will 'find' the perfect person for you to be with. You can peruse a vast assortment of people, and establish contact. From there it is your job to process what about those people is something you can work with, in terms of a partner, and what you can not. Perhaps you are not finding what you seek. But to intimate that is the fault of the Collarme system, is like blaming Santa for not getting your Red Rider BB gun on Christmas morning. Had you worked hard, saved up for it and gone out and actively acquired what you sought on your own, you would find the right person to pin the responsibility of finding what you want out of life. One more point I would like to establish is this. Collarme is a site with very little restriction (beyond those which they are obligated to observe for legal reasons beyond their control). Most people in this 'lifestyle' (I do so hate that word) appreciate, for a very good reason, the need for loose policing of rigid standards because the issue then becomes... who decides what the standards are, and what if my standards are not the same as yours. What if not everyone here is looking for the same thing you are? Who gets to decide who is 'fake' or 'trolling' or who is real and earnest? Just because you have different needs and desires for the application and usage of this system, does not make anyone else's needs and desires any less valid or 'worthy' of pursuit here. I, for one, am confident enough in my ability as a mature and intelligent person (mature and intelligent enough to be using a BDSM website) to recognize and process scammers and potentially dangerous (or even just vastly annoying) people, and handle them appropriately. I have control in that situation, and as a competent adult, am sure my decision will be the right one... for me. What I am not confident of, is hidden hands in the background, choosing and deciding for me who I get to see and interact with based on some private agenda of what is 'best' for me and the lifestyle. That strips me of choice, as well as regulating what I am allowed, on some level which I find a bit sinister. I would much rather weed my own garden, as labor intensive as that may be than have the ease of someone else doing that for me and then having to worry about them pulling out my young poppies (which they might see as either weeds or a producer of potentially illegal and destructive produce!!!!). I hope you find more success in finding what you need, wherever and however you choose to pursue that.

OhReallyNow -> RE: CollarMe going downhill (9/17/2006 6:58:17 AM)
this slave has been a member of collarme for more than a year, though this name itself is fairly new, and she was never a poster on the forums. she finds the site to be just as enjoyable as it was the day she joined [:)] *of course, this slave may be biased because she met Master here [;)]*

sweetnurseBBW -> RE: CollarMe going downhill (9/17/2006 7:04:00 AM)
Well like anything, nothing is perfect. No site is the best. Collarme and others have their share of fakes, players and wannabes. Trying to weed out the bad ones can be tiring. I have noticed all the BDSM sites have their share of those looking for just quick and kinky. I hope you find what you are looking for and good luck.

PrimitiveLogic -> RE: CollarMe going downhill (9/17/2006 7:28:39 AM)
I see who is here, as well as feel who tries to enlarge their influence. But since they don't apply to me or my life; they appear more like hurried shoppers in a crowded mall. Then there are far too many who never offer even one public word here...that's a greater shame. WE all have worth and position and place...even those who profess worthlessness. Be Zen damnit.! no one says you have to embrace every moment/read every post/respond to every mail/etc...allow the posititve moments here to be the ones to influence your life. When you take a walk and see dog doo, you have the choice to step in it or around it. Same here. Posts are perceptions of a particular topic, as interpreted by an individual. Don't let negativity in any form influence you. Mail is completely yours to control. As to families...we are as complex as any...with more potency then most...far more black sheep and wicked uncle Ernies and peculiar aunt Janes...we have strong ideas and aren't afraid to ask why. We as a family are as accepting and rejecting as any; but comes to the support of one of our own when truly in need, we rally like no other. So this family is really no different than others (except a lot of us wear interesting clothes or none, then there's the flogger thing...) Life is what you make it....your time here is what you make it. I suggest you focus on the flowers not the weeds...they all share the garden.

sharainks -> RE: CollarMe going downhill (9/17/2006 7:31:42 AM)
To me this site is still the best of them. I've been on here a year and a half or so. For a long time I didn't post to the boards because I was sick of the flaming on other sites. While this site has gotten a bit more strident in terms of some of the posters, its still the most user friendly.

eyesopened -> RE: CollarMe going downhill (9/17/2006 7:49:35 AM)
i have found this site to be very user friendly and i like the idea that i don't have to pay extra for the ability to see profiles, send or receive messages, etc. Any site is going to be a bit like a flea-market, yep, there's going to be a lot of junk but occassionally you find a treasure. You would think as old as i am and as long as i have searched in vain i would be more skeptical but i'm the most optimistic cynic i know. smiles

lauren0221 -> RE: CollarMe going downhill (9/17/2006 8:00:08 AM)
When I go to the grocery store, there are many items that I am not interested in. I skip those aisles, or just walk through them until I find the things I am looking for. I've been on collarme for around 5 months now, and it is the BDSM site that seems the most real, and where I am the most comfortable. Yes there are idiots, wannabes, and people that do and say things I think are stupid. There are also some wonderful, wise people here with thought-provoking viewpoints, and that is why I keep coming back.

