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D/s Relationship without Sex? - 9/22/2006 7:54:33 AM

Silvermoon

Posts: 156
Joined: 11/24/2004
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I have a question for the Doms/Masters if I might.

I'm unsure if you'll find this question to make sense, but I shall pose it anyway.

Do you feel the D/s relationships (including collared relationships) require sexual involvement?

I ask because I've seen many many people say that D/s is not always sexual to said person and yet when it comes down to it, they do not seem to agree with their own words.
I am one of the girls out there that does believe D/s doesn't require sex, and frankly for various reasons would almost find it a relief to find someone in agreement.

So, I thought, why not post the question here.

Sincerely
Silver

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Post #: 1

RE: D/s Relationship without Sex? - 9/22/2006 8:01:27 AM

goflowno

Posts: 1
Joined: 12/3/2005
Status: offline

Probably not required...I don't think there is any law...but it sure makes it alot more fun

(in reply to Silvermoon)

Post #: 2

RE: D/s Relationship without Sex? - 9/22/2006 8:03:54 AM

Bearlee

Posts: 2311
Joined: 10/25/2004
From: South Central CO
Status: offline

I have no Dom, but a couple Dominant friends with whom I'm very close. I have a D/s relationship with them; they beat me regularly...I submit to them in many ways; but, while some of the play IS sensual and arousing...it is not overtly sexual. I've known two of them for about three years and have not had intercourse or oral sex or anything close with either. I sure have learned a lot, though! LOL

(in reply to Silvermoon)

Post #: 3

RE: D/s Relationship without Sex? - 9/22/2006 8:04:17 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Silvermoon
Do you feel the D/s relationships (including collared relationships) require sexual involvement?

No, but I can't see myself choosing such a situation unless very unique circumstances arise.

quote:

I am one of the girls out there that does believe D/s doesn't require sex, and frankly for various reasons would almost find it a relief to find someone in agreement.

So, I thought, why not post the question here.

Sincerely
Silver

For the great majority of people in the scene, both het and homo, sex is an inherent part to their relationship, even if it's not the basis of it. Very few people would want to be in a long term intimate relationship without sexual contact. However, some do exist and are quite content with it.

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Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

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(in reply to Silvermoon)

Post #: 4

RE: D/s Relationship without Sex? - 9/22/2006 8:24:38 AM

mstrjx

Posts: 2045
Joined: 11/27/2005
Status: offline

Sex is not a prerequisite for what we do. A case in point would be a slave who is used for nothing but service (non-sexual, duh!).

It would take someone who is content enough and selfless enough with themselves to agree to being in that position. I'm certain there are individuals who could handle that.

Jeff

_____________________________

Know thyself. It's the best gift you can ever give yourself.

(in reply to Silvermoon)

Post #: 5

RE: D/s Relationship without Sex? - 9/22/2006 8:33:58 AM

MsKatHouston

Posts: 1909
Joined: 6/7/2006
From: Houston, TX
Status: offline

For me to own someone, it will likely involve some type of sexual or sensual at least, activity. That's not to say all activities in my home are sexually oriented, far from it. But it is a factor and I would not be able to own someone I was not sexually attracted to. It's just me and my preferences. That being said, D/s does not have to involve sex and often does not. There are plenty of relationships that do not include sex. If I play with someone or have them serve me in another capacity for casual or one off service it will likely not include sex.

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-Kat

~If you can't be a good example, you'll just have to serve as a horrible warning~

(in reply to mstrjx)

Post #: 6

RE: D/s Relationship without Sex? - 9/22/2006 8:34:40 AM

LuckyAlbatross

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Joined: 10/25/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: mstrjx
It would take someone who is content enough and selfless enough with themselves to agree to being in that position. I'm certain there are individuals who could handle that.

