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RE: How Important Is This Life To You? - 1/15/2005 6:28:07 AM   
mistoferin


Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline 		Ok....now I know this is going to sound kind of crazy, but Sir and I are sacrificing being able to be together under the same roof in order to be in this relationship. Let me explain a bit.

Sir and I met over 3 years ago. We were together for about 9 months or so. I loved and respected Him with all that I was capable of at the time, but there were issues that I had to deal with. I had just split up with my ex Sir at the time we met. That relationship had been one of 11 yrs living 24/7, and the break up was devastating as we both still loved each other with all of our hearts. We split due to the fact that He was a recovering alcoholic who had begun drinking again. Things became VERY messed up and even abusive. There was no other way as He would not get help, we had to split. My ex Sir had been my entire world and I had lived and breathed for Him.

When we split I was very lost. I know this sounds odd, but I didn't even know how to live day to day without Him. I had become so dependent upon Him to tell me how and when to do every little thing. I met and began dating Sir John and in many ways it was just so right. Sir John however, was wise enough to know that I needed to go through that process of letting go of my ex and that I had not really done that. I was absolutely NOT ready to jump right into another 24/7 relationship. We discontinued seeing each other, although we kept in contact with each other regularly.

Over the course of the next year or so I slowly went through the process of letting go and finding happiness within myself. I dated a few Dominants here and there, but none of them were quite right. I reached out and became more active in lifestyle events in my area. Made lots of new friends.

Sir John and I remained in contact. One day in our conversation the subject of us came up. He told me "You know, I have done alot of dating now and I still feel that you are the right "One" for me". I was shocked. I had been feeling this way about Him all along but had no idea that He felt the same. Well things have progressed from there and we are now back together.

We would both love to be under the same roof, but unfortunately it is just not possible right now. A year ago my mother became critically ill, she actually "died" at one point. I gave up my home and my career to move north to care for her, as there is just no one else that can do this. This now puts me about 175 miles from Sir John. We see each other very regularly, several times per month for 3 to 5 days at a time, and are in contact with each other by phone several times a day. We take turns making the drive. It is unsure just exactly how long I will be needed here at this point. We have made a commitment however, to getting through this time, even though we know that at times this distance will be very hard. We both know that neither one of us would have a problem finding someone closer to our areas.....but we also know that they would not be the right "One". So you see, in a way we are sacrificing being able to be in a 24/7 to be with each other.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to Mercnbeth)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: How Important Is This Life To You? - 1/15/2005 6:29:42 AM   
cynnacent1


Posts: 340
Joined: 6/25/2004
From: Massachusetts
Status: offline 		Simply put:

#1 priority: Being a good Mom for the children.
#2 priority: Being a good slave for INSIDEYOURMIND.
#3: .... everything else.

¸,ø¤º°cynnacent°º¤ø,¸ (proudly owned by, and devoted to INSIDEYOURMIND)



< Message edited by cynnacent1 -- 1/15/2005 6:31:22 AM >

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(in reply to Mercnbeth)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: How Important Is This Life To You? - 1/15/2005 12:39:08 PM   
sub4hire


Posts: 6775
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

One chooses to give things up in -any- relationship. I guess I don't see that a power-exchange relationship is any different than any other kind. One weighs what one is willing to give up in order to be with that partner. One decides if the sacrifices one would have to make to be with that partner are worth being with that partner.



I have to totally agree with perverse on this. I think you're definately missing something if you don't think vanilla type's give up things to be with their partner's. D/s is no different whatsoever. My mother moved from her family and friends to go with my father to California so many year's ago. They were not lifestyle. People do this daily.
When you see something you want and if you want it bad enough you go for it. It is as simple as that.
How bad do you want any relationship? How far will you go to make any relationship work?

