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Dom's do you want just sex or more than that? - 1/13/2005 9:46:13 PM   
colonicegirl17


Posts: 14
Joined: 1/12/2005
Status: offline 		I have to ask this because it seems that all Dom's want is fresh meat to screw. i've been in this lifestyle off and on for 3 years and have only found one non perverted Dom. He respects me for a person and cares for me and my desires and never asks for sexual things. in my opinon a Dom/sub relationship is way way more than just sex. So my question is as a Dom are you in this lifestyle just for the sex or is it because you want to protect and care for your sub(s)?? please don't take offense to this i'm just trying to understand.
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RE: Dom's do you want just sex or more than that? - 1/13/2005 9:50:32 PM   
sub4hire


Posts: 6775
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		Not a Dom however I can vouch for my Dom. We've been together almost 6 years now. June is our wedding...if all goes as planned.
He wants much more than sex from me.

I do understand what you mean though. I remember looking for a Dom. It was rough...I remember feeling like jack off material. I guess the lifestyle just excites people so much. I guess many of them never make it past the sexual urges to really learn what it all entails.

At least that is my best guess. Hopefully more chime in with more answers.

(in reply to colonicegirl17)
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RE: Dom's do you want just sex or more than that? - 1/13/2005 10:19:13 PM   
willing2serve


Posts: 385
Joined: 4/6/2004
Status: offline 		Actually the Doms I have met and gotten to know have been pretty much balanced with sexual desires and the responsibility of having a submissive. I actually have met many Doms that discipline, structure and control meant far more than sexual play.

Now, go back into the vanilla scene or take a peak at the swinger scene...there in my opinion you can feel like "jack-off material"

Respectfully,
Willing2serve1

(in reply to sub4hire)
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RE: Dom's do you want just sex or more than that? - 1/14/2005 4:17:22 AM   
OrientalMistress


Posts: 34
Joined: 11/7/2004
Status: offline 		Every true Dom/me cares for their sub/slave. If you find a Master or Mistress who is only interested in the sexual aspects of domination... forget them and move on... that is NOT what the lifestyle is all about.

An elderly Sensue {Sen-say} taught Me that the Dominant and the submissive together form a single whole, the sphere of relationship. Together they work for the betterment of that whole, not just to please the Dominant ... nor just to satisfy the desires of the submissive.

I feel certain that there will be those who disagree...and that is their inherent right; but in My opinion...My subs/slaves and I are part of a whole and the closer the fit ... the longer that relationship will last.

May wisdom guide your steps, little one...

Oriental Mistress...

(in reply to colonicegirl17)
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RE: Dom's do you want just sex or more than that? - 1/14/2005 6:04:34 AM   
ATXDOM4sub


Posts: 5
Joined: 1/13/2005
From: Texas
Status: offline 		Many Doms are sexual in nature. However, not everyone is like this and not everyone wants this. There are however many submissives/slaves that want strictly sexual use. It is correct to say that this lifestlye is about so much more, but you cant disregard the fact that alot of Men/Women/D/s are in it because of the sexuality. Its all about what an particular individual may want or not want.

I must admit, i do love the sexual aspect of the lifestlye, but i want a slave of a lifetime, one where there is a balance between all aspects of D/s and life in general

Master Thomas

(in reply to OrientalMistress)
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RE: Dom's do you want just sex or more than that? - 1/14/2005 6:53:12 AM   
ruffnecksbabygir


Posts: 412
Joined: 1/4/2005
Status: offline 		Interesting thread....there have been times when i have wondered myself if maybe i see more to the lifestyle than there really is, what i mean is i have come in contact with many in the past that do only seem to view a D/s relationship as a kink and only a kink, i have always seen the sexual aspect of a D/s relationship as the delicious frosting on the cake, not as the cake itself.

