RE: Long distance Rela. who goes where when the time is right?

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RE: Long distance Rela. who goes where when the time is... - 12/26/2005 5:54:52 AM

KatyLied

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From: Pennsylvania
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I will focus on the traveling; not the relocation part of the discussion.
If the relationship is important, the people involved should make it a priority to meet halfway, on a lot of things, not just where/when to meet. Travel is expensive, and time consuming, but well worth it for the right situation. You can easily find comfort in your new home-away-from-home.

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RE: Long distance Rela. who goes where when the time is... - 12/26/2005 7:56:19 AM

Nendarye

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Joined: 12/23/2005
From: Texas
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For Master and I, the first meeting, he came to my city. Every meeting after that we met halfway, sometimes with him paying, sometimes with me paying my own way. It all depended on how both our finances were going at that particular time. As for relocation, that's a hard one, because I have others to think of besides just myself. It would take a lot of discussion, not only between he and I, but also with others.

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RE: Long distance Rela. who goes where when the time is... - 12/26/2005 8:21:51 AM

foxglove716

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Like most of you, worth doesnt play a part for me here. If we make a commitment to meet, he has already proven his worth to me and I to him. But I personally would rather not meet halfway, especially in very long distances, because I would rather have at least one of us to know the meeting place well, instead of picking an unknown city off the map. I think this is just one of those things thats different for everyone, it just comes down to what makes *you* more comfortable. Listen to advice given, usually its pretty good stuff, but always first and foremost trust your instincts.

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RE: Long distance Rela. who goes where when the time is... - 12/26/2005 12:52:54 PM

tasha_tart

Posts: 385
Joined: 2/20/2004
From: Ontario, Canada
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quote:

ORIGINAL: foxglove716

Like most of you, worth doesnt play a part for me here. If we make a commitment to meet, he has already proven his worth to me and I to him. But I personally would rather not meet halfway, especially in very long distances, because I would rather have at least one of us to know the meeting place well, instead of picking an unknown city off the map. I think this is just one of those things thats different for everyone, it just comes down to what makes *you* more comfortable. Listen to advice given, usually its pretty good stuff, but always first and foremost trust your instincts.

That is a very good point. Unless one or the other knows the "neutral" site well, it could be an added complication. It also nearly doubles the total cost, when two sets of accomodation are figured in. Of course if both people are explorer types, it could work out very well.

Personally, I prefer to do the travelling myself. I live in a town of about 6000, and have to drive a minimum of 2 hours or so just to get to a munch, so driving a couple of hours for coffee is no big deal. I think my personal "best" is five-and-a-half hours each way in one day. Having said that, it would be nice to come across someone who was interested enough in me to offer to come out to the boonies to meet me.

Another point, and again speaking only for myself...if I have done the travelling, and the meeting reveals an incompatibility that had not been evident earlier, then I can walk. I can play tourist, explore, veg in front of the hotel TV, whatever. Maybe it's selfishness on my part, but that means I don't have any responsibility for another's travel experience should it turn out we just don't get along.

Tasha

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RE: Long distance Rela. who goes where when the time is... - 12/26/2005 11:37:23 PM

kc692

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Joined: 3/24/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: BlkTallFullfig

quote:

I don't feel either party should go the whole distance. It is a bit un-nerving going someplace you just don't know. In my opinion both parties should do the traveling. Especially if it is a first time meeting. Meet halfway.
I disagree with this. I had a lovely chat once with a boy who lived 1 - 1.5hour drive away from me, but when I asked for him to drive and meet for coffee, he flat out refused, stating that he'd been stood up before and refused to do it again; I thought that accepting that excuse is the same as saying I deserve less devotion, trust and respect because some other women had been jerks. We never met, but I don't worry about that because if a man is not at the very least willing to drive to meet me, than he's not going to be ready for the level of giving or selflessness I will be requiring of him.
Note that if he is somehow unable to come for work or other reasons, I have and will travel to meet him, and stay in a hotel. M

M-

I know this is off topic and sorry, but girl, you are looking good!!!!!!!

