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RE: Just A General Question - 9/21/2006 11:50:05 AM   
Yang4yin


Posts: 1677
Joined: 7/26/2006
From: NC (USA)
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: raiken
Humor is subject to the one receiving it.  *smile


Yes. Quite right!

(in reply to raiken)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: Just A General Question - 9/21/2006 11:54:03 AM   
justheather


Posts: 1532
Joined: 10/4/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: cherishableslave

 ok i am sorry i typed it like that i happened to have what i had said to Him word for word and that is "You Should Eat Breakfast Daddy, It Is The Most Important Meal Of The Day", and that is when He said that and i told Him i am sorry Daddy i was just trying to help. That's all i said

                                                       Sincerely Ryboom's slave


I think I have said something similar to my Daddy and gotten "the look". It's all in the way you frame it.

Offer to make him breakfast.
If he declines, he is within his rights as a grown man and your Daddy to not eat breakfast.
If you say "Daddy, Id like to make you breakfast so that you can have a healthy start to your day" or simply "Daddy, may I please make you breakfast" (an even better approach at our house) he will see that your intention is to nourish him and make his life better.

If you say "Daddy, you should..." it does not matter what comes after the "should" because it is not your job to tell your Daddy what to do.

It sounds like your dynamic is similar to mine in that you use the "Daddy/little girl" framework to express your kink. What I would suggest is that before you suggest something to your Daddy like eating breakfast, going to the doctor, etc, you think about being in that little space and approach him from that perspective. One of the things that makes a Daddy a good Daddy is that he is big and strong and wise enough to see when his little girl is making sense.

It's not your job to worry about Daddy. It's your job to be good. If you can frame your concern in a manner that is about your being good and not about worrying about Daddy, Id' say it's an acceptable thing to do or say.

Im not sure about the "being punished hard" thing, that's totally a matter of your own dynamic. I would see this as an opportunity for teaching on the part of your dom, not a reason for "hard" punishment. Unless he just gets off on punishing you.


_____________________________

I want the scissors to be sharp
And the table perfectly level
When you cut me out of my life
And paste me in that book you always carry.
-Billy Collins

(in reply to cherishableslave)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: Just A General Question - 9/21/2006 11:56:59 AM   
crouchingtigress


Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline 		*smiles warmly at you* dont get me wrong cherish able, i love that you are asking questions and learning about your slavery and slavery in general, its a good thing to be stretching yourself and questioning things...esp with the folks here on this board that are so kind and so knowledgeable in the D/s lifestyle.
 
so then can i ask you another question? on a scale of 1-100 how much do you feel you deserve to be punished for the breakfast comment?

quote:

ORIGINAL: cherishableslave

No that is not it at all, i am not trying to prove my Daddy wrong in anyway, He IS ALWAYS RIGHT. This has never came up before, i am excepting of my punishment from Daddy as well, it is just i want to see how other's feel on the situation, and hear others opinions and see if others have had a similar situation, that's all

                                                      Sincerely Ryboom's slave


_____________________________


Service slut, durable plaything, and ponypenquincatdogpig, to Lee Harrington

This is him

"Its none of my buisness what other people think of me."




(in reply to cherishableslave)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: Just A General Question - 9/21/2006 12:01:22 PM   
cherishableslave


Posts: 22
Joined: 6/19/2006
Status: offline 		i think about a 7 for my punishment, because it is up to Him what He does with me, He owns me so He can do whatever He wants to me with in my limits, ok course,

                                                              Sincerely Ryboom's lil slave

(in reply to crouchingtigress)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: Just A General Question - 9/21/2006 12:01:27 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: justheather
If you say "Daddy, you should..." it does not matter what comes after the "should" because it is not your job to tell your Daddy what to do.

Actually many slaves are expected to do exactly that in many situations.
 
I personally would get ANNOYED if a sub did all those "hinting" things, and much prefer them to simply state openly "I think you should be doing X."

If they are my slave, I respect their opinion and they certianly would be a very smart person and able to make smart judgements.  Why would I disallow and not make use of their capabilities?
 
Now, I have nothing against masters who do NOT want their slaves to use active voice at all, or make any sort of opinion known about any subject.  The problem we seem to have hear is a lack of clarity of what exactly IS expected of this slave.
 
But I will simply say that some masters WANT and REQUIRE their slaves to speak up exactly as Cherished did and would praise them for it.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to justheather)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: Just A General Question - 9/21/2006 12:21:58 PM   
raiken


Posts: 868
Joined: 10/18/2005
Status: offline 		The Masters i serve, chose me because i do speak up and share my view.  This is the type of person they appreciate.  It is the type of person i am.  If they wish to have a one who does not offer opinions,  views or perspectives, they would not keep me around. *grin  It is one thing to be allowed the freedom to be myself and state my perspectives.  It is another thing to bully others with my own perspective.  Two different animals. One is respectful and the other is trying to top from the bottom and usurp the authority. 