_____________________________

~hugs~
Babygirl

:Disclaimer: The above is only this slave's opinion:

"And Those Who Danced Were Thought To Be Quite Insane By Those Who Could Not Hear The Music" -- Angela Monet

(in reply to ATXDOM4sub)
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RE: Dom's do you want just sex or more than that? - 1/14/2005 7:00:13 AM   
nella


Posts: 1243
Joined: 12/30/2004
From: Norway
Status: offline 		Some pepole belive that submissive girls are willing sluts that will take any man. They belive how we are presended in sories. What they do not understand is that there are no more willing sluts that will take any man among submissives than it is among the population at large.

(in reply to ruffnecksbabygir)
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RE: Dom's do you want just sex or more than that? - 1/14/2005 7:08:38 AM   
cynnacent1


Posts: 340
Joined: 6/25/2004
From: Massachusetts
Status: offline 		JUST sex?!? No offense, but i'm surprised that anyone would need to ask, or actually believe that any relationship could thrive when based only on sex.

i can speak for my Master on this subject. He not only enjoys MORE than just sex, He wouldn't settle for less. He requires more than just a bit of fresh meat (although i have been warned at times to not be quite so fresh), He preferes that a level of quality exists on the other end of that meat too.

The relationship we share is not just about sex, it's about a WHOLE lot more. It's about about sharing everything, not JUST sex. While we both enjoy the sexual aspects of the relationship, were it to be JUST about sex, i'm sure the relationship would fail. Our happiness is dependent upon the sharing of MUCH more than 'just' sex.

¸,ø¤º°cynnacent°º¤ø,¸ (proudly owned by, and devoted to INSIDEYOURMIND)



< Message edited by cynnacent1 -- 1/14/2005 7:10:25 AM >

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(in reply to colonicegirl17)
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RE: Dom's do you want just sex or more than that? - 1/14/2005 1:22:25 PM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline
quote:

I have to ask this because it seems that all Dom's want is fresh meat to screw.


colonicegirl17 (hope that's not your age!)
Change the word 'Dom' to 'men' and you have your answer. See, most men will be/do anything to get laid. I'd wager that at least 50% of the male posters/profiles on this site and all other similar sites are here for that reason alone. They'll be doms, subs, slaves, bi-sexual switches - whatever it takes to get laid.
Most males truly seeking a relationship based on the exchange of power, from either side of the issue, don't have sex as the driving desire of their search. A person's fixation on sex can a good method of weeding though fakes.

(in reply to colonicegirl17)
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RE: Dom's do you want just sex or more than that? - 1/14/2005 3:39:20 PM   
FangsNfeet


Posts: 3758
Joined: 12/3/2004
Status: offline 		I'm not in this life style because of trying to get more sex. Infact I was getting more sex when I first starting having sex in the vanilla lifestyle. I do not want or need a sub/slave just for sex. Though I do expect the person to have a healthy sexual appetite. The fact that some one out there is willing to trust me 125% of everything I do to them and of the decissions that I make is HIGH in the lifestyle. There trust and my pain one ups a vanilla relationship. I remember talking to one lady who said she'd never allow or trust her husband to tie her up. Then why did she marry him, have his kids, and leave him in charge of the bills, if she can't even have the faith in being tied up? Submission is a grand thing that I enjoy recieving. I can be in almost any type of relationship for just sex so I'm in this lifestyle because I want more.

The same question can be directed to Subs as well. I haven't calculated the stastistics but I'm pretty sure it's a 50/50 in being horney. Submitting yourself to sex 24/7 may get you laid more than demanding it 24/7. But that was just a thought.

As always, Mercnbeth pointed out the obvious. If anyone wants to ask me a question about this post the send me as I do not intend on being active anymore on this thread.

_____________________________

I'm Godzilla and you're Japan

(in reply to colonicegirl17)
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RE: Dom's do you want just sex or more than that? - 1/14/2005 5:04:40 PM   
colonicegirl17


Posts: 14
Joined: 1/12/2005
Status: offline 		to clarify i know that no relationship can survive off of sex and that's absolutly not what i want. it just seems like 90% of Doms just want sex and that doesn't make since. i was just testing and seeing how true my thoughts are. i'm very content without any massive sexual relationship. i've been hurt to many times by that typ of abuse and i'm not a sub who likes abuse i dislike it quiet a bit but the reason i am one is because i don't have enough control nor the personality to be an athority figure to myself. i wasn't meaning to offened any of you i was just curious. anyways i do apericiate everyones advice and help.

