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Jealousy - 9/22/2006 5:29:36 PM   
rose442


Posts: 60
Joined: 5/26/2004
Status: offline 		Is there a chance for a relationship if one of the people is jealous?
 
I have no room for tollorance when it comes to Master talking to any other FEMALE. I don't talk to male Dom' or Female Doms and I expect to get the same respect. Everytime I write something here I get bashed. Please just give an honest opinion without bashing.

rose442

_____________________________

This slave is Masters, heart, mind, soul, and body. To use as Master wishes, when Master wishes to do so.
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Jealousy - 9/22/2006 5:33:33 PM   
mistoferin


Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline 		Honest opinion....in my world there can be no relationship if there is a component of jealousy on the part of either partner. Jealousy to me says "Insecure"....bottom line.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to rose442)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Jealousy - 9/22/2006 5:42:02 PM   
sub4hire


Posts: 6775
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		In many relationships there is a jealous party.  They are still relationships.  I would believe though in the long term it would cause too many problems.
Do you have reason to be jealous?  Other than conversation that is?  Have you talked about it with your significant other?  What does he say?
One of my best friends is a male dom and he isn't my dom.  My dom is not jealous because he knows we are only friends.
Communication goes a long way in a relationship.

(in reply to rose442)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Jealousy - 9/22/2006 5:43:42 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: rose442
I have no room for tollorance when it comes to Master talking to any other FEMALE. I don't talk to male Dom' or Female Doms and I expect to get the same respect. Everytime I write something here I get bashed. Please just give an honest opinion without bashing.

rose442

If you have no tolerance for something in another person does, something as normal as talking to other people, then you are not ready to be in a relationship.

You choosing not to talk to other doms is your choice (and means you must have a very difficult time at real life events staying quiet until you figure out who has what orientation), it means NOTHING about what anyone else must choose for themselves.

Respect HIS choice as an adult to relate to who he wants to relate to.  He's not hiding things, he's not lying, he's simply being an adult.

JEALOUSY in and of itself is not a relationship killer.  I still get occasionally jealous- I laugh at myself over it, ignore it and move on.  Jealousy is YOUR insecurities, not THEIR problem to cure or change for you.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to rose442)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Jealousy - 9/22/2006 5:44:57 PM   
Frank01


Posts: 270
Joined: 9/7/2006
Status: offline 		The lack of trust that constant jealousy a female shows is an ultimate turn off for me.  It means she thinks she has the right to choose my friends and who I talk to-it's an isolation tactic-and emotionally abusive.

If I was with you, and you pulled it on me..You would find your fears realized in about five seconds-and your ass out the door in ten. Why your guy puts up with it, I have no idea.

But that probably won't last forever.

(in reply to rose442)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Jealousy - 9/22/2006 5:45:19 PM   
BlkTallFullfig


Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline 		Dear Rose,
There is jealousy, and there is JEALOUSY.
I am a little jealous, but no one is able to tell I'm jealous because I only spend time with people I feel respect me, and treat me with consideration for my feelings.   That to me doesn't mean he cannot talk, or dance, or interact with other people of either sex.   In fact my man is permitted sufficient freedom to prove himself trustworthy or disposable.  As your man is your master, you cannot tell him "I won't tolerate your talking to anyone else."

For me talking does not equal excessive flirting, or suggesting he wants to use them in a way that is disrespectful to the relationship you two have.
Consider that indeed jealousy is from insecurity, but if you are too insecure to see a man speaking to a woman, you should get help for whatever causes you that much fear.   I mean if you're visualizing him cheating, would you feel better if he cheated with a man?    So take care of those extreme fears, and don't try to tell master what to do, or else you may find yourself without a master to boss around.   M

< Message edited by BlkTallFullfig -- 9/22/2006 5:46:49 PM >

_____________________________

a.k.a. SexyBossyBBW
""Touching was, and still is, and will always be, the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni

(in reply to rose442)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Jealousy - 9/22/2006 5:45:40 PM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline 		is there a chance  .. Yeah....

but then there is a chance to win a lottery too.

The more important question is what are the odds that you will beable to maintain and grow a relationship if jealousy exists.

Frankly... In my world... the odds are not so good... you might have a better chance to win a lottery.

But... the more important question is what are the odds in "YOUR" relationship.

that dear rose is something only you and your Master can answer.

Now considering all the things you and he have posted in the past... as I said before... I am thinking you both deserve each other.... and you might have better odds than most.

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to rose442)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Jealousy - 9/22/2006 5:48:14 PM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline 		Jealousy can be a very hard thing to deal with. Usually, its an emotion that comes up when we are feeling insecure about our own place in someone's life. Take a look at what, exactly, you're feeling insecure about. I had to do this just today...and every time I have to do it, it always comes back to feeling that the other person doesn't think I'm worthy. It hurts, because I know I am...but then self-doubt and that little voice kicks in...it's a vicious cycle.

Take some time to really analyse what's going on inside you. Then, talk to your Dominant about it. Perhaps your jealousy is founded and perhaps it's not.