Level -> RE: CollarMe going downhill (9/17/2006 8:11:55 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CoureW78 I am concerned because I look at this site as almost a last of it's kind out there. This site is not supposed to be for those looking just for quick, easy, kinky sex and looking for an easily manipulated sub to get it from. This site is not to be a place for drama or pompous self egotisim. This stie is to be a haven for those in the life to come to and meet others in it. It is supposed to be a family. Josh, what's wrong with easy, kinky sex? Who told you seeking such was unwelcome here? You're taking a narrow view and wishing it to be imposed on everyone else. Now, I know for some of you tis will fall on deaf ears, but I hope for some it will ring true. I havnt heard many say what I am saying on the site, but I believe someone needs to say it. If this post gets me kicked off the site, so be it. I just wasnt to see the sanctity of this little place on the web preserved so that we can all come here and know that we have found our haven. Nothing you have said should get you kicked off. CollarMe is, in my mind, a place where you can find like-minded kinksters, as well as wage war on bathtubs, while waving a burning confederate flag and bellowing like a pirate. Thank god for that.

LadyJulieAnn -> RE: CollarMe going downhill (9/17/2006 8:16:35 AM)
I can understand what you are saying, but to put so much faith into a free, online site might be setting yourself up for disappointment. Human beings are behind the computer screens, and all of the issues that humans deal with will also be present. Be well, Julie

LTRsubNW -> RE: CollarMe going downhill (9/17/2006 8:21:17 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CoureW78 OK, all, I have to post this. I hope that no one that is reading this will be offended, though I know many will be. I also sincerly hope that at least one of those that can do something about this will do so, but I'm not all that sure that will happen. I joined CollarMe about a year or so ago (I think... it's been a while). When I joined, I did so because it was what I believed a BDSM site should be. It was, for the most part drama free. No one felt they had a corner on what the lifestyle was. In short, it was a BDSM haven. I had to take a leave of absence for the most part from this site for a couple months. When I came back, the site had started to become just like all the other BDSM sites that I had stopped useing for the above reasons. To be frank, this bothers me. I am concerned because I look at this site as almost a last of it's kind out there. This site is not supposed to be for those looking just for quick, easy, kinky sex and looking for an easily manipulated sub to get it from. This site is not to be a place for drama or pompous self egotisim. This stie is to be a haven for those in the life to come to and meet others in it. It is supposed to be a family. Now, I know for some of you tis will fall on deaf ears, but I hope for some it will ring true. I havnt heard many say what I am saying on the site, but I believe someone needs to say it. If this post gets me kicked off the site, so be it. I just wasnt to see the sanctity of this little place on the web preserved so that we can all come here and know that we have found our haven. I see this note occasionally, and I can tell you, the drama has always been here. It's no different than falling in love. Everything about your mate is perfect. And then, over time, you discover that not only does she not put her toothbrush away in the morning, but she picks her nose too.

juliaoceania -> RE: CollarMe going downhill (9/17/2006 8:21:20 AM)
I think that sometimes when we go away from a group and come back later the faces that we once knew change. We come back and we have this sinking feeling that so much has changed it seems wrong to us. It does not feel the same way anymore. I stopped watching tv for a couple of years for example, and I sat down to watch it one night I was kinda shocked by it...smiles. The TV hadn't changed, my perceptions of it had. Perhaps it is your own personal growth that makes it seem as though there is something different with collarme now. I know someone that has been posting almost since the beginning, at times getting involved in real life and not posting as much, he has related to me that this board is like all boards, it really isn't any different. He has related to me about posters that disappeared that caused flame wars, and others that caused train wrecks... most of the time going away on their own accord. Maybe you viewed that differently because you knew all the posters and their stories, so the drama was overlooked? You get a bunch of people together and there is going to be drama and egos.. every workplace in America is a testament to that. Our perceptions of this is all that really differs because of human nature. Perhaps we newbies are a bunch of stranger to you, so you perceive us differently? Perhaps you should hide the profiles that bug you and take what you want from the site?

CrappyDom -> RE: CollarMe going downhill (9/17/2006 8:33:35 AM)
Oh, if only you had posted sooner, such a dominate who so clearly has so much to offer and such a deep insight into what makes BDSM so wonderful could have saved us all from the stupid fucking whiners who piss and moan and yet have only made one frigging post.

KnightofMists -> RE: CollarMe going downhill (9/17/2006 8:44:36 AM)
oh... so you finally took the "Rose Colored Glasses" off This site like so many other sites are going to have drama... it's not the medium... but human nature that drama will exist. I just find it highly ironic that your first post is actually contributing to the drama that you are complaining about. It would of been so refreshing if you actually contributed something to the boards instead of drama. Frankly, I would not be disappointed if you moved on... since the only thing you seek to cause is drama. But, I do tip my hat to all those that have made an effort to post to these boards in an effort to have reasonable exchanges of thoughts and opinions.

NorthernGent -> RE: CollarMe going downhill (9/17/2006 8:53:36 AM)
I imagine we all work for a living and have a life away from this board. As a result, because of the time issue, you have to pick and choose the posts and people you respond to. If drama is the thing that turns you off then simply learn to spot the dramatic posters and posts and swerve them. Regards

eyesopened -> RE: CollarMe going downhill (9/17/2006 9:11:28 AM)
does whining about whiners cancel out each other so there's no more whining? Just wondering, not whining.

KnightofMists -> RE: CollarMe going downhill (9/17/2006 9:16:01 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: eyesopened does whining about whiners cancel out each other so there's no more whining? Just wondering, not whining. well... remembering my math a negative plus a negative... still equates to a negative a positive plus a positive ... equates to a positive a postive plus a negative .. will equate to a positive only if the postive is bigger than the negative else it stays a negative so... whining about whiners (negative) plus the whiners (negative) still equates to a bunch of whiners (negative)

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