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: Just A General Question - 9/21/2006 12:25:37 PM   
mstrjx


Posts: 2045
Joined: 11/27/2005
Status: offline 		Cherishable, and the lot of you,

Don't think I mean any disrespect.  Don't think that I'm judging any individual involved.  I don't think this has been brought up, so I'll take a crack at this and still hope to walk away from this at the end of the day with some respect from the readership.

In the last couple of days you have brought issues before the forums, and they are not bad issues.  But the element that seems to be missing is communication.

You have been in the Lifestyle for a couple of months, wih him.  He has been about for a couple of years.  Clearly you are new (although a couple of months can equate to years in some other people's experience), and it is difficult to see how his two year's have molded him.

In both of these threads, there have been communication breakdowns.  Between your Master and yourself, and between you and us.  You get advice based on certain assumptions, and then you try to clarify so we can gather a different set of assumptions and alter the assistance.

It's very tricky living your relationships in front of an audience.  We all have issues from time to time, but having to explain every bit to get our points across just seems like going to the gynacologist.  It has to be uncomfortable for you, and sometimes you need to adjust because the lighting isn't quite right to see what needs to be seen.

Is that what you want?

You seem to want to be with this man very much, and hopefully he desires you as well.  I don't know if the both of you need to rewind the past two months, but it seems like there is a bit of 'going back to the drawing board' is in order.  A dom(me)/Master/Mistress needs to be able to articulate to you what they expect from a sub/slave.  In the case of M/s, which I also liken to ownership, this communication needs to be ever more intense so all parties understand the expectations.

For your part, you need to make certain you understand, and if there is something missing, you need to ask.  Go slow.  Be thorough.  As the servant, you of course need to understand 'place' and how to communicate with the appropriate 'respect'.  Some linquistic somersaults might be in order to suit his taste; I will leave that up to him.

It is all right for you to defend him to us.  But in the back of your mind you should always be learning so you can understand if there is something that he is missing, and to be able to bring things up to him with the appropriate 'tone'.

I hope this helps.

Jeff

_____________________________

Know thyself. It's the best gift you can ever give yourself.

(in reply to Yang4yin)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: Just A General Question - 9/21/2006 12:33:49 PM   
justheather


Posts: 1532
Joined: 10/4/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross
But I will simply say that some masters WANT and REQUIRE their slaves to speak up exactly as Cherished did and would praise them for it.


Right. And he obviously doesn't so he didn't. So I offered an alternative.

Saying "May I cook you breakfast" is not a "hint". It is a request for permission to make breakfast.
He can decide if he wants to eat or not.

_____________________________

I want the scissors to be sharp
And the table perfectly level
When you cut me out of my life
And paste me in that book you always carry.
-Billy Collins

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: Just A General Question - 9/21/2006 12:41:12 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: justheather
Saying "May I cook you breakfast" is not a "hint". It is a request for permission to make breakfast.
He can decide if he wants to eat or not.

It would be for me because I've already had the conversation with my partners that I don't eat before noon and rarely eat breakfast at any time.  They've occasionally asked since then (with nothing but sincere intentions to do something nice for me) and gotten nothing in return but annoyance as we've gone over this before.

In this case, he's made it clear what his feelings are about breakfast and ANY further attempts towards the subject without pretty decent timing and grounds would be uncool for me.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to justheather)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: Just A General Question - 9/21/2006 12:48:30 PM   
Caitriona


Posts: 327
Joined: 8/28/2006
Status: offline 		I think a talk is in order, to establish what behavior is expected from you and in what manner your Master would like you to bring up subjects such as this breakfast thing.  It sounds to me like you need some clarification - I know that I am very big on structure and knowing exactly what he wants from me. 

If he says "no" does that mean he expects you to say "yes master" and drop the subject completely?  What phrases get under his skin?  My Dom can't stand it when I tell him what he "should" do.  He's fine if I tell him that "I feel 'x' isn't a good idea for 'x' reason."

I don't think you're going to get many more answers from the boards.  Only the two of you know how you want your dynamic to work.  Talk to him. 

Best of luck.


_____________________________

Property of Shadowraven
Serving alongside ciarra

(in reply to mstrjx)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: Just A General Question - 9/21/2006 1:50:04 PM   
proudsub


Posts: 6142
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Washington
Status: offline 		I haven't read all the responses so forgive me if someone else said this. I think a better approach might of been to simply serve him a nice healthy breakfast, and maybe tell him it's because you care about his health.