Jeff

To me it has nothing to do with being selfless, any more than a hetero woman choosing to get into a sexual relationship with a hetero man is. We all choose the relationships that make us fulfilled.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to mstrjx)

Post #: 7

RE: D/s Relationship without Sex? - 9/22/2006 8:46:34 AM

Emperor1956

Posts: 2370
Joined: 11/7/2005
Status: offline

To the OP:    Many years ago, I would see a woman once or twice a week where our entire relationship (other than some phone and email contact) was that she would kneel at My feet while I ate a light lunch or tea that she had prepared. We would talk, sometimes I would read and work. This all took place on work days in the very luxurious board room of a very small, elite investment banking firm of which she was the office manager and sole non-professional employee. When her two partner/bosses were out of town (frequently) I would come over.  There was no sexual contact and indeed even the physical contact was limited to My stroking her hair or a "good girl" pat, or the occasional embrace.

At the time she was collared to a Master who was geographically distant and ill. I was seeing a submissive lover. So we each arguably had other outlets for sexual activity.  I have usually had a sexual component with submissives with whom I am involved, but not in this instance.

Was this tryst D/s? Most definitely and deeply. Was it sexual? Not at all, for either of us.   Was it rewarding? Absolutely.

E.

< Message edited by Emperor1956 -- 9/22/2006 8:55:09 AM >

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"I say, I wonder what's going to happen exciting today?"
Pooh nodded thoughtfully.
"It's the same thing," he said.

(in reply to Silvermoon)

Post #: 8

RE: D/s Relationship without Sex? - 9/22/2006 10:46:20 AM

OhReallyNow

Posts: 249
Joined: 9/11/2006
Status: offline

quote:

Do you feel the D/s relationships (including collared relationships) require sexual involvement?

this slave is in a current relationship that while highly sexual in nature, does not imploy the use of sexual intercourse Now if that made sense, all the more power to you, if not, then drop this slave a line and she will explain it a bit more lol.

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(in reply to Silvermoon)

Post #: 9

RE: D/s Relationship without Sex? - 9/22/2006 11:15:38 AM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
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Neither Ds nor Ms relationships require sex. I'm bi and my collared girl is het. I know many couples of mixed sexual identities.

If you can imagine a combination of people and circumstances, it's out there.

Master Fire

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(in reply to Silvermoon)

Post #: 10

RE: D/s Relationship without Sex? - 9/22/2006 11:32:35 AM

toservez

Posts: 1733
Joined: 9/7/2006
From: All over now in Minnesota
Status: offline

It simply depends on the individual and the agreement. Some can separate the two easily and some cannot separate them at all and everything in between. It is understanding what you need and like and finding a person or persons that fit. If you can submit and not have any sexual aspects and find a dominant who also wants that, then that is all good. Casual/part time/full time, what ever two people agree and enjoy.

Personally the two areas are so close or overlap in my brain that I could never have a significant relationship without both, but in my former relationships many many many times things were done that had nothing or any reaction involving sex.

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)

Post #: 11

RE: D/s Relationship without Sex? - 9/22/2006 11:52:55 AM

Estring

Posts: 3314
Joined: 1/1/2004
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I would imagine that a D/s relationship can exist without sex. Personally, I wouldn't want to be in one.

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(in reply to Silvermoon)

Post #: 12

RE: D/s Relationship without Sex? - 9/22/2006 1:37:40 PM

Aslave4You06

Posts: 37
Joined: 8/30/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Estring

I would imagine that a D/s relationship can exist without sex. Personally, I wouldn't want to be in one.

Nor I.

(in reply to Estring)

Post #: 13

RE: D/s Relationship without Sex? - 9/22/2006 1:39:25 PM

Frank01

Posts: 270
Joined: 9/7/2006
Status: offline

Sex is great-but there's more than that.

To give it up-or not want it would require some pretty special circumstances for me.

