Seeking advice: Should I act as if I don't desire to serve a Mistress? Confused...

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

Seeking advice: Should I act as if I don't desire to serve a Mistress? Confused...

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Mistress >> Seeking advice: Should I act as if I don't desire to serve a Mistress? Confused...

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

Seeking advice: Should I act as if I don't desire to se... - 9/23/2006 2:27:54 PM

PantyhoseSlave4U

Posts: 10
Joined: 9/22/2006
Status: offline

Greetings :) Allow me to introduce myself -- I'm Steven, 21 yrs of age, live in NYC, knows how to write full-length screenplays, works full-time and doesn't live with his parents, very mature, and divorced. I have been practicing self-bondage since I was 12 and have had the delightful experience of serving a Mistress three times since I was 18 (one was 38 years old and the other two were in their mid-20s).

This may sound unusual for someone my age when compared to most people in my age group, doesn't it? Because most of them are busy going to school, looking for a job, looking for their own place, partying on the weekends, getting laid and drunk. Well this is not me as you can already tell.

However, I'm unable to find a real Mistress out there (including on Collarme) because all they can see is my age which blinds them of my potential. No one my age seems to be interested in taking BDSM seriously or rarely know much about it. Now, there are two age limits that exist, one being 18 and the ultimate being 21. But with the difficulty I'm having, it leads me to ponder why there isn't an age limit for BDSM? Because it's obviously not 21. Some dominas on here are 22-24 and all they see me for is my age, and it's only a few years gap. It's not like I don't know what I want, I do and I'm serious about it, I'm past that.

So I feel trapped between a rock and a hard wall here. This may sound like a very torturing way to live but should I just live life and pretend as if I don't have a desire to serve a Mistress until I'm 25-30? That may sound wrong but I feel as if I have no choice. Perhaps there is a place like Collarme that is for my age group? And no, I'm not talking about your typical run of the mill dating site, I'm talking about BDSM. If there is, I would love to know about it.

Please bare in mind, I'm not complaining, only seeking advice into this dilemma. If anyone here has any insight to provide, be it Sub or Dom, I would be very open to hearing it. Thank you for your time.

Sincerely,

Steven

Post #: 1

RE: Seeking advice: Should I act as if I don't desire t... - 9/23/2006 2:33:28 PM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

What local groups have you looked into? Look at TES as well as the various MAsT chapters. I think there's also a TNG chapter up there which is designed for 18-35 specifically. Go to national leather events such as Southwest Leather Conference, South Plains Leatherfest, etc. etc. as well.

Master Fire

< Message edited by MasterFireMaam -- 9/23/2006 2:35:27 PM >

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to PantyhoseSlave4U)

Post #: 2

RE: Seeking advice: Should I act as if I don't desire t... - 9/23/2006 2:38:19 PM

PantyhoseSlave4U

Posts: 10
Joined: 9/22/2006
Status: offline

MasterFireMaam,

I don't believe I am familar with TES, TNG, or the MAsT chapters. What are they exactly?

Steven

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)

Post #: 3

RE: Seeking advice: Should I act as if I don't desire t... - 9/23/2006 5:16:31 PM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline

First, if you live in NYC get involved! Dude, there are dozens of BDSM organizations in NYC I'm sure at least one of them is something you can find some connection with. When I was in NYC I helped the Columbia group Conversio Virium start and they are still around so they might still welcome visitors to their meetings.

TES?! How can anyone ignore TES in NYC. Other groups may be more bi or homosexual in nature but some of them still have visitors plus there are now 2, count them, two munches in Manhattan itself not to mention the borroughs have their own munches.

Age descrimination (both for the young and for the older) exists and is wide-spread in much of the BDSM world. However the trick is more to find a compatible partner. I got Fox when he was 19 and he turned 26 last month; I turn 37 on Monday. It wasn't a matter of age for us but many other things.

For example, while its great that you are solid and very skilled, I'd have a very hard time considering someone who lives in NYC while I live in Indiana. For another the fact that you are divorced might send up a red flag; for another who hates movies or writers, you won't cut it.

Regardless of one's age, frankly if you are honest and realistic you'll do better than pretending you want to serve or pretending you don't want to serve.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to PantyhoseSlave4U)

Post #: 4

RE: Seeking advice: Should I act as if I don't desire t... - 9/23/2006 5:21:36 PM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: PantyhoseSlave4U

MasterFireMaam,

I don't believe I am familar with TES, TNG, or the MAsT chapters. What are they exactly?

