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RE: Mentor - 9/21/2006 12:29:04 PM   
petcerina


Posts: 143
Joined: 4/4/2005
Status: offline 		i believe that Mentors are very good for beginners, and even good for those who still would like having someone to ask questions to.  However, i would caution that you choose the Mentor carefully, as not only do you need to watch for them trying to collar you, but also realize that you will most likely take on the views that that person has.  i know that this was true for me.

(in reply to BrutalAntipathy)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Mentor - 9/21/2006 12:33:45 PM   
toservez


Posts: 1733
Joined: 9/7/2006
From: All over now in Minnesota
Status: offline 		A mentor who actually does not play with the other person but someone to give advice and lean on is my favorite term for the word.

A dominant or submissive who is actively engage calling themselves a mentor or their dominant, while they can certainly be an actual mentor, but to me it is nothing more then two people using respectful term as a way to condone their actions to themselves when no justification is really needed. A newbie wanting/needing to explore can use that term instead of thinking they are doing something out there very casually and a dominant can use that term to give them a greater/false sense of themselves as they are not just enjoying the whole thing and even more if they have someone new but are providing some noble purpose.

Nothing wrong with what I described above and I think it is great on both sides, especially if the newbie does not want to go straight into a serious thing but a true mentor would not become physically involved. No independence and no second opinion is really being offered. Again not saying there are not many wonderful dominants who have the demeanor to mentor and play at the same time, but I have see the term too often used as another pump up self importance and I am better because word by both sides and genders.

Lin


(in reply to BrutalAntipathy)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Mentor - 9/21/2006 12:43:58 PM   
Dnomyar


Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline 		Thank you toservez and petcreina. Finally 2 people who gave a sensible answer. I dont believe that a Mentors job is to try to collar someone. He can leave that for Dom/dommes to do.

(in reply to toservez)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Mentor - 9/21/2006 1:00:51 PM   
SirLordTrainer


Posts: 820
Joined: 5/6/2004
From: Indy
Status: offline 		Ditto

_____________________________

Accepting one's own imperfections eliminates a roadblock to progress.

(in reply to Dnomyar)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Mentor - 9/21/2006 1:11:41 PM   
agirl


Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ayasha

quote:

ORIGINAL: Dnomyar

It amazes me on far apart peole on here are on certain subjects. Mentoring is one of them. Some people praise them others have nothng good to say about them. Please give me your opinoin on Mentor's


Let's see, would one rather be in bondage and at someone's mercy with their singletail, whips, etc by someone that learned from a Mentor; or by someone that was self-taught because they are so Domly they don't 'need' anyone teaching them about pressure points; watching their technique and making suggestions; etc. 
 
Well, would one rather go to a 'doctor' that got his knowledge online and forged a diploma and license?  Or would one rather go to a doctor that had been through medical school and actually had instructors teach him the proper methods/techniques? 
 
It has been one's experience that those that put down Mentoring are those that lack the self-confidence and/or self-esteem to accept any guidance themselves - surely there is not another human being that could teach them anything. 
 
If two Dominants wanted to play with this one, or possibly own this one, one will take the one that had been Mentored much more seriously - as they cared enough about their craft to try and learn and practice it to the best of their ability. 
 


I don't really see that that is the case. You don't have to be *mentored* to gain experience, nor does it mean you lack anything except the desire to have a mentor. A skill can be practiced, discussed with peers and knowledge can be shared and sought, without needing a personal mentor. I don't see anything *undomly* about that at all.

agirl




(in reply to ayasha)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Mentor - 9/21/2006 1:12:00 PM   
DarkAngelFire31


Posts: 54
Joined: 8/11/2006
Status: offline 		Ok, I have just gotten out of a mentor relationship and after reading this thread, thought I would throw this out there.....what if the person cant and/or isnt in the position to be a mentor for whatever reason(not enough knowledge and/or etc.)then what?