KC

(in reply to BlkTallFullfig)

Post #: 25

RE: Long distance Rela. who goes where when the time is... - 12/27/2005 12:58:49 AM

BlkTallFullfig

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quote:

I know this is off topic and sorry, but girl, you are looking good!!!!!!!
KC

Thanks Babes. You're among the reasons on these message boards I wish I had bi tendencies too.

M

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""Touching was, and still is, and will always be, the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni

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RE: Long distance Rela. who goes where when the time is... - 12/27/2005 1:09:08 AM

Morgaine289

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Joined: 7/1/2005
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My now husband and i met in a SM chat in Summer 2000. We switched to telephone and met finally in February 2001. He traveled to Berlin for one night. We meet at the train station and went in a hotel. The following saturday we met near to his home in a hotel and for 7 days we packed every morning our bags, walked around in the city and stayed night for night in a hotel or bed and breakfast. We tried for 7 days to seperate and we couldn*t. On the fourth of August 2001 we met in Hamburg, went to a Chat Meeting and traveled together back to Herne, where he lived at that time.

We now live after our divorces together in Berlin, married for 2 years. This was the hardest decision of my life, to leave my very beloved first husband. I live by the words of Edith Piaf : Non, rien, rien, non je ne regrette rien. No, i do not regret nothing.

The whole worth proving concept is foreign to me.

And love only conquers all, when you know what you do.

Edited for typos

< Message edited by Morgaine289 -- 12/27/2005 1:11:18 AM >

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RE: Long distance Rela. who goes where when the time is... - 12/27/2005 4:34:37 AM

MHOO314

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Morgaine, thank you so much for sharing from another part of the world! I think we tend to think the issues are only here in NA...

you see everyone the world of the L/life struggles as we do here---Best Wishes for continued happiness--

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Post #: 28

RE: Long distance Rela. who goes where when the time is... - 12/27/2005 6:35:20 AM

Hohoho

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One from this site asked me to meet him. Since he was just a 2 hour drive from a relative's home, I told him, I'd give him a call upon my arrival. I did, but I was too tired from driving 5 hours already. I explained, I would like to reschedule for another day or would he meet me 1/2 way? I thought that was fair. He refused my offer to meet me, saying he wanted more time with me so we would reschedule. Next time I was in town, I called after a good night's sleep. He ignored my phone calls and gave me the brush-off. The only response I received from him was an angry IM, saying now I know how it feels......Oh yeah, what a loss LOL This DOM definitely felt the need for me to show my worth. It was very good of him to show me his !!!!

SEMI-Neutral territory has worked out best for me. A place I am somewhat familiar with for my safety and comfort, but now near my home....As mentioned by others, there are many considerations. I live in the middle of nowhere, am self-employed but my and my child's livlihood entirely depends on me. I cannot throw caution to the wind and be whisked away whenever the mood hits me. Those who understand this...have become my friends.

(in reply to knees2you)

Post #: 29

RE: Long distance Rela. who goes where when the time is... - 12/27/2005 6:44:19 AM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: knees2you

Hi! Say after being on-line for so long chatting with a Potential Partner, Which do You perfer, them coming to see You, to prove there worth? Or You going to see them and Prove Your worth?~~~

Sincerely, knees2You

quote:

a dog will return to it's vomit, so a fool will repeat his folly~

I am in a family and I am married therefore anyone wishing to join my household must come to me.

This is exactly what Fox did (he moved in with us in fact and he's found only jobs he can easily commute to though that does limit his career). Now we also met in the same time via the same kinky organization so that was easy.

But if someone wants to be with me and mine and they don't live in the same town, they will be the ones traveling cause I have my household here where I am.

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(in reply to knees2you)

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RE: Long distance Rela. who goes where when the time is... - 12/27/2005 9:13:25 AM

afmvdp

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Joined: 7/10/2004
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as I tend to be a bit more financially secure than many, I have the ability to support others far greater than they would be able to support me, so this is rarely an issue.

