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How Important Is This Life To You? - 1/13/2005 3:30:56 PM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline 		Where does your interest in the lifestyle fit into your life? How would you rank it in importance? Where does it rank in the hierarchy of your universe? If you had a personal "Top 10" things important to you where is being active in the lifestyle rank?

What would you live without in order to be in the lifestyle situation that has the potential of fulfilling all your dreams? It's my premise that for any relationship to last, the relationship should take precedent over everything else in order for it to be successful. Before jumping in to agree, what if your choice was the relationship or the place you live? How you live? Pets? Family? Children?

It's been said and even expected that a slave puts his/her Master/Mistress before everything else. Ideally that feeling of owning valuable treasure should generate the same feeling by a Master. At the very least, the relationship with the slave should carry the highest priority. For those in a relationship is that true? For those seeking, does it mean that much?
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RE: How Important Is This Life To You? - 1/13/2005 3:35:15 PM   
LadyShoshin


Posts: 492
Joined: 7/19/2004
From: Burlington, Ontario
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth

Where does your interest in the lifestyle fit into your life? How would you rank it in importance? Where does it rank in the hierarchy of your universe? If you had a personal "Top 10" things important to you where is being active in the lifestyle rank?

What would you live without in order to be in the lifestyle situation that has the potential of fulfilling all your dreams? It's my premise that for any relationship to last, the relationship should take precedent over everything else in order for it to be successful. Before jumping in to agree, what if your choice was the relationship or the place you live? How you live? Pets? Family? Children?

It's been said and even expected that a slave puts his/her Master/Mistress before everything else. Ideally that feeling of owning valuable treasure should generate the same feeling by a Master. At the very least, the relationship with the slave should carry the highest priority. For those in a relationship is that true? For those seeking, does it mean that much?

Family,
my mental health (the improvement is tied to my lifestyle),
the lifestyle because it is where my friends are. I am accepted and respected.
Income
pets
my car

_____________________________

PHLOX: “It’s unethical for a doctor to cause harm...I can inflict as much pain as I like.”

(in reply to Mercnbeth)
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RE: How Important Is This Life To You? - 1/13/2005 3:41:02 PM   
jillwfsub4blkdom


Posts: 375
Joined: 7/2/2004
Status: offline 		Merc,
i basically think D/s is a part of me so there is no way i could rank it. It is just who i am. Something that is so ingrained that it isn't something you really think twice about.

jill

_____________________________


"It's the moment that transcends
Our physical into a more spiritual level of understanding" - Musiq

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RE: How Important Is This Life To You? - 1/13/2005 3:47:10 PM   
proudsub


Posts: 6142
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Washington
Status: offline 		This is a tough one because it's all wrapped up in one package. If i had to rank things family, which includes my Hubby Dom and our kids, comes first; health second; maybe D/s activities next.

_____________________________

proudsub

"Without goals you become what you were. With goals you become what you wish." .

"You are entitled to your own opinions but not your own facts"--Alan Greenspan


(in reply to Mercnbeth)
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RE: How Important Is This Life To You? - 1/13/2005 3:51:14 PM   
sub4hire


Posts: 6775
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

Where does your interest in the lifestyle fit into your life? How would you rank it in importance? Where does it rank in the hierarchy of your universe? If you had a personal "Top 10" things important to you where is being active in the lifestyle rank?


For me this depends, the way one reads the question. If being active in the lifestyle means attending every party there is. I'd have to rank it number 2. Attending munches and being with like minded people, maybe 3.
However, spending time with Doug. Being together, growing together and making a life for ourselves on a scale of 1-10 it is a 10.
At the same time real life creeps in. Just as it has for you lately. With your daughter I believe it is visiting. We do our absolute best to cope with such things. They also make us happy. Yet, at the same time we strive to be all we want to be as a couple.

Hopefully that makes sense.

(in reply to Mercnbeth)
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RE: How Important Is This Life To You? - 1/13/2005 4:44:24 PM   
perverseangelic


Posts: 2625
Joined: 2/2/2004
From: Davis, Ca
Status: offline 		Like others, I can't exactly qualify this as something I could rank. It's part of how I behave. It's part of how I relate to my partner, and to a lesser extent how I relate to the world. It's definatly part of how I see myself.

I think I'd say that my relationship with my partner comes second only to my mental health. (yeah, we're young and rather obsessed with each other. It's mostly healthy :) )

If you're asking about my activity in the larger "community" then not at all. Too many bad experiences, so far. I'll wait till I'm older to try again, thanks.