(in reply to Estring)

Post #: 14

RE: D/s Relationship without Sex? - 9/22/2006 2:35:32 PM

MrDiscipline44

Posts: 1776
Joined: 1/5/2005
Status: offline

I, for one, don't feel sex is a requirement for a D/s relationship. I find that most of those that do think it is a requirement are really just looking for new dating grounds.

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Those who can, do. Those who can't, teach.

Have you slapped your slave today?

(in reply to Silvermoon)

Post #: 15

RE: D/s Relationship without Sex? - 9/22/2006 2:59:25 PM

LadyHugs

Posts: 2299
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

Dear Silvermoon, Ladies and Gentlemen;

I have had several slaves in my 'lifestyle' life, to which sex was not between me as a Owner/Master and my slaves. My first slave was a closet Gay (at the time it wasn't safe to be outside that closet) and I am Heterosexual. We had a bond or 'love' if you will, that made us one very happy couple indeed. It is a relief, as to not have to sexually perform. My slave and I found another closeted Gay slave, so I had the fun of watching, while those two were getting it on. Of course with a lot of teasing and denial to them both first. [Big grin]

What I have had after that, were a few Heterosexual men, to which sex was an important part of it. Frankly, sex was one of the most important part of it. I wasn't as happy personally than when I had my first slave who was Gay. I suppose in reflection, that my first and second slaves (both Gay) looked at me more as a Master, then a woman. Neither of us were pressured to perform against our nature, so we were able to relax. The sex was taken care of with each boy so that satisfaction was taken care of.

I do believe that age has a lot to do with the 'sex' issue. Where it was nice occassionally having sex with my slaves (my way of course), I did it more for the slave's benefit than mine. Now in my last ten years, I suppose one can blame it on chronic pain and life changes women experience, the only hot and bothered is...err, nebbermind--sure isn't due to sex! Anyway, sex is not on my want/need list period.
If I have a needy slave, I'll find him a bed buddy.

Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs

(in reply to Silvermoon)

Post #: 16

RE: D/s Relationship without Sex? - 9/22/2006 3:37:31 PM

hypnoticblue

Posts: 130
Joined: 9/20/2006
Status: offline

I don't think I could have a D/s relationship without the sex... it just wouldn't be any fun... but that's just me. :) Hence why I could never be owned by a long distant Master.

(in reply to LadyHugs)

Post #: 17

RE: D/s Relationship without Sex? - 9/22/2006 4:39:12 PM

LadyHugs

Posts: 2299
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

Dear hypnoticblue, Ladies and Gentlemen;

That is what is nice about this lifestyle, et. al., to which individuals can communicate their wants and needs, establish boundaries and negotiate clearly.

Each of us (in general terms) seek our "joy" or "bliss." With the variety of individuals among us (in general terms), it is happiness when we do find the other person who embraces the entire person--not just sex alone. We're all more than a sexual object.

And, I agree--I don't enjoy long distant relationships--Because, I cannot fondle or ravage their radishes!

Respectfully submitted with a bit of wit,
Lady Hugs

(in reply to hypnoticblue)

Post #: 18

RE: D/s Relationship without Sex? - 9/22/2006 5:58:25 PM

Kinkypupper

Posts: 713
Joined: 9/26/2004
From: Portland oregon
Status: offline

No, however since most females and males strongest impulses and emotions are sexually based, it is a just another tool that can be used.
My slave and I have a very sexually based relationship and its an area that i encourage her growth in many different facits of it.

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Phil Moulton
A Sensual Touch
Locopony Racing
Portland Oregon

(in reply to Silvermoon)

Post #: 19

RE: D/s Relationship without Sex? - 9/22/2006 6:35:06 PM

KnightofMists

Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline

I don't think it is required.... However... I think you will not find many that actually practice their D/s relationships that way.

I myself am a very sexually passionate person.... and sex is very much a part of my dynamics with my two girls.

editted for clarity

< Message edited by KnightofMists -- 9/22/2006 6:36:46 PM >

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Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

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Post #: 20

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