RE: Appeal of Moving in Immediately?

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RE: Appeal of Moving in Immediately? - 9/22/2006 9:03:51 AM

MisPandora

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From: Philadelphia, PA
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quote:

ORIGINAL: thetammyjo

I get the fantasies that people have and the fiction that feeds into them, but I'm interested in a reality of Ds.

I think that someone who can't see the difference between fantasy and reality is not mature enough to be involved in a Ds relationship beyond time-limited role-playing or scenes. Thus when this immediacy rears up it really puts that perons into a negative light for me. Is that me being opinionated and judgemental here? Damn right! I'm the one who has to decide who is and is not appropriate for me and making judgements is one way I do that.

It's funny that I came back to this thread today after being re-approached by a fellow who lied to me about his relationship status. For the third day in a row, he's pleading with me to reconsider, claiming all he wants is to make me happy, that he'll "do anything I say" and that he's "better than all of the other guys vying for my attention." How? He couldn't answer me with anything other than slave rhetoric about following orders and being my bitch boy. How does that help my life? He had no practical plan beyond this horseshit. And, he had zero comeback to the points involving his trustworthiness, his ethics, his moral turptitude and his cyclical lying. Who wants that in their life? I couldn't even speak to him, I was so angered at the fact that he'd keep trying to gain my attention after disrespecting me, and after I've told him that his fantasy is not my reality.

But the fantasy presses on for him, and he'll go down this same road with someone else, rather than learn something about what he really wants and maybe straighten up and fly right. It's a shame. He was actually cute LOL

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RE: Appeal of Moving in Immediately? - 9/22/2006 9:44:01 AM

FelinePersuasion

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If he would do anything you say then he should of gone away and stoped bothering you. THAT is being a "good boy" listening when the domina says no.

quote:

ORIGINAL: MisPandora

It's funny that I came back to this thread today after being re-approached by a fellow who lied to me about his relationship status. For the third day in a row, he's pleading with me to reconsider, claiming all he wants is to make me happy,

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RE: Appeal of Moving in Immediately? - 9/22/2006 11:40:18 AM

littlesarbonn

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Joined: 12/3/2005
From: Stockton, California
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This is a huge fantasy for a lot of submissives. It's even one of mine, but as I've gotten older and a little more experienced, I've realized that rash decisions like this aren't really healthy. I've only had a few situations in the past where I did a live-in relationship, and fortunately of the three that I did, I felt they were very positive experiences. But they weren't exactly overnight decisions, except for one. And the one overnight decision was because a dominant friend of mine needed a place to stay really fast (within about a week and only for the summer as she was heading back to Texas at the end of summer to continue in school). So, even though I was apprehensive about doing it, I offered her the opportunity to stay in my place with me. I expected it would be a non-bdsm relationship, as I wasn't going to take advantage of the situation but was going to try to be a friend. That didn't work out as planned as she showed up, tossed her bag to a side, pulled out a rope, tied me up, and that's about the way the rest of the summer went. But honestly, I'm most definitely not complaining.

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RE: Appeal of Moving in Immediately? - 9/23/2006 2:06:14 PM

degradess

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I would never do that nor do I like talking to subs who are looking for a domme to move in with right away. I always take me time getting to know people. A lot of those saying they want to move in right away are probalby talkers and time wasters.

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RE: Appeal of Moving in Immediately? - 9/25/2006 8:51:46 PM

Calandra

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now this topic is interesting.... My cubby moved from Baltimore to Beaufort SC after 2 1/2 weeks almost seven years ago... we've been together happily for the entire time and never looked back

I think one reason I allowed it after such a short time was because I had a household with an alpha slave who was capable of aiding Me if cubby turned out to be a psycho type. Cubby was about to move locally in Baltimore at the time we met, and would have to sign a years lease... we discussed it and decided that he'd reserve his "moving money" and he'd come to My household to see if things were as good in person as they were online and on the phone.

In our case, it wasn't fantasy so much as practicality. Why doom ourselves to a one year long LDR if we really meshed together?

I love him more every day, and he serves Me exclusively now. Hopefully soon we'll find someone to join us, but even if we don't, we fit together wonderfully.

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RE: Appeal of Moving in Immediately? - 9/25/2006 8:57:27 PM

DiurnalVampire

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From: Nashville, TN
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I dont think Id want someone moving in right off. I would be to concerened about sharing my space with someone I wasnt sure I could deal with on a long term basis right away.
My boy and I have discussed living together. The decision for now is that while I wil be living very cose by, he stays whre he is until he graduates. That gives us at least a year to a year and a half of time near one another, with weekends and holidays and such together, to make sure we CAN live together before we make the commitment to. Having been through one failed relationship becasue we were not compatible enough to lvie together but didnt give ourselves the time to find that out before we moved in together... Im looking to avoid that scenario at all costs.

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RE: Appeal of Moving in Immediately? - 9/26/2006 8:55:48 AM

thetammyjo

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I'm glad that both Calandra and littesarboon have shared positive experiences. It is good to hear that it can work I suspect that it is rare for it to work well whether for a summer or years.