Steven

http://www.tes.org/beta/content/view/33/119/

http://domsubfriends.com/cgi-local/wwwdir/db.cgi?db=org&uid=default&state=NEW+YORK&view_records=View+Records&ww=on

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to PantyhoseSlave4U)

Post #: 5

RE: Seeking advice: Should I act as if I don't desire t... - 9/23/2006 7:32:46 PM

undergroundsea

Posts: 2400
Joined: 6/27/2004
From: Austin, TX
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: PantyhoseSlave4U

MasterFireMaam,

I don't believe I am familar with TES, TNG, or the MAsT chapters. What are they exactly?

Steven

TES is The Eulenspiegel Society, which is based in NYC and is the oldest BDSM social group in the U.S. Groups such as TES have regular social and educational events for those interested in or curious about BDSM.

TNG is The Next Generation and is a nationwide chain of support and social groups for persons 18-35 with an interest in BDSM.

I have met 18 year old dommes who showed tremendous maturity. So it is entirely possible to meet someone near your age who is on the same wavelength as you. I have seen younger subs submit to older dommes with varying degrees of age separation. I think you will be fine with your age. It takes time to find a compatible partner for people of all ages.

If you think your maturity is underestimated, participation in these forums and the local groups will help you defy that stereotype for yourself as well as others your age who are like you.

Cheers,

Sea

(in reply to PantyhoseSlave4U)

Post #: 6

RE: Seeking advice: Should I act as if I don't desire t... - 9/23/2006 10:43:07 PM

Owned1

Posts: 847
Joined: 7/6/2005
From: Toronto, Ontario
Status: offline

Your profile reads very well, however I noticed you only joined yesterday. I think you will find cm one of those places in the cyber world where there are actual real people truly interested in the real in da flesh world of kink.

You are young yes, this is an advantage as you can take your time. Show who you are, participate in the forums. As well as others have suggested look to off line as well. There are those who have found what they are seeking online however the chances of finding that person is far better in the world of living breathing kinksters. You do not need to attend only fetish events there are munches, they are an informal gathering of like minded people. Non overtly fetish events are often less intimidating to attend for those starting out exploring their dark sides, as well for those attending on their own.

With the flourish of the internet I believe there is more of an awareness of this kinky world, because of that there are more getting involved at a younger age than us dinosaurs who were not as fortunate to find our place until later in life.

Wander through the profile section of cm and send some emails, present yourself as you have in your profile I am sure you will find what you are seeking.

Welcome to cm and have fun

Owned

_____________________________

~~in His Chains i am free~~

(in reply to undergroundsea)

Post #: 7

RE: Seeking advice: Should I act as if I don't desire t... - 9/24/2006 6:20:26 AM

demistress

Posts: 391
Joined: 4/24/2006
From: Dela-where?
Status: offline

First, I'll tell you honestly, it is not your age, but what you're into that deters me. :) Your pantyhose fetish doesn't fit in my world (I HATE THEM). I'm sure you'll find someone out there who is into both your age, and your kink :)

BTW, I consider subs/slaves your age a great advantage, because I can train them to MY liking, and not have to break any old incompatible habits. I had one older guy who had a catch phrase trained in by his old mistress that pushed one of my buttons. He couldn't break that habit, and I had to dismiss him from consideration.

(in reply to PantyhoseSlave4U)

Post #: 8

RE: Seeking advice: Should I act as if I don't desire t... - 9/24/2006 6:27:52 AM

MisPandora

Posts: 2911
Joined: 4/7/2004
From: Philadelphia, PA
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: PantyhoseSlave4U

MasterFireMaam,

I don't believe I am familar with TES, TNG, or the MAsT chapters. What are they exactly?

Steven

OK steven, before we tell you what they are, why don't you share with us what you HAVE done in order to find someone to serve? What outlets have you explored?

And another thing.....if you're as smart and resourceful as your post impressed you to be, rather than saying "What are these groups" you could have easily gone to the web and googled them, and had the answers.....and have been on the path to self-discovery. USE the skills that you have in your life to find what it is that you seek. We appreciate a resourceful guy....really we do, and we can tell how resourceful you are based on how you come about your discoveries.

_____________________________

Pandora
Ms World Leather 2004
Ms Philadelphia Leather 2004

"Simply put, if you want a real femdom to love you, give her reasons to love you." Gloria Brame

(in reply to PantyhoseSlave4U)

Post #: 9

RE: Seeking advice: Should I act as if I don't desire t... - 9/24/2006 10:12:42 AM

Misstoyou

Posts: 1149
Joined: 9/4/2004
Status: offline

When I'm back East, I've attended TES events and enjoyed them. (I'm *much* more social when I'm out of my area. lol)

But in answer to the subject line question, in my opinion, the kiss of death is not showing a desire to serve, but showing an indescriminate desire to serve so that I can tell I'm approached only because I'm female and dominant, and any one of us will do. Form letters only begin to cover the "hints."