I think your question assumes that our invovlement in the "lifestyle" invovles a certain set of behaviors as opposed to a commitment to a person. My relationship wouldn't ask me to choose between it and pets, or family, or my job, because it's a relationship. Regardless of the fact that there are power dynamics, we are two people forming a life together.

Maybe it's dirrected at people still pursuing relationships. Even in that case, I don't see how there could be so much disparity. I guess that part of being the situation that "fufills all my dreams" invovles being a situation that -works-. It wouldn't fufill my dreams if it didn't include pets, or kids, or education. I can't seperate my need to be useful and serve my partner from all the other bits. If one bit isn't there it isn't a situation that fufills all my dreams.

I guess I have a more holistic view of this.

< Message edited by perverseangelic -- 1/13/2005 4:50:13 PM >

_____________________________

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RE: How Important Is This Life To You? - 1/13/2005 4:57:09 PM   
nella


Posts: 1243
Joined: 12/30/2004
From: Norway
Status: offline 		I do not think i could rate the most inportant things in my life, not realy, but i will give it a go. Here 10 is most inportant.

10: my Occult study.
9: My search for eternal life
8: My Dom
7: A safe and stabel home.
6: BDSM
5: My family, frinds and pets.
4: My health
3: Money
2: loving myself.
1: My apperance

theese are what i consider inportant to me in desending order.

(in reply to perverseangelic)
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RE: How Important Is This Life To You? - 1/13/2005 6:59:14 PM   
FangsNfeet


Posts: 3758
Joined: 12/3/2004
Status: offline 		This life style if very important to me. I've given up love on many occassions. Pefect angles that would do it all execpt subject themselves to pain and being submissive. I've already lost friends because the don't understand. I can deal with being disowned by my family. I would except excomunication from the Catholic Church and being booted out by the KOC.

The bottom line is that I will always be me. A dom who stays focused, in control, and one step ahead. A chess player, Republican, bycyclist, sword fighter, medical worker, and vampire. I enjoy music and poetry. I will always continue to advance my education. Physical fitness is also a must in my life.

No matter what I loose or gain in life, I'm willing to make the sacrafice to continue to be my Dominant Sadistic self.

_____________________________

I'm Godzilla and you're Japan

(in reply to Mercnbeth)
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RE: How Important Is This Life To You? - 1/13/2005 8:48:09 PM   
BlkTallFullfig


Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline 		In my limited scope of this lifestyle (mainly D/s), it ranks in the top 3 in importance, because ever since I became interested in it, I cannot fathom having a relationship without some BDSM involved; so for me, it means If I'm ever to have a loving, fullfilling, long term relationship with the opposite sex (thy're the only ones am attracted to), it will be within a D/s context, or it won't be at all./
Having said that, other things are more important:
#1: my child/my raison d'etre
#2: my family, a lot of unconditional love to go around there, so that I never feel alone in the world.
#3: my health/emotional well-being with D/s relationship somewhere in here.
#4: My 4th greatest desire is a split between aquiring a lot of money/World peace, since I'm a dreamer. M

(in reply to Mercnbeth)
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RE: How Important Is This Life To You? - 1/14/2005 2:21:46 PM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline 		I guess I tried to cover too much ground in one post. I appreciate all those who went through the thought process of ranking the lifestyle in their life. With me it would be number 1. But one of the reason's it is number 1 is because I have beth. And that leads to the real question I wanted to discuss.

What would you sacrifice to be in, or if you are in a lifestyle relationship, stay in; the lifestyle?

I didn't want to taint the responses with our situation, or maybe it was not wanting to document how cruel I am, or even how 'perverted'. But here goes, and it's going to come off VERY one sided. For the sake of discussion any sacrifice I made isn't important.

beth lived 180 miles north of LA, where her mom still lives, three children, 2 dogs, and a plethora of cats. None made the trip to LA. she worked in education; not any more. The time and interaction with her children is VERY different. Her son moved with his father in Italy, not an easy commute. And
in a much less impacting light, there are all the rules she lives by 24/7.

Of course all this was discussed and considered when we first met. The relationship was defined before she entered into it, in detail, and even in writing. The 'in writing' is not any legally enforceable document - we all know that, but it's a reference, in case somewhere down the line we forget our roots.