I normally expect to take in and be completely financially responsible for a potential for a period of at least 3-6 months just as during initial training my requirements would make it impossible for them to be able to go about their prior normal daily routines or working, school, etc.

From there, I never require that they work as I believe that other things tend to be more important, but I have been with some that were able to take care of all their necessary tasks and still actually desired to work, and with them I allowed it, and actually set aside a private bank account for them and we used their money for toys or new clothes for her, trips, fun things of the sort, so that she was able to also enjoy the fruits of her labor and I still covered all the living expenses and all else.

Again, some don't have the luxury or being able to do so and to them it makes questions like this alot more difficult, but I guess I'm just more old fashioned than most.

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Post #: 31

RE: Long distance Rela. who goes where when the time is... - 12/27/2005 9:49:25 AM

MstrHellsFury

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Joined: 1/5/2005
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this thread has been around before...but as always it's good to refresh our views on what's best for our situation...

as a poly Master...my home is always going to be the place any would be coming to...therefore I request (not require) anyone wishing to meet...to come visit me in my city...sleeping arraingments at a local hotel...and plenty of private time is always set aside...no sex is a must...after all...I want to see you as you are...and I want you to see the place you may in time be living...it all works well for me as I do live in a tourist city...plenty of diversity job wise... that's a part of our discussions prior...but as I'm very very selective...many come..enjoy a nice weekend get away..then go home at least knowing what's behind them should they ever come back to stay...(although not with me)

so what works for me may be the netherlands to someone else...but then again...the lifestyle is that for everyone...

Fury

(in reply to knees2you)

Post #: 32

RE: Long distance Rela. who goes where when the time is... - 12/27/2005 9:56:39 PM

Morgaine289

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Joined: 7/1/2005
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Why Mistress Hathor, thank you very much for your words.:-) I followed your texts on the forum and wish you and your love well. One thing i forgot: Very early on Michael and i exchanged clothes, that we had slept in. Without artifical smells. Each of us loved the smell of the other. In the meantime we watched several scientific documentaries and learned, that de facto the smell on a much deeper level than we recognize, determines if we have that often used "chemistry". Only certain smells are genetically desired. I can only recommend this exchange of smells, or body perfume.

(in reply to MHOO314)

Post #: 33

RE: Long distance Rela. who goes where when the time is... - 12/27/2005 10:09:17 PM

BalletBob

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I always went to MADAM's home, since she had the room and hooks on the ceiling...and so it wouldn't boither my Bunny Muffins.

Still Missing MADAM, BalletBob

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RE: Long distance Rela. who goes where when the time is... - 12/28/2005 8:17:01 AM

KevinS

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I've always tended towards the rule of 'whomever it's easier for' is the one that travels.

Since for the last several years I've travelled a LOT for work, it's often easy for me to come to someone. Realistically in the scene, there simply aren't a lot of folks with the liquid spending money to do a lot of travelling, so the 2nd most frequent option is that I fly girls out to my home. There's spare bedrooms as well as hotels nearby if things don't click, and the stated agreement is if we don't click then we'll spend a fun weekend doing tourist stuff, and part as friends.

For relocation, again, for whomever it makes more sense. If someone has a strong income, good job, owns a house, whatever, while the other(s) rent, or are between jobs, then regardless of the role in the relationship (Dom or Sub), the one with the fewest 'roots' should be the one to relo.

KevinS>

(in reply to BalletBob)

Post #: 35

RE: Long distance Rela. who goes where when the time is... - 12/28/2005 6:30:41 PM

classykindasassy

Posts: 291
Joined: 12/13/2005
Status: offline

I must echo the sentiments of MsSonnetMarwood and sweetpettjenny - and add my own opinion...