_____________________________

~ Miss Marie

a.k.a. "mean Lady"

(in reply to PantyhoseSlave4U)

Post #: 10

RE: Seeking advice: Should I act as if I don't desire t... - 9/24/2006 10:35:32 AM

MsKatHouston

Posts: 1909
Joined: 6/7/2006
From: Houston, TX
Status: offline

Unfortunately, age sometimes is a factor in determining suitability with a partner. Some people like younger, some same age, some older. The reasons for a person's particular preference may vary.

My age limit is 21. I have no high end. I do not discount someone automatically because of age but there are definitely some considerations, especially when dealin with someone who is much younger than I am. For the most part, someone who is much younger has simply not lived long enough as an adult to have a similar point of reference as I do in both vanilla and kink situations. This can be an issue. There are also those where age is just a number and their maturity belies their age.

As to why some or even a lot of dominants might shy away from younger submissives, the answer will vary from person to person. It does happen, you know it and getting frustrated about it will not change it one whit.

What you can do, though, is get involved, work on yourself and keep trying. Just as there are those who do not want younger subs, there are also those who seek them. I would hazard a guess that not all incompatibilities have to do with your age alone. The more effort you put into getting yourself out there the better your chances will improve for finding a dominant who has compatible interests and who likes you as a person regardless of your age. Good luck :)

_____________________________

-Kat

~If you can't be a good example, you'll just have to serve as a horrible warning~

(in reply to PantyhoseSlave4U)

Post #: 11

RE: Seeking advice: Should I act as if I don't desire t... - 9/24/2006 10:50:08 AM

MistressSassy66

Posts: 1675
Joined: 11/5/2004
Status: offline

I dont think its the age so much as the maturity level.I have met some 18 y/o who are very together know what they want for a future on the other hand I have met some 30 y/o that live at home with mom and have no inclination to achieve anything.
I agree with the benefit of someone new as you can train them the way You want.

No offense MisPandora,But what is wrong for asking about the group name(s) here?
he is far more likely to get a good link to those sites faster than using Google.
The fact he lives in NYC and doesnt know about the most popular clubs raises a bit of a flag as he states "its not like i dont know...."

Another point made...it takes a lot longer than a few days to find a match,take the advice of being patient and looking at other profiles.Afterall "Rome wasnt made in a day".

_____________________________

Mistress Sassy

http://www.mistresssassy.com

In the Immortal Words of Bob....Fuck the dumb shit.

"I love you not only for what you are,But for what I am when I'm with you."- Opening line from a poem by Roy Croft

(in reply to Misstoyou)

Post #: 12

RE: Seeking advice: Should I act as if I don't desire t... - 9/24/2006 10:33:57 PM

MaamJay

Posts: 2101
Joined: 9/2/2005
Status: offline

I'm 50. I usually set a lower age limit of 30 in My searches of this site ... but then I also limit My search to Australia and, until recently, to My home city as well. That's all a matter of practicality. I don't think it would be fair of Me to expect someone more than half My age to commit themselves to a long term relationship with Me (especially as offspring are out of the question) so I'm not looking for a young sub, and it would have to be a very mature 30 year old too. While My sub side is happy in a long term relationship with Master (who is 35), My Dominant side also seeks a long term relationship for full satisfaction too. I also don't preclude that he could be older than Me too.

So what do I do with locals who are younger than My age limit who contact Me? I talk to them for a while, try to ascertain if they are serious or time-wasters. If I believe them to be serious I invite them to a coffee meet. If I am then convinced they are serious, I introduce them to the local scene people with whom I party, some of whom have set up an 18-35 subgroup. Alternatively, if they are very suitable and sincere, I might give them some preliminary play sessions for them to get the taste of this lifestyle and help them ascertain what their interests and limits might be. Nothing makes Me happier than when one of them subsequently finds an appropriate Dominant partner for the long term. One young (mid-20s) Chinese sub has done just that, found an Asian Domme close to his age ... he is happy, She is happy ... and I am thrilled for both of them!

So steven, if you get out into the local scene you might be lucky enough for an older Domme to take you "under Her wing" and help you fly. However, I also echo other posters who pointed out that there will be worthy people out there who simply aren't your type ... and for whom you may not be their type. As was discussed extensively on the "Mistresses liking cross-dressers" thread, some fetishes can be considered a drawback rather than an advantage if the sub is so caught up in the fetish that they are not much interested in serving in other ways. Not saying that's your situation ... but you might need to consider your attitudes and how they come across when you contact Dommes.

Regards
Mistress Jay aka violet[A]

_____________________________

Life is a song ... and I love singing it! (By me!)

(in reply to MistressSassy66)

Post #: 13

RE: Seeking advice: Should I act as if I don't desire t... - 9/25/2006 6:19:49 AM

MisPandora

Posts: 2911
Joined: 4/7/2004
From: Philadelphia, PA
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressSassy66

No offense MisPandora,But what is wrong for asking about the group name(s) here?
he is far more likely to get a good link to those sites faster than using Google.
The fact he lives in NYC and doesnt know about the most popular clubs raises a bit of a flag as he states "its not like i dont know...."

