Long distance Rela. who goes where when the time is right? (Full Version)

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knees2you -> Long distance Rela. who goes where when the time is right? (4/22/2004 3:28:12 PM)

Hi![:D] Say after being on-line for so long chatting with a Potential Partner, Which do You perfer, them coming to see You, to prove there worth? Or You going to see them and Prove Your worth?~~~

Sincerely, knees2You[;)]

quote:

a dog will return to it's vomit, so a fool will repeat his folly~[:o]



LadyBeckett -> RE: Long distance Rela. who goes where when the time is right? (4/22/2004 3:48:05 PM)

I'm not so sure it's always a question of worth, knees, but rather time, ability, distance, availability, etc. If all of those factors are balanced, in a situation involving a Domme/male sub, then the male would travel to the Domme. In a situation involving a Dom/female sub I'm not sure. I suppose that could go either way. It could actually go either way with a Domme/male sub also. I don't think proving worth really has anything to do with it.

That is just my opinion.



proudsub -> RE: Long distance Rela. who goes where when the time is right? (4/22/2004 3:53:29 PM)

quote:

I'm not so sure it's always a question of worth, knees, but rather time, ability, distance, availability, etc.


I agree here, and also a matter of finances. Travel is very expensive these days.



iwillserveu -> RE: Long distance Rela. who goes where when the time is right? (4/23/2004 1:16:58 PM)

I agree with proudsub. Although I have traveled I don't think i had to prove anything by that point.



Voltare -> RE: Long distance Rela. who goes where when the time is right? (4/24/2004 2:47:06 PM)

I mentioned in another post, that in almost every instance, the submissive should relocate. If they cannot leave the city or state, at the VERY least, the dominant should secure their own home in the area seperate from the submissives, until the relationship has solidified. No matter how you slice it, it´s nearly impossible for a Dominant to fill that capacity, in a house they do not own.

Stephan



sub4hire -> RE: Long distance Rela. who goes where when the time is right? (4/24/2004 8:16:18 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: knees2you

Hi![:D] Say after being on-line for so long chatting with a Potential Partner, Which do You perfer, them coming to see You, to prove there worth? Or You going to see them and Prove Your worth?~~~

Sincerely, knees2You[;)]

quote:

a dog will return to it's vomit, so a fool will repeat his folly~[:o]


I don't feel either party should go the whole distance. It is a bit un-nerving going someplace you just don't know. In my opinion both parties should do the traveling. Especially if it is a first time meeting. Meet halfway. That way each person invests some time and effort into it. It is'nt just one person investing it all. If both travel you know both are serious.

When it comes time to actually moving. I feel the couple should communicate, discuss the pros and cons for each individual then decide together.

Just my two cents.



GoddessMarissa -> RE: Long distance Rela. who goes where when the time is right? (4/24/2004 9:24:29 PM)

I agree 100% with you sub4hire



MistressKiss -> RE: Long distance Rela. who goes where when the time is right? (4/25/2004 2:52:29 PM)

I prefer to be the one on the home court if I have a choice. This is simply because I don't have to worry about being able to get home quickly. As a matter of fact, I have never traveled on someone else's dime - I have always made my own arrangements, including lodging. That way, I was not left in the cold in case the situation was a negative one or I just didn't like the jerk. Fortunately, I have made it a point to have a long incubation period, so by the time I agreed to meet, we were already at least very close friends. I think that is the best way to approach.

[image]local://upfiles/10574/5DA0B446102B4EA1AAF077E18F9C41D9.gif[/image]



nysub29 -> RE: Long distance Rela. who goes where when the time is right? (4/25/2004 6:05:49 PM)

i think suitability is the most important thing. W/we all have responsibilities and if one is able to get away then thats the one that goes. i will say however i think it is to the Dom/Domme's advantage to be visited at Their place. i'd liken it to a football game, the sub, as the visiting team would be entering the harsh terrain of the home team, the Dom/Domme. Hmmm, sounds exciting.



MHOO314 -> RE: Long distance Rela. who goes where when the time is right? (12/25/2005 7:44:18 PM)

I thought I'd revive this post by responding since we have had so many posts on relocation and who does what and why---

The decision for Me is not to prove worth but based on schedules, --one I travelled to, one travelled to Me- I am going to travel to boy end of January---but we know we will be back and forth this year---if all goes well---smiles, curious now that we have new posters how they feel about the travel?



IrishMist -> RE: Long distance Rela. who goes where when the time is right? (12/25/2005 8:10:16 PM)

I agree with everything that everyone else has said here. It really is up to the two individuals involved. Finances, family, distance, time...they all play a factor. But, I will be honest...for a first meeting, I would perfer to meet halfway, and make my own arrangements.



Michigangranny5 -> RE: Long distance Rela. who goes where when the time is right? (12/25/2005 9:14:45 PM)

Being in a long distance relationship myself and hoping to meet my Master when the time is right for both of us, I will for me probably go wherever Master wants me to. As I have given Master control over me of my own free will, do I have to make a choice. Of course if for any reason I was uncomfortable I would simply not go, but then again I would not have spent this amount of time, energy and money on this relationship if I had any of those feelings what so ever. So, if you have given someone your complete trust do you not give them exactly that? Can you say that and not do it? Of course you can. Spending the time and effort to learn about someone is no different in a BDSM relationship as it is in a conventional Vanilla relationship, you are still two people coming together, and hopefully all involved have taken the time and effort to make it worth while for each other.