While I respect the fact that people often live in areas where people in the lifestyle are few and far between, I luckily don't have that problem. Houston is the 4th largest city in the nation. I have tried LDR and it's just unreal in my estimation. You don't know enough about compatibility with a person till you do real life with them, where full accessibility is workable. I married a LDR and uprooted my whole life that had me strong and had me "be me". My giving up my whole support structure (friends, family and work that was meaningful and where I was well-loved) wrecked me as a person, and then the marriage failed as I failed to recreate a life that sustained me. I became unsure of myself, resentful of what I'd given up and not been appreciated for or compensated for. Unhappy, and then no fun to live with.

I really thought I'd be happy being his slave and nothing else. Well the news flash I got is that this may work for some, but it's not who God set me up to be.

I chose not to move back to the hometown upon the demise of the marriage. I had begun to put down new roots, and build a new life again. I chose to stay and go with the strong new roots I put down. I now have respect for what I created and wrecked, and I have a love and respect for my new life. I have too much going on to want to leave it.

I can't entertain the idea of LDR or relocating. What if I NEED YOU and you are hundreds of miles away?? NO CAN DO!!

I also learned a lesson in the difference between being courted and "REAL LIFE". Once I moved to Texas and settled into married life, I discovered I'd made up some big stories about "how it was going to be". Being enslaved (in a vanilla way to a DOMINEERING DEMIGOD) in a new town with no contacts, no job and nothing outside the home to call my own...was somehow distinctly different than being flown all over the US to meet him wherever he was. It was NOT FUN. I had NO HELP moving into his house. And it was a mess.

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Post #: 36

RE: Long distance Rela. who goes where when the time is... - 12/28/2005 6:34:19 PM

KatyLied

Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
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Hey KevinS - I checked out your website, nice stuff.

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- Albert Einstein

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Post #: 37

RE: Long distance Rela. who goes where when the time is... - 12/28/2005 7:43:22 PM

amayos

Posts: 1553
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: New England
Status: offline

Certainly, they come to see me. In addition, every call is on their dime until then.

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Post #: 38

RE: Long distance Rela. who goes where when the time is... - 12/28/2005 8:14:45 PM

MHOO314

Posts: 3628
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Morgaine289

... One thing i forgot: Very early on Michael and i exchanged clothes, that we had slept in. Without artifical smells. Each of us loved the smell of the other. In the meantime we watched several scientific documentaries and learned, that de facto the smell on a much deeper level than we recognize, determines if we have that often used "chemistry". Only certain smells are genetically desired. I can only recommend this exchange of smells, or body perfume.

Recently I sent the boy a sweatshirt that has the logo from our stables on it---well before I sent it, I slept in it, since he hasn't met Me yet, I thought this would be great torment---
oh yeah it got his attention really fast! smiles----

_____________________________

SLUTS: Southern Ladies Under Tremendous Stress...

Mistress Hathor

(in reply to Morgaine289)

Post #: 39

RE: Long distance Rela. who goes where when the time is... - 12/28/2005 10:43:17 PM

truesub4u

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Joined: 11/17/2005
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I've been pondering this question for 2 days now trying to think of what I have done, and not done.

I've been on both side of this. Went and met, and sat home to be met (So to speak). And I have to say, being on my own home turf made it so much easier to be able to relax, and show who I am and how I am. Especially for a first meet.

But I always insisted that I pay my own way when I traveled. Made reservation, and paid for my lodging. If fund were not available. Then the meet had to wait.

I had seen too many be accused (either it be true or not) of being on the look out for sugar daddies, or someone to pay their way for a small vacation from reality. If I wanted a vacation from my reality, I paid it. And I've also sat there and watched Doms popping off over how they spent X amounts of dollars for nothing. Be it from no shows, to buying nice things, toys, dinners, hotel. And as they stated... not even a damn blow job for thanks. So I seen no reason why I should set myself up for any negative backwash from a bad meet. Now not to say that none never happened. I still had a few negative backwash because of the "no damn blow job of thanks" because of not being interrested after the meet. But hell, that's the ones I just erased from my mind and said.. whewwww that was a close call. LOL

(in reply to knees2you)

Post #: 40

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