(in reply to SirLordTrainer)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Mentor - 9/21/2006 1:16:22 PM   
angelwingrazor


Posts: 26
Joined: 8/10/2006
Status: offline 		I think it's great. I can be a flaky airhead, so a mentor to point out my mistakes would be great.

(in reply to BrutalAntipathy)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Mentor - 9/21/2006 2:17:12 PM   
BrutalAntipathy


Posts: 412
Joined: 7/8/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: agirl



I don't really see that that is the case. You don't have to be *mentored* to gain experience, nor does it mean you lack anything except the desire to have a mentor. A skill can be practiced, discussed with peers and knowledge can be shared and sought, without needing a personal mentor. I don't see anything *undomly* about that at all.

agirl

Bless you! It is very nice to know that I am not the only one that can see this.


















(in reply to agirl)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Mentor - 9/21/2006 2:28:22 PM   
toservez


Posts: 1733
Joined: 9/7/2006
From: All over now in Minnesota
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkAngelFire31

Ok, I have just gotten out of a mentor relationship and after reading this thread, thought I would throw this out there.....what if the person cant and/or isnt in the position to be a mentor for whatever reason(not enough knowledge and/or etc.)then what?


Mentor is nothing but a term in the end and you do not need a mentor to learn, experience ask advice from or lean on. Though a true mentor would be beneficial to anyone, not a must have.

As far as not having enough experience to be a mentor... Again, if you know a person who you respect, admire, trust and can be open and honest with, then I think that can only be good. In the end on all things we must take the words of anyone from strangers to loved ones and use our own filter. For me personally I am going to trust a friend who knows me more than a person trying to get me to play with them.

If two people are learning the life together I do not see the problem with that at all. Just go slowly and communicate. There are so many things involved in every type of relationship then experience that experience should not be the overwhelming factor in who you submit to.


(in reply to DarkAngelFire31)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Mentor - 9/21/2006 2:29:03 PM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		Mentors are simply people who may have a few more life skills in some areas that I may need at the time.  They are not playmates, not there to teach me how to give a good BJ, Not there to show me how to cum, or how to become multiple.  
A mentor might be my buddy, my boss, my teacher.  He.. or she, is there so I can draw on the experience they have in a subject.  Not to teach me, but to show me how I can learn on my own until there is another way.
Kyst
quote:

ORIGINAL: Dnomyar

It amazes me on far apart peole on here are on certain subjects. Mentoring is one of them. Some people praise them others have nothng good to say about them. Please give me your opinoin on Mentor's


_____________________________

pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
― Bob Marley


(in reply to Dnomyar)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Mentor - 9/21/2006 2:33:45 PM   
ExSteelAgain


Posts: 1803
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Georgia
Status: offline 		If I "mentor" you, I'm trying to Dom you without you realizing it. (I'm going to trademark this line.)

_____________________________

You can paint a cinder block bright pastel pink, but it's still a cinder block. (By Me.)

(in reply to Missokyst)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Mentor - 9/21/2006 2:38:59 PM   
raiken


Posts: 868
Joined: 10/18/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Dnomyar

If a woman can't trust her judgement to find a good mentor then how can she trust it to find a good Domme? A lot of people assume that a Mentor is in it for the sex. That same assumption can also be applied to a Dom/Domme they mentor also. The question wasnt about sex.


Not once did i use the term sex.  i used the term selfish desires, which includes a very broad category.  Sex however, must be where your mind is, and that is fine with me, as long as you don't add your own words to misconstrue mine.  You missed my point entirely.

< Message edited by raiken -- 9/21/2006 2:39:58 PM >

(in reply to Dnomyar)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Mentor - 9/21/2006 2:43:51 PM   
raiken


Posts: 868
Joined: 10/18/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Dnomyar

Thank you toservez and petcreina. Finally 2 people who gave a sensible answer. I dont believe that a Mentors job is to try to collar someone. He can leave that for Dom/dommes to do.


In an ideal world where only honorable intentions reside, this may be so.  However, you asked for advice from the real world, and so you were given it.  Reality check indicates that there are many fakes who claim the title of mentor just as with any other title.  Just because someone says they are a mentor, does not mean they are in it with honorable intentions.  That was the point i was trying to make.