Now we are us. I can't see allowing anything into our life ahead of us. We fill each others needs completely, central being the need to be together. As opposite poles of a magnet, even apart, there is a force at work. The lifestyle is what brought us together so it is at the core of our relationship.

I guess I really want to know how unique are we?

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RE: How Important Is This Life To You? - 1/14/2005 2:26:53 PM   
nella


Posts: 1243
Joined: 12/30/2004
From: Norway
Status: offline 		i would definitly be willing to move and give up a plain job for my Dom, but not my Occult studies nor my search for enternal life.

(in reply to Mercnbeth)
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RE: How Important Is This Life To You? - 1/14/2005 2:40:53 PM   
sub4hire


Posts: 6775
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

beth lived 180 miles north of LA, where her mom still lives, three children, 2 dogs, and a plethora of cats. None made the trip to LA. she worked in education; not any more. The time and interaction with her children is VERY different. Her son moved with his father in Italy, not an easy commute. And
in a much less impacting light, there are all the rules she lives by 24/7.


These are things she wanted to do though. She either loved you or thought enough of you at the time to do this for you. In every relationship people make sacrifices. It isn't necessarily lifestyle related. Actually what you described isn't at all.

I'm failing to see any uniqueness at all. In vanilla relationships sacrifices exist as well. I will live in Nebraska someday. Move Paddlers out there. Why? Because Doug will want to be near the only family he has left. My neices and nephews will remain here.
To me it is not a sacrifice I will be making at the time. But a decision to be with the one I love, to see him happy.

Hopefully that makes some sort of sense.

(in reply to Mercnbeth)
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RE: How Important Is This Life To You? - 1/14/2005 2:44:56 PM   
perverseangelic


Posts: 2625
Joined: 2/2/2004
From: Davis, Ca
Status: offline 		I see what you are saying. I still think that the situations you're describing aren't...whole ones.

One chooses to give things up in -any- relationship. I guess I don't see that a power-exchange relationship is any different than any other kind. One weighs what one is willing to give up in order to be with that partner. One decides if the sacrifices one would have to make to be with that partner are worth being with that partner.

I guess, to me, sacrifice or comprimise exists in -any- relationship.

What you described, to me, is the same thing as an animla-loving boy who follows his allergic girlfriend to college. Very similar sacrifices, no lifestyle element. It's about what you're willing to sacrifice for the -relationship-.

_____________________________

~in the begining it is always dark~

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RE: How Important Is This Life To You? - 1/14/2005 3:06:02 PM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline
quote:

It isn't necessarily lifestyle related. Actually what you described isn't at all.


Gloria,

Our relationship was lifestyle from first meeting. This is what beth sacrificed to be in a lifestyle relationship, specifically with me, but none the less, the option was to continue either vanilla, or search for a less demanding Dom, eventual Master. I deliberately kept the sacrifice issue on the non-lifestyle items. Adding sexual, or even lifestyle preferences would have made it even more complicated.

I'm glad to know we are not unique. As you know, we love hanging out with other 'non unique' couples like us.

(in reply to sub4hire)
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RE: How Important Is This Life To You? - 1/14/2005 3:21:54 PM   
perverseangelic


Posts: 2625
Joined: 2/2/2004
From: Davis, Ca
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth
Our relationship was lifestyle from first meeting.


I need to insert a point here. Yes, it was a lifestyle relationship, but beyond that it was a relationship that worked for her.

She sacrificed to be in the kind of relationship she wanted. She wanted a lifestyle one. To that end, she did what she needed to do to be in the type of relationship she wanted, with the person she wanted.

Again, to me, it is the -exact same- as doing all the things you said because you want to date...I dunno...a brown haired woman from Ireland who will let you cook. You are sacrificing for the relationship situation that works for you.

I think that you might be asking "What would you sacrifice to be in a relationship that suits you and what you're looking for"

I don't think this boils down to "what would you sacrifice for power exchange" instead, I belive it comes to "what would you sacrifice for a good relationship."

To that end, I don't think one can necessarially know that in advance, untill they are given a chance to try it.


_____________________________

~in the begining it is always dark~

(in reply to Mercnbeth)
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RE: How Important Is This Life To You? - 1/14/2005 3:45:34 PM   
proudsub


Posts: 6142
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Washington
Status: offline
quote:

What would you sacrifice to be in, or if you are in a lifestyle relationship, stay in; the lifestyle?