Edited--sorry just read more and learned this was an online conversation so my suggestion wouldn't have worked.

< Message edited by proudsub -- 9/21/2006 1:56:25 PM >

_____________________________

proudsub

"Without goals you become what you were. With goals you become what you wish." .

"You are entitled to your own opinions but not your own facts"--Alan Greenspan


(in reply to cherishableslave)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: Just A General Question - 9/21/2006 1:53:38 PM   
justheather


Posts: 1532
Joined: 10/4/2005
Status: offline 		[
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross


It would be for me because I've already had the conversation with my partners that I don't eat before noon and rarely eat breakfast at any time.  They've occasionally asked since then (with nothing but sincere intentions to do something nice for me) and gotten nothing in return but annoyance as we've gone over this before.

Well, then that's a horse of a different colour, isn't it.

quote:

In this case, he's made it clear what his feelings are about breakfast and ANY further attempts towards the subject without pretty decent timing and grounds would be uncool for me.


It seems to me that he made his feelings clear about her telling him what he should do, not about his feelings toward the Most Important Meal of the Day.

< Message edited by justheather -- 9/21/2006 1:54:44 PM >

_____________________________

I want the scissors to be sharp
And the table perfectly level
When you cut me out of my life
And paste me in that book you always carry.
-Billy Collins

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: Just A General Question - 9/21/2006 1:59:37 PM   
Steelriven


Posts: 300
Joined: 12/26/2005
Status: offline 		That's it LotusSong... You are not allowed around me LOL! You'd be waaaay too much of a bad influance. Oh, I gotta remember this one!

As to my thoughts about the whole thing? Talk it out with your Master, I think you both need clarity.


quote:

ORIGINAL: LotusSong

Just agree and say "Yes, Sir.. you may punish me.... right after you eat your breakfast". (be sure to be prepared to duck)


_____________________________

steelriven who's just a lil_twisted

-Don't asume, instead ask.

(in reply to LotusSong)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: Just A General Question - 9/21/2006 2:32:24 PM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline 		It's all in the delivery.

"Daddy, I worry because breakfast is the most important meal of the day, and I wish you ate that meal."

I was corrected from "You should'isms" myself.  He appreciates my wanting to look out for him.  He also appreciates that I know not to dictate what I think he should or should not do, even if lightheartedly.  It's just a practice he wanted me to break.

Another option, "I would suggest eating breakfast, as it is the most important meal of the day.  I do hope you consider that."

It's the words you are using.  Whether or not correction calls for harsh punishment is a matter of opinion, and not for me to dictate.  I suppose it depends if it becomes an ignored habit or not.

(in reply to cherishableslave)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: Just A General Question - 9/21/2006 2:35:24 PM   
Avrilkiller


Posts: 45
Joined: 6/17/2006
Status: offline 		In my opinion, no matter what you thought previously, or what any other Dom or sub tells you...
If HE thought it was out of place, than it was.
If He says that you brushing your hair is out of place, lol, than it is. you know?

But besides that, yes, i would consider telling my Master in any small way how He should live as out of my place. And would expect full delicious punishment for it. And then i'd probably do it again.

......So disregard that second part, because i just got turned on and went off, sorry ^.^

(in reply to cherishableslave)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: Just A General Question - 9/21/2006 2:59:06 PM   
petcerina


Posts: 143
Joined: 4/4/2005
Status: offline 		Someone already said it and it was an online conversation.  Sorry.

< Message edited by petcerina -- 9/21/2006 3:01:18 PM >

(in reply to Yang4yin)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: Just A General Question - 9/21/2006 5:43:15 PM   
Sinergy


Posts: 9383
Joined: 4/26/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MsKatHouston

I would have just said no...when my sub looks out for me, I like it.  I may or may not agree with his or her assessment of the situation but I value their input when they have my best interests at heart.  If it was a battle, I'd perhaps take some action but a suggestion...I'd just say, thanks but I don't want breakfast.  Every dynamic is different, though...perhaps talk to him about it?


I am not insulted by a submissive with a brain in her head and an opinion.

I will hear it.  If I like it, I will use it.  If I dont, I wont. 

My initial reaction to the situation you describe is that this person
has control issues in his life which manifests as defensiveness about
his role as a Dominant.

But that is just me, and I could be wrong.

Sinergy

_____________________________

"There is a fine line between clever and stupid"
David St. Hubbins "This Is Spinal Tap"

"Every so often you let a word or phrase out and you want to catch it and bring it back. You cant do that, it is gone, gone forever." J. Danforth Quayle


(in reply to MsKatHouston)
Profile   Post #: 57
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