(in reply to Dnomyar)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Mentor - 9/21/2006 5:41:26 PM   
CreativeDominant


Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Dnomyar

It amazes me on far apart peole on here are on certain subjects. Mentoring is one of them. Some people praise them others have nothng good to say about them. Please give me your opinoin on Mentor's


I've stated my opinion on mentors on other threads before.  Suffice it to say that , like SirDiscipliner69, my experiences with submissives who've had male dominants as their mentors...especially ones who lived close to the submissive...have been for the most part, negative with only one who did not quote her mentor every time we had a difference in opinion.  That said, I've guided and advised and counseled but have left the final decision up to the submissive or dominant I was guiding, advising, or giving advice to. 

(in reply to Dnomyar)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Mentor - 9/21/2006 5:45:39 PM   
Frank01


Posts: 270
Joined: 9/7/2006
Status: offline 		Some share.

Some want and excuse to fuck.

Some want an excuse to fuck with your head.

The mentor is the first one-the last two are assholes.

(in reply to Dnomyar)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Mentor - 9/22/2006 4:58:46 AM   
Dnomyar


Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline 		I would think that the Mentor would always leave the final desicion up to whomever they were mentoring. There are bad Mentors as there are bad Dom/Dommes, submissives/slaves out there. Thats not going to change.

(in reply to Frank01)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Mentor - 9/22/2006 5:02:14 AM   
SirDiscipliner69


Posts: 2607
Joined: 2/1/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Dnomyar

I would think that the Mentor would always leave the final decision up to whomever they were mentoring. There are bad Mentors as there are bad Dom/Dommes, submissives/slaves out there. Thats not going to change.


True but it is the seduction under the pretext of guidance that is deceptive.

Ross

(in reply to Dnomyar)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Mentor - 9/22/2006 5:18:47 AM   
ShadowMster


Posts: 94
Joined: 7/14/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ExSteelAgain

If I "mentor" you, I'm trying to Dom you without you realizing it. (I'm going to trademark this line.)


Then simply put, your a bad mentor.  If your more concerned with your conquest, then the sharing of your skills with another, then your not mentoring, your instead taking one under the false pretense and seeking your own gratification from that person's service instead of the reward of having helped another.

(in reply to ExSteelAgain)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Mentor - 9/22/2006 5:28:53 AM   
ShadowMster


Posts: 94
Joined: 7/14/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Dnomyar

I would think that the Mentor would always leave the final desicion up to whomever they were mentoring. There are bad Mentors as there are bad Dom/Dommes, submissives/slaves out there. Thats not going to change.


I would agree about 75%.  There is a degree of authority given to one in the position of mentoring, but there must also be a degree of trust.  Much the same as a submissive/slave must trust their dom/domme, a Master being mentored must be able to trust his mentor.  So, when the mentor objects and explains to the person he is mentoring why this or that should not be done, or should be done differently, is that person not incontrol at that moment if the advice is accepted?

I see the big difference here in that there is no ownership of the dom by his mentor and therefore the dom being mentored is free (although often foolish) to reject the assistance as desired (and the mentor is free to stop assisting).

(in reply to Dnomyar)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Mentor - 9/22/2006 5:42:26 AM   
spankmepink11


Posts: 1310
Joined: 9/28/2005
Status: offline 		In my experience and opinion, many (not all) who proclaim to be "Mentors" have their own underlying agenda.When the Mentor is Dominant, and mentoree is submissive.
This is not to say that mentoring does not have it's place.
If i felt the need to be mentored,  i might turn to a fellow submissive who has been in successful, long term, relationships, or one that i simply respect.  If i am partnered with an inexperienced Dominant, i would hope that he would seek advice, or mentoring from One He respected who had experience etc.
Personally, i think the best mentoring takes place in forums such as these.

(in reply to BrutalAntipathy)
Profile   Post #: 40
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