What i wouldn't sacrifice to stay in this lifestyle are my relationship with kids, my health, and my freedom (as an American, and staying out of jail). I would be willing to leave my friends, and change locations if i had to for some reason.

_____________________________

proudsub

"Without goals you become what you were. With goals you become what you wish." .

"You are entitled to your own opinions but not your own facts"--Alan Greenspan


(in reply to Mercnbeth)
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RE: How Important Is This Life To You? - 1/14/2005 4:07:45 PM   
darkinshadows


Posts: 4145
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: UK
Status: offline
My husband, my Master, is all that matters.

I have made mistakes... big ones... awful ones... but He forgives... nurtures... teaches... helps me grow.

It took me a long time to realise that essentially what I was and am is His. His patience kept us together ultimately because that was His choice and because I am His.. I follow and obey. In Lifestyle and in Marriage.

What would I sacrifice?... Everything. Indeed, I already have.

A question I have heard asked before by a dominant friend is... *would you sacrifice your child and give the child up because Master says so*... there are many arguments I have heard for & against this... lots of distaste shown... cries of... How would or could a Dominant even ask that?

But the truth of the answer lies in the fact that the Dominants wish is final. With Him, everything is dealt with... to live, to breathe, to exist. Care is taken... teaching is given... needs are taken care of. In essence what I give is my submission... I serve Him. Is this a supposed 'Gift' that is likened to an offering, wrapped and presented with a Bow. Something that only comes out every now and then, thats admired only when I want? No.
In essence what He is completes me.

He is all that matters. To me, He is the Lifestyle. Without Him... I wouldnt understand the complexities of it. Nor would I be happy. I had to accept this fact... I had to learn... He made sacrifices to get me to understand so I can now sacrifice what He in His wisdom saw was possible for me and ultimately... for Him. He knew what He wanted and stood firm...

If it wasnt for Him, I wouldnt & couldn't be me.

_____________________________
.dark.



...i surrender to gravity and the unknown...

(in reply to Mercnbeth)
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RE: How Important Is This Life To You? - 1/14/2005 4:29:59 PM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline
quote:

My husband, my Master, is all that matters.


~angel~

Thank you, for such a great, honest, exposure of your relationship with your husband / Master.

beth and I are currently planning a trip in May to your country. London first stop then taking her to her 'homeland', Scotland/Ireland. Hoping to see as many sites as we can with a very open itinerary. Ideally stay in castles and B&B places off the beaten path. Perhaps you can recommend some.

(in reply to darkinshadows)
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RE: How Important Is This Life To You? - 1/14/2005 5:02:42 PM   
BlkTallFullfig


Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth
What would you sacrifice to be in, or if you are in a lifestyle relationship, stay in; the lifestyle?

I didn't want to taint the responses with our situation, or maybe it was not wanting to document how cruel I am, or even how 'perverted'. But here goes, and it's going to come off VERY one sided. For the sake of discussion any sacrifice I made isn't important.

beth lived 180 miles north of LA, where her mom still lives, three children, 2 dogs, and a plethora of cats. None made the trip to LA. she worked in education; not any more. The time and interaction with her children is VERY different. Her son moved with his father in Italy, not an easy commute.

Now we are us. I can't see allowing anything into our life ahead of us. We fill each others needs completely, central being the need to be together. As opposite poles of a magnet, even apart, there is a force at work. The lifestyle is what brought us together so it is at the core of our relationship.

I guess I really want to know how unique are we?

I suppose you both made a choice (vey much lifestyle related I think) in all those sacrifice, and I can respect that... I don't know how Beth's mom is with her kids, but I know for a fact my mom cannot love/educate my son in the way I'd like for him to be loved/educated, so I would never leave him to her alone with her.
So, my order of priority stands except that moving away from my family would not be a huge deal; so My son would be priority #1, than a great relationship within D/s context. M

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RE: How Important Is This Life To You? - 1/14/2005 6:30:32 PM   
realophelia


Posts: 168
Status: offline 		I hate to think about choosing one person over another. And I hope I'm never placed in that position. If I were, however, I would probably try to honor my responsibilities as best I could. I'm pretty sure I couldn't abandon my son (who is handicapped) or even my pets because I know there would be no one else to step in and do what I do. If there were, it might be a different story. Other things like jobs and houses and cars aren't really all that important to me.

Take care :)
Ophelia

_____________________________

"And every one of them words rang true And glowed like burning coal Pouring off of every page Like it was written in my soul..."

(in reply to Mercnbeth)
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