(in reply to cynnacent1)
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RE: Dom's do you want just sex or more than that? - 1/14/2005 5:09:04 PM   
Moleculor


Posts: 189
Joined: 5/23/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: colonicegirl17
have only found one non perverted Dom


Wait... so you've found a dominant that only likes to have sex in the missionary position? That's.... uhm.... ok. Good for you, I suppose.

o.O

That said... to fully comprehend the meaning of the rest of my post, please realize every time I mention "a glass of water" I'm speaking of much more than just "a glass of water". I could be speaking of any number of various chores/services/actions/whatever that are non-sexual.

The reason I list myself as a switch is because A) I could imagine myself enjoying being the "bottom" during some sort of sexual scene and B) When I want a glass of water, I'll get it myself. I could, I suppose, tell someone else to get me a glass of water, but nine times out of ten, they'll get it wrong. Why? Because sometimes I want a small glass, sometimes I want a big glass, sometimes I want a half-filled big glass, sometimes I don't. Sometimes I want a little ice, sometimes I want a lot, sometimes I don't. Sometimes, half way through getting the water out of the fridge, I'll see something else I want instead, and go for that.

I'm not about to spend five minutes describing the glass of water I want when I could just as easily get it myself with a much greater degree of control and accuracy, with the added benefit of getting it that much faster. I could see myself enjoying telling someone else to do things that are non-sexual, but there are ALWAYS going to be a great many things that I don't want someone else doing for me, which is why when I see someone who describes themselves as a "service oriented submissive" I know that she and I will most likely not be compatible. While I could see myself expanding my kink out of the sexual arena, I'm fairly certain that BDSM will always primarily be about sex to me.

I'm glad that you, an apparently service-oriented submissive, have found a service-oriented dominant, but please don't knock those who are not service-oriented. It takes all kinds to make up this BDSM thing.

(in reply to colonicegirl17)
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RE: Dom's do you want just sex or more than that? - 1/14/2005 5:22:13 PM   
Quivver


Posts: 1953
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth

quote:

I have to ask this because it seems that all Dom's want is fresh meat to screw.


colonicegirl17 (hope that's not your age!)
Change the word 'Dom' to 'men' and you have your answer. See, most men will be/do anything to get laid. I'd wager that at least 50% of the male posters/profiles on this site and all other similar sites are here for that reason alone. They'll be doms, subs, slaves, bi-sexual switches - whatever it takes to get laid.
Most males truly seeking a relationship based on the exchange of power, from either side of the issue, don't have sex as the driving desire of their search. A person's fixation on sex can a good method of weeding though fakes.



Once again Mercnbeth have hit the nail on the head in my newbie eyes.
I've learned so much in the short time I've been here lurking, and that
changing Dom to Men was one of the first things I learned.
THANK YOU!

_____________________________

The problem with communication ... is the illusion that it has been accomplished. ~George Bernard Shaw

(in reply to Mercnbeth)
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RE: Dom's do you want just sex or more than that? - 1/14/2005 5:37:14 PM   
Estring


Posts: 3314
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

i was just testing and seeing how true my thoughts are. i'm very content without any massive sexual relationship. i've


What is a massive sexual relationship? One of the nice things about being a Dom is that if I want sex, my slave gives it to me. Of course she is very highly sexual and is only too happy obey.
I sense you might have some sexual hangups, which isn't to say that there aren't many horny guys who claim to be Doms. There are, but your words hint at something else.

(in reply to colonicegirl17)
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RE: Dom's do you want just sex or more than that? - 1/14/2005 6:30:47 PM   
Quivver


Posts: 1953
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Estring

quote:

i was just testing and seeing how true my thoughts are. i'm very content without any massive sexual relationship. i've


What is a massive sexual relationship? One of the nice things about being a Dom is that if I want sex, my slave gives it to me. Of course she is very highly sexual and is only too happy obey.


See, my learning curve improved quickly! Couldnt agree with you more Estring!