Master Fire


_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to rose442)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Jealousy - 9/22/2006 5:49:08 PM   
smilezz


Posts: 2156
Joined: 6/18/2004
Status: offline
quote:

Is there a chance for a relationship if one of the people is jealous?
There is always a chance rose............it will take hard work for both parties though.  Relationships of any kind are not easy, they take alot of hard work.  Is it worth the effort?  only you and he can decide that.
That green eyed monster rears it's ugly head around here from time to time...the thing that i understand about this is......it's momentary, Master chose me, He owns me, He is not leaving me for anyone else.   It's taken hard work on both our parts to get to where we are today.  It was and still is worth every effort.

I wish you much peace with this......

~smilezz~
 


_____________________________

=It's not my fault that when I was a baby I was dropped in a box of Glitter & I have been shinin' ever since=

�*:-.,_,.-:* � �*:-.,_,.-:* � �*:-.,_,.-:* � �*:-.,_,-:* �

(in reply to rose442)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Jealousy - 9/22/2006 5:52:45 PM   
Frank01


Posts: 270
Joined: 9/7/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists

is there a chance  .. Yeah....

but then there is a chance to win a lottery too.

The more important question is what are the odds that you will beable to maintain and grow a relationship if jealousy exists.

Frankly... In my world... the odds are not so good... you might have a better chance to win a lottery.

But... the more important question is what are the odds in "YOUR" relationship.

that dear rose is something only you and your Master can answer.

Now considering all the things you and he have posted in the past... as I said before... I am thinking you both deserve each other.... and you might have better odds than most.


Knight, how does jealousy make YOU feel when it's directed at you? Not a put down, or rude question- tell me to screw off if I overstep. But I note that you do poly, so you must have a way to manage it.

(in reply to KnightofMists)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Jealousy - 9/22/2006 6:24:53 PM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Frank01
Knight, how does jealousy make YOU feel when it's directed at you? Not a put down, or rude question- tell me to screw off if I overstep. But I note that you do poly, so you must have a way to manage it.


When someone directs "THEIR" jealousy at me.. I am annoyed at a minimum... However.  I do appreciate that intially within the very beginnings of a relationship that uncertainties exist that can cause jealousy to surface.  I am commited to reassure and affirm my partner and work through these uncertainties.  I expect the person to out grow the irrational thoughts that uncertainties will provoke in a person.  I expect the person to learn to accept that there is an inherent risk in any relationship.  "It takes two to make a relationship work... but only one to end it".  This risk can not be eliminated... but we can actively demonstrate behaviors that will show a reduction of the risk.  These actions themselves will help a person to accept the uncertainties that are inherent in the relationship.  The only question is.. To what degree is a person prepared to go in their behaviors to show that the risk is minimal and to what degree do we expect our partner to go in showing this reduction of risk?  If their is an imbalance.. meaning.. if the person wants more than I am perpared to give... the relationship will be doomed.  If I give more than I truly able to give... then resentment will set in and just as surely will kill the relationship.  The key is to find a balance between the two and communicate to each other what you individuals see as a balance.  If you are both on the same page.. you will work through the issues...if not.. your doomed.

Now the best way that I have found to minimize jealousy issues... Is to envolve people in your life that low jealousy issues.  alandra and krya have not expressed any jealousy issues between thems.... and myself... I can only recall 2 occasions in the past 20 years that I myself have felt jealousy.  





_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to Frank01)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Jealousy - 9/22/2006 6:31:49 PM   
deltadawn


Posts: 224
Joined: 7/15/2006
Status: offline 		Jealousy brings a very negative element to any relationship.  A relationship can probably survive it short term, but long term i am doubtful.

If you trusted him you would not be jealous and because every relationship needs trust, where are you in your relationship?

Also, if i ever said to my Master, 'i will not tolerate.......' i would probably be out on the curb and i am married to my Master! 

rose, this is not a bash, i don't bash people, but talk to him and let him know of this insecurity of yours.  Maybe he can enlighten you better than the people on this board.

dawn

_____________________________

Beneath his wings, I can fly.

(in reply to rose442)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Jealousy - 9/22/2006 6:32:36 PM   
amuzingtoyou


Posts: 144
Joined: 6/27/2006
Status: offline 		i think some jealousy is normal. We all have our insecurities. When it starts to infringe on your daily life, its time to reevaluate things. Why are you so jealous if he talks to other submissive? Are you so threatened that he would find someone else? I have always been a person who has believed that if someone wants to find someone else they will. No matter what i might do to try to stop them. So my advice to you is stop trying to change every thing about him and just enjoy him. My dom and i are both very involved in our local community. He talks to other submissives all the time. I have to trust that he wouldn't do anything that would hurt me. He knows how i feel about him being with other people. So really it comes down to trust. You don't trust him. And without trust there is no foundation of any relationship that can succeed. I hope you can find a solution to this. Good luck.