(in reply to perverseangelic)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: How Important Is This Life To You? - 1/15/2005 5:19:50 PM   
august953


Posts: 8
Joined: 1/14/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth

Where does your interest in the lifestyle fit into your life? How would you rank it in importance? Where does it rank in the hierarchy of your universe? If you had a personal "Top 10" things important to you where is being active in the lifestyle rank?

What would you live without in order to be in the lifestyle situation that has the potential of fulfilling all your dreams? It's my premise that for any relationship to last, the relationship should take precedent over everything else in order for it to be successful. Before jumping in to agree, what if your choice was the relationship or the place you live? How you live? Pets? Family? Children?

It's been said and even expected that a slave puts his/her Master/Mistress before everything else. Ideally that feeling of owning valuable treasure should generate the same feeling by a Master. At the very least, the relationship with the slave should carry the highest priority. For those in a relationship is that true? For those seeking, does it mean that much?



This life & this lifestyle somehow collided, or perhaps converged is the more appropriate word. Your quotation of Augustine got me thinking of Wittgenstein:

The World Is All That Is The Case (sorry, can't figure italics yet)

My inner magnetism has always been towards the dark romance of life & love.
I live in England, where such ideas have been swamped by 'reality t.v.' & such vulgar terms as 'shaggin', so as I look about me, I don't see where I connect with anything.

My personel Top 10?

feed the birds, the foxies, the badgers, anything that comes around the back door;
after that? make the music sweet, my bazouki is still a good friend. After that? Read a few books, before they become extinct/illegal... learn to cook something new, something I never understood before....

beneath the ordinary, the ceaseless fire burns without mercy.

If I read you right (& I think/hope I do), the relationship, the 'best pals' is the nexus of where we go from here, who we are, individually & together. The grief arises from the 'market place', this half-assed notion we can order lovers off the shelf/peg/pret a porter...... like the National Enquirer (in England, most of the national press are worse)
who busy themselves with such Earth-shattering items as 'did Prince Harry fart?'

As regards pets/childeren/family/ardvaarks/etc; the people you & yours are, the same as me & my non-existant mine, are the hub of all that comes & goes in that sphere.

You & I know all this goes without saying. The image/pic you post clearly shows a couple of best pals, sharing the same smile, living inside some kind of kindred skin, a treat to behold for gnarled grumpy old cynics like me. Rock on, both of you!

This life? Only life I've got.

This lifestyle? Nothing. Not a damn thing.

[But of course I live in England, so please allow for that.
This is a place possessed of a raging indifference, where people think nothing of donating a million to the dead cats of India, but can't care a monkey's for their own.]

I was waiting on a train this evening.
The platform was awash with drunken youth, bashing each other's skulls in.
I thought of my older brother, the 'good' brother, the 'perfect' son
who never did all the shenanigans me & my peers got up to
who died of prostate cancer.

So... the answer's the same: nothing, not a damn thing


Thanks for your idea, which gave me pause to remember what matters.

Long life & goodtimes to you both
today
tomorrow
& always

(in reply to Mercnbeth)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: How Important Is This Life To You? - 1/15/2005 6:21:07 PM   
MzBerlin


Posts: 378
Joined: 7/3/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth

Where does your interest in the lifestyle fit into your life? How would you rank it in importance? Where does it rank in the hierarchy of your universe? If you had a personal "Top 10" things important to you where is being active in the lifestyle rank?

What would you live without in order to be in the lifestyle situation that has the potential of fulfilling all your dreams? It's my premise that for any relationship to last, the relationship should take precedent over everything else in order for it to be successful. Before jumping in to agree, what if your choice was the relationship or the place you live? How you live? Pets? Family? Children?

It's been said and even expected that a slave puts his/her Master/Mistress before everything else. Ideally that feeling of owning valuable treasure should generate the same feeling by a Master. At the very least, the relationship with the slave should carry the highest priority. For those in a relationship is that true? For those seeking, does it mean that much?