He HAD the group names as presented to him by at least two posters. I did try your theory (quicker to post here to get the answer) before I posted what I said. TES + NYC in google comes up on the first attempt. That would have been much quicker than typing and waiting for a reply!

My theory is that gentlemen will take the quickest and easiest way out if given the opportunity. That to me shows a measure of laziness, and that's really not attractive in a submissive, much less a new one who is saying he's tried and tried and can't find anyone. It's suspect, for sure.

_____________________________

Pandora
Ms World Leather 2004
Ms Philadelphia Leather 2004

"Simply put, if you want a real femdom to love you, give her reasons to love you." Gloria Brame

(in reply to MistressSassy66)

Post #: 14

RE: Seeking advice: Should I act as if I don't desire t... - 9/25/2006 2:18:30 PM

PantyhoseSlave4U

Posts: 10
Joined: 9/22/2006
Status: offline

The reason I asked what TES stood for is because I didn't think, at first, that google would recognize it right away. It's like typing a famous person's initials instead of the full name.

I think it's safe to say that more people would probably be familiar with "B.D.S.M." than "T.E.S."

However, I am not lazy, it is my fault though because I googled it right after I responded and realized that it would have recognized it by the initials alone after all. Search engines don't do that with everything.

It's no biggie. Sorry for any misunderstanding, it was my mistake :)

(in reply to MisPandora)

Post #: 15

RE: Seeking advice: Should I act as if I don't desire t... - 9/25/2006 2:20:21 PM

LotusSong

Posts: 6334
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Domme Emeritus
Status: offline

Did Hellfire ever resurrect itself?

_____________________________

Life Lesson #1

I'm not your type.
I'm not inflatable.

(in reply to MisPandora)

Post #: 16

RE: Seeking advice: Should I act as if I don't desire t... - 9/25/2006 2:25:36 PM

MagiksSlave

Posts: 2768
Joined: 9/11/2006
Status: offline

Well I guess its differnt for guys cuz Im in my very early 20's and I have a Master....

though I find it interesting your only 21 and not only have you been married already but devorsed as well... I dont know just strikes me odd!!

Magik's slave

_____________________________

If you’re going through hell keep on moving
don't slow down
if you’re scared dont show it
you might get out
before the devil even knows your there.

-Rodney Atkins-

(in reply to LotusSong)

Post #: 17

RE: Seeking advice: Should I act as if I don't desire t... - 9/25/2006 2:36:27 PM

gooddogbenji

Posts: 5094
Joined: 11/15/2005
From: Toronto
Status: offline

A few things about the OP:

I am 23. I get taken seriously on here, and at events I attend (Okay, I don't, at all. But that's the point)

I don't take the "lifestyle" seriously. It's about as serious as normal life, and that's just a fucking joke.

Maybe, rather than figure out ways you're better than other 21 year olds, and posting them online, you could figure out what else you could do to look. There will always be someone better than you and someone worse - it means nothing. There are only 2 things that are important - are you impressing yourself, and are you impressing the person you have to?

I'm sure most of us could come up with a list of things we have achieved, and oooh and aaah over other people's. At the end of the day, no one gives a fuck that my wang is measured in pounds.

Yours,

benji

_____________________________

Prevent global warming. Stop burning patchouli.

(in reply to MagiksSlave)

Post #: 18

RE: Seeking advice: Should I act as if I don't desire t... - 9/25/2006 3:14:13 PM

WhyteRavenne

Posts: 125
Joined: 9/16/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MagiksSlave

Well I guess its differnt for guys cuz Im in my very early 20's and I have a Master....

though I find it interesting your only 21 and not only have you been married already but devorsed as well... I dont know just strikes me odd!!

Magik's slave

I was first married at 17 and divorced at 20. What makes it odd that someone was married... on that note, what matter is it that you were?

_____________________________

Last night, you were, unhinged. You were like some desperate, howling demon. You frightened me.... do it again! - Morticia Addams

(in reply to MagiksSlave)

Post #: 19

RE: Seeking advice: Should I act as if I don't desire t... - 9/25/2006 3:16:35 PM

WhyteRavenne

Posts: 125
Joined: 9/16/2006
Status: offline

Of course, my other question being. If age doesn't matter to you, why make an issue of it?

_____________________________

Last night, you were, unhinged. You were like some desperate, howling demon. You frightened me.... do it again! - Morticia Addams

(in reply to PantyhoseSlave4U)

Post #: 20

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Mistress >> Seeking advice: Should I act as if I don't desire to serve a Mistress? Confused...

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

Jump to:

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.078