(in reply to Frank01)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Jealousy - 9/22/2006 6:38:31 PM   
pleasetame


Posts: 75
Joined: 12/20/2005
Status: offline 		Rose - Is it jealousy or insecurity? Are you jealous of other people or of the time he spends with them and doesn’t attend to you? Are you upset because he doesn’t show you little courtesies like and email or phone call after a play session? Do you feel neglected at times? I am not judging just attempting to have a better understanding.

(in reply to amuzingtoyou)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Jealousy - 9/22/2006 6:46:51 PM   
bigdaninwi


Posts: 35
Joined: 5/31/2005
Status: offline 		Rose -

Thanks, it is a good question..no bashing here.  I admit to being a bit more than a little jealous.  As a Daddy Dom, I am going to be jealous when someone is hitting on my girl.  However, I trust my girl to be true to me.  I trust my girl to see old flames.  It it hard.  Yet, I lover her too much to want to lock her in a closet and not let her come out.  One of the things I can share with you, if you don't let people be themselves, they will be driven away.  Trust is an essential element of any relationship.  So here is a big trusting kiss to Amuzingtoyou.

(in reply to rose442)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Jealousy - 9/22/2006 6:46:55 PM   
MrDiscipline44


Posts: 1776
Joined: 1/5/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: rose442
Is there a chance for a relationship if one of the people is jealous?

rose442
No. At least not in the long term. It may be tolerable for a short term but my patience would wane and, generally, it would bug the fuck out of me, depending on the severity. I would give you time to get over it and take steps to help you through it. But if I saw no sign of improvment, you'd have to go. Plain and simple. Insecurities have no place in my relationships.

_____________________________

If you love somebody, you have to be willing to break them.

Those who can, do. Those who can't, teach.

Have you slapped your slave today?

(in reply to rose442)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Jealousy - 9/22/2006 6:47:19 PM   
Frank01


Posts: 270
Joined: 9/7/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists

quote:

ORIGINAL: Frank01
Knight, how does jealousy make YOU feel when it's directed at you? Not a put down, or rude question- tell me to screw off if I overstep. But I note that you do poly, so you must have a way to manage it.


When someone directs "THEIR" jealousy at me.. I am annoyed at a minimum... However.  I do appreciate that intially within the very beginnings of a relationship that uncertainties exist that can cause jealousy to surface.  I am commited to reassure and affirm my partner and work through these uncertainties.  I expect the person to out grow the irrational thoughts that uncertainties will provoke in a person.  I expect the person to learn to accept that there is an inherent risk in any relationship.  "It takes two to make a relationship work... but only one to end it".  This risk can not be eliminated... but we can actively demonstrate behaviors that will show a reduction of the risk.  These actions themselves will help a person to accept the uncertainties that are inherent in the relationship.  The only question is.. To what degree is a person prepared to go in their behaviors to show that the risk is minimal and to what degree do we expect our partner to go in showing this reduction of risk?  If their is an imbalance.. meaning.. if the person wants more than I am perpared to give... the relationship will be doomed.  If I give more than I truly able to give... then resentment will set in and just as surely will kill the relationship.  The key is to find a balance between the two and communicate to each other what you individuals see as a balance.  If you are both on the same page.. you will work through the issues...if not.. your doomed.

Now the best way that I have found to minimize jealousy issues... Is to envolve people in your life that low jealousy issues.  alandra and krya have not expressed any jealousy issues between thems.... and myself... I can only recall 2 occasions in the past 20 years that I myself have felt jealousy.  






In other words, a person needs to own and control thier own emotional state. And they can only expect a reasonable amount of hand holding while they deal with it.

I have always found that feeding jealousy with too much reassurance only made it worse. A line has to be drawn.

(in reply to KnightofMists)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Jealousy - 9/22/2006 6:53:58 PM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Frank01

I have always found that feeding jealousy with too much reassurance only made it worse. A line has to be drawn.


There is hugh difference between reassurances to remove uncertainity to facilate growth in ones emotional control... and becoming an enabler to the jealousy behaviors.   The difference is huge.... but the line can be rather fine at times.

< Message edited by KnightofMists -- 9/22/2006 6:55:04 PM >

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to Frank01)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Jealousy - 9/22/2006 6:57:50 PM   
Frank01


Posts: 270
Joined: 9/7/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists

quote:

ORIGINAL: Frank01

I have always found that feeding jealousy with too much reassurance only made it worse. A line has to be drawn.


There is hugh difference between reassurances to remove uncertainity to facilate growth in ones emotional control... and becoming an enabler to the jealousy behaviors.   The difference is huge.... but the line can be rather fine at times.


How would you say one should look to see if thier behavior is enabling jealousy, rather than helping to overcome it?

(in reply to KnightofMists)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Jealousy - 9/22/2006 7:03:10 PM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Frank01

How would you say one should look to see if thier behavior is enabling jealousy, rather than helping to overcome it?


is the jealousy continuing or getting worse?  Are you stuck in a cycle of Drama?  Then your an enabler!

Is the issues becoming less?  Is their grow of confidence and security?  Is trust becoming more evident?  Well then keep up the good work!

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to Frank01)
Profile   Post #: 20
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