Hey Y'all-
I would have to say that D/s rules almost every aspect of my being. I work in the industry, date within the 'scene' and go to events where everyone else is kinky. It's ingrained in my being. Being active in the lifestyle is a key factor in my job and the hub of my life outside of work. As far as priorities go, I'd have to say that it's #2 on my list. (My son being first of course!!!)
As Always
Berlin

(in reply to Mercnbeth)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: How Important Is This Life To You? - 1/15/2005 7:07:48 PM   
ShadowKnight


Posts: 40
Joined: 12/7/2004
From: Missoula, Montana
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth

Where does your interest in the lifestyle fit into your life? How would you rank it in importance? Where does it rank in the hierarchy of your universe? If you had a personal "Top 10" things important to you where is being active in the lifestyle rank?

What would you live without in order to be in the lifestyle situation that has the potential of fulfilling all your dreams? It's my premise that for any relationship to last, the relationship should take precedent over everything else in order for it to be successful. Before jumping in to agree, what if your choice was the relationship or the place you live? How you live? Pets? Family? Children?

It's been said and even expected that a slave puts his/her Master/Mistress before everything else. Ideally that feeling of owning valuable treasure should generate the same feeling by a Master. At the very least, the relationship with the slave should carry the highest priority. For those in a relationship is that true? For those seeking, does it mean that much?


Hmmm...definitely food for thought here. My interest in this has been ongoing for the last 28 years and in the midst of it has been sojourns in the Army, 4 marriages trying to fit into mainstream society, and now single parenthood as a Cultural Anthropology grad student.

So My interest ranks high up there in the "Top 10" but My children and their well being comes first. Don't have pets and family is who you choose it to be. How and where I live? Well that will be changing soon based on finishing grad school and moving to teach someplace. Could the lifestyle affect my future employment? It could but doesn't have to. Would I give up kids and school for the lifestyle? No. School is the means to being able to support Myself, kids, and slave/s. Are there changes that need to be made based on the kids being here?Yes. Can't openly discipline or sexually use a slave in front of them.
Therefore I disagree with your premise that this lifestyle in its many varied forms needs to take precedence over everything else in order to be successful as you still need to make a living and deal with mainstream society in some manner unless you live in a commune of like minded individuals and some one else deals with mainstream society.

just my two tarn bits

ShadowKnight

_____________________________

What is weightier than gold yet depresses no scale?

The collar is put on from without, but what it encircles comes from within. Slavery, true slavery, comes from within.

(in reply to Mercnbeth)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: How Important Is This Life To You? - 1/15/2005 7:34:01 PM   
Suleiman


Posts: 1127
Joined: 9/9/2004
Status: offline 		D'you know, I've been chewing on this question for a couple of days now. I still don't have an answer. I have, literally, never had to do without SM, although by many standards I am certianly not "lifestyle". Being part of the scene is actually a very low priority, I suppose. I prefer the company of my friends, whomever they are, to any particular community of like-minded individuals, even my beloved geeks. Would I be willing to give up my home as part of a commitment? Yes. Would I be willing to isolate myself in order to be with the person to whom I am committed? Yes. Is such a commitment contingent upon having an SM lifestyle? No.

It's an intriguing question, and one that I am still gnawing on.

_____________________________

Think of my verbosity as a sort of litmus test for our relationship. I write in a manner identical to how I speak and how I think. If you can not cope with what I have written here, it is probably for the best if we go our separate ways.

(in reply to Mercnbeth)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: How Important Is This Life To You? - 1/15/2005 8:23:12 PM   
august953


Posts: 8
Joined: 1/14/2005
Status: offline 		well I tried one earlier, but the stamp got lost in the mail

(in reply to Suleiman)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: How Important Is This Life To You? - 1/15/2005 8:32:04 PM   
happypervert


Posts: 2203
Joined: 5/11/2004
From: Scranton, PA
Status: offline 		After reading the responses of perverse and some others, I think the original question may be another way of asking "Would you date vanillas?" For me the answer is yes -- there are other traits that define the sort of gal I would really *click* with, and though D/s is a preference it is not necessary. Another way I look at it is I don't want to limit myself to looking in a small fraction of the population for someone I would really like.