_____________________________

The problem with communication ... is the illusion that it has been accomplished. ~George Bernard Shaw

(in reply to Estring)
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RE: Dom's do you want just sex or more than that? - 1/14/2005 10:06:10 PM   
colonicegirl17


Posts: 14
Joined: 1/12/2005
Status: offline 		to me right now in my life sex has ruined a lot of things and it's not something that's up most important right now to me. when i choose i have a great sex life it's just right now there are more important things to me.

(in reply to Estring)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Dom's do you want just sex or more than that? - 1/15/2005 4:09:01 AM   
lovingmaster45


Posts: 261
Joined: 9/16/2004
Status: offline 		I think that the original poster must have gotten most of her experience in the on-line world, which is richly populated with vanillas pretending to be "master" so they can get laid. My subs have had just the opposite experience in the bdsm community. They have found dominant males who are evidently not capable of sexual intercourse; but who have full toy bags and can "play" with the sub and the toys for hours in a semi-public dungeon but can't get it up to "finish the task".

Sex is just one of the dynamics involved in my relationships with my wife Barbie, my sub danielle, my sluts susan and penny, and my "little girl" lee ann. If it was just about sex, I would have already shriveled up and died...lol.


_____________________________

Master Jerry


(in reply to colonicegirl17)
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RE: Dom's do you want just sex or more than that? - 1/15/2005 10:31:03 PM   
RealityFix


Posts: 156
Joined: 8/12/2004
Status: offline 		The dynamic exists more for control and structure than sex.

But the massive influx of men (and women) using it more for sexual thrills has subverted the origional intent. I agree that anyone who focuses stricly on the control aspect to get kinky sex has an incomplete view of D/s.

It's much more about security and intimacy than "bdsm" overall.

(in reply to lovingmaster45)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Dom's do you want just sex or more than that? - 1/15/2005 11:41:12 PM   
lambsone


Posts: 5
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		I don't think this lady has a sexual hangup at all. I'm very sensual but I also haven't met many Doms who respect a sub for who they are, and not just what they can get from them, including sex. I'm happy to see so many here who have found a more comprehensive relationship. It has been very hard to come by with many of the women and men I have heard complain about this over the years. BDSM is highly bonding when applied in sex, play, and even day to day relating to each other, etc. A full BDSM relationship can produce a depth that goes beyond a person's dreams, and this is what alot of single BDSM folks I know of dream of having. But when a Dom only wants a sub/slave for the purpose of sex it is really disappointing to say the least. I had a wonderful Master for two years when I was a new sub, but it turned out that sex was really all he wanted, and our relationship never progressed beyond sexual play and sex itself. It took me that long to figure it out. I'm wiser now after 6.5 years in the life-style. So I believe this gal's experience is legitimate and she doesn't need psychoanalyzing for sharing her personal real-time experience that many others have also had.

In Christ, Melanie
lambs-one {MJL} (submissive to Master Jesus, the Lamb)
Romantic-spice.com (under construction)

(in reply to Quivver)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Dom's do you want just sex or more than that? - 1/16/2005 9:03:35 AM   
ShadowKnight


Posts: 40
Joined: 12/7/2004
From: Missoula, Montana
Status: offline 		To say that you have only met one Master/Dom who did not think only of sex is indicative of a severe lack in experience and in general just meeting and interacting with Us. But there is no one set ideal that can be used to describe anyone...let alone making a blanket statement saying that all but one Dom/Master is concerned only with sex. (I hate blanket statements of any kind).
Personally Myself, Ownership is much more than just a means to get sex. As someone stated previously, I get more sex in the "vanilla" world than I do in the lifestyle. Guess that means I'm doing something wrong here...lol. There is much more than sex to Ownership but at the same time the sex is there when it is wanted. For Me a slave needs more than just a cute butt and being a good lay to be in My collar. If all she thinks this is about is kinky sex then she needs to move on somewhere else and not waste My time.

ShadowKnight

_____________________________

What is weightier than gold yet depresses no scale?

The collar is put on from without, but what it encircles comes from within. Slavery, true slavery, comes from within.

(in reply to colonicegirl17)
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