BlkTallFullfig -> RE: Long distance Rela. who goes where when the time is right? (12/25/2005 11:05:29 PM)

If you are able to, you go; otherwise do whatever she directs you to do or states is her preference. M



dincubus -> RE: Long distance Rela. who goes where when the time is right? (12/25/2005 11:14:18 PM)

in meeting someone not in the lifestyle, i have done it both ways. they have come to me and i have come to them. so i guess in some ways it is a flip of the coin, who can travel where with regards to finances. i have relocated once for a woman and while it was good, in the end, it disintegrated due to my own personal stupidity. this is all non life-style mind you. i have not done any lifestyle travel, but who knows what the future could bring.



BlkTallFullfig -> RE: Long distance Rela. who goes where when the time is right? (12/25/2005 11:14:40 PM)

quote:

I don't feel either party should go the whole distance. It is a bit un-nerving going someplace you just don't know. In my opinion both parties should do the traveling. Especially if it is a first time meeting. Meet halfway.
I disagree with this. I had a lovely chat once with a boy who lived 1 - 1.5hour drive away from me, but when I asked for him to drive and meet for coffee, he flat out refused, stating that he'd been stood up before and refused to do it again; I thought that accepting that excuse is the same as saying I deserve less devotion, trust and respect because some other women had been jerks. We never met, but I don't worry about that because if a man is not at the very least willing to drive to meet me, than he's not going to be ready for the level of giving or selflessness I will be requiring of him.
Note that if he is somehow unable to come for work or other reasons, I have and will travel to meet him, and stay in a hotel. M



redheadedfire4u -> RE: Long distance Rela. who goes where when the time is right? (12/25/2005 11:27:48 PM)

I think it depends on the individuals involved. After getting to know each other online and than on the phone it came time to meet, Sir was in a position to come to me for our first meeting. I went to Him for our 2nd and He just spent the last 6 weeks combining some well earned travelling fun time with seeing me again. He has commitments that mean I will do most of the travelling in the future, and should a full collar come to be, I would move to Victoria. We know this because we communicate, and understand each others commitments and how life works for each.
warm smiles to all



sweetpettjenny -> RE: Long distance Rela. who goes where when the time is right? (12/26/2005 4:37:08 AM)

ive traveled and have others travel to meet me. i personally refuse to keep a online relationship, active for more than a few weeks without meeting. Luckily my Master lives 20 min from me.



MsSonnetMarwood -> RE: Long distance Rela. who goes where when the time is right? (12/26/2005 5:00:47 AM)

quote:

how they feel about the travel?



Now, keep in mind, I do not do long distance relationships (I think you BOTH need large blocks of free time to make a real time LDR work, something I do not have).....

That said, I am frequently contacted by those not local to me, who immediately offer to visit/possibly relocate should things work out. In a case like that, yes, it absolutely is on the person who offered to do the traveling. I think it's very presumptuous to make first contact with someone who isn't local and expect them to be willing to travel to you and eventually uproot and move.

I also think that people really need to *think* hard about what moving cross country actually means. What's their back up plan for when things don't work out? Have they REALLY put an effort into meeting those more local (i.e. gotten involved in the local scene, gone to local munches, etc), because I really find nothing more ridiculous than being too afraid to go to a local munch, but allegedly willing to visit and move 3000 miles away.




aurora31 -> RE: Long distance Rela. who goes where when the time is right? (12/26/2005 5:06:39 AM)

I would like to add another thought to this. As a female sub I have been advised by many that a first meet should always be on my home turf for safty reasons. When it comes down to actually relocating I would think that would depend on the cuople involved. Also whose home turf could provide the best opertunities jobs, standard of living, schools, culturals events, sports,....ect.

aurora



candystripper -> RE: Long distance Rela. who goes where when the time is right? (12/26/2005 5:44:40 AM)

Caution: what i have written is my opinion. i just neglected to say "IMO" all over the post.

My Mentor taught me some safety rules for meeting Men. One was, the first meeting must take place in my city, and there shall be no sex or play then. More than one Man has taken umbrage to this. It is a bit amusing to see a Man pitch a hissy fit because even after buying a plane ticket, He's still not "getting any". It sort of filters out those who are unsuitable.

Meetings after that first one would be handled with less concern for safety. i might travel to Him the 2nd time, but i'd probably need a hotel room. As a safety measure -- i might not be ready for sex/play -- as well as a place to detox. i would be a bit emotional and would need to process what i felt.

In an established long distance relationship, i believe the parties should openly discuss the monetary and time demands. The submissive generally should shoulder a fair part of the burdens. In my case, i am on a small pension and it does not allow for travel expenses...but on the oher hand i am relatively free to travel as i wish. For most couples, i would imagine contributing in proportion to one's income would solve the problem.

As for relocation; this country is in a recession and tetters on the brink of a depression. If the submissive has a home she can afford and a good job with health insurance and other benefits, as well as support from family and friends, the couple needs to evaluate who should relocate. Any absolute rule that it must always be the submissive who moves fails to take into account these factors. In the end, the couple's arrangements should be desgned to capture as many advantages as possible so they begin their relationship on a best-possible basis.

candystripper



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