I still don't want someone moving in until they go through my training program. Fox moving in after 7 months of training was the faster I've ever done that. I considered that first summer a trial period still and it was another full year after that when he moved in to stay.

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RE: Appeal of Moving in Immediately? - 9/26/2006 9:05:06 AM

LadyMorgynn

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MisPandora, I think you've been talking with my ex-slave! sounds just like him.

As far as those subs/slaves wanting to move in right away... my experience to date has been that THOSE are the ones most likely to disappear without a word after a volley of emails back and forth, if you don't seem like you're going for the idea. Presumably they're off to the next Domme. In a couple of cases, it's come out that the guy in question was in some kind of situation (not BDSM) that he was trying to escape (relationship, job, impending homelessness). The one time I did allow someone who was pushing hard to come to me immediately turned out to be a complete control freak, and his insistence on contracts and turning everything over to me were not due to any desire to give these things over to his Mistress but rather, ties to bind her to him so that she boot his ass out when his true nature came out.

I think the only case in which I'd let a slave come to me quickly is if he was already an owned slave whose Mistress had recently died (and he'd have to prove it) and he was lost; and even then I would take him in more as a "foster" to give him time to either bond with me or choose to look about for another Mistress from a safe place once he had gotten past the grieving period.

< Message edited by LadyMorgynn -- 9/26/2006 9:06:23 AM >

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RE: Appeal of Moving in Immediately? - 9/29/2006 3:36:56 AM

personagrata

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i had the reverse situation: after only a 2 or 3 emails, and not even an internet chat or a phone call, i was asked to buy a one way ticket to the west coast, and provide a precise itinerary. No reason to waste time she said.

In a way, i felt disappointed, because i felt we were clinging, or starting to cling. The request came as a surprise, because i was not expecting this from our earlier discussions. Needless to say, i excused myself…

And to respond to Goddess DustyGold, if i may, this is the lot of the slave ImHO, but, at this point, i was not a slave yet, and surely not likely to be enslaved this way (or this quick!)

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RE: Appeal of Moving in Immediately? - 9/29/2006 1:34:19 PM

thetammyjo

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quote:

ORIGINAL: personagrata

i had the reverse situation: after only a 2 or 3 emails, and not even an internet chat or a phone call, i was asked to buy a one way ticket to the west coast, and provide a precise itinerary. No reason to waste time she said.

In a way, i felt disappointed, because i felt we were clinging, or starting to cling. The request came as a surprise, because i was not expecting this from our earlier discussions. Needless to say, i excused myself…

And to respond to Goddess DustyGold, if i may, this is the lot of the slave ImHO, but, at this point, i was not a slave yet, and surely not likely to be enslaved this way (or this quick!)

Not rushing into things showed your wisdom in my opinion though I'm guessing you may have been put down by this person for saying "no so fast".

I've noticed that is common. Someone with what I call unrealistic expectations will call the more careful and realistic person "fake" if they don't get their way.

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Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

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RE: Appeal of Moving in Immediately? - 9/29/2006 1:40:40 PM

MASTERRocker

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God has given you a brain use it! Be safe not stupid.
Before any move or even cross country trip - alot of time and discussions should take place.
If local, meet somewhere safe - munch, coffee shop etc..
Agree to be honest with each other - if no 'click' is happening - say so - and don't waste more of your or His/hers time and hopes.
MASTER Rocker

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RE: Appeal of Moving in Immediately? - 10/1/2006 2:38:52 AM

mons

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greeting

i do not know why someone would just move a person in after knowing them for such a short time either? maybe it is being lonley, or they think they have meant their soul mate but now there have been many succesful meeting with people i meant a wonder man on another site he was real and so sweet. but just as you said there are dangerous suubmissive too as well as dominant woman too i had a friend who after meeting a domme they got to know one another and he went to her place and he trusted her and it sad so sad she tie him down so tie at 6'3 he could not get up but he did not think of it until she raped him and seriouly hurt him he was in shock i told him you were raped just as a woman would get raped he was in the same state of mind firghten and he could not tell someone what happen no everyone he was shamed he is a man. that said it was something he did not for give it was some years ago he is still now speaking with someone who he has told what happen and he feel safe for the first time i know him well , so i wrote about my 46 emails in one day and wow that frightne me i am glad he never know where i live this why we all should not give out numbers and last names some of the new ones do this with we im one another so yes we all need to watch out there are dangerous folks on both side of bdsm.

take care mons

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RE: Appeal of Moving in Immediately? - 10/1/2006 8:59:34 AM

BeachMystress

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Why do males want to move in immediately for 24/7? For the same reason they expect to meet and play on the same first date. It is a fantasy for them. I doubt many of them would go through with it. They get to indulge themselves and beg while being told "NO" by the sane female. A submale I know had a woman tell him, after he asked if they could life together in the first week, that that sounded WONDERFUL, how soon could he move his belongings in.... He called me and told me how nuts she was; after he'd been the one to request cohabitation with her.

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