_____________________________

"Get a bicycle. You will not regret it if you live." . . . Mark Twain

(in reply to Suleiman)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: How Important Is This Life To You? - 1/16/2005 4:24:26 AM   
domtimothy46176


Posts: 670
Joined: 12/25/2004
From: Dayton, Ohio area
Status: offline 		I'm answering this from the perspective of what would I be willing to sacrifice to maintain my relationship with my girl. After reading all the responses, I have come to the conclusion that it's easier to list what I wouldn't give up.

I couldn't give up any part of who I am because then I wouldn't be the person she chose to serve. That, in itself, narrows the list dramatically. Most other potential sacrifices, such as custody of my children would involve abandoning responsibilities that would also effectively make me someone other than who I am. The remainder, physical location, material possesions, job choice hardly seem a sacrifice at all.

One thing I will note, as it seems germane. My girl has health issues which can significantly interfere with her ability to serve me. There are times when I spend the majority of the week playing nurse. Some might say that I sacrifice a lot of what I want and a great deal of physical comfort and to some degree that may be true. I think of it as a part of the "job", just like providing structure and discipline when she's healthy.

Timothy

(in reply to happypervert)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: How Important Is This Life To You? - 1/18/2005 9:53:33 AM   
Tempestspet


Posts: 360
Joined: 1/13/2005
Status: offline 		For me, like some others, everything is all tied up together. Master and i have been together for 15 yrs. , and Married almost 13 of those. It has really always been D/s, though I didn't know what to call it, i felt it. It is simply... what it was. We labeled it D/s, finally. But I am coming to realize, with no small amount of guidance from Master, that the label was not as important as living the lifestyle. We have 3 children, and it has been understand that they come first, from the very start. They come before play, parties, outings, trips (which we have yet to do many many things we would like, but they come first) The only thing that precedes them, is our relationship. Because that is the foundation, and we are D/s, not really choice, it's just who and what we are. But we wanted our children, they didn't choose us. I would sacrifice a job, there are always others, If a family member didn't like it, I could make that choice also, because my family (Master and children) are the most important things to me. I could make the choice over friends, if you are forced to make that coice, they aren't your friend anyways.
Thanks for listening, I'm really enjoying these message boards... these are the first I have ever written in too. And I find better conversation here, than in chat rooms. I see a lot of familiar names here, and would like to say hi, and I anjoy this very much, thank you.

Tempest's pet

(in reply to mistoferin)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: How Important Is This Life To You? - 1/18/2005 10:46:51 AM   
Robitslave


Posts: 2
Joined: 1/29/2004
Status: offline 		Most definately my beloved Master would come before all else, for without Him, there would be no me.
Then would come this beautiful life W/we live.
"Together W/we stand, devided i fall"

(in reply to Mercnbeth)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: How Important Is This Life To You? - 1/18/2005 3:12:42 PM   
RiotGirl


Posts: 3149
Status: offline 		Access Denied

< Message edited by RiotGirl -- 3/15/2005 11:01:15 PM >

(in reply to Mercnbeth)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: How Important Is This Life To You? - 1/18/2005 3:16:54 PM   
RiotGirl


Posts: 3149
Status: offline 		Access Denied

< Message edited by RiotGirl -- 3/15/2005 11:01:28 PM >

(in reply to sub4hire)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: How Important Is This Life To You? - 1/18/2005 3:24:24 PM   
RiotGirl


Posts: 3149
Status: offline 		Access Denied

< Message edited by RiotGirl -- 3/15/2005 11:01:41 PM >

(in reply to darkinshadows)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: How Important Is This Life To You? - 1/18/2005 3:29:31 PM   
RiotGirl


Posts: 3149
Status: offline 		Access Denied

< Message edited by RiotGirl -- 3/15/2005 11:01:55 PM >

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RE: How Important Is This Life To You? - 1/18/2005 4:19:32 PM   
onceburned


Posts: 2117
Joined: 1/4/2005
From: Iowa
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RiotGirl
You said that so well. Your whole post was written beautifully. Its excatly what i wanted to say, but stumbled over saying = )


Yes, dark~angel has a gift for expressing thoughts and feelings with eloquence and grace. I enjoy her posts too.

(in reply to RiotGirl)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: How Important Is This Life To You? - 1/18/2005 4:35:13 PM   
mistoferin


Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

Of course it would be choosing between my daughter and my Master.


I know that there are people who make decisions like this everyday and I in no way condemn them for their choices. I can only say that for me personally that choice would be very clear and I can only say that I hope that no man ever puts me in the position where I would have to make that choice. I made the decision to get pregnant and have my children. When I made that decision I also made a decision that I would be there for them no matter what. Now mind you, my children are now grown so this is not such an issue for me.

My mother once told me that men may come and go in your life, but your children are your children forever. When she said this I thought she really didn't understand. When I married I thought it was the be all, end all of all relationships. We had two wonderful sons. I never expected it to end. But the reality is that people grow and change and sometimes the way they grow is apart. When I got into my relationship with my ex Sir, once again....this was it....the be all, end all. Well that one did not last either. Two relationships......22 years of my life. Well looking back on it right now I can see that my mother is a very wise woman indeed. My children are still my children....and no matter how old they get there is nothing that will change that fact, and nothing or no man that could ever make me choose to not have them in my life in some way. If a man asked me to make that decision.....for me it would be easy.....He loses.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to RiotGirl)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: How Important Is This Life To You? - 1/18/2005 5:06:50 PM   
ShadowKnight


Posts: 40
Joined: 12/7/2004
From: Missoula, Montana
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

I made the decision to get pregnant and have my children. When I made that decision I also made a decision that I would be there for them no matter what. Now mind you, my children are now grown so this is not such an issue for me.

My mother once told me that men may come and go in your life, but your children are your children forever. When she said this I thought she really didn't understand. When I married I thought it was the be all, end all of all relationships. We had two wonderful sons. I never expected it to end. But the reality is that people grow and change and sometimes the way they grow is apart. When I got into my relationship with my ex Sir, once again....this was it....the be all, end all. Well that one did not last either. Two relationships......22 years of my life. Well looking back on it right now I can see that my mother is a very wise woman indeed. My children are still my children....and no matter how old they get there is nothing that will change that fact, and nothing or no man that could ever make me choose to not have them in my life in some way. If a man asked me to make that decision.....for me it would be easy.....He loses.



It is refreshing to Me to see that there are still women who feel this way. In the case of My own children their mother(if you can call her that) gave them up a year and a half ago and hasich seen them for one 2 hr visit in all that time. She chose her boyfriend over her children which included two older ones which she abandoned while they were in school.

I doff My hat to you mistoferin for your stance that your children come first.

Just My two tarn bits,

ShadowKnight

_____________________________

What is weightier than gold yet depresses no scale?

The collar is put on from without, but what it encircles comes from within. Slavery, true slavery, comes from within.

(in reply to mistoferin)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: How Important Is This Life To You? - 1/18/2005 10:24:30 PM   
faithNZ


Posts: 82
Joined: 11/28/2004
From: New Zealand
Status: offline 		At the moment, i am in the (very slow) process of getting involved in the BDSM lifestyle, but it is definitely not my number 1 priority.
I have to organisise staff for events and am on call 24/7 for part of the local emergency services so they come 1st, no ifs, ands, or buts. Anybody who tries to tell me any differently will get a short sharp one telling them where to go , because this, rather than BDSM, is who I am.



(in reply to ShadowKnight)
Profile   Post #: 40
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